I have had another absolutely horrible, totally horrendous day, I am sitting here with a pounding migraine and in tears, and I have been crying off and on for several hours now.
I wish so much that I could talk specifically about why I'm so upset, but I can't, I am a woman of my word regardless of what other people seem to think and say.
I really wish that I knew why some people are so cruel, why are people so cruel??
Can't anyone tell me why??
I have had a really crappy week, just wow, so freaking crappy, and I was hoping that after this morning's grocery shopping disaster, that the day would get better, but nope, it didn't.
I feel like my entire life is just me walking in one place, or walking on treadmills, I just keep on walking and walking and walking, but never seem to get anywhere.
I never seem to go anywhere at all that is a good place to be.
I am just stuck walking in this place where a good majority of the people are full of drama and being wrapped up, mixed up, and in everyone's business.
I'm not a bad person, i live and let live, I try to do right by everyone who comes into and out of my life for however long they are in it, I try to treat others right, the way that I would want to be treated, with kindness and compassion, understanding, and caring.
But I hardly ever get treated back the same way.
I know that all of that karma stuff is so made up and so absolutely not true, because if it was, the people who come in and out of my life on the daily, would treat me just even half as well as I treat them.
I don't even really understand the how or the why over the reason for this, how it even began,
I just don't even have the slightest clue.
All I know for sure is that someone, or several someones, really, truly, believe that I would try to destroy their ability to earn a living.
???
Yeah, that's exactly what I said!
I don't have the answer to that one at all, and believe me, I so wish that I did.
But I can tell you and know it to be true with every single fiber of my being, that I have not ever, would not ever, could not ever, interfere with another human beings ability to earn a living and provide for themselves and their families.
That's just not something that I am capable of doing.
Even way back when I was an assistant manager at a store and had to hire and fire people,
I had to practice my "I'm so sorry, but you're just not working out" speech for an hour or more before I could even walk into the office and do the deed, and no matter how many times the manager made me do it so that I could "get used to it" before she would consider promoting me from just the assistant manager to either 2nd or 1st assistant manager, after doing it and waiting for the terminated employee to leave, I would run to the bathroom, close the stall door, start crying my eyes out, and then puke.
It was just so emotionally upsetting to me, it made me physically ill to do it.
I would have all of these thoughts and images in my head about their life, if they had kids to feed, if this job was the only way they could have a roof over their heads, if there was a member of the family who was sick and this job paid for their medications that kept them alive, all of those kinds of thoughts would be flooding my head, and I'd get dizzy and nauseous over those thoughts.
I am still the same way, I hate to hear about people losing their jobs, their homes, their insurance, I get upset just hearing a story about someone losing their job.
To know that there's someone out there thinking that I would in some way try to kill their ability to earn a living, is just really upsetting me.
It's my assistant manager job all over again, dizzy and queasy, that watery mouth feeling, swallowing hard, my stomach is in knots, and I keep crying.
I need to just go lay on the couch and zone out, watch a movie, or listen to music or something, anything at all, to get away from this situation, to make it stop, but anything that I do, I'm fearful that it could escalate an already tense situation and make it even worse.
I'm just stuck, stuck walking in the same place, just walking and walking, and going absolutely nowhere.
====================
I wish so much that I could talk specifically about why I'm so upset, but I can't, I am a woman of my word regardless of what other people seem to think and say.
I really wish that I knew why some people are so cruel, why are people so cruel??
Can't anyone tell me why??
I have had a really crappy week, just wow, so freaking crappy, and I was hoping that after this morning's grocery shopping disaster, that the day would get better, but nope, it didn't.
I feel like my entire life is just me walking in one place, or walking on treadmills, I just keep on walking and walking and walking, but never seem to get anywhere.
I never seem to go anywhere at all that is a good place to be.
I am just stuck walking in this place where a good majority of the people are full of drama and being wrapped up, mixed up, and in everyone's business.
I'm not a bad person, i live and let live, I try to do right by everyone who comes into and out of my life for however long they are in it, I try to treat others right, the way that I would want to be treated, with kindness and compassion, understanding, and caring.
But I hardly ever get treated back the same way.
I know that all of that karma stuff is so made up and so absolutely not true, because if it was, the people who come in and out of my life on the daily, would treat me just even half as well as I treat them.
I don't even really understand the how or the why over the reason for this, how it even began,
I just don't even have the slightest clue.
All I know for sure is that someone, or several someones, really, truly, believe that I would try to destroy their ability to earn a living.
???
Yeah, that's exactly what I said!
I don't have the answer to that one at all, and believe me, I so wish that I did.
But I can tell you and know it to be true with every single fiber of my being, that I have not ever, would not ever, could not ever, interfere with another human beings ability to earn a living and provide for themselves and their families.
That's just not something that I am capable of doing.
Even way back when I was an assistant manager at a store and had to hire and fire people,
I had to practice my "I'm so sorry, but you're just not working out" speech for an hour or more before I could even walk into the office and do the deed, and no matter how many times the manager made me do it so that I could "get used to it" before she would consider promoting me from just the assistant manager to either 2nd or 1st assistant manager, after doing it and waiting for the terminated employee to leave, I would run to the bathroom, close the stall door, start crying my eyes out, and then puke.
It was just so emotionally upsetting to me, it made me physically ill to do it.
I would have all of these thoughts and images in my head about their life, if they had kids to feed, if this job was the only way they could have a roof over their heads, if there was a member of the family who was sick and this job paid for their medications that kept them alive, all of those kinds of thoughts would be flooding my head, and I'd get dizzy and nauseous over those thoughts.
I am still the same way, I hate to hear about people losing their jobs, their homes, their insurance, I get upset just hearing a story about someone losing their job.
To know that there's someone out there thinking that I would in some way try to kill their ability to earn a living, is just really upsetting me.
It's my assistant manager job all over again, dizzy and queasy, that watery mouth feeling, swallowing hard, my stomach is in knots, and I keep crying.
I need to just go lay on the couch and zone out, watch a movie, or listen to music or something, anything at all, to get away from this situation, to make it stop, but anything that I do, I'm fearful that it could escalate an already tense situation and make it even worse.
I'm just stuck, stuck walking in the same place, just walking and walking, and going absolutely nowhere.
of ALL people, you know how much every dollar counts towards a families survival, there is no way in hell YOU would interfere with another persons ability to make money.
NO way in HELL.
Im sorry you are going through this, it sucks, and if you need an ear or anything else, I;m here.
Kat...I am so sorry you are hurting because of this. People are cruel and mean because they are unhappy people inside themselves. They might have all the money in the world but inside they hate themselves. Then they want everyone to be miserable with them. They take all their self hatred and throw it out onto other people the same way people that are good kind people throw goodness onto other people. It is the exact opposite of how people like us are...we know we are good people and inside ourselves we know that we are so we are happy deep inside. Our lives may not be perfect, we may have no money, we may not like how we look, we may have low self esteem, we may have the weight of the world on our shoulders but we ARE happy inside with who we are. I am speaking on a deeper level then all the things that make us feel bad about ourselves or unhappy about things in our lives. I am speaking of the part of ourselves that allows us to look in the mirror each day and look into our own eyes and say "I am a good person, I am a kind person, I am happy with who I am". You know the saying "garbage in garbage out"? It is like that for humans....if someone looks at themselves and hates, despises, loathes themselves, they will spew that hate out because of the subconscious need to release it and feel better. The sick cycle of it is that they feel worse everytime they get some kind of satisfaction from being cruel. It is so much deeper then just being cruel....they don't even know what they are doing. All that venom is rotting them away but they have no idea why...because they don't want to admit that that they truly despise who they have become. I know this is long but this is the conclusion I have come to after years of seeing and being mistreated. I hope this situation gets better for you because you shouldn't have to suffer because of someone elses inner venom.
Only the weak are cruel, gentleness can only be expected from the strong. ~Leo F. Buscaglia
Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it. ~mark twain
To live is to hurt others, and through others to hurt oneself ~ Albert Camus
Truth is a deep kindness that teaches us to be content in our everyday life and share with the people the same happiness. ~ Kahlil Gibran
Each time you step off your path of and give someone an act of kindness...then your road to happiness just got a little smoother~ Donna A favors
These quotes are right along with what I was saying with why people are mean and cruel. Especially the last one.
I am sorry that you are having such a bad time. But people can be so mean to each other. You know that you said and did the right things and I know that too. We love you and want you to take it easy on yourself and rest and take care of yourself remember when someone does wrong to you it comes back on them one hundred times as bad. Just get yourself feeling better and know that there are folks that love you for who and what you are.
you know my number use it any time u need to I love you
I sent this to you on Twitter, but I wanted to say it here, too: What kind of people have the delusion that you would do anything to affect their pay? Not only is that a horrible thing to do as a person, it would mean that you're really, really unprofessional. And I know that you and I aren't BFFs or anything, but I've been working with you for quite a few years and you are so far from unprofessional.
Sorry you are going through all this. Some people can be really thoughtless and not know or care how their actions hurt other people. They only care about themselves.
I hope things get better for you.
I seem to be using the term flabbergasted a lot this week o.O but I am.
Whenever I've dealt with you regard blogs and everything you've always been extremely helpful and have actually gone out of your way to help me to survive with regards income and what-not in fact you actually recommended me to places to get more money or save money and from what I've seen always do the same with others.
I can't understand why anyone would think otherwise, you always go out of your way for others which I've regarded as outstanding considering the amount you go through all the time with regards your health, pain level and situation.
I hope that you can get some chill time. Wishing you all the best.
I am so sorry. Anyone who would think this obviously does not know you very well. You have, on MANY occasions helped me, a total stranger, actually earn money. I have a hard time wrapping my head around anyone actually thinking/saying that.
Again, I'm sorry. I do hope you were able to rest, relax, or at least find a good movie.