I've been way stressed out for the last month, this whole thing is life changing.
Losing 90% or more mobility in my neck, never turning left or right again to look at things, is HUGE, a really big, life-altering change.
I'll be completely fused the entire length of my spine after this, it's big, so my mind has been pre-occupied with it.
At bedtime tonight, Mark asked me if there were no other options besides surgery, that he's worried about how all of this is going to affect me, mentally.
I explained to him that for the first few weeks, and even now, I'm still having some WTF holy shit moments, but this is THE only option.
That I had to weigh the pros and cons.
On one hand, I would be able to turn my head, but in a few months, I'd be dead.
On the other hand, I won't be able to move very much or very well, but I'll be alive.
Pretty easy choice I'd say.
And I told him that I'm not done here yet.
I still have so much to do.
I asked him to try not to fight as much with Sebastian for the rest of the week, let's try to have some fun, be happy.
He asked me what we are doing on Sunday, the day and night before.
I said I was planning on having a talk with them.
He asked about what, and I said to say all the important things that need to be said in case something goes wrong.
I love you, grow up to be good men, treat women with respect, love, honor, cherish them, love your children, play with them, educate them, be there.
Do something you love to do every day of your lives, never regret a single moment, regret means you didn't really live at all.
Have a career you love, not a job you do just to get paid, be proud of what you do.
Know how very much I loved you, and always did my best with you, to raise you up right, to make you happy, that you were the center of my life, my reason for continuing to keep going.
He smiled at me, said he knew all of those things already, that I've been talking to them about all of those things for years now.
I told him yeah, but they are the important things I'd want you to remember, my last words if this ends up being our last conversation, which it won't, because I'm coming home!
He smiled and hugged me, told me to definitely say all of that stuff on Sunday, not saying it may just make the bad thing happen.
They are terrified that this is going to go wrong, I don't really blame them, it is pretty scary to think about, but I trust my doc and his staff, it's going to be ok.
So anyway, what did I do to cheer me up?
I bought a cadoobage kid for myself.
My mom and dad bought us some when we were kids, but someone stole mine years and years ago, and this one called to me after browsing page after page of them.
All of them uniquely different in some way, eye color, hair color(s), style, face, smile, with and without teeth, but this little face said "Kat, I'm the one you want to 'adopt', pick me!"
So I did.
She has green eyes, and two front teeth, and a wicked cute smile.
And now that I've "adopted" her, they removed her from the website completely.
The detail page she was on, is now empty, taken down just an hour or so after I bought her.
She really was one of a kind, and now she's mine.
Click the pic to see her cute little face.
Yes I know, I'm 38 and I bought a doll, but it really did cheer me up when I saw that face.
I had been browsing the site because it's been 25 years since they began making and selling them, and I was feeling all wishy-washy nostalgic.
My mom and dad bought us ours from the very first time they started selling the plastic headed ones, the first batch, and mom even got in a bit of a fight with some other lady who tried to take the ones mom had in her arms.
Hee hee, go mom!
====================
Losing 90% or more mobility in my neck, never turning left or right again to look at things, is HUGE, a really big, life-altering change.
I'll be completely fused the entire length of my spine after this, it's big, so my mind has been pre-occupied with it.
At bedtime tonight, Mark asked me if there were no other options besides surgery, that he's worried about how all of this is going to affect me, mentally.
I explained to him that for the first few weeks, and even now, I'm still having some WTF holy shit moments, but this is THE only option.
That I had to weigh the pros and cons.
On one hand, I would be able to turn my head, but in a few months, I'd be dead.
On the other hand, I won't be able to move very much or very well, but I'll be alive.
Pretty easy choice I'd say.
And I told him that I'm not done here yet.
I still have so much to do.
I asked him to try not to fight as much with Sebastian for the rest of the week, let's try to have some fun, be happy.
He asked me what we are doing on Sunday, the day and night before.
I said I was planning on having a talk with them.
He asked about what, and I said to say all the important things that need to be said in case something goes wrong.
I love you, grow up to be good men, treat women with respect, love, honor, cherish them, love your children, play with them, educate them, be there.
Do something you love to do every day of your lives, never regret a single moment, regret means you didn't really live at all.
Have a career you love, not a job you do just to get paid, be proud of what you do.
Know how very much I loved you, and always did my best with you, to raise you up right, to make you happy, that you were the center of my life, my reason for continuing to keep going.
He smiled at me, said he knew all of those things already, that I've been talking to them about all of those things for years now.
I told him yeah, but they are the important things I'd want you to remember, my last words if this ends up being our last conversation, which it won't, because I'm coming home!
He smiled and hugged me, told me to definitely say all of that stuff on Sunday, not saying it may just make the bad thing happen.
They are terrified that this is going to go wrong, I don't really blame them, it is pretty scary to think about, but I trust my doc and his staff, it's going to be ok.
So anyway, what did I do to cheer me up?
I bought a cadoobage kid for myself.
My mom and dad bought us some when we were kids, but someone stole mine years and years ago, and this one called to me after browsing page after page of them.
All of them uniquely different in some way, eye color, hair color(s), style, face, smile, with and without teeth, but this little face said "Kat, I'm the one you want to 'adopt', pick me!"
So I did.
The detail page she was on, is now empty, taken down just an hour or so after I bought her.
She really was one of a kind, and now she's mine.
Click the pic to see her cute little face.
Yes I know, I'm 38 and I bought a doll, but it really did cheer me up when I saw that face.
I had been browsing the site because it's been 25 years since they began making and selling them, and I was feeling all wishy-washy nostalgic.
My mom and dad bought us ours from the very first time they started selling the plastic headed ones, the first batch, and mom even got in a bit of a fight with some other lady who tried to take the ones mom had in her arms.
Hee hee, go mom!
Will someone be updating your blog to let your readers know you are ok and things went good? Even if its just a sentence saying all is good, I would love to know your ok and will be home soon...
I remember my Cabbage Pactch kid! Quincy Jasper. I loved him. One day I came home to find that my evil little sister and one of her friends had gutted him because they wanted to see what was on the inside.
Remember the one that Aunt Jo sent me that she made,
I still have it, It looks like Karen O'neil. I am glad that you got that for yourself
if it gives you comfort it is worth it. I am close to 70 and I love my dolls.
You got me all teared up, Kat, with this post! I read the 'things to tell the kids' paragraph to my daughter, Sammie - that's so sweet that he said that you've been telling them all that stuff for years already. Isn't it great when they listen to our diatribes(right word?) but, don't let us know it - till it's important - I love that sh*t!!! (They really do listen to me! yea!)
Sammie said that on Sunday, you should have a 'turning your head' party! I hope that's not disrespectful, I just thought it was cute, so I wanted to tell you.
Your cabbage patch doll is very precious - I love those things since growing up - as a kid, for some reason, I couldn't stand them! LOL I would love to have one of my own now, for sure!! :)