I'm so tired, so so tired.
Every single day is a struggle, things just coming and going at me, arguing with the teens, trying to get help so we can cope with it as a family, try to heal this family of mine that started falling apart months ago.
I lost control of my life months ago.
I know when it happened, I know exactly when it happened, I was severely depressed, not talking to anyone about it, just leaving it all sit in there because I didn't want to be seen as weak.
But I am weak and I need to stop and ask for help every now and then.
It's ok to ask for help.
And some one of these days when I get that break that I need, I'm going to get away from here, go on a vacation, go to some new state and have a real vacation.
No computers, cell only for emergency calls, just me and the teens, or me and my best friend Shell.
Then the 2 of us could just take off for like a week, just be girls again, not employees, not moms, not housekeepers, cooks, cleaners, but just be girls.
Go some place beautiful and peaceful like South Carolina and stay at one of the many Myrtle Beach hotels.
I just have so many things going on, I'm carrying like 20 plates and they are all full and terribly heavy.
I'm struggling here, just struggling to even put a coherent thought together for more than 5 minutes.
Hell, it took me over 20 minutes to just write this one post
I'm just flapping around like a goldfish that got dropped on land, struggling to breathe, fighting to stay alive, and it will either die or someone will pick it up and put it back in the aquarium bowl.
I feel like that goldfish, I need someone to pick me up and carry me at least half of the way.
I'm so tired, there are days that my life is just too much for me to handle, I want to just quit, go back in time and fix all of this crap before it ever even started.
I just don't know where my life is heading anymore, I just feel like I don't know anything about myself anymore.
Once upon a time, I was strong, both physically and emotionally, and now I feel like I'm just a big pile of mush.
====================
Every single day is a struggle, things just coming and going at me, arguing with the teens, trying to get help so we can cope with it as a family, try to heal this family of mine that started falling apart months ago.
I lost control of my life months ago.
I know when it happened, I know exactly when it happened, I was severely depressed, not talking to anyone about it, just leaving it all sit in there because I didn't want to be seen as weak.
But I am weak and I need to stop and ask for help every now and then.
It's ok to ask for help.
And some one of these days when I get that break that I need, I'm going to get away from here, go on a vacation, go to some new state and have a real vacation.
No computers, cell only for emergency calls, just me and the teens, or me and my best friend Shell.
Then the 2 of us could just take off for like a week, just be girls again, not employees, not moms, not housekeepers, cooks, cleaners, but just be girls.
Go some place beautiful and peaceful like South Carolina and stay at one of the many Myrtle Beach hotels.
I just have so many things going on, I'm carrying like 20 plates and they are all full and terribly heavy.
I'm struggling here, just struggling to even put a coherent thought together for more than 5 minutes.
Hell, it took me over 20 minutes to just write this one post
I'm just flapping around like a goldfish that got dropped on land, struggling to breathe, fighting to stay alive, and it will either die or someone will pick it up and put it back in the aquarium bowl.
I feel like that goldfish, I need someone to pick me up and carry me at least half of the way.
I'm so tired, there are days that my life is just too much for me to handle, I want to just quit, go back in time and fix all of this crap before it ever even started.
I just don't know where my life is heading anymore, I just feel like I don't know anything about myself anymore.
Once upon a time, I was strong, both physically and emotionally, and now I feel like I'm just a big pile of mush.
Lets go I'm ready anytime. Miss you lots, home all day Friday the boys are hunting shoot me a message when your up so I can give you a ring.
Love ya
Things will get better. *HUGS*