Most of my readers know that I had my neck fusion surgery on September 8th 2008, and have been healing as well as can be expected.
I will also be having a revision surgery in just a few months, because my head placement is all wrong.
My head is tilted and stuck downward, instead of straight ahead.
The surgery was supposed to prevent me from turning side to side, not up and down.
I can turn my head side to side no problem, but up and down is a no go.
But anyway, both of my teen sons have been battling a really nasty cold/virus since last week, and tonight I started getting it.
I'm coughing, sneezing, sniffly and runny nosing it since about 6pm today.
The sniffling, sneezing, and runny nose are not a huge issue, but coughing?
Holy hell it's painful.
Every cough makes my chest muscles, upper back and neck muscles, and head, move and twitch and spasm.
This is not fun at all, it's actually quite painful.
You know what else is really painful as well as super scary?
Throwing up.
Because of the way my head is tilted downward, my jaw cannot open as wide as it did before, and the neck opening is almost compressed like, so throwing up is a very painful and scary ordeal.
Sorry to be graphic, but this is a health blog right?
The rest is behind the cut, it is kind of graphic and sorta gross, so you have been warned.
I will also be having a revision surgery in just a few months, because my head placement is all wrong.
My head is tilted and stuck downward, instead of straight ahead.
The surgery was supposed to prevent me from turning side to side, not up and down.
I can turn my head side to side no problem, but up and down is a no go.
But anyway, both of my teen sons have been battling a really nasty cold/virus since last week, and tonight I started getting it.
I'm coughing, sneezing, sniffly and runny nosing it since about 6pm today.
The sniffling, sneezing, and runny nose are not a huge issue, but coughing?
Holy hell it's painful.
Every cough makes my chest muscles, upper back and neck muscles, and head, move and twitch and spasm.
This is not fun at all, it's actually quite painful.
You know what else is really painful as well as super scary?
Throwing up.
Because of the way my head is tilted downward, my jaw cannot open as wide as it did before, and the neck opening is almost compressed like, so throwing up is a very painful and scary ordeal.
Sorry to be graphic, but this is a health blog right?
The rest is behind the cut, it is kind of graphic and sorta gross, so you have been warned.
When leaning over the toilet to vomit, the actual retching pulls every
muscle in my throat and neck, the muscles in my neck pull and tighten
up.
The vomit comes up, but feels like it's getting stuck, and because my mouth does not open wide anymore, and the force of the vomit coming up, it has almost caused me to choke several times.
My mouth becomes full of vomit as even more is still coming up, I try so hard to open my mouth to get it all out, but it can't open wide enough.
I end up coughing, gagging, choking and trying to get it all up and out of my mouth.
Several times now, I have started to choke on the vomit, and let me tell you, it is a very frightening experience.
A few of the times I have thrown up have been when I was at home alone, when my sons were at school, and I was so terrified that I was going to choke to death on my own vomit and that would be it.
My sons would come home and find me dead on the bathroom floor, probably covered in vomit, maybe a cut open head from falling and hitting my head on the toilet or bathroom cupboard cabinet.
It's happened enough times now that I have actually gotten really scared while throwing up, I start to panic as I'm choking on it, and because I do not want my sons to come home and find me dead like that, I have taken my fingers and scraped out the vomit stuck in my mouth and throat.
A few times, my fingers didn't feel like they were getting it fast enough, so I grabbed my toothbrush off the sink and used the handle part to help scrape it all out until it started to come out easily on it's own again.
This is a huge problem for me.
I need to have this revision surgery as soon as possible, they need to fix this problem of my jaw not opening, fix the downward turn of my head, so that I no longer choke on my own vomit.
When I go in for my 3 month post-op appointment in December, this is something I am going to tell my doctor about, hopefully it will be enough of a concern for him to pick a date for the revision surgery.
I really do not want to die like that.
I'm totally ok with dying, we all have to die sometime, and I know that every time I have a surgery that it it could be the last time I see my sons, so I always tell them how much I love them before I leave for the hospital, I call them before I get wheeled down to the OR and tell them again how very much I love them, how proud I am of them, and to just keep on being awesome young men, and I also tell them that I will see them soon so as not to scare them.
But I do NOT want to die from choking on my own vomit in my home and have my sons find me dead like that.
Sorry this was so graphic and gross, but this stuff is happening to me, these are the things I have been dealing with on my own, and so the times I have been depressed from the surgery, this is part of the reasons why.
I've been dealing with moments where I have been alone and terrified, and even when I manage to stop myself from choking to death, it's scary enough to really do a number on my thought patterns.
====================
The vomit comes up, but feels like it's getting stuck, and because my mouth does not open wide anymore, and the force of the vomit coming up, it has almost caused me to choke several times.
My mouth becomes full of vomit as even more is still coming up, I try so hard to open my mouth to get it all out, but it can't open wide enough.
I end up coughing, gagging, choking and trying to get it all up and out of my mouth.
Several times now, I have started to choke on the vomit, and let me tell you, it is a very frightening experience.
A few of the times I have thrown up have been when I was at home alone, when my sons were at school, and I was so terrified that I was going to choke to death on my own vomit and that would be it.
My sons would come home and find me dead on the bathroom floor, probably covered in vomit, maybe a cut open head from falling and hitting my head on the toilet or bathroom cupboard cabinet.
It's happened enough times now that I have actually gotten really scared while throwing up, I start to panic as I'm choking on it, and because I do not want my sons to come home and find me dead like that, I have taken my fingers and scraped out the vomit stuck in my mouth and throat.
A few times, my fingers didn't feel like they were getting it fast enough, so I grabbed my toothbrush off the sink and used the handle part to help scrape it all out until it started to come out easily on it's own again.
This is a huge problem for me.
I need to have this revision surgery as soon as possible, they need to fix this problem of my jaw not opening, fix the downward turn of my head, so that I no longer choke on my own vomit.
When I go in for my 3 month post-op appointment in December, this is something I am going to tell my doctor about, hopefully it will be enough of a concern for him to pick a date for the revision surgery.
I really do not want to die like that.
I'm totally ok with dying, we all have to die sometime, and I know that every time I have a surgery that it it could be the last time I see my sons, so I always tell them how much I love them before I leave for the hospital, I call them before I get wheeled down to the OR and tell them again how very much I love them, how proud I am of them, and to just keep on being awesome young men, and I also tell them that I will see them soon so as not to scare them.
But I do NOT want to die from choking on my own vomit in my home and have my sons find me dead like that.
Sorry this was so graphic and gross, but this stuff is happening to me, these are the things I have been dealing with on my own, and so the times I have been depressed from the surgery, this is part of the reasons why.
I've been dealing with moments where I have been alone and terrified, and even when I manage to stop myself from choking to death, it's scary enough to really do a number on my thought patterns.
I hope you get to have that surgery soon! That is definitely frightening.
God I can only imagine how absolutely terrifying that would be!
Kat, PLEASE contact your doctor at once and tell him about your choking and the misery you are experiencing with this terrible flu. It sounds to me as if you should be in the hospital for the duration of this illness! Please call him ASAP!! You need to have access to emergency help in case this gets worse! Your sons would not know what to do to help you if you were choking!
Verna