The stress of it all, the stress of living and trying to keep my head
above the financial waters, is starting to get to me big time.
I want to just hire a couple of moving trucks and pack up all of our stuff, stick it in storage, and just go away.
Just leave, go somewhere, go anywhere, I don't really care anymore.
I'm so tired, I just can't keep getting a little itty bit ahead, and then get hit with another unexpected bill or appliance replacement cost.
It's too much for me right now.
I have the stress and worry about whether or not I'll be having neck surgery, I have the child support court hearing coming up, I have all kinds of bills and expenses due in the next few months, and every little thing is catching up with me and overwhelming me right now.
Like right. this. minute., I feel like crying, just curling up in a ball and crying and screaming and kicking and shouting.
I just want it all to stop or at least slow down.
It's one thing after another these last few weeks.
Last week, the boys got in that fight and hurt each other, I have bills I'm trying to pay and I'm not getting enough work, the economy is getting worse and I think it's affecting the industry I'm in because work has slowed down a lot.
And I have the child support court hearing next week, and I'm just not feeling up to fighting for it right now.
Like today is just not a good day, the whole thing just has me way stressed out because I have other things going on that are occupying my mind right now, and to have to deal with that a few days before I find out if I have to have neck surgery, well, it's just upsetting me so so much.
Anyone understand that?!
I just have things that I have to deal with and am worried about, and I want what's right, what's fair, but I'm so emotional right now that I am afraid that I'll end up crying halfway through the hearing when his lawyer starts asking about my health.
It was one of the questions on the interrogatories, and I know his lawyer is going to try and make it seem like I am not a good mother because of my back surgery and stuff.
My health issues have not stopped me from being a good mom, I do a damn good job, and I pay for everything by myself, and I have the back-to-school expenses coming up really soon that I will be paying for myself again..
They go back to school on the 18th of August, and they need clothes and supplies, and so that's another big expense that I have to take care of.
And then tonight the lawn mower rip cord thingy breaks, so now I have to either repair that part OR I have to buy another lawn mower.
And Sebastian was outside playing and he slipped and twisted his knee, so he spent a few hours on the couch this evening with an ice pack on his leg crying that it hurt.
It's NOT broken, but he did twist it, it's painful, I know that because I've done that and it really hurts pretty damn bad.
But you see!?
It's just been one thing after another and it just keeps coming, and it all hit me tonight.
I'm just an emotional mess tonight so I'm sitting here blogging instead of crying and being all upset in front of the kids.
These blogs of mine are not a business, they are my therapy, they help me cope with everything in my life by letting me say all of the things that are on my mind, they help me deal with my life and all of the things that happen in it because I am stuck in my house and I have no one that I can talk to.
I have had a bad day and now that I've dumped it all here, maybe I can let some of it go.
====================
I want to just hire a couple of moving trucks and pack up all of our stuff, stick it in storage, and just go away.
Just leave, go somewhere, go anywhere, I don't really care anymore.
I'm so tired, I just can't keep getting a little itty bit ahead, and then get hit with another unexpected bill or appliance replacement cost.
It's too much for me right now.
I have the stress and worry about whether or not I'll be having neck surgery, I have the child support court hearing coming up, I have all kinds of bills and expenses due in the next few months, and every little thing is catching up with me and overwhelming me right now.
Like right. this. minute., I feel like crying, just curling up in a ball and crying and screaming and kicking and shouting.
I just want it all to stop or at least slow down.
It's one thing after another these last few weeks.
Last week, the boys got in that fight and hurt each other, I have bills I'm trying to pay and I'm not getting enough work, the economy is getting worse and I think it's affecting the industry I'm in because work has slowed down a lot.
And I have the child support court hearing next week, and I'm just not feeling up to fighting for it right now.
Like today is just not a good day, the whole thing just has me way stressed out because I have other things going on that are occupying my mind right now, and to have to deal with that a few days before I find out if I have to have neck surgery, well, it's just upsetting me so so much.
Anyone understand that?!
I just have things that I have to deal with and am worried about, and I want what's right, what's fair, but I'm so emotional right now that I am afraid that I'll end up crying halfway through the hearing when his lawyer starts asking about my health.
It was one of the questions on the interrogatories, and I know his lawyer is going to try and make it seem like I am not a good mother because of my back surgery and stuff.
My health issues have not stopped me from being a good mom, I do a damn good job, and I pay for everything by myself, and I have the back-to-school expenses coming up really soon that I will be paying for myself again..
They go back to school on the 18th of August, and they need clothes and supplies, and so that's another big expense that I have to take care of.
And then tonight the lawn mower rip cord thingy breaks, so now I have to either repair that part OR I have to buy another lawn mower.
And Sebastian was outside playing and he slipped and twisted his knee, so he spent a few hours on the couch this evening with an ice pack on his leg crying that it hurt.
It's NOT broken, but he did twist it, it's painful, I know that because I've done that and it really hurts pretty damn bad.
But you see!?
It's just been one thing after another and it just keeps coming, and it all hit me tonight.
I'm just an emotional mess tonight so I'm sitting here blogging instead of crying and being all upset in front of the kids.
These blogs of mine are not a business, they are my therapy, they help me cope with everything in my life by letting me say all of the things that are on my mind, they help me deal with my life and all of the things that happen in it because I am stuck in my house and I have no one that I can talk to.
I have had a bad day and now that I've dumped it all here, maybe I can let some of it go.
Let it all out!! You know you can always call me even if you only want to scream and vent! I hate to see you beat yourself down. You are doing a damn good job with the limitations you have to endure right now! You are a survivor! If you would like.. I could come and stay with you while you have to endure the hearing just to make sure you do not lose your cool?! I know how intimidating it can be. Just know that I am here for you ok?
I know you're stressing out and all, but no one, no matter what your ex's smarmy lawyer tries, will think you are a bad mom. They are going to look like such idiots for even trying, especially when your ex has been such a freakin' deadbeat.
I do understand how it is, though. I stress so much over stuff here, but I am a-okay when things aren't breaking down and needing to be repaired and replaced. I hope things look up for you soon!
OMG, I just wanna hop on a plane and come help you!! I so wish there was something I could do ... if you think of anything, and I mean ANYTHING, please just give me a shout mmk?
xxx
Don't worry about things that will happen tomorrow for if you worry about things that may happen tomorrow and if it doesn't happen you have worried in vain and even if it does happen then you have to worry twice. YOU ARE AN EXCELLENT MOTHER AND ALL WILL WORK OUT FOR YOU AND I KNOW THAT. BE KIND TO YOURSELF, LIFE IS TOUGH ENOUGH TRY TO RELAX AND CHANGE WHAT YOU CAN AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT A SITUATION AND IF YOU CAN CHANGE IT OKAY AND IF YOU CAN'T THEN FORGET ABOUT IT. IT HAS TAKEN ME ALMOST 70 YEARS TO FIGURE THIS OUT. I KNOW IT WORKS. REMEMBER THAT WE ALL LOVE YOU!!!!