I took a shower just now, I really needed to get in there and get myself clean after sweating so much over the last 2 days.
After I got myself all clean, as much as I can anyway without getting the stitches wet, I decided to make an attempt at shaving off the monster leg hairs.
I was already seated on my old lady shower chair, I lathered up my right leg with shaving cream, and tried to start shaving at the ankle and work my way up like normal.
I couldn't do it.
I tried again.
Nope, absolutely no flexibility to bend and reach that low on my leg.
This surgery, this spine fusion, because it's connected to the titanium rods that I had placed in there in 2006 at the shoulder level, seems to make me unable to reach below mid calf level.
I cannot go any further.
Before this neck fusion, I had a small bit of trouble shaving my legs and putting shoes on, tying laces and stuff like that, but I could do it, it just took a little longer.
But now I can't bend over far enough to reach below my calves.
I wasn't expecting that.
I knew I wouldn't be able to turn my head much anymore, looking left and right would be gone, looking up at the sky, but not being able to fully bend over and reach my ankles?
Nope, I didn't expect it.
But my legs were in dire need of shaving, so I wrapped one of my towels around my body and called Sebastian to come in.
I showed him what to do on a part of my leg I could reach, and then handed him the razor and told him to go for it, be gentle, but shave away.
He did a really good job and he didn't mind helping me.
He said he was sorry that I couldn't do this anymore, that he felt bad that I can't do some stuff anymore.
Then he got a bit quiet so I asked him what he was thinking.
He said that he knows this sucks for me not being able to do stuff anymore, but how glad he is that I'm alive, that knowing that without this surgery I would have died, so not being able to do stuff isn't really that important, but he understands how it makes me feel.
He said it's kind of selfish of him to be so happy that I'm still here when he knows how sad it makes me that I can't do things anymore, and he's sorry about that.
Yes it does bother me that I've lost a lot of mobility, that there are things I can't do anymore, things I don't even know I can't do anymore, but it's ok, I'm dealing with it.
I'm sure I'll have some mini-meltdowns as I discover more things I can't do, but I have my little fit, I cry, I yell, and then I get over it.
Being pissed about it won't change it, nothing will change it, so all I can do is take note of the things I can't do, have myself a good cry, and then keep on going.
It's just the way it's going to be from here on out.
Get knocked down, get back up, keep on going.
====================
After I got myself all clean, as much as I can anyway without getting the stitches wet, I decided to make an attempt at shaving off the monster leg hairs.
I was already seated on my old lady shower chair, I lathered up my right leg with shaving cream, and tried to start shaving at the ankle and work my way up like normal.
I couldn't do it.
I tried again.
Nope, absolutely no flexibility to bend and reach that low on my leg.
This surgery, this spine fusion, because it's connected to the titanium rods that I had placed in there in 2006 at the shoulder level, seems to make me unable to reach below mid calf level.
I cannot go any further.
Before this neck fusion, I had a small bit of trouble shaving my legs and putting shoes on, tying laces and stuff like that, but I could do it, it just took a little longer.
But now I can't bend over far enough to reach below my calves.
I wasn't expecting that.
I knew I wouldn't be able to turn my head much anymore, looking left and right would be gone, looking up at the sky, but not being able to fully bend over and reach my ankles?
Nope, I didn't expect it.
But my legs were in dire need of shaving, so I wrapped one of my towels around my body and called Sebastian to come in.
I showed him what to do on a part of my leg I could reach, and then handed him the razor and told him to go for it, be gentle, but shave away.
He did a really good job and he didn't mind helping me.
He said he was sorry that I couldn't do this anymore, that he felt bad that I can't do some stuff anymore.
Then he got a bit quiet so I asked him what he was thinking.
He said that he knows this sucks for me not being able to do stuff anymore, but how glad he is that I'm alive, that knowing that without this surgery I would have died, so not being able to do stuff isn't really that important, but he understands how it makes me feel.
He said it's kind of selfish of him to be so happy that I'm still here when he knows how sad it makes me that I can't do things anymore, and he's sorry about that.
Yes it does bother me that I've lost a lot of mobility, that there are things I can't do anymore, things I don't even know I can't do anymore, but it's ok, I'm dealing with it.
I'm sure I'll have some mini-meltdowns as I discover more things I can't do, but I have my little fit, I cry, I yell, and then I get over it.
Being pissed about it won't change it, nothing will change it, so all I can do is take note of the things I can't do, have myself a good cry, and then keep on going.
It's just the way it's going to be from here on out.
Get knocked down, get back up, keep on going.
It does suck and it's totally unfair. I like your attitude though. I'm glad you have a way to vent and that you're not afraid to do it. The people that keep it inside are the ones that really pay for it.
Glad you're on the mend and that you have your sons who love you so much.
I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down!!! That is your mantra lady... OWN IT!!!!
Is it possible for that to just be temporary? Since you had trouble before could it just be that everything is stiff since you haven't bent that far in so long?
At any rate, it's good that you can be logical about it all. I've always been that way. I understand when things just are what they are, and I also understand that sometimes I just need to be upset about it. It really helps to be able to see things that way.
I'm sorry you've had to give up so much, but there's one thing I know: you will adapt. You're a resilient and resourceful woman - you've proven that time and again. Major suckage you're going through right now, but if the surgery saved your life, if you get to hang around and watch the boys grow up, if the surgery has bought you the opportunity for whatever wonderful adventures life has in store for you - well, that's all so much better than the alternative. Hang tough, lady - as I know you will!
It's very European to let your leg hair grow. :D