Recently in Funny Category

best fat burning supplement is, but I would have to say that any type of gastrointestinal disorder is a damn good close second.

I spent most of my Sunday afternoon today in the ER of Doctor's Hospital, the only local hospital that I ever go to any more because of the care and compassion the doctors and nurses provide.
But anyway, I got there today after having not slept for almost 5 days in a row now, and because when I finally did fall asleep this morning for all of 10 minutes, I woke to find myself puking my guts out for about 30 minutes.
That was it, I've had enough of this 3 week long stomach crap, so off to the ER I went.
She ran a bunch of tests, did a dehydration test on me, and then had the nurses start pumping me with fluids.
3 full bags of fluids by the time the day was done, 2 injections of some type of stomach meds, 2 injections of dilaudid for the pain and severe muscle cramps that wouldn't stop for almost 2 hours.
Anyway, the doc says that I have some sort of intestinal virus, she gave me 2 meds to take, tells me to increase my liquids, and to call my doctor in the morning to make him fully away that he's not giving me enough meds to survive the whole month which was a partial cause to the intestinal virus.

So yueah, a fun way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

This was far too funny for me not to post.
It made me giggle like crazy when I found it at about 4am this morning. LoL

People don't use the postal service as much as they used to, mailing a hand written letter used to be the only way that you could communicate with someone in another state or heck, even town.
Depending on how far your letter had to go, it could take anywhere from a few days to a few months.
Mail used to be delivered by horse and buggy.
The teens don't believe that, so I asked them once how they thought letters got from the little house on the prairie in Walnut Grove to the big city of Winoka in the Dakota territory.
They sat thinking about it for a few, and then said "Ah, ok, yeah, a horse and buggy. We forgot that didn't have cars then."
Ha ha.

It got even easier to communicate with people once the phone was invented, but people still used the mail to stay in touch, to send cards for birthdays or holidays.
But now with the internet and cell phones, people are using text messages, IMs, and emails to stay in touch.
A lot of people now also use online greeting cards to send their friends and family a card for a birthday or holiday, it's widely accepted by pretty much everyone these days.

When I first started using online greeting cards, I felt kind of bad, like maybe the recipient would think that I was just being cheap, didn't want to spend money on a nice paper card.
Of course the recipients never thought that, it was my thoughts, my own issues with money came into play.
The recipients were always glad that I sent a kind note or birthday wish, they were always just happy that I even remembered their birthday.
Ha ha.

My parents 50th wedding anniversary is coming up on July 31st, and I will probably send them an online anniversary card and a paper card.
I already have the paper card, I just need to write a little note in it and mail it out, and then I will find the perfect animated online card to send them on the morning of their anniversary.
I know that my Mom gets up a bit earlier than my Dad every day, she starts the coffee maker, gets dressed, and then goes to check her email before waking up Dad.
Every single morning.
So I will send them an online card wishing them a happy anniversary, tell them I love them very much, and hope that they can celebrate many more years together.
I really do wish them a happy anniversary, they are just so perfect for each other, they work well together.
Where one of them may not have what something calls for in a situation, the other does.
Together they have all of the skills needed to get anything done that they want to get done.
A perfect team in my opinion.
 

I wanted to film the cats doing something wicked cute and funny in the early morning yesterday, Tuesday, but I don't own one of those  digital camcorders, so I totally missed it.
About 2 hours later, I remembered that my digital camera can make movies.
D'oh!

What were they doing that I wanted to film?
They were playing lizard hockey.
This is a game that only cats can play, and all 4 of them were in the house and playing, so it was 2 cats per team.

The game is pretty simple, catch any lizard that comes in the house, doesn't really mater what size, although a full grown adult works best because they can survive a few minutes longer than the babies.
































Once the lizard has been properly scared for it's very life, the cats simply whack it back and forth, toss it up in the air for a few extra points, torture it by ripping off various legs and it's tail, and continuing to smack it back and forth to each other until the lizard is completely exhausted and can't try to run away any longer, or until one of the cats has fatally wounded it with a claw.

Once the lizard is dead, the winning team gets to eat it any way that they choose.
Nova likes to eat all of the body parts that got ripped off early in the game.
Kali likes the stomach area, it's soft and squishy which works well for her because of lost teeth due to her old age.
Carmine liked to eat the ends, or the butts if you want to be specific about it, and Shahiro is a fan of the heads, she will bite off the head and chew it up for about 3-4 minutes until she has chewed her way through all of the bones and cartilage enough so that it can be swallowed.
You can actually hear her crunching it between her teeth which is a really nasty sound.

They caught a HUGE one yesterday morning and they "played" with it from start to finish for a good 20 minutes or so until they had fatally wounded it and the winning team ate it.
The cats simply love the lizards that get in.
I really don't have to worry too much about lizards being in the house and crawling around or up my legs.
YES!! This 1 time I was sitting here late at night, and 1 was making it's way up my legs!
I freaked out, flicked it off, all of the cats saw it and began playing it as soon as it hit the ground.
It's really great having 4 cats that love to chase and catch bugs, lizards, spiders, and cockroaches etc, I don't have to use chemicals to spray to try to get rid of any bugs, my cats do it for me, they are my own free pest control.
There's been a few times that I have had to physically grab a cat and show them the bug, usually this is in the bathroom when I am in there and the cats are outside the door, but 99% of the time, they see, catch, play, and then devour any bugs that make the mistake of coming in the house.
I love that no matter what size or kind of spider it is, that they will try to get it with only 1 exception.
There's only 1 kind of spider that they will not go after, and that is the wolf spider.
You're gonna have to look that up for yourself, I cannot stand even seeing a picture of those!
They will go after pretty much anything but those.
Those spiders, they back up and watch them walk around from a distance.
Shahiro is a bit more adventurous, she will get within, I'd say, about 7-10 inches away from it, and she'll just watch it and follow it around the house until it goes someplace she can't fit into.
Then she'll sit and stare at the exact same spot for hours waiting for it to come back out.
She once sat in front of the fridge and staring underneath it for 5 straight hours.
Even when we had to open the fridge door, she would not move.
She fell asleep watching and waiting for whatever it was that went under the fridge to come back out.
It was so cute, so one of these days, I need to film the kitties playing hockey, and also film here falling asleep waiting for a bug to come back out of the hole, and then edit it in WMM to do like a time laspe/speed up of the film in case it takes hours and hours again.
It would be so terribly cute. 

Sorry, I just don't see it.
I logged into Myspace a couple days ago, and had 3 messages from 3 different guys.
Each one of them said I reminded them of Meg Ryan.
I really don't see the resemblance at all.
Here's one of the messages;
"Has anyone ever told you that you look similar to Meg Ryan , who I think is they sexiest woman alive ... I had just ran across the picture of yours and thought I would let you know."

The picture of me is the exact picture I use as my main profile pic on Myspace, so that is the one they are seeing to make the comments.
I honestly do not think I look like her.
At all.
Don't get me wrong, I think Meg Ryan is beautiful in these pics, not so much anymore since she had all that plastic surgery and has major fish lips now, but I just don't see how people can think I look like her.

I'll take it as the compliment it was intended as, but I still don't see it.

I was reading along on Twitter tonight, saw I had a new follower, so I went and checked them out and immediately started laughing.
Endofworshipping had posted this:
Creationist: Bananas have the perfect shape for the human hands and mouth. Me: So do penises.

I laughed out loud really hard, probably shouldn't have given the hour of night, er, morning that it is, but it just made me giggle, much like the inspiration for what they said.
Where did they get the idea to say something like that?
From my favorite creationist of course! (no really, he is my fave)
Ray Comfort!
I've posted this video before on MSML when I used to post my weekly Sunday Sermons, (atheist quotes or other religious themed posts) but it's always worth re-posting just for the absolute laughs I get from watching it again and again.
Be-hold!
The atheist's nightmare! (said with a nasally New Zealand twang)




Oh man, you gotta love Ray, even if only because he makes you laugh, he really truly believes what he's telling you in that video (and always), but had he done his research, (which he never, ever does) he would have learned that the banana he holds in his hand is only like that because man (the people of Papua New Guinea) cultivated and farmed it for a long time (5,000-8,000 years ago) for the banana to become what it is today, a soft, peel-able, easy to eat fruit.
The original banana was a small, hard fruit with seeds in it, and man, not a god, cultivated it and made it the fruit it is today.
 
But the video and the idiot in it are the inspiration for the above funny about penises, or is the plural for penises penii?
I'm pretty sure it's penii if it's more than 1 penis. (do correct me if I'm wrong)
Plural penis.
Heh.
There's that fun game where you take a movie, book, and song titles, and you change the last word of the title to penis or penii if it's plural, funny, hahaha.
Penis.
The Fellowship of the Ring Penis
The Green Mile Penis
Sixteen Candles Penii
How about some of the billboard top 10?
Lady Gaga- Poker Face Penis
The All American Rejects-Gives You Hell Penis
Miley Cyrus-The Climb Penis
Lady Gaga- Just Dance Penis
Kelly Clarkson- My Life Would Suck Without You Penis
Jamie Foxx- Blame It Penis

You get the idea...LoL

Now for the people like me part of this post.
I've added and been added to the atheists blogroll run by Mojoey.
I have this blogroll on MSML , but I wanted to add this blog, and Joe was kind enough to go ahead and add this blog to the roll too.
Since being added to it and adding the roll's code to my blog, I've found so many amazing blogs to read, other people like me, more atheists.
I live in the bible belt and for a long time, I felt really alone, even on the internet for a few years, I didn't find many other free-thinking humanists, but we are starting to come out, speak out, and it's a really cool feeling to know that there are a lot more people who think and believe like me, (no belief in any god or gods) out there.
There's a lot of us, and many more are starting to speak up too.
NBC Nightly News did a poll a few weeks back, more people now say that they have no belief in any god or gods, have no association with any religious group or church, and consider themselves to be atheist. (16.1% of Americans are not affiliated to any faith, that is approximately 48 million people)
That's way cool if you ask me, which you didn't, but I felt like sharing anyway.

Maybe I'll start my Sunday Sermons back up, do them on this blog, stick to parenting, the teens, school, home/family type stuff on MSML, and start doing my Sunday posts again.
I really enjoyed doing those.
Yeah, I did, I will.
Consider this my first Sunday Sermon on KatScan.

Once again, I am all backed up from both of the narcotic pain relievers I take up to 10 times per day.
It's now been 14 days since I've had any movement of the bowels.
This is an awful thing to go through, those of you who have ever been constipated know exactly what I mean.
You're all backed up, you feel bloated, full, you have to go, you always feel like you have to go, but you can't no matter how hard you try.
And the harder you try, the more it hurts.
The longer it goes on, the worse you feel.
It's all just sitting right there, you can feel it sitting there, you push and you push, and nothing comes out, it's like so solid, it feels like there's rocks sitting in your anus, and if you try to push them out, it hurts, you may end up with hemorrhoids from pushing so hard, you may even bleed a little.
It becomes so backed up and full in there, that even sitting on a chair causes your butt to hurt.
It sucks to be completely honest.

I was telling my son Mark about this last night at bedtime, he asked why I kept going into the bathroom so much, was it because of my blood pressure meds which make me pee like a race horse on lasix, I told him no, explained about the backed up plumbing, and he laughed, he thought it was absolutely hysterical that I can't poop.
I said you just wait buddy, someday when you're older, your poop isn't going to come out either, and when it happens and you call up your mommy to find out what to do, I'm going to laugh hysterically for a really long time before I tell you how to treat it.
That made him laugh even harder, that I would wish constipation on him.
Boys always think that poop is a funny subject even if it's painful.

Well today was the final straw, I couldn't take another day of being all backed up with hard as rock poop, so when the teens came home from school, Sebastian and I walked to Publix where I picked up some stool softeners and some more food stuffs, and then we walked back home, I put the groceries away, and popped 3 of those little poop softening gel caps in my mouth, and washed them down with a huge slurp from the straw in my Diet Pepsi.
It says take 1-3 gel caps per day, and within 12-72 hours, the poop will be soft enough to move on out.
I'm evicting it, it has 3 days to get out, or I will take even more of them and force it out by whatever means necessary, and if that means an enema, then so be it.
I really don't want to have to do an enema, I'm really not a fan of those, but one must do what one must do to get relief from the stone poops.