Recently in Funny Category

I have all these papers and things I need to fill out, stuff for my medical disability, a hospital 'how did we do' letter, and some other things.
Because my head is at a downward 20degree angle, it's very hard for me to sit and fill these out comfortably.
I can't do it at my desk, I can't do it at my coffee table, kitchen table, or at the counter on the bar stools.
But I have to get these done.

Where is the absolute best place to sit and do them that is the right height and easiest way for me to see and write?
Go ahead, guess.
You got it?
You'd be right if you said the toilet seat.
I throw the lid down, grab a hard book, and start filling out forms.
It is truly the most comfortable way for me to not be in pain while filling all of these out.

Of course I have to keep moving every time one of the teens has to pee and they laugh at me, but that's ok, this stuff has to get done.

Living here in the south, I know that I am outnumbered being an atheist, that's ok with me.
I try to make light of the situation as best I can, but sometimes it can get to be a bit much. People are always blessing me, saying they'll pray for me and stuff like that.
So there are times that I enjoy wearing one of my funny t-shirts out when I go shopping.
I would love to get this one and wear it out, plus it would make a nice addition to my small but growing collection of funny religious shirts.
When you're wearing a shirt like this, all those people who want to bless you or pray for you, just look at you instead.
They have a look of horror on their faces, but at least they aren't saying anything to me.

If I do get told after surgery that I can't sit on my computer and blog, surf etc, for long periods of time, I know what I'll be doing.
A wonderful book publishing company has been sending me a ton of books that look really good and interesting to read.
I'll be able to lay in bed or on the couch, and read all of them.
They sent, just this week, 7 new books, all of them really do look great.
I know they send them to me to read and review and then post about, and even though I am a very quick reader, there's no way I can read that many books in a week.
It's only Wednesday, and they sent me 7 new books.
The same employee at this publisher is the one who sends them all to me, I told her what genre I prefer to read, but I'll read pretty much anything except for romance novels, I really don't like romance stories at all.
But I love this girl who works there, she's really awesome at her job, outstanding customer service, because when I emailed her the list of authors I like, the genres I prefer, she either made a note or a mental note, because she's been sending all of the types I really like.
So thank you, I will be starting to read them all pretty soon!

Now for the funny story about my black wardrobe I said I would share.
Yesterday evening after dinner, I forgot that I needed to go to Walgreen's to pick up another script that they had to order, but it was ready now, so Sebastian and I headed out to go get it and a few other things I needed to pick up like some more shampoo for the boys, and a couple new box fans because we had two of them burn out in the same week.
So anyway, we stop at the corner store for some drinks to have on our walk because it's incredibly hot out.
The owner Sam is there and he has a few friends of his hanging out behind the counter with him.
As I'm paying for our drinks, one of the guys starts talking to me.
He asks me why I always wear black, do I have any clothes that aren't black, and if I do, how come I never wear them.
He says he's always seeing me walking all over the place several times a week, and was curious.
I tell him it's just the color I prefer, I do own other colored clothing, but I rarely wear them.
I just don't like other colors, call it a phobia or whatever, but don't call me goth or emo, it's just the color I prefer.
Then he asks me if I'm hot all the time because of the black clothes, they attract heat ya know, he says.
I tell him that while it's generally true that black does make most people hotter because black absorbs more light energy than say white, and light energy does equal heat, not all people are effected by that general rule of science.
Before my blood pressure started being so high all of the time, I could sit outside all summer long dressed in a black shirt and not sweat a drop, but now?
Oh man, like right now, I am sitting in my house, the AC is on on 68, I have a fan aimed right at my face, and I'm sitting here in nothing but a t-shirt and light fabric shorts, and sweating to death.
I didn't tell him all of that, but then I did tell him that black isn't even really a color, it's the absence of color.
The guys just looks at me and says what?
"I said, black is not a color, it's the absence of color. Black is the total absence of light, therefore, it is the absence of color. The colors of light are red, green, and blue (known as RGB), black has no light at all, so it is the absence of color.
He sat there totally dumbfounded.
I asked if he has access to the net, he said yes, so I told him to go look it up when he got home, just go to google and type in "black is the absence of color", and he'll be able to read it for himself.
The additive color theory says that when all of the colors of light are added up, the end color is white.
The subtractive color theory says that on a molecular level, when using actual pigments to color a tangible object with, like crayons or paint, when you add all of the colors of light, red, green, and blue, when combined the end color is black.
But in the natural world, black is not a color, and not all people are effected by black attracting light energy, and in some rare cases, some people actually get colder when wearing black because their skin reacts to light energy differently than the majority of people.

Sam the owner starts laughing and says I told you she was too smart for you!
I said we had to get going, things to do, we were walking there and I needed to pick up some things and head back home before it gets dark, the light will be leaving and we'll be left with the absence of it, and I winked at the guy who had asked, and then we left.
As the door was closing, I hear the guy say to Sam, "I think her intelligence just increased her hotness factor by another 50 points. She'll never go out with me man!"

As Sebastian and I are waiting at the corner for the walk light to let us cross, he says to me,
"Guys are always checking you out, they like your hair, your eyes, your pretty face and your butt. But that is the very first time I've ever heard a guy say that they think you're hotter now that they know you're smart.Would you date him?"
I said I don't know, I don't even know him. He might be a really nice guy, but I don't even know his name. He may have seen me walking all over the place, but today is the very first time I've ever seen him, so how would I possibly know if I'd go out with him?

Sebastian thought about this the whole time we crossed the 4 lane road, and when we got to the other side he says, "Well not only does he think you're pretty, but he now finds you even more attractive because you're smart. Most guys don't like super smart girls, so when you find one that does and he wants to date you, you should grab onto him because the chances of finding another guy who likes you for being smart are pretty slim mom. If he does work up the courage to ask you out, you should definitely say yes, plus he seems like a nice guy."

I dropped it right there, I didn't feel like explaining for the millionth time that I'm just not interested in dating anyone.
I like being by myself because the majority of people annoy me.

The lab only took 2 vials of blood, which I was surprised about, the primary doc's PA, said they were going to take 8.
The guy only took 2, so I questioned him about that, he said they did not need 8, only 2 for the amount of tests she checked off on the lab work-up sheet, and oh by the way, pee in this cup.
So the blood draw was quick, not feeling faint or weak at all, then I went and peed in the cup, and they had those alcohol wipes in the bathroom for patients to use to clean and sterilize their pee-holes before peeing in the cup, and they had the ones that smell good.
No, no, I'm not weird, honestly, there are certain alcohol wipes that smell not much like alcohol, but more like a lemony candy sugar mixed with alcohol smell.
I love those ones!

Then I came home and ate my chocolate donut that was ever so patiently waiting for me in the fridge.
Actually, I ate 2, my bad, but I was hungry dammit!
Then I went out to the kitchen and cleaned out the microwave.
I ran that bowl of soapy water in the microwave for an hour the first time, then changed out the water and added a dash more dish soap, and ran it again for another 30 minutes, so when I came home and got to cleaning it, all the nukified on crud was liquefied, and just wiped right out.
Now, if cleaning the whole house were as easy as that.
I actually want to get (at some point) one of those little hand-held home steam cleaners, you know what I'm talking about?
I want one of these Scunci ones.
It's a small, portable, home steam cleaner for doing grout and tiles, the toilet bowl ickies, the baked on crud on the stove top, it would make cleaning the microwave even easier man.
Want, maybe that will be my xmas present to myself. (?)

Oh yeah, I finally got Twitpic all figured out, that is my actual link, but I finally figured out how to get the image info to post with the pic.
All of my failed attempts are viewable in the Twitpic badge in the sidebar over there.
On most of them, it's just the pic, but the last one that says "Sunset", yuppers, I got it to post the name of the pic.
I was putting that info in the body section of the text message, it needed to be added to the title.
I'm basically blogging how I did it so that I don't forget it.
Take the pic, label it, then address the text message to go to my Twitpic email addy, then click on the more button (left) and choose insert subject, as much info as I want to write, and then click send.
Twitpic completely ignores everything in the body section of the text message, so that's why the names of my pics weren't showing up on my page or in my sidebar badge, or on the public Twitpic/Twitter time lines.
Just the links to the images were showing with no info.
I was totally frustrated with it, and about to give up on yet another pic to post service.

See, for my last surgery, I used Flickr to post pics and blog by phone to post on my blog, but Flickr stopped working for me, just stopped, will not work from my phone at all, but it will post the test thingy from the website only.
Christine then suggested I try Utterz, so I tried to set it up for this blog, but it refused to accept my xmlrc stuff, so I tried to set it up for MSML, and it was going, it was accepting, but then it came back and said that my blog was pornography.
No, I'm dead serious!
See?!? Click that for bigger!

There is absolutely no porn on My Single Mom Life, but ya know what?
I don't feel like contacting Utterz and asking what the hell reason they have for stating my blog about being a single mom, talking about teenagers and new hair in armpits, qualifies it as pornography.
I just don't have the fight in me today.

I still haven't slept, no lay down and rest either.
This afternoon has been a busy one of sitting here trying to write this post since 12:20 this afternoon, but it's been one thing after another.
Emails non-stop, messages, questions, comments coming in, Entrecard people wanting to advertise their so completely not relevant sites on my single mommy blog.
My plan was to figure out Twitpic, which I did, make this blog post which I'm still trying to do, and then go wash the dishes that didn't get finished this morning, and then maybe lay down for an hour or so before making dinner.
But now I've had to start another load of laundry, I have a mountain of emails to reply to, messages, posts, comments etc, before I can do anything else.
I'm not mad or anything, I realize I may be coming off as mad, but it's not anger, it's tired...LOL
So anyway, this post that I started writing at 12:20pm, will now finally be published at 2:27pm.
You would think with the amount of time it took, it would be far better quality content in this here post, but eh, I've been awake since 7am yesterday morning.
Ya gets what ya gets.

I've been awake all night again.
Here it is, just a little after 5am and I'm still not tired.
I have to go in for blood work this morning at 9:30am, get like 8 vials of blood drawn, I've fasted since midnight, but I've been alternating my drinking.
For every diet Pepsi consumed, I've had a glass of super duper cold water.
It's disgusting, water that is, I can't stand the way it feels in my mouth, it's slimy, so I have to have it practically frozen, and then suck it down as fast as I can.

But I've been having fun on line all night.
Been reading blogs, and forums, and Twittering, reading some really hysterical stuff too.
I also wrote and sent off a pretty strong email to someone I truly respect.
I hope that when he reads it, he will know that it was written from that place of respect, but with my usual directness.
It's time to do some end of the summer cleaning, and there's one very large piece of trash that needs to be tossed out immediately.
It's really stinking up the rest of the joint.

I need to wake Sebastian up for school soon, Mark will not be going today.
By last night, his head cold turned into a full blown chest, head, and high fever cold, and he's been in bed asleep since about 10pm.
His eyes were glassy, his face pale, and his skin scalding.
Poor dude.

Alrighty, off to take care of some more stuff, read more blogs, more forums, time to try and get caught up on the stuff I didn't get to all night long.

So I took my awesome comfy sandals to the little Korean lady to fix, and just as I suspected, she refused to fix them.
"No fix, need new shoe! No fix!"
So while I was at Walgreen's getting Susan her birthday first aid kit, (she's going to love this thing!) and we needed a new one for our house too, I found their flip flop aisle and tried on a few pairs.
I found a cheap and comfy pair that will have to do until I can find another pair of those awesome Dr. Scholl's that my freaking cats chewed up.
Then Sebastian and I headed into Publix to get all of the stuff we needed, and then headed back home by cab because we bought more than we could carry.

We waited for the cab for over 40 minutes.
Sam had told me 10-15 minutes on my initial call, so after 25 minutes, I called back.
He said the driver would be there in 2 minutes.
I waited 10 and called back.
By this point Sam was furious that the driver he sent for me kept picking up flags instead of getting the calls, he was yelling into the radio, screaming at the guy in English and Arabic, and when the cab finally showed up, I was sweating bullets.
My blood pressure was up from the heat, I was minutes away from passing out.
When we got to my house, I went to pay him, and he said, "No, this trip is on me, it's my fault you waited for 40 minutes. Sam won't let me take your money, he said that it's on me."

Hahahaha!
Dumbass.
If he had just gone after the call like he was supposed to instead of picking up flags, Sam would have let him take my money.

I wanted to tell you that Menopause the Musical is really a great show.
We saw the 2pm performance today, a sold out show, and it was absolutely hysterical.
It was seriously a super funny show, I was laughing till I nearly pissed myself, had tears rolling down my cheeks.
The whole audience was laughing up a storm, they got a standing ovation at the end of the show it was that good.

Thy come back here about every 3-4 years, my sister had seen the show then, so she knew how good it was.
The same women who starred in it then, are still doing it today which is kinda cool.
Steady acting gig right?

The songs were absolutely hysterical, the skits were really funny, I LOVED the hippie-ish older woman, and the goody goody woman from Iowa.
They were so damn funny, their facial expressions, the way they moved their bodies.
All 4 of the women had amazing voices, it was just such a good show, you really should check the tour schedule and see if they will be doing any shows near you, and then get a couple of your girlfriends together, take your menopausal mom, and go have a great gal's night out.

Oh, and I was unable to get any pics or video because they have a very serious no camera rule, and they have people walking the aisles to make sure no one is taking any pictures, drinking anything other than the bottled water they sell, or eating.
The Asolo theater is a very old one, it was fully restored to it's original beauty, so they are very strict on the rules there. 

Have you started your shopping yet?
Have the kiddos written their lists?
Are they dropping hints about the latest gaming platform or toys they want?
Mine haven't started yet, but I know they will soon.

I'm not planning to have a party yet, but maybe I will.
I know my friend Jimmy does one every year, and then we all head on out to Ybor for some partying and hanging out with friends.
I wonder if he'll send out any of the cute little Christmas invitations again like he did last year?
I have no idea where he found them, but last year's invites were a wee bit naughty, actually, they were very naughty, so naughty in fact I had to hide them from the kids and I certainly couldn't scan and post it on my blog.
People would have been emailing me and complaining.
"Kat, my son/daughter/niece/nephew/grandchild was sitting on my lap when I opened up your blog and saw that. How dare you not place it below the cut?! What is wrong with you?!? You write a family blog for god's sakes!! I'm never reading your blog again!"

What's funny is I have actually gotten emails like that about other things I've posted, like the picture of that family who has like 18 kids, and the saying on the bottom of it made reference to a female body part and a clown car.
Some people just have no sense of humor, but I did start placing things below the cut after that and writing a very open warning about the contents below the cut so if they take offense to things or have a kid near their pc, they probably shouldn't click the read more link.