Recently in Food Category

I had my appointment with my pain doctor today and was able to get a medicine that works and my insurance, Humana, will pay for it.
Yay!
Because of the whole Purdue lawsuit, the pain med that I was taking, the oxycodone 40mg, is no longer available in the generic, and Human absolutely will not pay for the name brand, my doc had to switch me to a new med.
We tried a couple of different ones, none of them worked, and the last one, the methadone, caused me to be sick and also itch like freaking crazy, so he had to switch me again.
He personally called Humana to ask them if they would cover certain medications, and after talking to them for over an hour he said, he was finally able to find a pain med that will work and that Humana will cover.
He put me on Roxicodone 30mg, which is a short acting pain reliever, not an extended release like the Oxycodone 40mg, but it will kick in faster and work just as well for my pain as the 40s used to do.
Now I am on Soma 350, Hydrocodone 10/325, and the Roxicodone 30mg.
I only take the Soma at night to try and sleep, I take 2 of the Hydrocodone every 6 hours, and 1 of the Roxicodone every 4 hours.
This should work to help keep the majority of the pain away, and he said that if I end up having breakthrough pain that is intolerable, like when it rains and the titanium starts to hurt, that I can take either 2 more Hydrocodone or another Roxicodone every 4 hours until the pain goes away.

The doctor had a few more patients to see and my script for the Roxicodone had to be typed up and signed, so they told me to go home and come back to pick up the script after 2pm, so I left and went to hang out with my friends who gave me a ride at their house until it was ready because I live across town and they live close to the doctor's office.
We would have wasted a ton of gas bringing me home, them going home, coming back to pick me up, back to the office, and then to the pharmacy, and back home again.
So after 2pm, we went to the office and then to the pharmacy to get all of the scripts filled, and they were having issues with their computers and stuff so they were unable to accept credit cards, so I had to go to the gas station and use the ATM to get money to pay for my scripts which sucked because the ATM at the gas station charges a $3.00 fee to use it.
I hate that, but by the time we got back to the pharmacy, they had all of my scripts filled and ready to go, so I paid and we left to come back home.
We all hung out here for a bit and then they had to go, but they're coming back later tonight to watch movies and eat pizza and hang out for awhile.
I'm totally ok with that, so I'm going to get up off of here and go do some general cleaning around the house until they come back.
I hate having people come over when my house is dirty.
The litter boxes most definitely have to be cleaned.
Egads those damn cats sure do pee and poop a lot!
Later days!

It may not be an industrial computer, but I finally (been thinking about buying 1 since school started up back in August) ordered the netbook that I've been wanting to get for Sebastian, and I have been talking about it on my other blog, and debating with myself for months and months and months.
YAY!!!
I Twittered about getting the really awesome deal that I got thanks to Verizon, I mean, really, it's a totally sweet deal, how could I not publicly thank them?

The netbook is actually a really great one for the price.
HP Mini 110 series

• • Black Swirl
• • Genuine Windows XP Home with Service Pack 3
• • Intel(R) Atom(TM) Processor N270 (1.60GHz, 512KB L2, 533Mhz FSB)
• • 1GB DDR2 System Memory (1 Dimm)
• • 160GB 5400RPM SATA Hard Drive
• • Intel(R) Graphics Media Accelerator 950 with a 5-in-1 Digital Media slot
• • 10.1" diagonal WSVGA LED Anti-glare Widescreen Display (1024 x 600)
• • HP Mini Webcam with HP Imprint Finish (Swirl)
• • Wireless-G Card
• • HP Color Matching Keyboard
• • 3 Cell Lithium Ion Battery
• • Microsoft(R) Works 9.0

When I got Fios installed back in July, Verizon told me that in 3 months, if I paid the bill on time and in full for those first 3 months, I would receive a gift certificate for $299.00 to buy anything that I wanted from a certain website, so my gift certificate came about a month ago, and I finally used it tonight.
The netbook's price was exactly $299.00, and then I bought a mouse and a carrying case for it.
The mouse was $12.79, the case was, $11.99, they had 20% off of them individually, not 20% off if I bought both together, but 20% off of them by themselves, and then I had to pay for shipping for all 3 items.
The subtotal was $324.77, shipping was $19.00, Florida tax was 24.07, making the grand total $367.84.
The $299.00 gift certificate was applied and so I only had to pay $67.85 in total.
I LOVE an awesome bargain like this!
W00t!! W00t!!


Today like around 9am or so, I am going to go to the pharmacy and pick up the scripts that are waiting for me, then go do the grocery shopping, and then tomorrow, I get to go see my other doctor and tell him about the issues that I am having with my feet and hope that it isn't diabetic neuropathy, because if it is, I know that he's going to put me on insulin and I don't want to be on insulin.
I don't have a problem with needles, no problem with needles at all.
It's that having to take insulin will further restrict me and what little freedom I have left.
Because of all of the health issues that I have right now, I am truly a prisoner in my own home because of my own freaking messed-up body.
Having to take insulin will just make me even more of a prisoner.
I know that calling myself a prisoner isn't good, but it's how I feel, my life is so restricted, I can hardly do anything because of the constant pain that I am in, being forced to watch myself, test my blood sugars constantly, will just make that feeling even stronger.
It sucks.

No no, we have food, I just can't eat anything.
Between not feeling right, (I'm feeling all weird-ish so I can't eat) and stressing out and feeling bad over Mark's situation, I just have no appetite.
I have weight loss pills, some new ones, just a small sample pack the doc gave me, but I haven't needed to take any at all since he gave them to me.
I just haven't felt like eating much of anything in a few weeks now, so I've definitely lost weight, but I also know that not eating properly is bad for me.
I'm sure that I'll get my appetite back, don't know when, but when I do get it back, I know that I'll pig out on some Ben & Jerry's Phish Food.
Man, I love that stuff, I could eat it by the gallon.

Monday was just one of those days, the kind of day that makes you just want to rip your hair out and start shooting people.
I hadn't gotten any sleep since like a few hours on Friday, my period started, I pulled a muscle in my right side lower back, and things were happening that just made the whole day even more miserable.
Things started to go wrong on Sunday about mid-day, and just progressively got worse from there on out.
I had to spend the whole day dealing with those things that had started to go south on Sunday, and then I had to deal with other people complaining about that and other things, all of the day on Monday.
It's a job and I do my job, but man, some people seem to forget that I have a life outside of that job, and that nowhere in my job description does it say that I am allowed to be verbally abused and treated like garbage.
My job is to answer questions that I can, that I have the answers to, and to help with the work that we do if I can.
I answered the same questions repeatedly, for the same person, for 3 hours on Monday afternoon.
I just kept repeating the same answers because the same questions were being asked repeatedly, just in different ways.
 
The person was really aggravated with some things, and it is my opinion, that I took the brunt of this person's anger and frustration simply because I was there, because it's my job to help and answer questions, because it's what I am supposed to do, but taking anger and frustration out on me is not ok, that's not part of my job description at all.
But I took it, I dealt with it, I simply kept repeating the answers that I knew in the most polite way that I could.
And I was polite, I was cordial, I just kept trying to help the person with their issues, tried to help them understand why things are a certain way, and they just kept getting angrier, my answers were not good enough, but even when I explained how they could get the answers they wanted from the only people that could give them those answers, they just continued to get angry because they wanted those answers now, from me, and I am not capable of giving those answers.
I really felt like I was being stepped on because I was there, available, someone to dump on.
I even said a few times that I needed to log out, that I needed to go make dinner for my kids, they just kept going.

When I was finally able to log out, I had to rush to get dinner going, and I was washing a spatula in the sink, didn't see the big carving knife, and I cut my left index finger.
It kept bleeding and bleeding, 3 bandaids couldn't stop it, and I didn't feel like going to the ER for stitches, so I superglued it.

People need to realize that I was asked to do it because I paid attention from day 1, and I have an excellent memory for pieces of information, I'd be great on Jeopardy or Trivial Pursuit.
I can recall an exact bit of information or a message and approximately when it came out, and people are able to find that message in the system during the time frame and title that I gave them.
Keeping me tied up for 3 hours to have someone to yell at, is really, truly, not fucking ok.
I'm not a punching bag, I'm not the one you can yell at, but come on, we all know that when given the opportunity to yell at the people that are the intended targets of this hostility and anger, instead of yelling, it all ass kissing and brown nosing.
There's a ton of "You're so awesome Txxx!" and "This company rocks!" and "I love you guys!"
No one ever actually tells them the thingscomplaints that get said to me in the way that they are said to me, because the people who complain with their left hand, and ass kiss with their right hand, don't want to get fired from this job.
I see it every single day on the forums.
Complain, bitch, moan, repeat until the owner shows up, and then suddenly it's all thank yous, and I love yous, and all kinds of assorted ass kissing.
They leave, and it's right back to complaining again.

Some of them have one face that they show to the boss and everyone else on the forums, and one that they only show in private messages to me.
The one on the forums is all nice and sweet, polite, kind, trying to be helpful, and the other that they show to me in private messages when they feel like complaining, is a really mean, nasty, angry and frustrated face with anger lines instead of laugh lines.

I'll tell you what though, I'm really tired of being dumped on like that.
My job is to answer the questions that I have the answers to, and to help with things people need help with, that's it.
I am not the one that anyone is allowed to just pour out all of their anger and frustrations on.
I am not the doormat or the punching bag, I am the one who takes time out of my days and nights, out of my life, to help other people and answer questions.

I do have a life ya know.
Yeah, it may not be a glamorous one, it may not even be one where I am going out with friends all of the time living it up, but I do have a very busy and hectic, very stressful life.
I have a ton of pretty major health issues, and now I have a son who I have given some of those health issues to as a genetic gift.
I have my own doctor appointments every month, and now I have to schedule his in-between mine. 
I had to cancel his MRI on Monday at the last minute because our ride had an issue with his car,  we were outside waiting for him to show, and he called my cell to tell me the car was dead, dead battery or something, wouldn't turn over, so I had to come in and cancel it.  a
And now I have to reschedule it when I can find another ride or come up with the $15 each way to take a cab.

I'll probably end up doing that on payday this week once I see how much pay I'm going to have.
I lost a lot of work this past week due to my son's medical appointments, and my own ear infection last week, and because I spent a great deal of time helping people, doing my job.
I was busy helping people, the system flipped over to the next time period or whatever it is that it does, and all of the work I had, completely vanished.

I spend so much time, like I did on Sunday and Monday, on the work forums helping other people and answering questions, that I have to scramble and race to get my own work done on time.
I highly doubt that anyone even thinks of that, as a matter of fact, I'm like 99.9% positive that nobody thinks that I have my own work to do, so it's not a big deal to them to keep me there asking question after question, or like today, keeping me there to have someone to yell at for 3 freaking hours.
There's only 3 people who know that I have my own work to do and that I end up racing to get it done almost every single payroll period.

I mean would you just look at the freaking time that I made this post?!
I spent almost all day Sunday on the work forums, I spent almost all day on Monday on the work forums, minus the time mid-morning on Monday that I took a shower, made Mark take a shower, and then waited for our ride that eventually couldn't make it, all of the while going through medical documents to make sure that I have everything, filled everything out, crossed every 't', dotted every 'i', and signed by him because he's now 18 and considered an adult, legally old enough to deal with his own medical procedures, yet he doesn't have the slightest clue what any of those papers say, so I have to go through everything with him and get him to understand it all and then sign his name, and all of the while I'm doing all of that and waiting for our ride, I still kept hopping on the work forums to help people.
And because of how things went on Sunday and Monday dealing with an issue that everyone was having, and then dealing with that 1 person for 3 hours on Monday, I never got to post to either of my blogs until now, almost 5am on Tuesday.
It's extremely frustrating.
 
Please don't anyone mistake this as me hating my job and maybe I shouldn't do it anymore, don't even think that, not even for 1 stinking second!
I LOVE my job, I LOVE what I do, I LOVE helping other people, it is soooo gratifying, it gives me a sense of purpose, it makes me feel like I'm doing something good for others.
But when people take what I do for granted, or treat me bad, or speak to me so dis-respectively, it really hurts.
I give of my time, my life, to help other people every single day for hours and hours and hours, so to have someone spend a lot of time, my time, talking to me negatively because they are upset about something else, or at someone else, or yelling at me for things which I have absolutely no control over or any power to do anything about, really, really sucks.
And it hurts, it hurts a lot.

I think people just assume that because I am a disabled stay at home mom who does this job, that I must have no life and nothing to do, so they totally take advantage of me, they take advantage of my time like it's not a big deal, they rarely ever say please when asking for help, and they like never say thank you when the help has been provided. 
Not too many others say thank you for the help either, it's like manners don't exist anymore.
If someone helps you, say thank you, if you need help, say please when asking, and try not to be a total jerk-face to the person who's trying to help you.

If you're mad about something or mad at someone, try really super duper hard to NOT take it out of the person who has been helping you as much as they possibly can.
Try to remember that they are not the reason that you are so angry and frustrated.
Try to remember that they have a life too, but they are helping you because it's a good thing to do, because helping your fellow man is the right thing to do.
It feels good to help someone who needs help, it feels really good, but when you don't get a please before or at the start, and a thank you after, or if the during the time you are helping them, they are being a snarky freaking jerk to you, it can totally drain all of the good feelings that you had and instantly make you feel hurt, sometimes sad, sometimes angry, betrayed, upset, and stressed out.
But mostly, you just feel bad inside, and taken advantage of, used as someone's emotional punching bag, and that feeling sucks the big time.

I felt that way on Monday night, I felt that way while it was happening, I felt that way when it finally ended, and I have felt that way all night Monday and now here it is Tuesday morning at 5:30am,  (I started posting this at about 4am Tuesday) and I still feel totally beaten down and drained from that whole thing, I feel like an emotional punching bag that totally got the stuffing just kicked and punched right out of it.
In other words, I still feel terrible.

That whole thing made me cry to be totally honest about it.
I did my best, I gave up 3 hours of my time and life, I looked for answers, sorted through my emails, through threads and posts, I did everything that I could to help that person, and they still kept coming at me with some hard left hooks and some painful right uppercuts.
It really is so not ok to take out your anger and frustration that you have for someone else on the person helping you.
It's just not.

*Raises can of cold Diet Coke*
Here's to hoping that Tuesday is a much better day.

Ha ha ha!
I was just saying to a friend in email that if I believed in all of that past life stuff and karma, I would say that I was a serial killer or something really wicked bad in a previous life because I am sooo being punished in this one.

My AC died for the 3rd time in 2 years on Sunday, I got a wicked bad ear infection on Thursday and am just now really starting to feel better, and when I woke up this afternoon after not being able to even fall asleep until around 9am this morning, I realized that I lost a freaking filling.

When my sons went out to dinner with their aunt, I had them stop at Walgreen's and get me some Dentemp so I could put that in the giant and gaping hole in my way back right side molar.
I can deal with a lost filling, at least it's not as bad as when I was a kid and got smacked in the mouth by the seat from the swing sets at the school playground, and totally broke my right FRONT tooth.
Yeah, I ended up having to have a cap put on it, and that cap lasted me from the age of 11 up until about 8 years ago when it finally fell off.
I haven't had the money to have that fixed, there's no way that I can afford it.
I asked a dentist about 5 years ago when I was having a tooth pulled how much it would cost to repair that, and he told me that I was looking at about $1,000.
Yeah, I just really do not have that kind of money to spend on 1 thing, a tooth.
1 grand can pay all of my monthly bills and buy groceries for 2 weeks, so yeah, getting my front tooth fixed is not going to happen any time soon unless I win the lottery.
But you gotta play to win, and sorry, I just can't even spare $1 for a single ticket these days.

I've been up all night again, I knew it was going to happen, I even said so yesterday right before I went to take a quick 3 hour nap that turned into an all day sleep fest.
I seriously meant to only sleep for just a few hours because I know myself really well, sleep more than that, I'd be up all night again, not be on a good sleep schedule, and that's what happened.
Oh well.

At some point this weekend, I'm going to have to go back to the grocery store for all of the things I forgot.
I did have a list, but I forgot to put things on the list.
I hate it when I do that.
Sebastian won't mind though, it's another chance for him to poke his head inside the camper they have parked inside the store.
As soon as he saw the pop-up camper, he wanted one, he now wants to go camping and have that thing because then I could go camping too.
He knows that I don't like tent camping, I hate it, but I always said if we could go  rv camping, that I would totally go.
So now he wants one of those so that we can all take a cheap family vacation.
He knows we'll never afford to go some place crazy expensive, but camping is super cheap, so he's got his mind set on getting an rv at some point in his life.
He's a totally funny kid.

Cross posted from my other blog because it relates to my surgery and personal feelings.

Mark and I went shopping this afternoon because Sebastian wasn't feeling well, and I've noticed something about who goes shopping with me and how much I spend.
If Sebastian goes, I stay on target, to my list, and don't overspend.
If Mark goes with me, I end up buying things not on my list, and spend more than I had planned too.
So guess how I did today?
If you guessed that I spent more, you'd be correct.

My total bill before coupons was $231.94
Total is coupons and in store special savings - $49.15
Total after coupons and savings applied = $182.79

I try to use as many coupons as I can, and take advantage of as many in store special savings as I can, because I only get $349.00 per month in food stamps, and with 2 growing young men in the house, that food money goes very quickly.
I try to avoid buying junk food items when I can, and I try to cook as many meals as I can without buying easy microwave foods because they cost more.
Sometimes. Publix always has a lot of easy foods on sale for super cheap, and I usually always have coupons to match those items, so sometimes I do end up buying easy foods. But anyway, whenever Mark goes with me he distracts me, he stands in front of me while I'm trying to look at and compare the costs of items on the shelves.
He's always talking to me about something totally unrelated to shopping while I'm trying to shop.
I ended up buying about 15 items not on my list today.
Ugh.
But, they were on sale, so I can't complain too much about it. It would have been nicer had I had matching coupons for those items, but oh well.
What did I buy that wasn't on my list? Chips, dip, beef jerky, some Oreo cookie things, Fun Stix I think they are called, more soda, another pound of lunch meat, some bread from the bakery, canned soup, about 5-6cans, and some canned spaghettios.

Speaking of spaghettios, next month begins the hurricane supply shopping.
I need to stock up on the canned foods that can be eaten without heating them up, and stuff like that.
I'm actually worried about hurricane season this year, not because they have predicted any yet, but because I'm having another spine fusion in June, and with the kind of luck that I have, this year will be the year that we get hit with a hurricane here in Sarasota, and I'll be in a bad state recovering from surgery, in the halo brace, possibly the trach tube, and we'll get smacked with a big one.
Sarasota is weird, in the 12 years we've lived here, this area hasn't been hit with a single hurricane, it's like we live in the outer banks twilight zone of storm free zones.
The most we've ever gotten here is a small bit of wind and rain, just enough wind to blow some trash cans around, maybe take out a really old tree, but nothing major.
But like I said, because of the kind of luck that I have, this will be the year that Sarasota gets nailed, and I'll be completely useless to deal with it, I'll have to rely on other people to help us pack up stuff and evacuate.
So far, the tropics look good, there's nothing at all out there, so let's hope it stays that way all through hurricane season which is June 1st to November 30th.

I had my appointment with the cardiac doctor on Tuesday morning at 11am, and surprisingly, it went very well.
I was surprised it went well because I had not slept on Monday night at all, I was wake straight through from waking up Sunday, and I didn't much sleep that night either.
I only got a few hours on Sunday morning from 10:30am to 12:30pm, so yeah, I was going on very little sleep.

My friend Dustin took me, and Mark came along.
He was released early from school because he donated blood this morning.
All seniors age 17+, were allowed to donate blood, and if they did, they were allowed to be dismissed early.
He was quite pale when he came home at 10:15am, so I took him with me so we could grab something to eat on our way home that was loaded with salt, calories, and would fill him up quickly.

The cardiac doc ran all of the usual tests, BP, pulse ox, heart rate, and he listened to both my heart and lungs, and said I looked good to go.
I said what does that mean? I'm good to go for the stress test?
He said, "No, you're good to go for the surgery. You don't need another stress test, they are good for a year, and even though you had some problems during your last surgery with your heart, that had nothing to do with your heart really. After reading the surgical notations, it appears that your heart stopped because the tube used for intubation nicked your right lung on it's second run down your throat, which caused it to fill with blood, your lung collapsed, and you lost some blood. There was nothing at all wrong with your heart. Tell Dr. Moreno, that he'll have the letter for surgical clearance within 1 week. When is the surgery?"

I told him that I postponed it until June, because I wanted to be there to see my oldest son graduate high school, not be in the hospital, or if I was already out, not be wearing a halo brace to the graduation.
He said to give Mark his congratulations, and told me he would be thinking of me and get in touch after the next surgery to see how I was doing, and if we needed to do any more heart testing, or refill my BP meds again.

Yay!
I have surgical clearance from the heart surgeon!
Now I just have to get clearance from my primary care physician, pass a full physical, and I'll be good to go for surgery in June.
The nurse Cindy did call me yesterday, she has to get with Doc Moreno about the schedule for June, and she'll call me back, but it looks like possibly June 10th according to what she can see, but she needs him to tell her if I'll be an all day surgery, or a half day, and that will determine the day because of other surgeries he has scheduled for the month of June.
She said that Doc Moreno totally understood how important it is to me to be there for Mark's graduation, and to tell him congratulations.

So it looks like May will be a relaxing month, I only have that one last clearance to get, and then the week before surgery is where it gets hectic doing all of the pre-surgery blood tests, xrays, and final MRIs and CTscans, but at least the beginning of the month will be peaceful and relaxing.

It's one of those lazy Sundays where we all just lay around on the furniture and do absolutely nothing but watch crappy tv shows and even crappier movies on tv.
I do need to go out a little later on and pick up some food from Publix, get more soda and cat food, some other stuff for them to eat during the long vacation week.
But for now, none of us have showered or dressed, we haven't done much of anything at all but watch movies on tv.
Currently, we're watching Great Expectations , the one with Ethan Hawke, not the older version.
Some of the scenes were filmed right here in Sarasota at the Ca d' Zan mansion of John and Mable Ringling.
My friend Shell and I got to tour it last year, it was amazing, so beautiful inside.
You'd never know that watching the movie, they really dirtied it up to make it look really old and disheveled.

I absolutely love my NuWave Oven Pro, as a matter of fact, I am cooking with it right now, but man, I so wish that Buy.com had them, and also had them on sale , because I'd be telling each and every one of you out there to buy one of these, it's fabulous!
I have used it almost every single day to cook almost every single meal we have eaten, and the teens have been cooking with it too.
But they don't sell them yet. *hint hint Buy.com*

But they do have this really cool looking Smartshopper Grocery List Organizer thing, that you simply speak your shopping list into, and then on the day you go shopping, you hit print, and it prints out your list.
How cool is that!?!

It uses voice recognition software, comes programmed with over 2,500 items, you can add a quantity of an item, it has a coupon flag, meaning if something on your list also has a coupon, it alerts you, you can add any of your own specialty items to the master library making it totally customizable, and attaches to the fridge with magnets so you always have your grocery list right where you need it, in the kitchen!






I've seen these things go for as much as $250.00 at some retailers, but Buy.com has it on sale right now for just $39.99!
I know other people who have them or one like it, and they love how easy it makes their shopping.
They simply speak what they want to buy into it, add quantities, add in their coupons, and then when they are ready to go, it prints the list.
This would be so convenient for so many families because if a kid uses the last of the milk, they can push the button, say "milk", and it's added to the list.
The whole family could help make sure that all of the needed groceries are on the list every single week.

I have been going through a rough patch these last few weeks, I'm stressed out and worried about the upcoming surgery whenever that will be, I had lost trust and faith in people due to some nasty people with nothing better to do than harass me online.
I'm no stranger that, but it's still never fun to deal with.
I've been tired but not sleeping, then sleeping when I should have been awake, having blood pressure issues, and just all kinds of stuff.

I lashed out at everyone around me, my kids, friends in the off line world, friends in the online world, I lashed out on the forums for my job.
I blew up, just absolutely exploded on everyone around me, I had reached my breaking point and exploded.
I felt terrible after I had done it, I deleted the thread on the work forums, I apologized to both my friends online and off, and have been trying to find other ways to deal with all of the issues that have come up in my life recently.
I've been doing a lot of laying down and listening to music, playing games, watching movies.
Maybe those things aren't exactly the way to deal with things, but they take my mind off of everything.

And then just when I needed to know I was cared about, that everything I do IS noticed, that people really do want me to be ok, people showed me that I was.
 
I told you how some friends all got together and sent me the NuWave Pro Oven that I had been wanting to get so that the teens won't have to eat junk food, and take-out or delivery food, while I recover from that upcoming surgery, and it really does rock, it's freaking awesome.
And then about 10 minutes ago, the FedEx guy knocked on the door.
Mark got up and answered it because I was laying down on the couch with 3 of the 4 kitties, (another stress reliever for me) and it was just an envelope.
The sent from address was from Publix, my local grocery store.
Inside, I found 3 gift cards for $100 each, but no note, no sent from name or address.
I laid there on the couch asking out loud, "Who sent these?!"
I couldn't figure out who sent them, I laid there racking my brain as to who could have sent them, and then I remembered an email I received earlier today in reply to 1 I sent out this morning, and this was written at the end of it;
       "Be on the lookout for something we sent over also."
So I *think* I know who sent it, I did email them, no reply yet*, but it has to be them.
They know who they are, so thank you, it helps me so so much, you don't even know.
Now I can go ahead and start stocking up on any meats that are on sale and stick them in the freezer so that the teens can cook for themselves with the NuWave oven, as well as get regular groceries too.
Money and food is always a source of stress in my life.
I have so many doctor's appointments to pay for, medicines that aren't covered by my insurance to pay for, and transportation to all of those appointments, that money left over for food is tricky.
I don't have a car and no license either, (Thanks State of Florida!) so getting everywhere I have to go is either by cab or friend with helping to pay for gas.
I swear, money issues is one of the things that keeps me awake at night.

So yeah, just when I needed it, just when I needed to know that people do care, that I don't have to lose all my faith in people for the stupid things other people do, people showed me that they do care, that I am not dealing with all of this stuff alone.

By the time I finished typing this, the people who sent the gift cards responded, it was them.
Thank you guys and staff, it is so very much appreciated.
 

I don't drink coffee, never ever liked the taste of it at all, I think it's rather disgusting.
But I would love it if they made hot cocoa makers like they make coffee makers.
I would buy a hot cocoa maker, i would use it every day like other people use a coffee maker.
I could go for a huge cup of hot cocoa right now.
I'm frozen on the inside, these rods are so cold, you have no idea.
I've been sitting here for hours and can barely move because of how cold and stiff they are.
Well, the rods are always stiff, but when they are warm, they seem to allow some flexibility.
When they are cold, nope, I'm not going anywhere or doing anything, can't move.
It's so painful.
I want to warm them up, so maybe I need to do it from the inside with some cocoa.

Once again, my body is simply exhausted, I know I over did things today, so I tried to go to bed like an hour ago.
Nope.
My eyes wouldn't shut, my brain wouldn't shut off, insomnia strikes again.
I can take naps like nobodies business on my couch, but my bed seems to make me wake up.
It's not that it's uncomfortable, it's very comfortable, but it's not like it's one of those sleep number bed deals.
It's just a standard spring coil mattress.
Oh well.

So I decided to get up and do some organizing and stuff, and went on the hunt for a really good coupon organizer.
I don't like the little accordion folder I have, it's sloppy.
I want like a binder with clear pockets so that I can put all of my coupons in it and take it with me, and then as I go through the store I can just flip through it as I see things on sale and want and need, and see if I have a coupon for that item.
You wouldn't believe how much professional coupon organizers go for, it's nuts.
So I have a brand new binder that was left over from school shopping, 1 of the teens didn't need it, and I'm going to get some clear pocket inserts from like a card or hobby shop, for like baseball cards ya know?
And I'll just make my own coupon binder.
It's way cheaper to do it that way.

My surgeon wasn't there today, he was in surgery, but I saw one of the other surgeons and also spoke to his nurse Cindy, about the revision surgery.
I explained all of what's been going on with me, and the whole choking to death when I puke issue, and she agreed that we need to do this ASAP.

She asked me what I was doing in the next couple of weeks, and I told her spending Christmas with my sons, but I'm totally on a free schedule after the 1st of the year.
She said ok, said she'd talk to him about it, get his nurse Cindy up to speed, and Cindy will also talk with him about it, and then she'll call me with a date for the revision surgery.

I'm so freaking happy!!!!!
I know when, well sorta, it will be either in January or February, and it will also be back at the hospital I had my A/P spine fusion at in 2006, Mease Countryside.
No more icky, horrible, super religious St. Joseph's Hospital in Tampa.
Yay!
This makes me way happy for a number of reasons, and I'll post about them at some point.
Things happened during my surgery at St. Joe's, and also the staff there was just really bad.
In ICU, the nurses were so freaking fantastic, but when you have several ICU nurses tell you they are trying everything they can to keep you in ICU as long as possible because once moved over to the women's floor, "You won't be cared for properly", speaks volumes about the kind of care the nursing staff provides over there, and they were right, a world of difference in the care received.

But anyway, we left the doc's with good news, and then came back down here and went and did a little grocery shopping, and I almost choked at how much milk Mindy's family goes through every week.
3 gallons!
OMG! I would flip out if I had to buy that much milk every week at $3.99 per gallon.
We go through a single half gallon a week, if I buy a gallon, it ends up going bad before it's at the halfway mark.

Then I came home and started looking for my external tape drives or hard drives thingy, whatever it's called, that I had tucked away in a drawer. I have some files stored on it that I need for my medical stuff from that surgery in 2006, but I can't find the dang thing.
That means one of two things.
I either put it in the giant box of spare computer parts, keyboards, monitors, internal hard drives, and other assorted computer stuff, that's in the closet, or I tossed it out in the trash when I ditched some computer towers about 8 months or so ago.
I really hope it's in the giant box of parts, I need those files.
Ack!

Ok, off to eat dinner and watch The Dark Knight  with the teens.
Later days!

It's the holidays, and there are tons of great classic movies and specials being shown on tv as we quickly approach Christmas, just 17 days to go now. (including today)
One of my most favorite, and quite possibly one of the funniest holiday skits ever written, was for Saturday Night Live.
It was a recurring skit on SNL called the Delicious Dish, it was a parody of public broadcast radio shows.
It starred Ana Gasteyer as Margaret-Jo McCullen who used the phrase "good times" over and over, and Molly Shannon as Teri Rialto, two very bland radio personalities as the radio show hosts.
The guest star for the night was Alec Baldwin.
He played a character named Pete Schweddy, owner of Season's Eatings Bakery, and one of his best products were his balls, a sexual double entendre referring to testicles.

This skit kills me every single time I watch it.
I laugh as soon as it starts, I laugh until tears are streaming down my face, it is just so damn funny.
How the 3 of them did not laugh through this skit, I have no idea.
I seriously crack up as soon as it starts,  all the "mmm, balls, tell us about your balls Pete, mmm, your balls are so soft and moist Pete", has me rolling as soon as it starts.

Please make sure that there are no children in the room or within hearing/viewing distance before you click on the link below.
Headphones may be a really good idea if you do not want your kids to hear any of it accidentally.
Also, if you are the type of person who gets offended by sexual double entendre, just don't click it.
If you do click it and get offended, if your kids accidentally hear it, do not complain to me.
You have been sufficiently warned.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you, Pete Schweddy's Balls .

There's a definite advantage to being sick for as long as I have been, and I am just now starting to get better.
I haven't needed to take any of my diet pills or use any of the tastants on my food for 3 weeks, because I was sicker than I've been in quite awhile, and so because of the sleeping I was doing, and not eating because it made me feel like hell to eat anything at all, but I ended up losing about 10.5 pounds.
There IS an upside to being sick people.
I had absolutely no cravings, and no desire to gorge on everything in the fridge, all because even the smell of food made me feel like crap, and I had a cold combined with the stomach issues, so coughing, sneezing, sniffling, hacking, gagging, and nausea, all made it fairly easy to drop about 10 pounds.
It was totally miserable being that sick, but I started feeling lighter by about day 8, and when I weighed myself tonight, yup, 10 pounds.
Not bad for being all sick and disgusting for so long.

Most people know I have pretty intense OCD about things sometimes, the teens know this especially, so when I went to make out my list for shopping tomorrow, and reached in my box of pens to find my best weighted pen was gone, I sorta flipped.
I made the teens find it because they were the ones who used it, and sure enough, it was in their room on their computer desk.

Anyway, I am trying to make out my list, trying to figure out what we need, but honestly, I don't even want to do Thanksgiving dinner.
I can't cook it at all, i can't lift it, I feel completely useless this year.
I know I'm battling some depression over this, and I will talk to the doctor when I see him on the 10th, but for now there's not much I can do so I'm just going through the motions every day.
It just doesn't feel like a holiday anyway, so bleh.

The FedEx guy just knocked on the door a few minutes ago to drop off a product for me to review.
I hollered through the door, "Please just set it there, I'm sick, you might catch it", and you should have seen the guy drop it and haul ass back to his truck.
It was quite funny.
But honestly, I am not feeling well.
I have the coughing, sneezing, sniffling, and some stomach issues.
Not really stomach sick, no puke or poops, but more of this weird feeling.
I feel hollow in my chest and stomach areas, I can't really explain it beyond that, but it's a hollow feeling, empty, and eating doesn't make it go away.

I have some minor stuff to clean up around here, some pots and pans from food we did eat and then just couldn't deal with after we ate, and I need to do the floors too.
All I really want to do though is sleep or at least lay down and be totally lazy.

I'm officially in a depressing state of funk.
Is it a funk, or is it depression?
I think it's both really.
I have no motivation to do much of anything, my thoughts are all over the place, and I'm battling another horrible round of insomnia too.
I'm awake all night long, right up until I have to wake the teens for school, then I'm sleeping for 3, maybe 4 hours, and then still not doing anything, not doing what I need to be doing.

I have work to do but I can't seem to make myself do it.
When I finally do force myself to do it, it's not good, not good at all.
I needed to get a video done for my product review of that new grill I got, and it was already late due to the septic flooding issue we had here, and then I forced myself through the pain to make the video, I did do it, and then I played it back on my pc, and I was absolutely mortified by how I sounded in it.
My speech was slurred like I was drunk, but I wasn't drunk, I haven't had a drink in months, so it has to be the pain meds and muscle relaxers I'm taking.
It was bad, really bad, and that made me feel even worse than I was feeling before.
I deleted it and bought the ingredients to do it again, but because of how I'm feeling, the pain, the depression, I haven't done it again yet.
I AM going to do it tomorrow.
I WILL do it tomorrow.
I have to because I made a promise, and I always keep my word, I just need to not take any of my meds before doing it this time because I don't want to sound like a drunken idiot again.

I also need to get these sporadic migraines under control too.
It seems that every other day now, I'm getting a migraine that knocks me out of commission for a few hours. I have to go lay down in my pitch black room and just wait it out.
I curl up as much as my stupid body will curl up, and clutch my blanket until it passes.
I'm really trying to move out of this funk, to get past this depression over how my body is, how little I'm capable of doing anymore, but when I try to talk myself into feeling better, it doesn't work.
There's so much I can't do anymore, it bothers me so much, I have to walk with a cane now because my head is looking down and I end up losing my balance because I can't properly see in front of me.
I hate this.
I hate how this is, and I hate that I have to have another surgery again, and I hate being miserable inside.
I fake it every single day, I put on a big fake smile for my sons, I put it on for friends and family, it's a big fake smile because everyone else thinks I'm doing just great, that I'm recovering just fine, and physically, yeah, I suppose I am recovering just fine, but mentally?
Fuck no, no, I'm not.
I'm not happy.
I'm not ok with all of this, I'm not ok with the amount of medications, I'm not ok with the pain without taking them, I'm not ok with my body the way it is, and yes, I know, there are people who have it so much worse, I should stop feeling sorry myself, but dammit, none of this is ok.
I'm told it will all be ok, but when?
When is it going to be better, because it's been years now since I've even felt halfway human.
And how am I supposed to feel human with all this hardware inside me?
I know how my body moves, or how little it moves I should say, and it's not human type movements, it's stiff and sore, planned, careful movements so I don't get hurt, so I don't hurt myself.
People look at me like I'm some sort of freak, they stare at me when I go to the store, and I'm so tired of being stared at because of this damn body.
 Before the first spine fusion, they stared at me because of the huge hump on my back, then they stared at me because of the huge back brace, now they stare at me because of the neck brace and the cane, and the way my head looks down.
I'm tired of people asking me what happened too.
They always think it was some sort of accident, and I'm tired of saying no, I had scoliosis, and they don't know what that is so I have to explain, and they still don't get it.
It all makes me want to just stay in the house and not go out anywhere again unless I absoluely have to, and until the next surgery to fix my head is done and I'm fully recovered.
I'm tired, just so tired of it all.

Licking the bowl.

I decided to make some Ghirardelli Double Chocolate Brownie Mix tonight.
Yummy.

I've been suffering a horrid migraine the entire day, it's been unbearable at certain points.
I have been laying down on the couch or in my bed in the dark, just trying to get it to go away.
Relaxing and sleeping doesn't always help, it doesn't always make a migraine go away.
I still have it, it's not as severe as it has been, but it's still here.
Noises, lights, everything is just making my whole head hurt and it shoots down into my neck too.

I'm going to try and make dinner though, just something really easy like hamburger helper.
The teens love that stuff, and I suppose I should eat too.
I haven't been able to eat anything all day due to nausea from the migraine.

Oh! Yesterday, I got my new George Foreman grill I was telling you I was going to get to do for a product review.
I have found an awesome recipe to try out the grill with, and I'll be posting step by step instructions, pictures, and a video of the grill in action, as well as the recipe used so you can make it too on your George Foreman grill or even your outdoor grill.
I'm so very excited to make it, it's going to taste super yummy, I just need to get to the grocery store and pick up all of the ingredients to make it.

Ok, I need to go back and lay down for just a little bit longer before I start making dinner.
Later days.

I posted about eBillme's shopping confessions contest over on My Single Mom Life, so you might want to go check that out, and if you feel like stumbling it, that would be awesome.
Grassy Ass.

Oh, and one of these days, I'm going to be doing some cooking with all of those gadgets I have, and probably set the house on fire.
I saw the coolest new gadget on an infomercial today.
An indoor deep fryer big enough to do a 20lb turkey.
Thanksgiving deep fried turkey without the fear of a huge backyard fire, and I won't blow up the house!

Time to get some home insurance just in case I burn the house down eh?

In my situation, I am always trying to lose weight, always looking for the best ways to help me lose weight, control my appetite, curb my cravings for sweets and carbs, and it's not always easy.
I am currently using a product, I haven't noticed much of a change in weight or appetite suppression yet, but I'm still giving it a good try.
I am also attempting to find other people's stories of using it, product reviews, and I'm not finding hardly anything at all, but I am finding tons of other posts for  orovo reviews, and tons and tons of other weight loss product reviews, but none, or hardly none, for the one I am using.
Maybe it's because it's far too new on the market or people just aren't using it or something.
I'm really hoping that I will start to see some results from it soon or I'll just stop using it.
It's pointless for me to take a product that isn't doing diddly squat to help me.

I must have caught up on sleep over the last few days while I wasn't feeling well, because as you can see, it's now a little after 4am EST, and here I am wide awake again.
*sigh*
So I've spent most of the night forum posting, reading blogs, and just looking at stuff for the upcoming holidays.
Did you know that a good majority of internet retailers are already starting to advertise for the 2008 Black Friday start of the holiday shopping season?
They are.
Tons of sites are leaking out links for all of the black Friday sales.
The black holiday sales start on the Friday after Thanksgiving, so that's the 28th of November this year.

Speaking of Thanksgiving, I was thinking about this, and talking to my sister about it yesterday too.
Because I just had surgery, I can't bend over to pick stuff up, and I can't lift anything over 5lbs, so what the heck am I going to do for our Thanksgiving dinner?
I decided that I'm just going to go and get a Honeybaked ham for our dinner.
They don't just do hams, they make all the side dishes too, so I can go there and get a ham, mashed potatoes, a veggie side dish, stuffing if we want it, a broccoli rice casserole, or garlic mashed potatoes.
That actually sounds really yummy right now, I love garlic mashed taters!
They make a ton of different sides you can buy separately, or order in like combo packs.
I may end up doing the Honeybaked thing for Christmas too if I am still on restriction then as well.
I have another post-op appointment on December 10th, so if he says that I still can't lift more than 5lbs, I'll end up having to get my holiday meals already done up for me.

I usually do the whole prepared holiday dinner from Publix, the turkey, 2 sides, 1 stuffing dish, 1 cranberry, and 1 gravy bowl, and the whole thing has already been cooked, you just have to heat it up, even the turkey, but if I am on lift restrictions, then I won't be able to do that.
If I go with the Honeybaked, the ham doesn't have to be re-heated, it's actually super tasty cold, especially the glaze crusty stuff they put on it.
It is so damn yummy.
Yeah, I'm totally going to do the Honeybaked thing for Thanksgiving.
I am drooling just thinking about it now. 
The teens could help me re-heat all of the sides in the microwave or oven depending on what the directions for heating say.
The sides are, of course, much lighter than the meat, so I could help the teens get them in and out of the oven and not have to bend over to do it either.
See, the teens know how to cook in the oven, but they get nervous doing it alone because they think they'll get burned on the racks and the walls of the oven. 
But if I stay in the kitchen and just stand there with them, they aren't as nervous reaching in and taking stuff out.
I know, kinda silly, but I guess they just like the idea of me being there just in case they get burned.

They are totally getting better at cooking now though.
Because of my current situation, they have had to do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and grocery shopping, and they have been cooking up some pretty tasty stuff.
I can't wait to get the George Foreman grill that I'm getting to do a product review on, and the boys will be able to cook on it so much easier.
They love to eat food cooked on a grill, but I have a wicked phobia about grill cooking.
The teens are afraid of getting burned by the oven, I'm afraid of getting burned by a grill.
meh.
I am always afraid that the flame will spring up suddenly while I'm like flipping a burger, and it will catch my hair on fire, or the propane tank will explode from the heat or something.
I know, it's a totally irrational fear, people have been cooking over fire since the cavemen first discovered it, people go camping and cook over fire, and practically every weekend, people all over the whole hood are bbq'ing, and no one ever gets burnt to a crispy, but I can't help it, I'm a total fraidy Kat.
haha

So yeah, I'll be getting the new safe and easy to use and clean George Foreman grill, and I'll be able to bbq and all kinds of other super yummy foods on it, and the teen food inhalers will have grilled animal flesh and grunt like their caveman ancestors did.
Yay!

I feel like crap still.
The last few days have just been miserable for me.
On top of my neck surgical issues, I have a cold that is making me just absolutely miserable.
I have just been laying on the couch curled up in my blanket, sipping on some juice, eating yogurts and jello, just trying to stay hydrated, and trying to keep some food in me to help me get over this.

I really can't wait to start feeling better so I can go and do the things I need to do.
I really would like to be able to go grocery shopping so I can get more food in the house that the teens can cook easily.
I also need to go get a pedicure in a bad way.
My toes are in dire need of rescue.
I also would like to go and get started on the DNA testing that I need to have done which will help the doctors be able to better help me.
If I can get an accurate diagnosis for either Townes-Brock syndrome or Riley Day syndrome, my doctors would be able to get me on the correct medications to help me feel better at least.
If they know for sure what is wrong with me, they will be able to help me.
I'm so tired of being sick.
I've spent years and years being in pain, getting sick constantly, having blood pressure issues, swallowing issues sometimes even with just liquids, the way my toes are formed, the issues with my back, my arthritis etc etc etc.

I just want to finally start feeling better, feeling normal.
Spending all of this time being sick or in pain or whatever, has just sucked.
At times I get severely depressed over it all.
Like this morning, I was just laying in my bed just bawling my eyes out over all of this.
I hate my life right now.
I hate all of this crap, I feel like a complete loser because I can't do anything anymore.
I can't cook much, I can't clean much, I can't do hardly anything, and I'm so freaking over it all.
I'm supposed to tell my doctors when and if I start getting depressed so they can help me.
I don't want to take an anti-depressant, I know that's what they would do.
They would put me on another med to alter my moods and I don't want that.
What i want is my life back.
Hell, I just want a life that sorta resembles what I had 8+ years ago.
I want to be happy, to go out with friends, to be able to play and have fun, live.
I just want to be ok.

It's official, I have a cold.
I knew I was coming down with something yesterday after sneezing for like 20 minutes straight.
I have spent the whole day today laying on the couch and wrapped up in blankets and just resting.
I came out and laid on the couch before the teens left for school, and Sebastian covered me up in his big comforter, fluffed his pillows behind my head, and gave me his baby blanket and his Sully to sleep with all day.
It looked as though I was sleeping with all kinds of baby bedding.
It was wicked comfy too.
It really did look and feel like I was swaddled up like a baby.
Kali and Shahiro kitties slept with me almost all day, they love it when I lay on the couch with all kinds of blankets.

I hate having a cold or whatever.
It sucks.
My body already aches so much from surgery, to get a cold on top of that is just plain miserable.
The teens are going to go to the store and get some more juice, yogurt, pudding, and jellos for me to eat while they are at school.
They also need to pick up some regular Tylenol for their use.
Sebastian has had some small headaches for the last few days, and we ran out, so they need to pick up some more.

My old duplex neighbor stopped by a little bit ago, to see how I was doing.
She had just come from her doctor's appointment and getting her scripts filled at the Walgreen's by my house, so she was close enough to stop by and see me.
She said she really misses me, to call her if I need anything at all like giving the teens a ride to the store, or whatever I need.
She said I looked like crap.
It's not an insult, I really do look like crap today.
My skin is pale and clammy, my hair is a mess, I have huge bags and dark circles under my eyes, just miserable looking and feeling.

I hate how screwed up my immune system is, I catch everything, and flu season is coming yet I can't have a flu shot because it could make me sick because of my low immune system.
I'll probably catch it this year.
That will suck big time.

When the teens go food shopping today, I've added to the list, some more acne treatment for them, and a big bottle of cherry Nyquil for me.
I really think I'm starting to come down with a cold.
I have been sneezing all night, I'm stuffed up, and more achy than usual.
It sucks.
Sneezing is as bad as vomiting when your neck is like this.
Every sneeze makes my neck jerk, even in the brace, the jerk sends waves of pain down my entire spine.
I should know that's how it's going to be, I have those rods the entire lentgh of my spine, head to tail bone, every movement effects the entire rod/spine contraption.

I am handling this whole thing really pretty well, I deal with it alright for the most part, but man, when I'm stomach sick or having a sneezing fit like I did this morning, I don't deal with it ok.
I hate that this is what I have to deal with for the rest of my life now.
Every movement is a full body movement, it's not easy at all.

I'm finally starting to get my bearings around here after a month out from the surgery.
I'm slowly starting to do some cleaning and cooking, not much, I get tired and sore rather quickly, but I am at least making dinner every other day, to every 2 days, which the teens are quite happy about.
They've been eating a lot of take out, frozen nuke 'em foods, subs from Publix, lunch meat and tuna sandwiches etc etc.
They were getting quite tired of it, so I made my first meal the other night.
I made some shrimp and french fries, and only needed help getting the cookie sheet in and out of the oven, because I'm still not allowed to bend over, pick up, too much.

I think on Saturday, Chris, Mindy's husband, is coming over to finish the AC unit stuff.
He's going to remove the old rotted drywall from the old AC unit dripping water so much, and I think her son Jeff is coming to help, and install new drywall.
That's good, because as helpful as Mark is, he's never done drywall before and wouldn't really be much help at all.
We can paint later on.
My sis was planning on bringing some paints at some point, and painting the living room for me. She had some colors left over from when she painted her new house.
So things are getting on, I'm doing better slowly, and hopefully it will just keep getting easier and less painful to do stuff around here.
I hate not being able to do stuff.
I'm such an independent person, so to not do stuff is driving me crazy.
I hate "resting".

My sister came over today with my niece Skye, and they brought us lunch from Boston Market.
Then she took Sebastian to Publix to get some more food and other items that they forgot when he and Mark went the other day.
I had her pick up the Glad Press n' Seal stuff  (yes, the plastic wrap for food, sticks to the skin and makes a water proof seal around wounds that need to stay dry) so that I can take a full shower and not get my sutures wet, and also some hair elastics so after she raked through the matted hair, she could braid it.
I didn't have any more of them in my basket because I always do the girls hair when they come over.

Then the hair hell began.
My sister has a considerable amount of patience and she tried so hard to not pull my hair and hurt me, but the hair was just so matted that no amount of gentleness could stop the pulling and pain.
Here's what ended up coming out, it's a lot of hair, it's all tangled and matted, there was absolutely no getting a brush, comb, or pick through it, so we did the only thing we could do.
We cut it out.

























































After we got all of the knots and matted clumps out, I wiped away my tears, and got a grip on myself, and she then braided my hair for me so that this won't happen again during the long recovery process.
At least once a week from now on, the hair will have to be unbraided, combed through with heavy conditioner, and then braided again.
 




















I look awful.
I had just spent nearly 2 hours getting my hair fixed, I cried a lot because it seriously hurt.
My eyes are all red, I have huge dark circles under my eyes, just ugly looking.
My hair had been in a ponytail since the 8th, had not been washed, conditioned, or brushed since that day.
It was a huge huge mess, and even after soaking it in de-frizz serum, Infusium, and half a bottle of conditioner all at the same time, that big huge matted section could not be combed or picked through, it was excruciating pain, every hair felt like it was being ripped out by the roots.
My scalp is raw, I'm surprised it's not bleeding from having all those hairs pulled on.
My sister tried to work through it, she really did, but I couldn't take the pain anymore and told her to just grab the scissors and just cut it out.
Hell, my surgeon's team had already shaved parts of my head, cut other areas, I knew I was going to lose some hair, so cutting it out was the only thing I could do for now.
Once I'm healed up a bit better, I'm going to have to go to a salon and get it all cut and evened out and stuff, and also get a pedicure.
 
My feet are a huge mess as well, but we can't just cut the toes off now can we?
It will be the usual embarrassment, the little Korean ladies will talk about my gnarly toenails and my rough heels in their native language, as they try to make my poor battered feet look more human-like and less disgusting looking.
The girl doing my feet will say something, and then the other ladies will find some kind of reason to come and walk by her station and take a glance at my feet, say something in Korean, and I know it's not nice stuff, it never is.
I may not understand the language, but disgusted and grossed out are a universal emotion that is easily recognized in facial expressions.
I have not been able to bend over and care for my feet on my own in just about 3 years now.
Having titanium rods running the full length of your spine makes taking care of your own feet damn near impossible to do.
I really wish I could find a mani/pedi place close to home and my local shopping places where at least one of the people speaks English so that when I explain why my feet are so bad, they'll understand me.
I try to explain it to the Korean girls, but they just don't understand words like spine fusion, titanium rods, no bending at all, impossible to take care of my own feet, sorry they look so bad but I tip really well for all of your troubles and good work making them look nice.


I really appreciate my sis helping me today.
My hair was an absolute disaster and every single night of sleeping and naps, just made it worse and worse.
I can only lay on my back, so the hair was just getting more and more matted.
I feel a lot better now, it's fixed, it feels better, it will be less hot, less of a pain in the ass, and way less embarrassing when the nurses and friends come over to see me.

Now I'm off to find something to eat and then lay down on the couch and watch tv for awhile I guess.
Later days.

I gave myself a scare last night.
See, I have bolt wounds on the side of my head from where I was bolted to the table during surgery, (I promise I will explain how it all went soon) and the nurse had cleaned them really good yesterday and put some Staphaseptic on them.
Well last night I reached up to the left side of my head to rub my temples, they sorta ache a bit, and this chunky thing came off in my fingers.
It was sort of like a scab but yellow-ish in color, and had some small hairs attached to it.
I didn't scratch it, I just rubbed my temples, and to have this thing fall off, it was really gross.
Then it started bleeding and it wouldn't stop, so I had Sebastian do his best to put a band-aid on it.
The nurse came today and took the band-aid off, cleaned it, and said it looked good, but man, it was super scary having it bleed like that.

I had ordered the new HDTV antenna that I need to be able to watch tv with the converter box, and it came today.
It's much much bigger than I thought it was, it really needs to be mounted outside, but I tried to hook it up today anyway.
Bad idea.
It's too heavy, I couldn't get it to work, it probably does need to be mounted outside on the wood shutters, and so yeah, by the time I gave up on it and put it back in the box, I had really over done it and now I'm paying for it.
 But there is a good thing about doing that, something pulled in my neck and now my head is staying up much better, straighter I think. hahahaha
Maybe I pulled the muscles where they need to go?
Don't know.
The pain is subsiding a bit now and I need to eat something.

Oh, speaking of eating, I sent the boys grocery shopping with a list and everything today.
They came back with a ton of wrong items, items not on the list, and a whole bunch of items that were on the list, didn't get bought at all.
They tried I suppose, this is a lot of pressure on them, I know that, so I really can't complain too too much that they screw things up a little bit.

I'm still chugging along trying to get through this first week at home, I have to keep telling myself to just relax, that the first week is always so so  hard, that it really is the worst, so I don't try and over do things.
A lot of just laying down and sleeping.

Mindy was here almost all day long, she did a really great job cleaning my house, it looks wicked nice and clean in here, the teens better keep it this way. LOL
Then she went home and came back with some big huge pans of food.
Her husband Chris made dinner for us, some chicken alfredo, bread sticks, and salad.
It was all so yummy.
He used to work at the Olive Garden, it's their alfredo recipe, so yeah, it's super yummy.
When Chris was here this morning, he took a look at my AC unit, and he's going to come back and fix it for me next weekend.
Box it in to the right size for the AC, clean it up, get it working right again.
It's simply not blowing as cold as it used to, it's not sitting in the housing correctly, and the leaking is because of all of those things plus all box units leak when it gets super humid.
So it will be wicked nice to have it fixed and cool in the house again.

I have a ton of emails and comments in my inbox that I just don't know when I'll be able to get to, if I'll be able to get to them at all, but I wanted you to all know that I have read them and appreciate all of the support and words of encouragement, it's really appreciated.

I did spend the majority of the day laying down and resting, I even slept for awhile, and that is my plan of attack.
My face is still wicked swollen up which makes me feel weird and stuff.
I know the swelling will go down, it's just a matter of time.
For now though, I feel like I either got beat with a baseball bat, or I am a balloon.
People keep telling me it doesn't look so bad, but I've seen my face in the mirror, I know what it looks like.
Doc said it will be ok, it will heal up, but for awhile it's gonna look like total crap.

Ok, time to get back to my couch, watch a little Law and Order repeats and stuff.
Later days. 

I know it's not Friday, but I don't think I've done a weight loss progress update in a few weeks now.

I started my doctor monitored weight-loss on July 4th, and my starting weight was 190lbs.
I started taking a product he approves and sells in his office, and he agreed to monitor my progress at every visit.
I would stick to taking 2 pills per day, eat better foods, walk, work out as much as I can, and try to increase my water intake.
I absolutely hate water, but I alternate, for every 1 can of Diet Pepsi or Diet Coke, I have 1 large glass of nearly frozen water, and I suck it down as quickly as possible.
I actually use a plastic cup that can be put in the freezer, and I really do freeze my water.
Not all the way of course, but I get it to that point of frozen where it's like a slurpee, all ice, some liquid left, slush-like, and then I just chug it down and deal with the "ice cream" headache.

But anyway, I've been doing really good sticking to my plan, I don't call it a diet because I fail at diets, so I call it my weight-loss plan, and that works for me.
My doc has kept his word, he's been monitoring me, checking my blood pressure, my weight, taking random urine tests to check iron levels and stuff, and encouraging me.
I saw my new primary care doc the other day, she weighed me, and I then went to his office, and he weighed me, and both scales matched so they must be accurate.

I am now at 169.10lbs from my start weight of 190lbs, so that's a total weight loss of 20.9lbs.
That's pretty damn good if I do say so myself.
20lbs in almost 2 months, I didn't lose tons of weight quickly which usually guarantees that you'll gain it all back plus some extra, so I'd say I'm doing alright.
I know that during my stay in the hospital even though it's only 4 days, I'll drop a few more because I have like zero appetite from all the morphine and dilaudid, and they shouldn't give me morphine this time because I nearly scratched myself to death last time.
That stuff makes you itchy, and it's such a high dose that I was passed out just clawing at my skin and ripping clumps of hair out, but anyway, I will drop probably between 2-5lbs more.

So there's my update, I'm doing good, I'm proud of myself, and now I'm going to go lay on the couch and catch a few hours of sleep.
I had insomnia again last night, and really need just a few short hours.
Later days! 

I think it was about a month or so ago, that they announced that they were closing down a whole bunch of Starbucks coffee places.
That must have been in other states or bigger cities, because Sarasota opened up like 3 more around here.
I don't drink coffee, but the amount of coffee places around this city is remarkable.
And they are always busy, people are in and out of them constantly.

There's this one place down at the Publix plaza, they have tables outside and there are always people sitting there using the free wifi and drinking cup after cup.
There's this one guy who's always there using the wifi and drinking his coffee, and he sits there in long pants, a heavy shirt, and a dress jacket.
Even in the 90 degree heat.
Just looking at him makes me sweat.
I always want to ask him if he's hot or if he's one of those people that are always cold.
That would probably be rude though.

What was a category 1 hurricane, has been downgraded into a tropical storm again.
It'll be about 45-50mph winds, some rain, nothing major.
But all the Sarasota schools are closed, there's no garbage pick-up tomorrow, and all county government offices will be closed as well.

The kids first day back to school was today, and now they get a day off already.
I understand the whole better safe than sorry thing, but they canceled school at 2pm today, made the automated phone calls to parents, and they could have, should have, waited until later tonight to make the call on closing school.

Things are fine here, we have plenty of food and water should the power go out, I did all y hurricane shopping on Saturday, and we have plenty of candles, a big flashlight, a 24 our glo-stick for emergencies, plenty of stuff, but I doubt it will get that bad.

So I took my awesome comfy sandals to the little Korean lady to fix, and just as I suspected, she refused to fix them.
"No fix, need new shoe! No fix!"
So while I was at Walgreen's getting Susan her birthday first aid kit, (she's going to love this thing!) and we needed a new one for our house too, I found their flip flop aisle and tried on a few pairs.
I found a cheap and comfy pair that will have to do until I can find another pair of those awesome Dr. Scholl's that my freaking cats chewed up.
Then Sebastian and I headed into Publix to get all of the stuff we needed, and then headed back home by cab because we bought more than we could carry.

We waited for the cab for over 40 minutes.
Sam had told me 10-15 minutes on my initial call, so after 25 minutes, I called back.
He said the driver would be there in 2 minutes.
I waited 10 and called back.
By this point Sam was furious that the driver he sent for me kept picking up flags instead of getting the calls, he was yelling into the radio, screaming at the guy in English and Arabic, and when the cab finally showed up, I was sweating bullets.
My blood pressure was up from the heat, I was minutes away from passing out.
When we got to my house, I went to pay him, and he said, "No, this trip is on me, it's my fault you waited for 40 minutes. Sam won't let me take your money, he said that it's on me."

Hahahaha!
Dumbass.
If he had just gone after the call like he was supposed to instead of picking up flags, Sam would have let him take my money.

The teens and I need to head out today and do some shopping at Publix, get some stuff for the house that we need, and I also need to drop my sandals off at the little shoe repair store that's at the same plaza.

I know the lady is going to look at me like I'm crazy, the sandals are pretty beat up aside from the straps having been taken off by the cats.
They chewed through the strings that are sewn on, and the straps fell off.
But these sandals are massively comfortable, I love them, they are perfectly broken in, and considering that next month it will be even harder to put on normal shoes like sneakers, I need really comfortable sandals.
I just want the straps sewn back on nice and tight, and the little Korean lady is going to tell me that I need "new shoe. need new shoe, not fix, new shoe."
But sorry dear, I cannot find these anymore anywhere, I've looked at the store I bought them at, I've looked at other stores, no getting new shoe, fix old shoe, take money from me.
Hahah!

I wish I had woken up earlier to get started on all of this, but oh well, I didn't.
I'm going to take a quick shower as soon as Mark is done, and then we'll get ready to go.

I was feeling really down last night when I posted that I might not go to Susan's birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese tomorrow afternoon, I was in a bad place, dealing with all kinds of stress and worry about bills and stuff.
And I haven't had a chance to go shopping for baby gifts for her present yet.
She's not a baby anymore, but she has to have child safe toys, know what I mean?
She's still at that age where you just don't give a little girl a toy with tons of tiny pieces.
I know what I'm giving her, but I'm going to give it to her on Friday night when we all go out to Chinese to celebrate both her and Mark's birthday.

She loves to play doctor, people doctor, animal doctor, couch doctor, she's always fixing things up, she loves bandages and band-aids and stuff, so I'm getting her a first aid kit.
My sister told me to get it for her, so don't look at me like I'm a crazy person. *laughs*
She really does love first aid kits, so I found a smallish one, it seems to be the perfect size for her, and I'll remove the fingernail clippers, the tweezers, any lotions or things like Neosporin and stuff like that, and that way she'll be safe.
She will absolutely love it, I know it's the perfect gift because she always wants to play doctor when she comes over, she's the reason I don't have any more band-aids in my first aid kit now. *laughs*

Anyway, I will not be missing her big special big girl birthday party, she's my little buddy, I have to go and celebrate with her, take some pictures of both her and Skye, so I can add some new pics to my digital keychain.
I love that thing!
It can hold 107 pictures, and I uploaded what I thought was a lot, but it was actually only 59, so yeah, I have plenty of room left to add new pics of my girls.

On Sunday, my sis is taking the teens and her girls, and a few friends to one of those franchise kids play places for Susan's birthday party.
She asked me if I want to go.
I honestly don't know.
I would hate to miss her party, Susan is my little bud, but I'm not feeling well, I have a ton of stress and a ton of work to do.

I have a million things to do at home here, plus I have a bunch of actual work to do, and I really need that money.
In order to get all that money on payday, I need to have them all done by Monday morning.
I'm sure I can do it if I just start working and don't stop.
I really need that money, and I really want to be there for Susan.
I'm sure I'll go.
I'll make myself a deal, if I can get more than half my work done, I'll go, and then I'll have to do all the rest of them done by Monday morning.
I can do it if I don't get sick again.

====================

I was asked in an email, if the weight loss product that I'm taking has anything to do with my insomnia, my bad sleeping problems I've experienced over the last few days.
The short answer is no.
The long answer is that I've had sleeping issues most of my adult life now.
It has nothing to do with any foods that I'm eating, or supplements that I may be taking, or drinking a diet soda at 9pm every night, it's just my body doing what it likes to do which is go for a minimum of 3 days without sleeping, to a maximum of 13 days without sleeping more than an hour or two at night, and then when it finally decides it's tired enough, I'll sleep for one night, about 8-10 hours, and be completely back to normal again.

On Wednesday night, I didn't sleep, on Thursday night, I didn't fall asleep until almost 5am Friday morning, and last night, Friday night, I again didn't fall asleep until a little after 5am again.
I woke up this morning around 11am because someone called but I didn't make it to the phone on time before they hung up.
I've just been surfing around the internet most of the day now, reading stuff, catching up on internet news etc.
But now I have a lot of work to do so if I owe you an email or a reply to a comment, it will be coming later on tonight.
I'll probably be able to catch up on everything tonight while we watch the new movies that came in from Netflix.

I am so glad that tonight will be the end of having to watch the Rocky movies.
Rocky Balboa came in today's mail, it's the last one, but Sebastian really wants to see it, and it is the last one, so just a little over an hour, 102 minutes running time, and the Rocky movie watching will be done and over with. *phew*

I was asked in an email if I'm still losing weight using the diet pills I'm taking.
I was planning on doing weekly updates every Friday, because I don't like being obsessed with the scale, but because I was asked, I'll share.

The answer is yes.
My starting weight was 190, and I'm now down to 178, so a total weight-loss of 12lbs.
Not too shabby eh?
I'm still going for daily walks, and I am using my elliptical just not using the hand poles, the skiing motion. I rest my hands on the stable bars in front of me, and that way I'm not jerking my shoulder around seeing as we still don't know what's wrong with it, and won't know until August 5th when I go see my surgeon.

I am still very pleased with these diet pills, they are still keeping my appetite in control, I'm not gorging myself on snacks at night which truth be told, was my downfall.
At night after dinner, I would eat 3-4 cookies around 7:30pm, and then around 9pm, a bowl of ice cream if the boys asked for some, or some chips and dip if one of the teens brought it out to the living room to snack on and watch a little tube.
I'm not munching on anything at night anymore, so I think that's a huge part of my weight-loss.

Also, I know this is kinda gross, but when you are constantly taking opiate pain relievers, your bowels get a little backed up.
The combination of vitamins and green tea and other stuff in them, has actually helped make the constipation go away.
Yeah, gross, I know, *laughs* but it's HUGE news when I can poop every day! 

Mark got a couple cards in the mail for his birthday, and just like he asked for, he got some money.
He decided that he didn't want me to cook dinner last night, he was going to order a bunch of wings from Wings n' Weenies, and he'd treat the family to dinner.

He ordered a half and half box, 50 wings, 25 hot and 25 bbq, and we all sat down and ate the very tasty wings while watching Rocky V.
Then after, we all went back to our chosen playthings to do.
Mark went back to the Xbox, Sebastian went back to his on line video game, and I went back to surfing the net, reading blogs, and playing on the local forums.

We all went to bed pretty late, that may have also contributed to this morning's barf-o-rama.
I woke up and just wasn't feeling right.
I was really hot, had that clammy feeling, but I blew it off.
The yucky feeling started to feel worse, so I went back to the couch to lay down.
Then it hit me like a freight train.
I got up off the couch as quickly as possible and ran to the bathroom.
I barely made it in there in time before the vomit started to rise up my throat.
I must have been in there puking for a good 10 minutes, and it was all bbq chicken wings.
I know it was the chicken because I did have some ice cream later in the night, but all that came out was bbq wings.

They were mighty tasty last night, but they don't taste so good coming back out.