Results tagged “beauty” from KatScan

So Mark is having another massive breakout of pimples, and seeing as how we are out of the acne face cleanser we had been using, I decided to go and check out if there's anything new in the way of acne treatment.
I went to Google and typed in "acne treatment that works", and in the top 10 results is this site. www.acnetreatmentthatworks.org

Yup, it's a site named exactly as I had searched, "acne treatment that works".
I read the one whole post that is on the site, one post written on March 22, 2010, and there are no links in it to any products, and it really doesn't name any one particular product that you should use.
I don't understand the purpose of the blog, yeah, it's a blog.
One post, no links, no definitive product recommendation, I just don't get it.

Maybe it's so crystal clear, maybe it is naming a product, but I am so tired after a few days of not sleeping, that maybe I just can't see it.

I can no longer lift things like I used to, or do things like I used to, heck, just moving a dining chair from one place to another killed my upper back and shoulders today.
So I've begun looking at ways to increase my strength and how to increase muscle mass in my upper back, shoulders, and arms, so that I don't have to feel so weak and helpless anymore.
It really totally sucks having to ask one of the teens to come put a 12 pack of soda in the fridge for me because I simply can't lift it anymore.
Yes, I'm that weak in my upper body, a simple 12 pack of soda is too much for me to lift up off of the floor and place on the top shelf of the fridge.

What I would like to do is get some small hand weights, a small set of them, starting at like 1 pound and working up to a hand weight/dumbbell of 15-20lbs, and start working out slowly, lift everyday for just 20-30 minutes per day, or even less than that if my arms can't take that long to start, and just keep going every day until I've built up strength again.
I know that medically, I'm not supposed to, but I'm really sick and tired of being weak and feeling useless.
I used to be so strong.

Back in December I learned that I was seriously allergic to the Bounce Dryer Bar along with a ton of other people who had the exact same reactions to it.
Severe itching, hives, welts, and a rash, were reported by me and many others on the Bounce Get Satisfaction community forums.
I posted about my experience with it here on this blog, on My Single Mom Life, on my Facebook, and even Twittered it a few times when the itching had kept me awake and miserable all night long for days on end.
I thought that getting rid of the Bounce Dryer Bar, completely removing it from my dryer, scrubbing the inside of the dryer drum down with warm soapy water, and re-washing all of the laundry that I had done with it, approximately 12 large loads, would be the end of my misery.
I was wrong.
Very wrong.

I tried to go back to using the fabric softener sheets that I was using prior to buying, trying, and failing horribly with the Bounce Dryer Bar, Publix brand 'Clean Breeze' scented dryer sheets, and am now in allergy hell again.
For the last several days, I have been itching really bad again, and I couldn't figure out why.
I know that on Tuesday the 16th, that I did come in contact with some peaches while grocery shopping at Publix, because I didn't wash my hands thoroughly after shopping and before eating the crackers I bought for myself, because only my hands and lips swelled up like they always do if I get any type of peaches near my mouth and hands.
But then the hives started to appear all over my body, arms, legs, torso, chest, upper back, neck, everywhere, and I do mean, everywhere.

Then earlier this evening as I was sitting here eating dinner and watching a movie with the teens and scratching myself nearly to death, it dawned on me that when I went shopping on Monday afternoon with Sebastian and I picked up a few things, that one of the things that I bought was a box of Publix brand 'Clean Breeze' scented dryer sheets because I had run out of the Purex Complete 3-in-1, but I had a bottle of liquid Purex laundry detergent.
I wanted our clothes to be soft and static free, so I went back to my old brand of fabric softener.
It's what I had been using for years before trying and loving the Purex Complete 3-in-1 laundry sheets, so I didn't expect there to be any problems.
I was wrong.
Very wrong.

Now that my skin has been so badly affected by using the Bounce Dryer Bar, I am now like super sensitive-allergic to, apparently, all fabric softener.
I don't have any Benadryl or other allergy medicine in the house and I keep forgetting it when I go to the store, but I also just realized what this is that I'm dealing with, so I've been trying some of the other stuff that I have in my medicine arsenal to try and kill the hives, itching, rash, and welts.
I tried taking some of the antibiotics that I had for my tooth, I've tried Nyquil, aspirin, Tylenol, my cal/mag/zinc supplements, and I even tried taking some of the herbal diet supplements that I have sitting here on my medicine shelf.
I tried all of those things in the hopes that at least one of them would stop the itching.
I don't care about the hives, I just desperately need the itching to stop.
I am scratching myself raw and I can't stop scratching myself!!!
It itches so bad that I am like, compelled to scratch wherever it itches right that second.
I have OCD, I am itching really bad, so I am OCD forced to scratch whatever itches, and I am literally scratching my skin open in places.
None of the things that I have done have worked.
Nothing has worked.

I now have 1 giant hive right below my left eye.
It's huge and reddish-purple, it looks like I got punched in the eye, and I have 1 big hive now fully formed on my chin since I first posted about it on Twitter an hour ago.
My right cheek is also tightening up so there will be a hive, or hives, there soon too.
They are literally everywhere, every single inch of my body is covered in either hives, welts, or a rash.
I've taken 3 showers today and have now re-washed all of the laundry that I washed between Monday and now, which is 3 large loads because of Sebastian taking showers and needing clean clothes for school etc.

I just can't believe that because of that stupid Bounce Dryer Bar, that I am now possibly allergic to my regular, been using for at least 5 years, fabric softener sheets.
I really, really, really, hope that when I go out and buy a refill of the Purex Complete 3-in-1 laundry sheets, that I don't end up being allergic to the fabric softener in that too.

Like I've said a few times now, I am losing weight through being sick and not eating right, and I am a whole lot less weighing than I have been in awhile, but I still have a belly.
I have no idea how to reduce belly fat that I have.
I have belly pudge, that's what make me feel fat, having that there all of the damn time.
That's what makes me feel like a huge cow, having a bulging belly.
I would love to be able to get rid of it, but without the ability to do any of the traditional core exercises, I am stusck with the belly pudge.
I know that it's all pure fat, it squishes and jiggles, so yeah, total fat.
I would probably need some liposuction and some plastic surgery to remove all of that hanging flabby skin after they suck all of the fat out of me.

When I win the Powerball, the first thing I'm doing is buying a house, and the second thing that I'm doing is liposuction and plastic surgery to remove all of the flabby and hanging skin.
I would feel tons better about my body then because other than the belly, I have a really great body.
If I do say so myself.

best fat burning supplement is, but I would have to say that any type of gastrointestinal disorder is a damn good close second.

I spent most of my Sunday afternoon today in the ER of Doctor's Hospital, the only local hospital that I ever go to any more because of the care and compassion the doctors and nurses provide.
But anyway, I got there today after having not slept for almost 5 days in a row now, and because when I finally did fall asleep this morning for all of 10 minutes, I woke to find myself puking my guts out for about 30 minutes.
That was it, I've had enough of this 3 week long stomach crap, so off to the ER I went.
She ran a bunch of tests, did a dehydration test on me, and then had the nurses start pumping me with fluids.
3 full bags of fluids by the time the day was done, 2 injections of some type of stomach meds, 2 injections of dilaudid for the pain and severe muscle cramps that wouldn't stop for almost 2 hours.
Anyway, the doc says that I have some sort of intestinal virus, she gave me 2 meds to take, tells me to increase my liquids, and to call my doctor in the morning to make him fully away that he's not giving me enough meds to survive the whole month which was a partial cause to the intestinal virus.

So yueah, a fun way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

In my quest to find an acne treatment product that works for both of the teens, I've ended up reading a TON of online reviews.
Almost every single acne product on the market contains benzoyl peroxide.
But what happens to your skin once you start using those products every single day is that your skin can become addicted to using it, and if you stop using it suddenly, you can end up with even worse breakouts than before you started using it.
I read up on one product and read what the tazorac side effects are for it, and found out that the most common side effects are redness, irritation, dryness, and even allergic reactions to it.
You have to be super careful with some of these because if you spend a good amount of time outdoors in the sun, these acne treatments can cause your skin to breakout even worse than before.
So what is a concerned mother supposed to do to help her teen sons not have so much acne that they grow their hair wicked long so people don't see all of the pimples on their foreheads, cheeks, and chins?

I feel terrible for Sebastian right now, he's having a wicked breakout and he's super embarrassed, and nothing that we've tried has really helped him at all, but I don't want to buy him something that his skin will get hooked on and make him look worse if he stops using it.
Because that is what teens do, they will use it until their skin gets cleared up, once it is, they stop using it, and then they breakout even more than before because the skin got so used to the product.

*sigh*

Dr. Dorociak is the dentist who gave me a new front tooth for Christmas, and I cannot thank him enough.
For the first time in 14 years, I have a full front tooth.
Before, my right front tooth was broken off completely in half, it looked absolutely horrible.
In just 1 hour today, Dr. Mike and his nurse Janie, were able to give me a new front tooth.
They made it so well that you can't even tell that it's a new tooth, it looks exactly like my other teeth, there's no rough edges, there's no outline on my tooth, (my old cap only went halfway up, you could see that there was a cap on it) they matched the color perfectly, it looks so awesome!
I am so happy right now!
I can finally laugh and smile without having to cover my mouth, without feeling embarrassed, I have a full tooth again, I look normal again, it's really amazing.
I cannot thank Dr. Mike enough for his generosity in doing this for me absolutely free of charge.
On Saturday, Dr. Mike was taking part in Sarasota Smile, he was only going to be doing it from 8am to 1pm, but a few of his colleagues offered to come to his offices and help out so that they could help as many people as they could.
They were open from 8am until 5pm, hundreds of people showed up, they had 6 dentists working in 6 different rooms, with Dr. Mike working in 2 rooms on 2 patients at a time, with all of the nurses and dental assistants helping out and doing as many things for people as they could, they were able to help 159 people.
159 people!!
159 people who otherwise could not afford to get their teeth taken care of, got their teeth fixed absolutely free for Christmas by Dr. Mike and his colleagues.
That is just amazing. Wonderful. Awesome.
I love my new tooth, it looks great and feels great, I can rub my tongue over my teeth and not feel a jagged edge and gaping hole, I can smile and not have people stare at my broken front tooth.
This is really just so amazing, I started crying when they handed me a mirror so that I could see it.
It was so beautiful, I don't have to be embarrassed any more, and that is really just so awesome, no one will stare at it anymore, no one will wonder what happened, I won't have to ever tell the football game story ever again.

You can click for bigger.
Go ahead!
It looks awesome!!






















I can smile again!!

You know that saying?
"What's the matter with you? Ya gotta hair across your ass or something?!"
I literally do.

My hair keeps falling out with every shower, it just falls out as I wash it.
Get it wet, hair falls out.
Massage in the shampoo, hair falls out.
Rinse, hair falls out.
Massage in conditioner, hair falls out.
Dry with a towel, hair falls out.
Brush, hair falls out.
*sigh*
This is what happened again today, my hair just keeps falling out and it is so frustrating, but what is even more frustrating is that a single strand of my fallen out hair, has lodged itself between my ass cheeks, and I cannot get it out!!

Seriously, I have wiped and wiped, I have tried to grab it, I can feel it moving as I wipe or grab, but no!
I cannot grab or wipe it enough to get it out!
I literally have a hair across my ass!

All of that stuff that was going on with me and my family a few months back now, is still on our families stage.
Instead of being front and center like it was, it's now just hanging out somewhere stage left.

Mark and I had a long talk on Thursday afternoon, that's why I haven't been around much during the daytime hours recently, not posting to my blogs during the day, only hopping on and off of Twitter every few hours and stuff.
Mark and I, had a long talk about his upcoming MRI on Monday afternoon.
He's really starting to get worried.
Not about the MRI itself, but the results.
He said that if the results say that it's bad and that he will definitely be needing surgery when he's older, he asked if he can tell the doctor to just do the surgery now, while he's young.
I said that of course he can tell the doctor he wants to do it now, but that doesn't mean that the doctor will, but he has every right to make his own medical decisions now, he's legally an adult.

He said that after watching me go through the spine fusion surgeries in my mid 30's, and watching George have spine fusion in his late 50's, after watching the 2 of us suffer through the surgeries, the recoveries, and watching us still be in pain (even years later in my case, George had his surgery just 9 months ago) that he does not, under any circumstance, want to have his surgery in middle age, when the body takes longer to heal, when the body is actually starting to decline in health, he does not want that kind of life for himself, and he does not want his children to have to go through what he and Sebastian have had to go through.
He said that it wasn't my fault, he doesn't blame me for anything, but it really sucks being a kid and having to deal with all of this stuff for the last 10 years of their lives.
 
He also said that after he has his spine fused, after he's recovered as much as his body will recover, that he wants to go to drug rehab and get off of all of the pain medicines while he's young.
He said that he does not want to be like George and I, having to take pain pills every single day for the rest of his life like we have to.
He said that he believes that the reason we are in so much pain, the reason that our surgeries didn't go so well, the reason that we are still suffering, is because the surgeons waited too long to do it, that if it had been done while we were younger, our lives would be so much different.

I really can't argue with him there.
I have often tried to imagine what my life would be like if the doctors had taken better care of me when I was young and first diagnosed with scoliosis.
I know that back in the early 80's when I was diagnosed, that they were using Harrington rods, and I know that those rods failed after about 10-15 years, but dammit, I would have had 10-15 years of being straight before the rods gave out and needed to be replaced, and when they did, the new titanium rods that I have now, would have been developed and doctors would have begun using them by then.
I would have been ok.
I wouldn't have started suffering from the excruciating backaches and burning pain that has  plagued me every single day since I was 19 years old.

Do you have any idea what it has been like to be in pain every single day for 20 years?
There has not been a single day since I was 19, that I've not had pain.
I honestly don't know what it feels like to not have pain, I can't remember what no pain feels like.
 
Maybe if those damn doctors had done their job and fixed me when I was younger, when I was a teenager, fixed me like another girl in my high school class was,  that I wouldn't have become disabled at the age of 31.
At age 31, I was told by 3 orthopedic surgeons and 2 neurosurgeons, that my body couldn't handle the stress anymore, that if I continued to work, continued to put any kind of physical stress on my body any harder than walking at a slow pace, that I would be in a wheelchair within 5 years, and instead of doing spine fusion surgery, they would have been amputating my left leg at the pelvis due to the extensive and non-repairable nerve and blood vessel damage that was running from my lower back all of the way down into my left leg and all of the way to my toes.

All 5 of those surgeons wrote letters to SSDI and told them that I could never work again, and I made and kept copies of all of the letters that every single one of the 21 surgeons and specialists that I saw beginning in July 1998, all the way up until I met my surgeon in November 2005.
I have all of my own medical records, I had to pay to get copies of some of them, but after going from surgeon to surgeon so many times, I just started making my own medical records to bring with me to meet the new surgeons so that time wouldn't be wasted waiting  for my records to be sent over to another new surgeon time after time.

It took from April 2001 to December 2005, to get approved for SSDI.
They denied me twice even with an attorney, and that's when I asked each of the 21 surgeons who treated me to write a letter to SSDI explaining how bad my condition was, and they all agreed to do it, they all wrote letters and sent them to my attorney, and almost all of them included their original notes from during the time they treated me and then had to send me to another doctor who "might" have been able to help me.
I really think it was those letters that finally got me approved.

I went off there eh?
Sorry, didn't mean to, it's just that period of time in my life was not only physically challenging, but emotionally challenging.
I wanted to give up fighting every single day, but then I'd look at my boys, and just keep on fighting.

Mark is a fighter, he will fight to get whatever needs to be done, done, but done his way, when he says so, not when a doctor says so.
He does not want to be middle-aged and fighting a battle everyday to just walk from the bed to the couch.
He doesn't want to put his kids through this either.
I asked him if he was really planning on having kids and he said that he was, at least 2 he said.
Then he told me that I need to make my body as strong as I can because the "Gram" is always the kids favorite babysitter.
Ha ha
I said I would do my best, but for now, let's just get through doc appointments and hurricane season, we can talk about me being a grandmother later.
Muuuucch later. 

I am finally starting to get tired after being awake all night long, so I went in the bathroom to do my nightly cleansing ritual, and after washing my face really good with my face scrubbie, I found a big, huge, nasty looking  blackhead!
Yeeuuucckkkk!!!
I haven't had a blackhead in years man, heck, I've not had any zits in years, not even little ones at that time of the month, so where this blackhead came from, who knows.
All I do know is that I attacked that icky thing with my little blackhead removal tool, and got that nasty thing right outta there!

I hate zits, pimples, whiteheads, blackheads, those raised, red, and painful ones that just never pop no matter how you try to get rid of them, I just hate that kind of stuff.
It's funny, I can watch horror movies all day long, blood, guts, gore, even stuff in movies where something explodes and it looks like a zit, but I can't stand real zits on my face.
They make me gag man.

Hey, it could happen! Ha ha
But no, really, if I ever own my own house, the master bathroom in the master bedroom will have one of those walk in tubs for me to use because I totally miss being able to take baths.
Ever since the first spine fusion surgery, I have not been able to take a bath.
My back doesn't bend the right ways anymore to allow me to get in, sit down, and take a bath, and then get back out again.
I've tried and couldn't do it, and it was quite the struggle to get out of the tub let me tell ya.
I couldn't twist my body around to get in a standing position to get out.
I couldn't even get in a kneeling position, never mind standing.
It took me about 10 minutes to get myself out, I had to let all of the water drain out so that I wouldn't slip and fall, so I let the water out and then scooted myself up a little bit so I could get my feet on the no-slip mat that's in the tub, and then pull myself up and push myself over the tub wall and swing a leg out onto the floor.
I ended up in a kneeling position on the floor, but at least from there I could use the sink cabinet to stand up again.
And I had forgotten to take down the hand-held shower head so that I could wash my hair.
If I had a walk in tub and a hand held shower, I could sit and take baths again, I miss being able to just sit and relax in the tub, just sit and let all of the stress go away soaking in the tub.
Someday I will own my own house and have a walk in tub so I can soak my stress away, relax, lay back in the water and read a book or magazine, or just lay back and have some candles and some music on like I used to do.
I loved doing that, just chilling out with some music and candlelight, it was always so relaxing.

That's making myself pretty, not petrifying myself..LoL
As I said, Sebastian and I have to be at the high school at 8am for orientation and a tour of the new building, and I've had insomnia again, so I decided to do some beauty stuff to make myself look a little better.
I found another box of hair color that I must have bought quite awhile ago, (found it in my bedroom IN my dresser drawer) checked the expiration date, it was still good, so I'm sitting here right now with some hair color in and playing on the internet, Twitter mostly.
By the time it's ready to be rinsed out, (40 minutes) it will be time for me to take the shower that I needed to anyway, so I'll hop in, let some water soak my hair, lather it all up and let it sit for a minute, then rinse it completely out, add the conditioner in and let that stay on for the whole rest of my shower, then rinse it all out.
It will be beautificent looking again!

I'm also going to throw some Veet on my legs so that I can wear my nice dress shorts and not be a hairy beast. (Shh, don't tell anyone, but I haven't shaved my legs in almost 2 weeks!!)
I did the laundry yesterday evening so I will have my nice black dress shirt to wear too.
Heck, I may even throw on some earrings and a necklace, maybe even put my rings back on!
I haven't worn any jewelry (or makeup) at all since the last surgery in September.
The 1st reason was because the earrings I wanted to wear were dangles, and with my head tilted down like it is, they looked silly.
The second reason that I haven't worn any jewelry since then is that I didn't want to draw any attention to myself.
I hated the way that I looked so much, that I didn't want anyone to notice me, then notice that I couldn't move my head and start asking questions.
I didn't want to deal with other people talking about it because I couldn't deal with it at all.
I don't feel like that anymore, thank goodness, it was miserable being in that place that I was in for quite a long time.
I am finally feeling like myself again, I'm still stuck like this, but at least I am not so sad and depressed anymore.
I think the combo of antidepressants and the therapy is really working.
I only go once a week, I found some free transportation as long as I give them a couple of days notice, they get me there at no charge. I think they have some sort of mileage deal worked out with medicare or something, because after every trip, I have to sign a paper on their clipboard. The therapist is the one who gave me the number, so don't anyone worry, it's a safe ride with a total stranger every single time. Ha ha ha

Ok, in 15 minutes, I need to go rinse this hair color out and take a shower so I can go to that 3 hour long orientation on absolutely no sleep, but at least I will look pretty.
I hope the principal is there and sees me, she hates me, when she sees me coming, she quickly turns and practically sprints the other way to not have to talk to me. ha haha
I heard that this is her last year, that she's either retiring or moving to a different school.
Thank goodness for that too, she's a horrible principal who says 1 thing, and totally does another.
She knows the school board's policies on bullying and such, and she says that she enforces it, but she doesn't.
She turns away from things that happen right in front of her.
The teens used to come home every day and tell me about that days main attraction right outside the cafeteria which is directly across the hall from the main and her office, and the attraction was usually a fight, usually involving a weapon of some kind, and she'd ignore it, the teachers would ignore it, and the security team would be too busy stuffing their 300lb faces in the caf to notice it.
I really hope that this year is better in the new building that they said was partly designed for security reasons, so let's hope that it cuts down on the fighting, and if it doesn't, that they at least try to do something about it.
Sebastian won't have his big brother to walk with him and protect him at school for the 1st time in his life, so he's really nervous about it this year, said he's scared, there's so many bullies, he's always seeing kids get in fights.
I really am hoping that this year is better for him, he's my boy, I worry about him.   

Sebastian and I went to the store tonight after I got paid, dropped off my second prescription that I needed to pick up, and then bought some groceries and other things that I needed to get.
You know, the usual, toilet paper, cat food, food for us humans, and I had some coupons with me as I always try to do when I go shopping.
I had a coupon for $2.50 off 2 Dove Ultimate Go Fresh deodorants, and Publix had them on sale for just $2.29 each, so  it was $4.58 before the coupon, and just $2.08 after the coupon for 2 full size deodorants.
I chose 2 different scents because when we opened them to check them out, we instantly fell in love with how they smelled.

The Ultimate Go Fresh Energizing deodorant is absolutely fabulous smelling!
It is grapefruit and lemongrass scented, and OMG, it is so seriously the sweetest but softest smelling deodorant I have ever laid my nose upon.
Sebastian insisted that I buy that one, he said it smelled so good, that I should definitely get it, so I did.

The other one I chose is the Ultimate Go Fresh Cool Essentials, it's cucumber and green tea scented, and just like the other one, absolutely to die for scented!

The great thing about both of these deodorants, well the whole line of them, is that they stay on you, not on your clothes, they don't rub off on your shirt, it says so right on the lids, and I tested it after getting back home.
I put some on, one of each scent under each arm, rubbed my arms around a bit, and then took my shirt off and flipped it inside out.
Not a single spot of deodorant on the underarms of my black t-shirt.
That rocks!

These smell incredible, they are smooth rolling on, good for your skin, and provide 24-hours odor and wetness protection, so if you're the type who gets nervous easily, may have trouble speaking in public, sure, you could take a speech pill to help make talking to people easier, but using these new fabulously smelling and smooth deodorants, at least you won't be sweaty or smelly, people will actually comment on how great you smell.
I know this because after testing them both out, when I was in the kitchen making dinner, Mark came in to see what I was making, and he gave me a hug and said "Wow, Mom, you smell really great. Are you wearing a new perfume?"
I said nope, just new deodorant, and he was all wow, it smells awesome.
And they totally do.
So look for them at your local grocery or drug store, see if you can get them on a good sale price or use a coupon like I did, and you will be very pleasantly surprised by how awesome they are.
I can't hardly wait to shower every day and put on either of the new scents every day.
Wetness and odor protection, plus a really beautiful smell.
You can't beat that in a great deodorant product from a company that you can trust, and you can also print out coupons so that you can try them for a bit cheaper!

After my surgery in September, we had to cut some of my hair out because it was so matted and knotted up, we could not get a brush or comb through it, so the scissors had to take care of it for me.
Then for several months, from September 2008 to about February 2009, my hair just kept falling out.
I was losing a lot of hair during those 1st few months that it was coming out, then it started slowing down a bit, I only lost small amounts of hair every time I washed or brushed it, and then it just stopped falling out for good in February.
But instead of falling out, I got some new problems with it.
It started getting really, really dried out, like brittle, and I did everything I could to try and help that.
I used a couple of hot oil treatments and leave in conditioners, I only used conditioners that were for really dry or color treated hair, but nope, it just stayed dry as a bone.
Then the other morning after showering and brushing my hair, about an hour or so later when it had totally dried, I caught a quick glimpse of a silver strand on the top of my head, so I grabbed my hand mirror and took a closer look.
I saw a TON of gray hairs!
Hundreds of them, I grabbed my tweezers and started plucking a few and then remembered that old wives tale that says if you pull out 1 gray hair, 10 will grow in it's place.
Not that I believe such things, but I stopped plucking. ha ha

On Monday afternoon, I took a shower and then a wild hair crossed my ass.
I cut 6 inches off my hair.
Even though I cut off 6 inches, my hair is still past my shoulders, and now that whole mess that my surgeons made with their uneven hair cutting in September, is finally starting to even out.
I don't want to cut my hair to where the growth is from what they cut because they cut me so uneven, it was shaved on 1 side, and cut short on the other, I don't know why they did that, but that's how it was.
So yeah, I don't want to cut it to that new growth, but at least that mess of a hair cut is growing out after 10 months.

So now my hair is 6 inches shorter, dry as a bone, and I have a ton of gray hairs.
Plus it has not been colored since June of last year, a whole year has gone by and it clearly shows in the coloring of my hair.
When I did color it last year, I bought the dye on sale, buy 1 get 1, and I only used the 1 box, so I have a whole box that's been sitting on my shelf for a whole year just begging to be used.
I think today is the day that I get rid of the gray, even out the color, and because the conditioner in hair dye is the best conditioner ever, my hair will look fabulous when I get done.
I swear, if Loreal were to produce and sell the conditioner that they put in the hair dye boxes into full size bottles, women everywhere would probably pay $20 or more per bottle for the stuff.
It's that good.
When I get done coloring my hair and done with the 2 minute conditioner, my hair looks and feels like the hair of a 4 year old.
It's super shiny, super soft, full of body and light, it's just really incredible stuff, they should just sell it to us in regular full size bottles.
I think I'm going to send them an email and beg, and if they say no, I'll start a petition and get women everywhere to sign it. ha ha

But erm, yeah, got totally sidetracked there didn't I?
Today I am going to dye my hair, it will look great once it's done, and maybe it's the kind of little pick-me-up that I need to start feeling better.
Oh! I did talk to my pain doc yesterday about how I've been feeling, and he did not put me on any antidepressant medication today, but he said that when I come back in for my 1 month appointment, if my moods and emotions have not improved or have gotten worse, he will put me on something then.
He asked me if I had taken any before, if so what kind, did they work, did a particular 1 work better or worse, so I answered all of his questions, he wrote it all down, and so we'll see how it goes in a month.

Ok, time to go find something for breakfast.
I've been up all night and now I'm hungry for breakfast.
Later days!

Sorry, I just don't see it.
I logged into Myspace a couple days ago, and had 3 messages from 3 different guys.
Each one of them said I reminded them of Meg Ryan.
I really don't see the resemblance at all.
Here's one of the messages;
"Has anyone ever told you that you look similar to Meg Ryan , who I think is they sexiest woman alive ... I had just ran across the picture of yours and thought I would let you know."

The picture of me is the exact picture I use as my main profile pic on Myspace, so that is the one they are seeing to make the comments.
I honestly do not think I look like her.
At all.
Don't get me wrong, I think Meg Ryan is beautiful in these pics, not so much anymore since she had all that plastic surgery and has major fish lips now, but I just don't see how people can think I look like her.

I'll take it as the compliment it was intended as, but I still don't see it.

There are times that I feel like I should be taking more nutritional health supplements, and trying even harder to lose weight even though exercise is totally out of the question for me right now.
Why?
Because shopping for clothes is a total nightmare for me.

Someone had linked to some plus size fashion website this morning on Twitter, and while I hate that term "plus size", I guess that's the term that fits my size.
I'm not huge or obese by any means, I run between a size 14 and 16, but that's considered plus sized, so those are the kinds of clothes I have to shop for.
Did you know that even size 12 is considered plus sized?

So anyway, I click on the link, (not going to link it, just search for plus size women's clothing, and you'll find many sites like this one) and everything I see is either the women in huge blowy dresses, or covered up in duster jackets, and bathing suits called swim-dresses, because they are made with a whole lot of material.
All of the tops and blouses, are also tons of material and huge, wild, and flowery bold prints, nothing has any shape to it at all, it's like they took a big piece of material, cut it a bit, made arm holes, and a head hole, called it a billowy-sleeve tunic, or a ruffled tunic, or a Georgette tunic, slapped on a big price tag, (gotta make up for all of the fabric used to make it so "billowy") and set it out for sale.

All of the clothes are the same way, dresses, sweaters, evening and formal wear, even the lingerie is big, has no shape to it, huge prints that draw even more attention to the amount of fabric you have on your body, and sorry, it's all just hideously ugly.
I mean, just look at this blouse, it's called a "boho blouse", the site I found it on says it's a top seller.
Are women really buying and wearing this hideous thing?!















Every single plus sized blouse I found was like that one, huge, no shape, big and bold prints, just ugly in my opinion.
People wonder why I am always wearing black, it's because it goes with everything, for one, you can dress it up or down simply by adding a few pieces of jewelry and doing your hair and makeup, and because anything else in my size looks like that blouse above!
I can't stand those prints, I can't stand those loud colors and patterns, they are just awful.
The sad thing is that women who are plus sized don't really have a whole lot of options when it comes to clothes.
You either have to hunt around for all solid colors, or you end up with stuff like that, and I've seen so many women in them, and I have to look away.
Really beautiful women in really ugly clothing because there's no options for us.
We need shirts with some shape, just a bit of color, some nicer patterns and prints, not stuff like that, and we don't need yards and yards of fabric.

I had some blood work done today for the new pain doc to have on Monday.
I am well prepared for him to freak out over the high white cell count, they all do.
I've had almost every test known to man to try and figure out what's wrong, and there is no infection anywhere, and no, I do not have any form of cancer either.
It's just really high and no one has an explanation, and no, I will not be going through any more painful tests to try and figure it out.

When I got home, I realized that my feet were incredibly swollen.



















So swollen, that I still have marks from my sandals in my skin.
So I've taken my blood pressure meds (water pills), and have my feet propped up on my office furniture stool, in the hopes that the swelling will go down.
It's actually been a bit painful trying to walk with them as puffy as they are.

I'm tired too.
That's a first in about 8 days now.
I think I might actually try and go to bed.

I was asked to try out a new hair removal product, and because of all my spine issues, not being able to bend, I said sure, why not!
I have such a difficult time shaving my legs due to my spine fusion surgeries, so I'm always on the lookout for new, easy to use, and good working hair removal products.

When the package showed up last week and I opened it, I had to laugh, it was a product that my teens and I laugh uncontrollably over every time we see the commercial for it.

In the big padded envelope was the product Smooth Away Hair Removal  with 2 Applicators + 24 Pads + Hair Inhibitor Moisturizer to use after your remove the hair.

Why do the teens and I laugh every time we see the commercial?
Because it's high grade sandpaper.
The Smooth Away pads are "covered with superfine crystals that buff away unwanted hair leaving your skin so soft and incredibly smooth."

Years ago, like when I was about 17, maybe 18, there was another product exactly like this put out by Sally Hansen, and I bought it to try it out.
I hated shaving because I was always nicking myself, I hadn't mastered the technique yet, and I lived in Maine where if you took a shower longer than 5 minutes in the winter, you would run out of hot water, and as most women know, cold water closes your pores, which pretty much makes sure that trying to shave your legs would be difficult.
The pores would be closed, my legs would be covered in goosebumps from the icy cold water, and so yeah, I'd nick my legs to death.

But when my Dad saw my purchase of the Sally Hansen product, he giggled, and said to me, "If you had told me you were going to buy some sandpaper to get rid of your leg hairs, I could have saved you some money. I have a whole box of sandpaper in the basement in all grades, I'm sure I've got one just like this down there, could have saved you your money."
Then he started laughing again.

But I had agreed to try out the Smooth Away and do a review of it, and so, I have tried it out.
I got it last week, and wanted to try it out for a whole week to be able to do a proper review of both the Smooth Away and the hair growth inhibitor moisturizer that came with it.
The Smooth Away does work, it really does, but it takes a bit of time to do it, much longer than shaving or waxing, much much longer than using Veet, but it does indeed work.

You take the handled buffing pad, and then remove the sticky backing from one of the Smooth Away pads, and stick it to the buffing pad.
Place about 3-4 fingers inside the handle, and start rubbing in a circular motion on the areas that you want to remove the hair from.
You have to rub in small circles several times in 1 area to remove the hair, so it does take a bit of time.
If you want to use this, I would suggest doing it the night before you need to be hair free, and set aside about an hour to do it.
I would suggest taking a shower, do not apply any lotion to your legs or arms, (if you remove your arm hairs) and then dry your legs thoroughly before starting.
The places you want to remove the hair from must be completely dry or it won't work, and it definitely doesn't work if you have any lotion on your skin.

I also tried out the hair growth inhibitor moisturizer lotion after removing the hair, and it's very silky, it leaves your skin feeling very soft and smooth, it has a very pleasant smell, and is a terrific moisturizer.
As for helping to stop new hair growth, it does an ok job as far as I can tell.
You have to apply it every day for several days after removing the hair with the Smooth Away pads, in order for it to get into the hair follicles and work, so after every shower, I applied the hair growth inhibitor moisturizer instead of my usual moisturizer, and I would say it doesn't stop new hair from growing, but it does slow it down.
I would wait about 5-10 minutes after removing the hair before applying the hair growth inhibitor moisturizer or any other lotion, so the skin has a chance to "calm down", or you may end up with a slight redness like I did the first time I tried it out.
My skin was slightly irritated, and so adding the moisturizer right away left it looking a little red.

As for exfoliating your skin, I suppose it works, it is a high grade sandpaper, so it does remove some dead skin from the top layer leaving you feeling a bit smoother after.
As for how long it lasts before you have to do it again, about the same amount of time as shaving, maybe a little less, because it's not lifting and cutting the hairs off, it's simply sloughing them away from the surface only.
You do get stubble when it regrows, but if you use the hair growth inhibitor lotion, they take more time to grow back and slightly less course hairs grow back, but there will still be stubble.

The kit I received comes with 2 handled buffing pad applicators, 1 for large areas like legs, arms, men's backs or chests, and 1 small handled buffing pad applicator 1 for the bikini line or upper lip and chin areas, 24 crystallized buffing pads, 12 large and 12 small,  and 1-4 ounce tube of of the hair growth inhibitor moisturizer, and 1 case to hold the pads and handled pad applicators, and it retails for about $29.99
They also offer smaller kits, with just the 1 large buffing pad and 1 small buffing pad, and only 10 crystallized hair removal pads. 
 




















This product does work, but it's not a good fit for me.
I cannot bend all the way down to reach my lower leg areas with a long handled razor, so trying to bend and reach down with my hand inside of a buffing pad, was impossible for me to do.
I managed to get to just above my calves with it, and then had to use my regular razor to remove the hairs below it. 

You can sign up to received a FREE Reach Access Flosser, while supplies last of course, and it also comes with a coupon for the flosser refills.
You can sign up to get it for free by clicking here.

I actually have this and use it.
I signed up for this same freebie like 2 years ago when they ran this promo, and I LOVE it.
It is so much easier to floss your teeth with this than it is with the string.
No wrapping it around your fingers cutting into your skin, and no trying to maneuver your fingers into your mouth to get the way back teeth.
It's just like a toothbrush, it fits easily into your mouth, you can reach every single tooth easily.
And it's great for kids too because it's so easy to use.

After getting my free sample and loving it, I went and bought the teens their own, and there has been no arguing or yelling to get them to floss, they just do it because it's so easy.
So sign up, get your free one, and you'll see how easy it is to floss and keep your teeth healthy.

I am still losing my hair.
Every single day when I brush it, wet or dry, my hair is still falling out in clumps, huge clumps just coming out in my brush, falling out on the floor, falling out when I shampoo it, just falling out.
I know it's not because of taking any weight loss pills, because I haven't taken any of them since before my neck surgery, so I honestly cannot figure out why.
I haven't asked my doc yet because my appointment on the 9th got rescheduled to the 24th because I didn't have a ride, so I'll have to talk to him about it then.

So for now, I'm stepping back up my supplement intake.
I'm taking a multivitamin once a day, I'm taking an extra B vitamin, and I'm also ramping back up my cal/mag/zinc + vitamin D intake to 4 times per day.
I need to take that anyway for good bone growth, my vertebrae need to fuse nice and solid so that I can have the revision surgery, heal up a bit more, but taking that one also helps with hair health.
 
"Research supports the fact that it may never be too late to supplement with calcium, especially in the elderly.
A study published in the New England Journal of Medicine found that calcium and Vitamin D supplementation not only slowed bone loss, but also helped maintain optimum bone mass in women over the age 69.
From a cosmetic standpoint, there is anecdotal evidence from hair salons, day spas and other cosmetic venues that report this Cal Mag Zinc formula has been instrumental in helping to strengthen hair and nails."

I've taken cal/mag/zinc + vitamin D for years now, and that may be the #1 reason that my hair and nails always grow long and very quickly.
People always ask me how I get my nails to grow so long and hard, and i always tell them that it's because of the supplements I take, so with my hair falling out the way it has been since the surgery, I really need to get back up to taking it at the maximum dosage that my body can handle.
Too much of it, and you end up with stomach issues, the body doesn't digest what it can't use, so they come back out. haha
But I cannot stand losing my hair like this, it's so thin these days, every brushing or combing, and it just falls out, I lost enough in this morning's brushing to make a wig for a small child.
It's awful.
I sat on the couch this morning brushing my hair and crying.
It's awful.

MomLogic just called me to tell me that I won one of the signature necklaces from Jessica Elliot in the contest I entered a few weeks ago!
Yay me!
Don't enter that, the contest is over, I was just linking to the contest that I won.
I have no idea which necklace I won, but it will be delivered by FedEx in a few weeks she said.

I'm so excited!
I have been on a winning streak lately, definitely need to buy another Powerball ticket I think.

Thanks MomLogic and Jessica Elliot!

There is no greater feeling than putting in a brand spanking new pair of contact lenses.
The smoothness, the cool feeling, the way they just glide on and instantly cool your eyes.
Ahhhhhh.

I loves it!

I don't understand why it just keeps falling out.
I can just run my hands through it and strands come out, I wash it and clumps come out, I condition it, and even more clumps come out.
I brush it after showering, and even more clumps come out.
My hair used to be incredibly thick and long, and now it's all thin and it just keeps falling out.

I don't understand why.
Why does it keep coming out?!
It won't stop, this makes me so incredibly sad, I'm losing my hair rapidly and it will not stop.
Every time I shower, more and more and more of it just keeps coming out.
This is today's loss.
These are clumps that fell out when I started shampooing, then clumps from when I conditioned it, and then finally when I brushed it.
I gathered up all of the clumps from the tub and the clumps from my hair brush, and from what fell on the floor, it's so much hair, and this happens every single time.
Why?!?!
How can I make this stop?!

For the first time since my surgery, I put my rings back on.
I've really missed wearing them, but I just didn't feel like it.
I still can't put my tongue ring back in, can't get my mouth open, but at least most of my other jewelry is back on.

I've been awake since the alarm went off for the teens at 5:45, after finally going to my room and attempting to sleep at 2am.
I just wasn't tired at all.
I finally fell asleep at 4am, so yeah, a little under 2 hours of sleep last night.
Today is going to be a very, very long day.
I have not gotten more than 2 hours of sleep at any point on any day, since last Thursday.
What's going to suck is that I have a very long car ride ahead of me this morning to the docs, and the combination of the warm sun and the motion of the car, will have me dozing off every few minutes, but I can't nap on the way there.
I'm the co-pilot, I have the directions, it's my job to not get us lost.
I usually do have trouble getting us there anyway, even though I've been o his office over 2 dozen times since 2006.
Poor Mindy, I hope that she sorta remembers how to get us there, I really do suck at it, and I even have the directions on my cell phone.
I'll get us there, I always do, but my brain gets foggy about all the various roads and turns we have to take, and seeing as how she never goes up that way except to take me, she doesn't know the area well either.

I need to get in the shower, she'll be here at 9am so we can head out, and my clothes are in the dryer de-wrinkling, and also getting the cat hair off of them.
I specifically washed and dried them, folded them up nicely, and laid them on top of the dryer, and over night, Shahiro stupid kitty decided she was going to rearrange them and sleep on them, leaving new wrinkles and cat hair behind.
Damn cat.

I was watching the Today Show, and they were talking about ways people can make money during these tough times.
Today they talked about doing paid surveys online and product reviews, paid telephone surveys etc.
I've been doing this for years, not just on my blog either.
I have worked for several major survey companies since 1999, and have made some decent money from them over the years, as well as paid product reviews for all kinds of stuff.
I've just always found being a consumer reviewer a lot of fun, and I've also been involved with tv show broadcasting companies about the shows we watch.
Yup, I'm the reason certain shows get canceled on the big 3 broadcast networks. Ha! (ABC,NBC,CBS)

Okey dokey, I've got to get my but in gear and hop in that shower.
Later days!

After a whole week of illness, this house is absolutely trashed.
There's stuff everywhere, it smells like sickness in here, I'm grossed out by my own home right now.
I really need to clean it.
I'm thinking that tomorrow, everyone is going to wake up at a reasonable hour, and start cleaning this entire house, every single room.
ALL of the dishes will be done, the bathroom scrubbed, bed linens washed, dried, put back on beds, floors swept, vac'd, and the hard floors mopped.
All the tables cleaned off, and maybe I'll even attempt to clean a little bit of the table of death.
It's so so bad, omg, it's terrible.
I'm completely disgusted.

This is me in my new Blogads t-shirt.
I've been a Blogads publisher and advertiser, for quite a few years now, and about a week or two ago, I filled out a publisher/advert survey, and so they sent me a free t-shirt.
Blogads is by invite only, and sorry, I have no more invites.
I gave them all out to a bunch of bloggers who said they were interested, understood it wasn't going to make them rich, (unless they are Perez, he makes quite a bit from his Blogads) and they all said they understood that it would take time to start building it up, before they made decent money from the ads.
I gave out all 10 invites, and out of the 10, only 1 (one) is still running her adblocks, and she's doing pretty decent from it too.
It kind of irritates me that the other 9 bloggers have wasted those invites, I could have given them to other bloggers who really would have appreciated the ability to have an adblock on their blogs that would make (eventually) them some decent recurring income with hardly any work involved on their parts, simply approve the sold ads when they got bought.
Oh well, it's their loss right?
But it still annoys me that I can't get any more invites because 9 people don't even use it, wasted them, and so I can't get more.
Maybe if I find another blogger who has patience, will leave the adblocks up, will join the hives, promote the hives on their ad pages, keep the blocks above the fold, I will risk it again and ask for another invite or two, but right now, no way.
But I am glad to see that at least the one blogger is making decent money every month from them and appreciates it, she sent me a thank you a few weeks ago after selling a huge paying ad campaign.
I'm very happy for her.

And in this pic, you can see me and my down-turned head from the spine/neck fusion.
That is as high as I can lift it.
Pretty sucky eh?
But yup, that's as far as it goes.
I know I look like total shit in the pic, and the bathroom mirror is way dirty, but we've all been sick the whole week so yeah, that's what I look like right now.

I can't shake this, I simply cannot get myself out of this feeling of just blah and sadness, and worthlessness.
I know I'm not worthless, I know that, but I feel that way. I can't even cook a decent meal without being in absolute agony the whole time, and having to ask one of the teens to come help me get stuff out of the cupboards because I can't look up to even see what I'm trying to reach for.
It's just ugh.
I think the economy stuff has me bummed out too, not that I have an actual job outside of the home to lose due to mass layoffs, but it still has me all bummed out.
It's affecting lots of other people too.
The girls on the local forums are all worried about their jobs, wondering if they should invest in some type of  franchises for women or something, try and find some sort of job that they can do on the side, build it up a bit, and hope that it can sustain them should they lose their jobs.
So they're asking what other women would buy even in a bad economy and we're all like the basics, the needed things, no splurging so don't go selling jewelry and stuff like that.

I got my order from Misikko today, and I loved it, i want to get in the shower and use the new clarifying shampoo and conditioners, use the new awesome blow dryer, but meh, I really just want to lay on the couch and watch stupid crap on tv.
I just want this funk to go away but I don't know how to make it go away.

Mark's Big and his wife Amy, gave me a gorgeous silk scarf a few years ago for Christmas.
It's this really beautiful long silk tie or scarf, whatever you call it depending on where you were raised.
The base color is white, and it has hand embroidered red and pink roses with various shades of green for the stems and leaves.
I don't wear it often, but when I do, I get tons of compliments on it.
I think Amy used to sell them at her store down in St. Armand's Circle.
She sold her shop for quite a nice profit last year sometime.
Amy used to sell a huge selection of products from all over for a bunch of high end items.
She sold a ton of really awesome beauty products that I could never afford, but she used to give me some products sometimes.
She also sold scarves like the one she gave me, silk ties shirts, dresses, skirts, wine, candles, all kinds of stuff. It was a really beautiful store right down in the circle.
I love going there, but I can't walk it much anymore, but when I do go, my last stop before leaving is always the Ben & Jerry's ice cream shop, for a small cone with some Phish Food.
Yum.

I won Misikko's Before and After contest!
I was the one $100 winner, and there were 2 $50 winners.
I sent in my pictures that I took on the day I used my Turbo Ion Croc flat iron for the first time, and won.
W00t!

Dear Kat, I would like inform you that you are the winner for the $100 Gift Certificate for Misikko's before and after picture contest.  Congratulations on the amazing before and after picture you submitted to us. You have definitely shown what a woman could do with a great flat iron and some spare time.

Hardly anyone answered my question below, so I kept doing some searching and found the answer!
I found a site called Learn about perfume, that explained how to store your perfumes so they don't go sour.

Heat can distort scents and cause the liquid to turn sour. You can tell when a fragrance has been exposed to heat because the scent is highly concentrated at first then becomes pungent. It begins to smell like a form of mildew or mold mixed with perfume.

Many times you will hear the recommendation to store your perfume bottle in the refrigerator to keep it fresh. It is also supposed to offer a refreshing shot of fragrance to start your day.

This is fine if the fragrance is eau de toilette or eau de parfum. These types of fragrances do not have as much of the essential oils as pure perfume. The more expensive perfumes should be stored at room temperature so the oils can stay more fluid.

Another factor in perfume storage is light. While most artificial light is fine, sunlight can quickly break down the components of most fragrances. Do not store your perfume on a dresser in direct sunlight or if you do, try to keep it in its box to protect it.

To help combat the problem of breakdown due to light, some manufacturers have turned to using dark colored bottles to protect the liquid inside. This is especially true in the more expensive brands of perfume.

You should also keep the top on the bottle as tight as possible. Evaporation can concentrate and distort the scent. One way to counter this problem is by choosing a spray over a splash. Since the top is always tight there is less chance of losing your scent into the air.

Humidity can also play a part in how long a fragrance lasts. Cologne lasts longest in drier places. Try to store your perfume in a room that is as dry as possible in your climate. So maybe the bathroom cabinet isn't the best place for that bottle of Chanel No. 5 that your husband spent a small fortune for.

Thanks to that site for answering my question, now I know how to keep my new perfume, and my other faves, from turning sour!

I just bought a new bottle of perfume, Carolina Herrera - Carolina Herrera - Eau de Toilette Spray, because I love the smell of it.
The fragrance notes are Jasmine, Tuberose, Sandal, and Amber, and they smell so amazingly wonderful together, and I absolutely love Jasmine as a top note, it smells so good, and it works with me and my skin type and natural body oils.

I have several other favorite scents like, Chloe and Tresor, and they may not be super expensive perfumes, but I hate it when a scent goes sour before I can use it all up.
So I want to know how and where you store your perfumes.

Eau de toilette, cologne, Eau de parfum, EDP spray, Eau de Printemps, Elixir de Parfum, and pure perfume oil, and so on.
I know that all of them should be kept in their original boxes because they are specially designed to keep out all light, sun and bulb, and you should keep them in a cool, dry and dark place, but where is that best place?

I know some women keep them in their closet on a shelf, others keep them on their dresser, or in a drawer in their bedroom or bathroom, (bad idea as bathrooms tend to be humid from the steam created from showering an bathing, and this creates heat that can turn your scent sour) and some women keep certain ones in their refrigerators.
Like cologne actually can keep for up to 3 years if kept in the fridge, but most women who know that, also store all of their scents in the fridge, and not all of them should be that cold, but which ones?
Cool doesn't mean fridge temps with certain scent creations.
Like pure perfume, should never be kept in the fridge, because the oils in it can actually congeal, and when you take it out to use it, even after just one night in those temps, the scent has soured, and smells like vinegar.
If any of your scents smell even the slightest bit like vinegar, throw it out, it's gone bad.
Most scents have a shelf life of 3-4 years if stored properly, so how do you store yours?

The nurse was here this morning, a different nurse than the ones who have been here before, and she didn't like the way that we've been changing out bandages.
She wanted to do it a different way, so she had me lay on the end of my bed, face down.
This was not good.
Within minutes, it felt like my throat was being squished, my vocal cords felt tight and compressed, and I literally couldn't breathe.
I had to roll over and she was like "what are you doing?!"
I told her that I've not laid on my stomach before, I don't sleep that way, and I've never laid on my stomach to have the bandages changed, and I couldn't breathe, it was hurting me quite badly.
She was "oh, I'm sorry."
I told her to note that in my chart, no face-down bandage changes ever again.
I was actually kind of scared at how quickly I couldn't breathe, at how much it hurt.
She finished up with me on my side, and she left.
She didn't know anything about why she was changing my bandages, like she didn't read my chart.
It says why they are doing this in my chart, I shouldn't have to explain the whole 2006 spine fusion and the new fusion to the nurses when they get here, they should read my chart, know what's going on, and be prepared for what my back looks like before they get started.

After she left, Mark woke up and headed into the bathroom.
I was in the kitchen when he walked past me, and I had to do a double take.
He had his whole face covered in stuff, like one of my face masks.
I asked him what that was for, and he told me he's started putting on a face mask at night because it helps to clear up his acne .
I was like, oookaaay, and I giggled a wee little bit, and he told me not to laugh, he said it really works, his face always looks really good in the morning when he does it.
Old zits are dried up, and no new zits have formed over night.

Hey, whatever works right?

I took a shower just now, I really needed to get in there and get myself clean after sweating so much over the last 2 days.
After I got myself all clean, as much as I can anyway without getting the stitches wet, I decided to make an attempt at shaving off the monster leg hairs.
I was already seated on my old lady shower chair, I lathered up my right leg with shaving cream, and tried to start shaving at the ankle and work my way up like normal.
I couldn't do it.
I tried again.
Nope, absolutely no flexibility to bend and reach that low on my leg.

This surgery, this spine fusion, because it's connected to the titanium rods that I had placed in there in 2006 at the shoulder level, seems to make me unable to reach below mid calf level.
I cannot go any further.
Before this neck fusion, I had a small bit of trouble shaving my legs and putting shoes on, tying laces and stuff like that, but I could do it, it just took a little longer.
But now I can't bend over far enough to reach below my calves.
I wasn't expecting that.
I knew I wouldn't be able to turn my head much anymore, looking left and right would be gone, looking up at the sky, but not being able to fully bend over and reach my ankles?
Nope, I didn't expect it.

But my legs were in dire need of shaving, so I wrapped one of my towels around my body and called Sebastian to come in.
I showed him what to do on a part of my leg I could reach, and then handed him the razor and told him to go for it, be gentle, but shave away.
He did a really good job and he didn't mind helping me.
He said he was sorry that I couldn't do this anymore, that he felt bad that I can't do some stuff anymore.
Then he got a bit quiet so I asked him what he was thinking.
He said that he knows this sucks for me not being able to do stuff anymore, but how glad he is that I'm alive, that knowing that without this surgery I would have died, so not being able to do stuff isn't really that important, but he understands how it makes me feel.
He said it's kind of selfish of him to be so happy that I'm still here when he knows how sad it makes me that I can't do things anymore, and he's sorry about that.

Yes it does bother me that I've lost a lot of mobility, that there are things I can't do anymore, things I don't even know I can't do anymore, but it's ok, I'm dealing with it.
I'm sure I'll have some mini-meltdowns as I discover more things I can't do, but I have my little fit, I cry, I yell, and then I get over it.
Being pissed about it won't change it, nothing will change it, so all I can do is take note of the things I can't do, have myself a good cry, and then keep on going.
It's just the way it's going to be from here on out.
Get knocked down, get back up, keep on going.

The brace company, Hanger Prosthetic and Orthotics, called me a little bit ago.
The girl on the phone said they received the order from my surgeon and have been trying to figure out what type of brace will fit and work best for me.
I have a short neck, so they may actually have to make a custom one for me.
The regular adult size is too big for me, and the child/young adult size is too small, so it may come down to making a custom fit neck brace for me.

It's important that I have one that fits correctly because I have to wear it for 3 months, possibly longer, for 24 hours a day.
I am allowed to take it off for one hour per day and just lay perfectly flat in my bed for that hour, and allow my skin to breathe and my neck muscles to relax.
I've been doing that every single day because it feels so good to let air touch my skin, to not be confined and hot.
I go in and grab my Sandisk mp3 player, lay down and take off the brace, and just listen to music for that whole hour.
It's nice and relaxing, comfortable.

I even have to wear the brace while taking a shower.
The braces come with changeable padding, so when the brace gets wet in the shower, I can change out the wet pads and put in the clean and dry ones, and then lay the wet ones flat to dry.

I really wish it was "winter" here because it is so hot, and wearing a brace is like wearing a turtleneck in the middle of summer.
It's hot.
The braces have all of that padding which makes it even hotter, and I just sweat and sweat while wearing it.
It really is like wearing a big turtleneck sweater in the summer.
So I'm hopeful that the new brace is lighter somehow, not so stuffy and hot feeling, but I'm sure it won't be though.
It's job is to hold the neck in position, and the padding is to make sure the skin isn't right up against the hard plastic of the contraption.
It's kind of miserable wearing a neck brace, you don't realize how much you move your head and neck every day until you can't do it anymore.
I'm dealing with it all though, getting used to it I guess you could say.

Anyway, I'm hopeful that tomorrow they will have a brace that actually fits the way it's supposed to, or can custom make one that will fit right.
I want to heal up the right way with my head straight, not looking down, and the braces I have are too big so my neck is straining to hold me in place, and because it doesn't fit right, my head ends up falling down and that is so not the way I want to permanently heal up.

I'm having a day here.
I'm on some hefty restrictions, no lifting anything at all, no doing laundry or cleaning or cooking anything that would make me have to bend over etc, but I have stuff that needs to be done and well, it isn't getting done.
And then there's the sitting/laying down restriction.
I am allowed to sit for 20 minutes every 4 hours and then lay down again.
It's boring and the tv is on a low stand, so it's hard to entertain myself with movies or tv shows. What I need is one of those tv lifts things on a remote, so I can get it to the perfect height for me while I lay on the couch.

And I'm feeling overwhelmed by the generosity of the people who are donating money to me for the boobiethon.
I still feel bad about not being able to donate my time this year, it's just something I've done that makes me feel good, and to not be able to do it this year is making me feel bad.
I can't help it, I just feel bad that I can't help this year.
But next year, I'll be right on it, back editing photos every day and helping spread the word as much as I can.
I usually also send in my photo every year, and I can't do that this year either.
I have a stitch line under my right breast from the chest tube I had to have, and I'm still covered in the sticky stuff from all of the tape and heart monitor things, all over my whole upper body.
Basically, my chest looks like crap and I'm not comfortable sending in a pic like that.
I'm not super vain, but I don't think anyone would want to see all that tape and the stitches with a big nasty scab on it too.
I can't send in a covered pic either.
I haven't been able to put a bra on since the day I went in for surgery, September 8th.
It hurts to even put on a clean t-shirt, and I did try to put a bra on, but it was a total no go, total wicked bad pain shot through my upper back and shoulders.

Anyway, I wanted to hop on here and say thank you to everyone who is donating money to me and the boobiethon, you're doing an awesome thing, and if you haven't donated yet, do it.
Save the boobies!

*Post has been updated at the end*

I received an email from Mindy this morning, (I went back to bed after the teens left, woke up way later) and she let me know that I had been chosen to get the bloggers helping bloggers portion ($359.00) of the donations received from the Boobiethon.
It seems that she and several other bloggers had nominated me, and Mel and the crew for the thon, chose me to get it.

I have been a volunteer for the boobiethon every year since the first year it went big-time, doing photo-editing for a few hours a day each day of the thon.
This is the first year I haven't been able to help.
I felt terrible about it.
I always enjoy helping out, I love looking at all the boobies, the creative pictures that women send in, and just being a part of something really huge, something that makes a difference.

I know women who have had breast cancer, there's been a few scares in my own family, and once I get healed up from my surgery, I get to go have my very first ever mammogram.
I'm not really looking forward to it, but I know that early detection saves lives, and being adopted, I don't have a family medical history to go on.
My scoliosis and the problem I had with my neck, are all genetic defects that I was born with.
I have no idea if breast cancer runs in my birth line or not, but knowing that almost every single one of my other medical issues were given to me by my birth mother, getting tested for breast cancer is a must for me.

My stay in the hospital ended up being a much longer stay than originally planned, and what I had been hoping for, was to be home on time and hopefully been healthy and healed up enough to help with the boobiethon.
But that didn't happen.
So for now, the only way I can help out is to encourage all of you to go and donate whatever you can to the boobiethon.
All of the money raised after the first $359.00, goes directly to the Susan G. Komen Foundation for breast cancer research.
I believe they hit $1,000 before noon EST, and today is just the first day, that's an awesome way to start!

So just click on the button or any of the links for the boobiethon in this post, and give what you can.
We can save lives by just giving a few bucks to help fund the cure.
One of these days they will have a cure for cancer, we will, but we need to fund the cause, so go and give what you can, it's for the boobies.

*EDITED TO ADD at 7:05pm*
Mindy informed me that Christine is the one who alerted her and other bloggers to the bloggers helping bloggers portion of the boobiethon, and to nominate me for it.
So I wanted to give a HUGE shout out to Christine for doing that, it was extremely thoughtful and wonderful, she is such an amazing friend to me.
I've known her through blogging for something like 7 or 8 years now, she's one of my best friends even though we've never met face to face.
You should all stop by her blog I linked and from there go visit all of her other blogs too.
She has quite a few of them so I'm sure you'll find one that you can relate to and start getting to know her.
She loves baseball, specifically the Boston Red Sox, cats, crafting and scrap-booking, and micro-brew beers, living in New England, and tons of other things.
She's just an awesome person and you should all go get to know her, I know you'll like her.
One of these days, I will go back to Maine to visit my family and find a way to meet up with her and meet her in person finally.
I don't just consider her a friend, I think of her as family, like a sister.

My sister came over today with my niece Skye, and they brought us lunch from Boston Market.
Then she took Sebastian to Publix to get some more food and other items that they forgot when he and Mark went the other day.
I had her pick up the Glad Press n' Seal stuff  (yes, the plastic wrap for food, sticks to the skin and makes a water proof seal around wounds that need to stay dry) so that I can take a full shower and not get my sutures wet, and also some hair elastics so after she raked through the matted hair, she could braid it.
I didn't have any more of them in my basket because I always do the girls hair when they come over.

Then the hair hell began.
My sister has a considerable amount of patience and she tried so hard to not pull my hair and hurt me, but the hair was just so matted that no amount of gentleness could stop the pulling and pain.
Here's what ended up coming out, it's a lot of hair, it's all tangled and matted, there was absolutely no getting a brush, comb, or pick through it, so we did the only thing we could do.
We cut it out.

























































After we got all of the knots and matted clumps out, I wiped away my tears, and got a grip on myself, and she then braided my hair for me so that this won't happen again during the long recovery process.
At least once a week from now on, the hair will have to be unbraided, combed through with heavy conditioner, and then braided again.
 




















I look awful.
I had just spent nearly 2 hours getting my hair fixed, I cried a lot because it seriously hurt.
My eyes are all red, I have huge dark circles under my eyes, just ugly looking.
My hair had been in a ponytail since the 8th, had not been washed, conditioned, or brushed since that day.
It was a huge huge mess, and even after soaking it in de-frizz serum, Infusium, and half a bottle of conditioner all at the same time, that big huge matted section could not be combed or picked through, it was excruciating pain, every hair felt like it was being ripped out by the roots.
My scalp is raw, I'm surprised it's not bleeding from having all those hairs pulled on.
My sister tried to work through it, she really did, but I couldn't take the pain anymore and told her to just grab the scissors and just cut it out.
Hell, my surgeon's team had already shaved parts of my head, cut other areas, I knew I was going to lose some hair, so cutting it out was the only thing I could do for now.
Once I'm healed up a bit better, I'm going to have to go to a salon and get it all cut and evened out and stuff, and also get a pedicure.
 
My feet are a huge mess as well, but we can't just cut the toes off now can we?
It will be the usual embarrassment, the little Korean ladies will talk about my gnarly toenails and my rough heels in their native language, as they try to make my poor battered feet look more human-like and less disgusting looking.
The girl doing my feet will say something, and then the other ladies will find some kind of reason to come and walk by her station and take a glance at my feet, say something in Korean, and I know it's not nice stuff, it never is.
I may not understand the language, but disgusted and grossed out are a universal emotion that is easily recognized in facial expressions.
I have not been able to bend over and care for my feet on my own in just about 3 years now.
Having titanium rods running the full length of your spine makes taking care of your own feet damn near impossible to do.
I really wish I could find a mani/pedi place close to home and my local shopping places where at least one of the people speaks English so that when I explain why my feet are so bad, they'll understand me.
I try to explain it to the Korean girls, but they just don't understand words like spine fusion, titanium rods, no bending at all, impossible to take care of my own feet, sorry they look so bad but I tip really well for all of your troubles and good work making them look nice.


I really appreciate my sis helping me today.
My hair was an absolute disaster and every single night of sleeping and naps, just made it worse and worse.
I can only lay on my back, so the hair was just getting more and more matted.
I feel a lot better now, it's fixed, it feels better, it will be less hot, less of a pain in the ass, and way less embarrassing when the nurses and friends come over to see me.

Now I'm off to find something to eat and then lay down on the couch and watch tv for awhile I guess.
Later days.

The home nurse was already here at like 9am, and Mindy and her husband are coming over to fix the ac unit today, and my sister will be coming over around dinner time to fix my hair for me.
I'm exhausted already.
I'm just so tired all of the time right now.
Recovering from surgery takes a lot out of you.

You know what sucks though?
I can't lay on my sides at night.
It hurts my neck wicked bad to even try to roll over, but laying on my back all of the time hurts too.
It hurts my back.
I really hope it doesn't stay like that forever, it would suck big time to never be able to lay in any other position than on my back.

Oh yeah, my legs need shaving too.
They are like super monster hairy but I can't shave them.
I can't lean forward long enough to do them, it hurts my neck wicked fierce.
Oh well.

I went in and sat on my old lady shower chair, and took a half assed shower.
I cannot get my sutures wet, so I can't wash my hair.
What am I saying?!
I can't wash my hair anyway, it's far too painful to even try to lift and hold my arms up to even try to wash my hair, plus, if I do manage to get it washed and conditioned, I can't brush out all the knots and stuff.
It would take me all damn night and I still wouldn't be able to do it, the teens can't do it, they'd hurt me, so fuck it, I will wait for either nurse Lisa to come back and help me like she said she would, or for my sister to have some time to help me.
But each day that passes that my hair isn't getting taken care of, it gets worse and worse.
I'm going to end up having to get it all cut off because of the mats.
That sucks.
Nurse Lisa said when she gets me on her schedule again, (right now I have Greg) she will schedule me for a min of 2 hours, and she'll help me shower, wash and condition my hair, and then she'll slowly comb it all out using a detangler, and then french braid it so it can't get all matted like this again.

After I showered, I put on clean undies, clean shorts, and my new Obama shirt.
Yup, I'm voting for Obama.
What's happened over the last few days really clinched it for me.
McCain suspending his campaign, wanting to postpone the debates, all over this money crisis is just bullshit in my opinion.
Never has the democratic process been put on hold because of some sort of crisis, never.
 The people deserve the debates, and we also deserve to see Palin interviewed by the media, more than just rah rah cheerleader Katie Couric whom I despise anyway.
Reporters allowed to photograph her only, not allowed to be there while she met the leaders of other countries, only to take her pic, not film those meetings, is crap.
And I do love how most of them were all oooh and ahhh over how "pretty" she is.
Look, she's running to be VP, not a beauty queen pageant winner.

Anyway, I thought I'd try and take a pic of one of the bolt holes in my head.
I took this myself, that's an accomplishment I tell ya.
I can't even frigging eat well but I did manage a picture...LOL

And yes, the sides of my head were shaved, hairs cut super short, in order to bolt me to the table.
Believe me, I know how absolutely ridiculous the hair on the sides looks right now.
Man, if you could see the rest of my hair, you'd be all WTF?
It's awful.

My pre-surgical consult went well, as well as these things can go anyway.
The surgery is about 6 hours long, 4 day stay is accurate unless there are complications, and I will lose about 90% of the mobility in my neck and shoulders.
No left/right turning of my head, my shoulders will also be fixed.
He's doing a full laminectomny, no new disc installation, but he will be installing new titanium rods from C2 to meet up with the top of my current fusion at T3.
He says the new rods will just hook on to the top of those rods kind of like tinker toys.
That they just attach a piece, and slide the new rod in, and twist to lock it in place.
After this, I will be permanently fused from C2-S1.
That's a huge fusion,

They will be shaving my hair off from the base of my skull down.
I have a lot of hair, so he has to do it, and it will grow back.
I keep telling myself it will grow back, it's just hair.
But I love my hair. *sad face*

He thinks I have something called Riley Day Syndrome.
I don't fit all of the criteria for it, but a good number of the symptoms.
I've never had a seizure to my knowledge, and I do feel pain, believe me, I feel pain, but I do have the low muscle tone, the bowel issues, the smooth tongue, high blood pressure, excessive sweating which gets worse when I eat, and when I do vomit, it lasts for awhile, and will go on for hours.
# Irritability # Insomnia # Worsening of muscle tone
Those are things which have gotten progressively worse over the years, I have very bad muscle tone in my lower legs and feet, I have an unsteady gait etc etc.
I suppose that after surgery, I should probably see about having this test to find out if that's what this all is.
I'm adopted so the whole Eastern European Jewish ancestry thing is a possibility.
It would possibly explain the amount of body hair I have too.
"With advances in diagnosis and treatment, survival continues to improve. Currently, a newborn with Riley-Day has a 50% chance of reaching age 30."
Well I beat that part of this eh?

Anyway, it's going on as scheduled, just my physical tomorrow, hoping Dr. Ford clears me because the more Doc Moreno talks about this and keeps repeating the whole "sudden death" thing, the more anxious I'm getting.
If she doesn't clear me tomorrow, I may have to kill her.
Then Thursday, I have the actual surgical testing, ekg, blood work ups, heart tests, neck brace fitting, and the signing of the papers, Will and DNR.
Then Friday, the mammogram and then Monday, surgery.

But right now, I need to get something to eat.
It was a long day and I'm wicked way hungry.

The second teenager starts breaking out.
So now I'm back looking at the best acne website to find a good treatment for his skin, because what works for Mark, is not working for Sebastian.
Different kids, different skin.
At least Sebastian's isn't that bad yet, I have some time to try and find one product that will work the best for his face.
I'm going to order a bunch of sample sizes in various products if I can, and test each one for about a week until we find one that really works for him.

Sebastian was incredibly funny tonight too, he made me take a picture of his armpit hair, told me I could post it.
He's all proud of himself for finally growing a few pit hairs.
Pit hair and acne, ahh, the joys of teenage boys.

No, that's not the first words out of my mouth today.
My first words words were yelling at people who started calling my phone at like 8 o'clock in the damn morning, and people kept freaking calling.
I want you all to know, I hadn't slept in 39 hours.
Yes, 39 hours.
I was awake from 9am on Wednesday until 3am today, Friday.
Heck, that might be more than 39 hours, but my math sucks and I'm still exhausted.

Mark has been really good about washing his face with the new acne product stuff I bought him, it's starting to clear up a bit.
Looking much better.

I'm just messed up today, my body hurts, I have a lot on my mind, stressed out about all kinds of things, and I'm sorry I yelled at you if you were one of the unfortunate people to call me and wake me up, but damn, it's summer vacation, NONE of us get up by 8am unless I have a doctor's appointment.
Most of the time, I sleep until 9am, unless I couldn't sleep which wakes me at 11am, and ya know what?
Just don't call here before 1pm, how's that?
That works for me.