Recently in Home & Finances Category

The teens and I have so much to do before we go to Maine, so many things to take with us because of how long we'll be there, so many things to take care of here at the house too, that it feels like I should just hire a long distance moving company to help me pack and organize it all.
I have to go to a store and buy myself a pair of jeans, I don't own any, I wear shorts or cotton capri pants all year round here, or I have been borrowing Mark's jeans when it's cold and I need to go somewhere.
While at the store, I need to get a few t-shirts, and a package of tube socks for the 3 of us to share.
I have to get help putting on my socks and boots while in Maine, but it's better than having freezing feet the whole time.
I need to make my list of everything that I need to take, medicines, personal care items, I need to get all of my medical cards ready for the airport, that's always so much fun going through security, so I just make sure that I have everything in my hand to show them.
I need to make sure that the teens have enough warm `clothes and socks too.

I also need to get the netbook and stuff ready to go, that will be in my carry-on, not in a suitcase, not even going to risk it.
I need to finish programming all of my contacts into my new cell phone, and learn as much about using it as I can, take the manual with me anyway.
And then I need to have Mindy come over so that we can go over everything about the cats feeding and stuff because she's watching them and the house for us while we're gone.

There's so much more too that I can't even remember right now, but I will, and then as soon as I remember it, I need to add it to the list so I don't forget it again.

I have a PayPal debit card, a State of Florida child support debit card, and an Amscot card.
They are all used for various things, like Paypal is for work payments, the child support card is for obvious reasons, and the Amscot card is for my SSDI to be direct deposited.
I had to get both my SSDI and my child support checks direct deposited to cards, because someone once stole a child support check from my mailbox, and even though it was a piddly little $21.05, I couldn't risk someone stealing those every week as it's court ordered, (not that he pays every week as court ordered) and I certainly didn't want to risk my SSDI checks being stolen.

I can deposit any kind of check or money order, in any amount, deposited to my Amscot card, but I can't always get there, so I usually have to wait until I can get a ride there to deposit things like that.
If I get cash, it's the same thing, I can deposit it, but I can't always get there to do so.
I don't like carrying cash with me, I don't like using cash, it's really dirty and I already wash my hands (OCD) a lot so yeah, I don't like to carry or use cash unless I absolutely have to.
I also don't like banks.
I take great issue with the government being able to access all of our private financial information if they feel like it, if they decide that you or I are a threat, or have possible ties to terrorism.
I don't like that banks require so much of your personal and private information to open an account, and for you to update your information so that they comply with the regulations of the governments "protect the home front" policies.
None of the cards that I currently use, have ever asked me for the same kind of information that banks do, as a matter of fact, I think several of the cards only have my name, date of birth, and phone number(s).
Banks also charge crazy fees for every single transaction that you do no matter how small, and now some even charge you a fee (I've heard this fee can be as much as $10)  for physically going in to the bank and interacting with a human teller, whose job it is to help you deposit or withdraw your money. 
So when I had some cash this week that I didn't want to carry with me, have it sit in my wallet driving me crazy that I can't get up to Amscot to deposit it, so I decided to try a new pre-paid debit card that I can get re-load cards from right at 7 eleven.

I bought a Green Dot pre-paid Visa debit card at 7 eleven for $4.95*, and a money pack re-load card, also for $4.95*
I gave the cashier the amount of cash that I wanted to load onto my pre-paid Visa debit card, and he added that amount through the cash register's POS systems card reader.
I came home, logged onto the Green Dot website, entered in the Visa debit card number, the expiration date, created a password, and logged in to load the card.
Loading the debit card from the money pack was really easy, and now I have all of my cash, all of my income sources, on debit cards, 2 of them are pre-paid, and 2 are not.
I only have to touch cash when absolutely necessary, when I get it, and when I hand it to the cashier, so now I don't have to be grossed out by the thought of handling very dirty paper money for too long.

Once I've used the Green Dot card for awhile, I will give it a proper product review, but so far, it gets 4 out of 5 stars for it's ease of use, fast money transfers from the money pack to the debit card, (the time it takes you to type in the numbers from the debit card and money pack) and the fee refunds.
The only downside is that they are not available everywhere yet.
While they can be purchased at over 50,000 retailers nationwide like CVS, 7 eleven, Kmart and Walgreen's, it will/would be really nice if they were also available at grocery stores as I go to Publix far more often than I go to 7 eleven, and I hate that place because while convenient, they charge excessive prices on almost every single item that they sell. 

* The $4.95 that you pay to buy the card and the money pack re-load cards, are credited back to your account (refund!) in about 1 business week, and the only fees for using the Green Dot pre-paid card is a monthly service charge of $5.95, and fees if you use an ATM, and those fees are just .50cents per transaction.
I don't plan on using any of those, so just $5.95 per month to help me control my OCD is ok with me.

**EDIT
My first fee (bought on 3/2/2010) refund was posted to my account today, 3/6/2010.

 

Mark will be attending college starting this summer, and he's also going to work on getting his license, finally.
After the license, comes finding a car and figuring out how to pay for it, and also getting an auto insurance quote for a new and young driver.
I know that the insurance is what's going to be what costs us the most.
He's only 18, never had a license, no work history, no credit history, so yeah, the insurance for him is probably going to cost quite a bit to start with.
I think the prices go down after he's had a license for 6 months or so.
I think.
That's what I've heard anyway.
My sister Jo said that she would put him on her insurance, so he would have insurance when he was driving her car anyway, but we have to wait for 6 months to 1 year of him having his license before the price of insurance goes down.

I've been like sick non-stop for weeks on end, and now we are in the middle of another cold spell, so all of my joints and bones and titanium are freaking killing me.
And on top of all of that, I had 3 different lights blow out in the last 24 hours and no replacement bulbs in the house to replace them with.
I swear, whatever can go wrong in my life, does.
Out of boredom, I went looking for new lamps online, I just want a different look in here, I mean, it's no secret that this duplex was built in the 1970s, and apparently still has all of the same lighting fixtures and shades now that it did when it was built.
I came across some really nice looking lights at Dolan Designs lighting, they had some cool looking stuff, stuff that I would like.
My tastes are very different from most people, my house is a hodge podge of design, it's whatever we all like in here, no set design or style, so the lights that I found would perfectly "match" with what we currently have.
Now, if only I had the money to get some new lights.

I will get some term life insurance one of these days, I feel like I'm running out of time here.
Lately, it's been one thing after another with me, it all feels like it's falling apart, fast.
I turn 40 on March 1st, and my body is breaking down faster and faster as each day passes, or at least that's how I feel, that's what it feels like what's happening to me.

Intestinal viruses, drastic weight loss, illness after illness, medication changes, and then at 4am today, this Thursday morning, my way back right molar, which has been broken for a long time, freaking exploded like I got shot in the face.
I couldn't sleep, as usual, and all of a sudden, it felt like I had literally been shot in the face.
The entire right side of my face immediately swelled up huge, my gums are completely swollen, my whole face hurts, the swelling is moving up the whole side of my face, my right eye is swelling shut, it's really pretty bad.
The antibiotics that I have are not working on it, not yet at least, I need to go see a dentist, but there is absolutely no dental coverage on Medicare, none.

I simply do not have the money to go see a dentist, I won't have the money to see a dentist for a very long time, and even if I did have the money, I cannot open my jaw wide anymore, an extraction of that broken tooth would have to be done while I was put under, and they would have to be extremely careful or they could break my jaw.
Being put under for extractions cost a ton of money that I just do not have, will not have.
But first, before anything like an extraction could even be discussed, I need the correct antibiotics to get rid of this massive infection that is taking place and spreading.
If this abscesses, it can get into my blood stream and make me even sicker than I already am all of the time.

I'm so tired people, so so tired.
 
I'm tired of being sick, I'm tired of having things go wrong, I'm exhausted from struggling to make ends meet, I'm stressed out all of the time, it's really no wonder that I don't sleep and can barely eat, I'm far too stressed out to even properly function half the time anymore.
I lay awake all night long, sick, stressed out, worried about how I'm going to pay the bills, the rent, pay for all of this medical crap that is constantly happening.
Every single day is a medical and financial nightmare for me.
I'm so tired and so scared.
I'm absolutely terrified that I'm not going to be able to hold it together for much longer.
I get sick and then I can't work because I'm too sick to even sit here and type.
If I can't sit here and work, I lose making the money that I so desperately need to pay the rent, bills, and medical crap.
I'm feeling like total crap right now, the right side of my face, the whole right side, is completely swollen, it hurts, my whole jaw hurts.
I called both my pain doc and my primary care, I asked if they could call in some antibiotics, they said no.
They told me to go to the dental clinic butcher shop downtown, or go back to the ER.
I am probably already marked as a "frequent flier" at the ER, so yeah, I really don't want to have to walk back in there, show them my face, and beg them to help me, again.
 
I'm sick and tired of my ex-husband paying the child support once a freaking month because he knows that he can get away with it.
He doesn't even have to pay that much anymore!
Mark is 18, so he only has to pay for Sebastian, just $59.56 per week, and he refuses to pay it every week like he's supposed to!
He knows that he can miss 3 weekly payments in a row before any legal action is taken, so he doesn't pay for 3 weeks, then pays just the one payment of $59.56, and then doesn't pay again for another 3 weeks!
He hasn't paid a freaking dime since January 8th!
I know that's not much money, but I need every single penny that I can get, that I'm supposed to have.
That weekly child support payment pays for my doctor appointments and medicines, Mark's doctor appointments and medicines, helps buy food, and helps to pay some of the bills, and he just keeps avoiding paying it.
It's not fair!

When I say that I'm really scared, I mean it.
I honestly don't know how much longer I can keep this pace up, how much longer that I can try to hold my life together financially.
Everything is a mess, I get sick, I lose work, I lose work, I lose money, I lose money, I get behind on my bills and rent.
I am falling apart here, just falling apart and I'm scared.
I need help, I need someone to just come and make it all better, take the burdens off of me for awhile.
I need someone to just come into my life and take over for awhile, pay the bills, buy the food, pay for the medicines and appointments, and clothes for the 2 growing boys, I need someone to just come take over, I am struggling so hard and I am terrified.

It is so hard for me to admit my failings, to admit that I need someone to help me, to just take control before I lose control and lose everything, house and job, everything, but I am losing it here folks, I'm really losing it.
I really don't know how I'm going to hold it together for much longer.
I have so many bills all due during the first 3 days of February, and I do not have the money, I just don't have it.
I'm not going to have it.
Do you see?
Do you see at all?
Have you ever been so scared that you're really going to lose it all this time?
That this is it, this time is going to be the time that you just can't hold it together any longer and you can do absolutely nothing at all about it?

I can't do anything about it.
Nothing.
I'm so lost and so scared, and just wow, I really don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to hold this life of mine together.
This life of mine.
It's not a life anymore, it's just fear, stress, and worry 24 hours a day, I'm really losing control.



 

Back in October 2008, I got the second of my 3 brand new ACs in a year installed, and even though they come with a good filter, it may be time to replace it and get a new air conditioner filter for it soon.
I can keep cleaning this filter out for eternity, it's meant to be cleaned and not replaced, but because of the amount of dust that accumulates in these duplex units, I really think that I want to get a slightly thicker one so that it can collect twice as much dust in it and maybe that will help keep any of the tons of extra dust particles from landing over every square inch of my house.
I'm tired of trying to dust it every other day.

I am still not with it, I still just don't feel right.
I think I'm just under too much stress.
The holiday and medical bills are killing me and I just don't know what to do, how to deal with it all.
I wish I could just take off and do one of those Outer Banks vacation rentals that I'm always seeing ads for, ya know?
Go somewhere, anywhere, just go away and leave it all behind, but I know that won't work either, I know that all of the problems will still be here when I get back, they may, no, they will actually be worse, when I get back.
I don't know, I'll figure something out, some way to get rid of all of this stress and worry and fear over things.

I'm really having a heck of a time lately.
A few things have gotten totally screwed up in the last 24 hours, 1 being that my doc called in another new med, (getting sick of the constant switching of meds) I can't go get it, really irritated about that but not much I can do, and then this morning, all of the lights went out in Sebastian's bedroom, and none of the outlets will work either.
So I went outside to the fuse box to flip the switch, and nothing happened, so I opened up the fuse panel to try and see if something was wrong with it, and that's when I saw that the fuse holders for that room were all loose, so I tried to wiggle them back in place, it seemed to go back in, so I closed the panel and flipped the switch again.
Nothing.
So I flipped it again.
Nothing.
So I came back in the house and checked the lights and outlets again, nope, no juice, so I called the landlord to ask him if he could come by and check it out, replace the burnt out fuse or the fuse holders, whichever is the cause, and he said he would try to get here today but he's really rather busy with work, so it may be tomorrow before he can get here.
Luckily, the washer and dryer, which are in that room, are on a different fuse, so at least I can do the laundry.
I'll be doing it in the dark, but at least it will be done.

I just got a call from the insurance company about what happened to me back in October with the DA& Pharmacy.

Because I don't have a full Medicare supplement, just a part D drug plan, I only pay a small co-pay for my prescriptions.
This pharmacy that I went to told me that I had to pay an extra $20.00 on top of my $2.40 insurance co-pay or I couldn't have my medication.
Read the blog post I linked to see what went down, but I am so very happy to report that Humana, my insurance company, is going after this pharmacy.
They are not only going to revoke their contract, but they will also be pursuing other legal options, they will be calling other customers of Humana who have used this pharmacy to see if anything similar happened to them, and then doing whatever they can to get this pharmacy dealt with legally.
I have scanned and emailed them the receipts and everything else that I had including the whole story so that they can refresh the pharmacists memory if she claims that she doesn't remember or that it never happened, they can show her that she did do it.
Totally freaking awesome.

I called Bounce today after having a horribly itchy night again thanks to the Bounce Dryer Bar, being allergic to it but finding out I wasn't the only one.
I called and spoke to one of their health people, they are the ones who take complaints like this and pass it on to the investigators and makers to look into, and then they figure out how to resolve it so it doesn't happen in future versions of the product.
They are going to send me a check for my money back, $5.99, a coupon for free Bounce dryer sheets, and a coupon for a free bottle of Tide because I had to re-wash all of the laundry that I had done with the dryer bar.
I had removed the bar from the dryer a few days ago, and today I  washed 5 loads of laundry today to try and get rid of the stuff from our clothes.
I re-washed all of our towels, shirts, breeches, underwwear,shorts, t-shirts, dish towels, sheets, blankets, everything that I had done with the bar in the dryer.
I wasn't able to get a good picture of the rash, and hopefully I've gotten rid of it completely now between doing all of the laundry and taking several showers.
The rash, hives, and welts really sucked, so I really want it to be gone for good.

When I was about 8 or 9 years old, my entire family used to go to all of my big brother Mike's football games both at home and away, on the weekends, as sort of like cheap family entertainment.
There were a lot of us kids, Mike, Jo, me, Frankie, Benji, and all of the other many foster kids that came and went over the years.
We'd all pile into Dad's station wagon with the way-back seat, which was where Jo and I used to sit, that was ours, we claimed it on every single road trip because it didn't face forward, it faced back, directly into the face of whatever car and driver were directly behind us.
We loved that seat because we could make faces at those drivers, stick our tongue's out, pretend to pick our noses and fling 'em, stuff like that, we were kids, it was our entertainment on those many and very long road trips to go to games, camping trips, and the holiday visits to see family in Pennsylvania.
Anyway, we would all have to go to the football games, Mom would pack a couple coolers with food and kool-aid, most of us kids wouldn't watch the game, we'd play on the playgrounds that most of the football fields had because the games were usually held at high schools.
There was this one game where there was no playground so we had to make our own fun.
There were these metal poles on like these circular cement things, they used them to hold up ropes to mark off the parking lot and spaces.

So Jo and I were playing on those things and we were sorta swinging back and forth, the cement parts were kind of round so they wobbled, it was sorta fun, and there was nothing else to play on, so yeah, we swung around on those things.
Jo had the fun idea to get it rocking back and forth and then jump off, see who could jump the farthest after getting dizzy.
We were both on the same one, we had it rocking and spinning around, and then she yelled jump and let go, I let go a second later, but I didn't get far enough away from it, my jump sucked basically.
The bad part of it though was that the cement block and metal pole had swung in my direction when I jumped, then it swung straight back the other way, I stood up and it came swinging back and the pole hit me right in the mouth.

The metal pole hit me in the mouth with incredible force, it split my lips open and smashed my right front tooth.
Mom and Dad were pissed of course, it meant a trip to the very expensive for our family dentist, and having to get my broken tooth fixed, save the nerves, and cap the chipped front tooth.
It wasn't the type of chipped tooth you could just ignore, a huge piece had broken off, so a cap to make me have a tooth that looked like the other front tooth, was pretty expensive.
That first cap lasted a very long time, until I was like 15 or 16 at least, and then it just fell off, back then caps weren't meant to last a lifetime, so Mom and dad had to buy me another one.
That one lasted until after I was married and had the kids, it fell off, I mean broke off, when I bit into an apple around age 25.
I was now on my own, totally, I was divorced and raising the boys on my own and I didn't have any dental insurance, so I didn't replace the cap.

In all of these years since, I have never been able to replace the cap on my broken front tooth.
It's been 14 years that I have gone around with a broken front tooth.
I don't ever smile in pictures, I rarely ever open mouth smile when out in public either, I am a closed mouth smiler because I am so self conscious of the broken front tooth, it looks terrible, and it's incredibly obvious.
 People try to tell me that they can't even notice it, but they say that to be nice, I know this because I took a picture of myself with an open mouth smile, and that huge chip is just *BAM!* smiling with my mouth open, showing my teeth in a big toothy smile, there is a big hole showing because of that chipped tooth.

This coming Saturday, local area dentists are doing what they call "Sarasota Smile" for about 4 hours starting at 8am.
A lot of local area dentists will see people on a first come first serve basis, doors open at 8am, close at noon, they will fix just one tooth per person, so if someone needs a tooth pulled, they will pull it.
If someone needs a drill and fill, they will drill and fill.
If someone needs a cap, they will cap it.
The problem is that it's first come first serve, and the dentist said that last year, people started lining up at 3am, by the time the doors opened at 8am, there were over 400 people standing in line starting at the door and snaking down the sidewalk and through the parking lot.
He said they are expecting even more people this year with the economy the way it is.

The dentist doing it is my sister's dentist, she called him to ask about the Sarasota Smile on Saturday, to ask what time I would need to get there to be in the first 10 people in line, he said that I would need to be there really early, like probably no later than 2am, and he asked her why she was asking, he was going to see her on Wednesday the 16th at 1pm, who was she asking for.
Jo told him that it was me, her sister, and he asked what the situation was, so she explained that I am disabled and can't afford to have my front tooth capped, that it's been broken for the last 14 years, that I have kids and just could never afford to get it fixed after having kids.
Jo told him  if it was fixed that I would probably feel better about myself, finally feel comfortable smiling normally like everybody else, be able to laugh out loud without covering my mouth with my hand so no one sees the giant chipped front tooth.
She told him that I was more than willing to go down there Saturday morning at whatever time, I would just bring a folding lawn chair with me so I didn't have to stand up or sit on the hard concrete for all of those hours, but that I would definitely wait as many hours as it took to be among the first in line so I could get my front tooth fixed up.
 
The dentist told Jo to pick me up and bring me with her on Wednesday to her appointment at 1pm.
She asked why, she told him that I couldn't afford to get it capped, that she can't afford to get it capped for me either, it's too expensive, and as it is, Jo is struggling to pay for the work that he's been doing to her for the last few weeks and this Wednesday is the final appointment, but she'll be paying off her dental bill for the next  8 months to a year once the bill is finally tallied for the root canal, 3 drill and fills, and 5 filling replacements to get rid of the old mercury fillings that she has for new and safer fillings.  (When we were kids, fillings were silver and made of mercury).
He told Jo not to worry about it, that neither she or I would have to pay for the cap, that his office will cover it.
She asked him to repeat it, she wasn't sure she heard him right, and so he said it again.
"Bring your sister Kat with you on Wednesday at 1pm. His office will do the cap on my front tooth at no charge to her or me, it will be a Christmas present from him to me."
He made my sister promise to bring me on Wednesday, she said she would, they hung up, and she called me straight away to tell me what was going on.
Here I was going to wake up and go sit down there at 2-3am and wait in line to be in the first in line to be seen and get 1 tooth worked on for free, and the dentist said that I don't have to do that, that I can go on Wednesday at 1pm with my sister, and he and his office will do it for free.
Can you believe that?? How freaking awesome is that dentist?!
I can't believe it, he and his office are going to fix my front tooth for me, wow, it's really amazing.
My front tooth has had this big huge chip for the last 14 years, I haven't smiled in a picture for 14 years, if I'm out with friends and having a good time, i will cover my mouth with my hands while I laugh so no one sees the big chipped up mes.
For the first time in 14 years, I'm going to have a full smile with fully shaped teeth.
After I got off of the phone with my sister, Mark asked me what was going on so I told him, and as I was telling him I started to cry.
14 years, 14 years I have hated the way my teeth look because of a stupid mistake that I made when I was 8 or 9 years old and bored at my older brother's football game.

The dentist said that he couldn't believe that I've gone for 14 years with a broken front tooth, job interviews, work, shopping, everything that people do every single day with a big chipped tooth, hating the way my smile looks so I just haven't truly and freely smiled in 14 years.
He said by the time I leave his office on Wednesday afternoon, I will be smiling big and free for the first time in 14 years, and it will be a beautiful.

I am so freaking excited!!

It may not be an industrial computer, but I finally (been thinking about buying 1 since school started up back in August) ordered the netbook that I've been wanting to get for Sebastian, and I have been talking about it on my other blog, and debating with myself for months and months and months.
YAY!!!
I Twittered about getting the really awesome deal that I got thanks to Verizon, I mean, really, it's a totally sweet deal, how could I not publicly thank them?

The netbook is actually a really great one for the price.
HP Mini 110 series

• • Black Swirl
• • Genuine Windows XP Home with Service Pack 3
• • Intel(R) Atom(TM) Processor N270 (1.60GHz, 512KB L2, 533Mhz FSB)
• • 1GB DDR2 System Memory (1 Dimm)
• • 160GB 5400RPM SATA Hard Drive
• • Intel(R) Graphics Media Accelerator 950 with a 5-in-1 Digital Media slot
• • 10.1" diagonal WSVGA LED Anti-glare Widescreen Display (1024 x 600)
• • HP Mini Webcam with HP Imprint Finish (Swirl)
• • Wireless-G Card
• • HP Color Matching Keyboard
• • 3 Cell Lithium Ion Battery
• • Microsoft(R) Works 9.0

When I got Fios installed back in July, Verizon told me that in 3 months, if I paid the bill on time and in full for those first 3 months, I would receive a gift certificate for $299.00 to buy anything that I wanted from a certain website, so my gift certificate came about a month ago, and I finally used it tonight.
The netbook's price was exactly $299.00, and then I bought a mouse and a carrying case for it.
The mouse was $12.79, the case was, $11.99, they had 20% off of them individually, not 20% off if I bought both together, but 20% off of them by themselves, and then I had to pay for shipping for all 3 items.
The subtotal was $324.77, shipping was $19.00, Florida tax was 24.07, making the grand total $367.84.
The $299.00 gift certificate was applied and so I only had to pay $67.85 in total.
I LOVE an awesome bargain like this!
W00t!! W00t!!


Today like around 9am or so, I am going to go to the pharmacy and pick up the scripts that are waiting for me, then go do the grocery shopping, and then tomorrow, I get to go see my other doctor and tell him about the issues that I am having with my feet and hope that it isn't diabetic neuropathy, because if it is, I know that he's going to put me on insulin and I don't want to be on insulin.
I don't have a problem with needles, no problem with needles at all.
It's that having to take insulin will further restrict me and what little freedom I have left.
Because of all of the health issues that I have right now, I am truly a prisoner in my own home because of my own freaking messed-up body.
Having to take insulin will just make me even more of a prisoner.
I know that calling myself a prisoner isn't good, but it's how I feel, my life is so restricted, I can hardly do anything because of the constant pain that I am in, being forced to watch myself, test my blood sugars constantly, will just make that feeling even stronger.
It sucks.

Right now I am in some really horrible pain in my left ankle, no, not another spider bite, and no, I didn't twist and sprain it, but I think it may be diabetic neuropathy.
When I tried to get up from my chair here in my little office furniture corner of the living room after posting my review of my new Christmas decoration, (it took me about an hour to write that post, I kept getting interrupted) when I went to put my feet down on the floor from my usual placed up on a high foot stool, my left ankle started throbbing immediately.
I couldn't put any weight on it at all.
It's not like a pinched nerve or tingling kind of pain, this is like a twisted ankle kind of pain, it's that bad.

Diabetic neuropathy usually creates a tingling or numbness sensation in the feet, but it can "occasionally creates a severe burning pain, or other very unpleasant sensations, that are extremely frustrating."
And yes, it is extremely frustrating to know that I did not do anything to bring this on, I did not do anything out of the ordinary at all, I went for my regular 2 walks every day, and the general walking around my house to clean and do dishes and make dinner kind of stuff.
My ankle did not hurt or even tingle when I sat down to write that post, it just happened over the course of the hour that I sat here with my legs propped up, while writing that post.

In all these past 6 or so years since I was told that I had diabetes, I have been able to control it and my blood sugar through diet alone with the help of my doctors keeping me on track making me keep food and sugar readings diaries every single day.
Once a month, I bring in my diary notebook, the nurses photocopy the new months entries, the nurses go over highlighting anything either above or below normal, and bad foods that I know I shouldn't eat but do anyway, and then when I get in the room with the doc, he reads all of the highlighted entries and tells me (yells at me actually) what I'm doing wrong and how to stay on track, how to get and keep my glycosylated hemoglobin value into the normal range, and to keep my blood sugar tests normal as often as possible.
But if when I go to see him this coming Wednesday and tell him about this foot pain and he goes over my diaries, he may tell me that we had a good run, but it's now time for insulin.
That will totally suck if it happens and it's probably going to, but I did have a very good run, I went almost a full 6 years controlling it through diet alone, I did really great at it only messing myself up a few times.
There have been times that I needed to spike myself up or I wouldn't have any energy at all to even make dinner for the boys, so I would intentionally take on too much sugary foods, like some ice cream mixed with marshmallows, followed by a full can of Mountain Dew to help wash down a Snickers Bar and a few Twizzlers.
The sugar spike would have me buzzing around the house cleaning everything I saw, the house would be totally spotless in like 2hours, dinner would be done cooking, everyone would be done eating, and the dinner dishes would be all washed and the sinks and counters wiped down and sparkly like Fly Lady tells us to do.
My docs yell at me for doing that, but seriously, there ar just times that I am dead tired, have zero energy, and if I don't do it, absolutely nothing at all will get done and the teens won't be fed.
It's really that bad, I just lay on the couch on those days and sleep off and on all day and night listening to the tv for anywhere from 24 to 48 hours.
Sugar spiking myself and then crashing after it's all done, is sometimes the only way, and it IS like the number 1 thing that my docs yell at me for doing.

I'm afraid that my awesome 6 year run of no insulin is over.
Diabetic neuropathy can be controlled by controlling the sugar and the glycosylated hemoglobin in my blood.
I don't hate needles, I've had so many jabbed in me over the last 10.5 years to give me shots, take blood, give blood, so it's not a fear of needles, it's realizing finally, that I cannot control it on my own anymore, that I've failed and need to take even  more medicine.
I'm so over taking medicine, every single day, pill after pill after pill, all day long every single day for the last 10.5 years and will be taking pill after pill every single day for however long I live.
It sucks.

I really need to get the yard sale stuff done so I can get rid of all of this stuff that I'm not using and try to make a few bucks off of it in the process.
I have a 30 gallon octagon shaped fish tank with matching wooden stand with storage underneath, I have toys, books, clothes, all kinds of kitchen gadgets, cookware,
and I even found some pond supplies tucked in the storage under the fish tank.
The fish tank was my sisters, she had a pond at her old house and has a pond at her new house too, so these supplies must be hers. I will take them out and give them to her before I sell the fish tank.
The tank comes with everything too, everything that you would need to put some fishies in, it's all there and ready to go, including extra gravel.
I have a  hand mixer , you know the kind, it has 2 beaters, you know what I'm talking about right?
So 1 of those but I haven't used it in ages because I have an awesome blender/food processor comb, it's an Oster Fusion, and I love it, it does everything that I need, so I don't need the hand mixer anymore.
I just have so much stuff that I am not using that can be used by other people, so I really really need to get my ass in gear and have a yard sale soon, Christmas is coming and I need some extra cash to buy the teens some small gifts.

I'm so tired, so so tired.
Every single day is a struggle, things just coming and going at me, arguing with the teens, trying to get help so we can cope with it as a family, try to heal this family of mine that started falling apart months ago.
I lost control of my life months ago.
I know when it happened, I know exactly when it happened, I was severely depressed, not talking to anyone about it, just leaving it all sit in there because I didn't want to be seen as weak.
But I am weak and I need to stop and ask for help every now and then.
It's ok to ask for help.
And some one of these days when I get that break that I need, I'm going to get away from here, go on a vacation, go to some new state and have a real vacation.
No computers, cell only for emergency calls, just me and the teens, or me and my best friend Shell.
Then the 2 of us could just take off for like a week, just be girls again, not employees, not moms, not housekeepers, cooks, cleaners, but just be girls.
Go some place beautiful and peaceful like South Carolina and stay at one of the many Myrtle Beach hotels.
I just have so many things going on, I'm carrying like 20 plates and they are all full and terribly heavy.
I'm struggling here, just struggling to even put a coherent thought together for more than 5 minutes.
Hell, it took me over 20 minutes to just write this one post
I'm just flapping around like a goldfish that got dropped on land, struggling to breathe, fighting to stay alive, and it will either die or someone will pick it up and put it back in the aquarium bowl.
I feel like that goldfish, I need someone to pick me up and carry me at least half of the way.
I'm so tired, there are days that my life is just too much for me to handle, I want to just quit, go back in time and fix all of this crap before it ever even started.

I just don't know where my life is heading anymore, I just feel like I don't know anything about myself anymore.
Once upon a time, I was strong, both physically and emotionally, and now I feel like I'm just a big pile of mush. 

I am still fuming mad at the counselor that we are trying to see, trying to get some help from because we all need to speak to someone outside of our situation so we can try to heal our fractured family.
She had made an appointment with me and then showed up really late and acted like it was no big deal because hey, I'm disabled and never go anywhere, so why should it matter if she's late, that's pretty much what she said, I posted what she said in the link up there to my other blog.
So we've now made a new appointment for tomorrow afternoon, the same time as our appointment on Thursday last week.
If she's late or calls me and says she's going to be late, I am going to tell her that I will be going with someone else.
She needs to be professional about this, it does not matter if I'm disabled and always home, an appointment is an appointment no matter what the situation is, and when using a counselor, you have to have trust, you're telling the counselor private family issues, and if you can't trust them to even be on time, then how I am supposed to trust them with our family's issues?

I cleaned the house really good for that appointment too, but it's now gotten dirty in here again.
I need to open up the vac and see where the clog is so I can get it cleaned out and running again so I can vac the rug.
I really hope that it's just a clog and not the central vacuum motor burnt out or something like that.
That would totally suck if the motor is burnt out and that's why it's not sucking like it should be.
I am so really hoping that it's just a clog.
Please let it be just a clog.

I'm sitting here right now with the front door open allowing the cool night air to come in.
It's not really cool, like up north Maine cool, but it's very nice outside right now.
It's currently 69degrees, that's awesome, I LOVE it!
By next Monday and Tuesday, the nightly temps will be down to 59/58 degrees.
I can't wait!

I really can't wait for December through the end of February.
That's when the daily temps are going to be mid-60's, and the nightly temps in the low 40's.
I love that kind of weather, it's perfect for me, but the teens get cold at night.
They have lived here since they were little kids, so their bodies are totally adjusted to the weather and they get cold in the winter.
I already dug out the portable electric heater and cleaned it all off, dusted it, dusted the coils and the fan blades, and wiped it all down so it will be ready for use on those nights when the teens say they are cold.
The only thing I have left to do to it is to wash out the furnace filters under the tap in the bathtub. It has the same kind of small thin filter that my AC unit does, it's just a small, well 2 small thin filters that you just rinse out, flap dry, and put it back in.
I usually set it up in the dining room and aim it towards the center of the house, towards their bedrooms, and I close my bedroom door so the heat bounces back and just heats up the back part of the house where their rooms are.
I don't sleep in my bed much, I rarely sleep, but if I do sleep in my room in the winter, I sleep with the door closed anyway.
My room stays cold if I keep the door closed, I don't like sleeping with all of the heat that the heater blows, way too warm for me.

Just about every January or February, I buy new contact lenses.
I buy 4 boxes, each box contains 6 lenses, so I end up with 24 contact lenses, and they are the extended wear ones, the monthlies.
I end up spending about $200 a year on new contacts if they don't have any specials or instant rebates.
Like if I were to re-order my lenses right now, 4 boxes comes to $199.96, and they have an instant $30 savings, like a coupon, so the total would be $169.96, and standard shipping is 5-7 days and free.
If I only buy 2 boxes, 12 lenses, I wouldn't get any instant savings, and it would cost me $99.98, and I'd still get the free shipping, but it's a much better deal to buy 4 boxes.
Ya know, just in case I tear a lens or 2, (it's happened a few times) lose a lens, etc, so when I do decide to order come January or February, I'll get 4 boxes unless they don't have the instant savings when I do my re-order.

I've often wondered how much it would cost to get Lasik, my eyes aren't so bad that I wouldn't qualify, my prescription is rather easy, and it would be totally awesome to never have to order lenses again, take them out, put new ones in, all of the hassles about wearing contacts.
I'd probably have to do the whole lasik surgery Mexico style in order to be able to afford it.
I've heard that it's extremely costly to get Lasik here in the US.
I saw a commercial the other day where a husband and wife were talking about her getting lasik, and she told her husband that they were spending that much on contacts anyway, but I know that lasik costs well over $1,000 per eye, and sure lasik is usually a 1-time deal which is probably way less than the cost of purchasing contacts over the course of a lifetime, but it's still really expensive here in the US to get them done.
I found this info about the average costs of lasik in the US as of July 2009.

* $2,140 for all laser-based vision correction procedures (including LASIK) in which a single price is quoted.
* $1,748 for non-customized LASIK using a bladed instrument (microkeratome) and excimer lasers that are not guided by wavefront analysis.
* $2,314 for wavefront-guided LASIK using a laser-created flap.

I don't know what half of that means, but my contacts cost me way less than that, and I know better than to fall for any eye specialist who claims that lasik will only cost $499.99 per eye.
Those prices are for people who have very minimal eye correction necessary, the real prices are usually between $1,500 to $3,000 per eye, that's the general going rate, so yeah, I'd probably have to go to Mexico to get lasik done on me for a super low price.
Now, if only I could afford to take a vacation to Mexico. ha ha

I had been battling a couple issues the last 2 days, a migraine that wouldn't quit, and a swollen foot.
The swollen foot thing is always bothersome, it (left foot) swells up so much that it hurts to try and walk, it turns red, it feels like it's going to break, or the skin is going to pop open.
So I spent all of last night laying on the couch with my foot elevated and trying to get rid of the migraine.

I also spent some time being very concerned for a friend who really needs some really good but super low cost health insurance because of a health issue she is now faced with, and her doctors are only able to do so much for her with the Medicaid that she was forced to go on after her husband got laid off from work.
She really needs to get in and see a specialist, and fast, but Medicaid does things when they want to, and if they want to.
The only advice that I could give her was to be pushy with them and the doctors.
This is her health, her life, and if you wait on them to call you back, you could end up waiting weeks or months, so you really have to start being a total nag and start demanding that your health issue be treated and now, not next month, but now.

I wish there was more that I could do for her, but she's caught in the system now, and really, the only way to get help is to start demanding it, be pushy, call them every single day, start asking for the phone numbers for the specialists yourself instead of waiting for your doctor to call you back with appointment dates, call and set the appointment yourself.
It sucks that she has to do that, but if she wants to be seen and treated, then she needs to be proactive and pushy.

I have had another absolutely horrible, totally horrendous day, I am sitting here with a pounding migraine and  in tears, and I have been crying  off and on for several hours now.
I wish so much that I could talk specifically about why I'm so upset, but I can't, I am a woman of my word regardless of what other people seem to think and say.
I really wish that I knew why some people are so cruel, why are people so cruel??
Can't anyone tell me why??

I have had a really crappy week,  just wow, so freaking crappy, and I was hoping that after this morning's grocery shopping disaster, that the day would get better, but nope, it didn't.
I feel like my entire life is just me walking in one place, or walking on treadmills, I just keep on walking and walking and walking,  but never seem to get anywhere.
I never seem to go anywhere at all that is a good place to be.
I am just stuck walking in this place where a good majority of the people are full of drama and being wrapped up, mixed up, and in everyone's business.

I'm not a bad person, i live and let live, I try to do right by everyone who comes into and out of my life for however long they are in it, I try to treat others right, the way that I would want to be treated, with kindness and compassion, understanding, and caring.
But I hardly ever get treated back the same way.
I know that all of that karma stuff is so made up and so absolutely not true, because if it was, the people who come in and out of my life on the daily, would treat me just even half as well as I treat them.
I don't even really understand the how or the why over the reason for this, how it even began, 
I just don't even have the slightest clue.
All I know for sure is that someone, or several someones, really, truly, believe that I would try to destroy their ability to earn a living.
???
Yeah, that's exactly what I said!
I don't have the answer to that one at all, and believe me, I so wish that I did.
But I can tell you and know it to be true with every single fiber of my being, that I have not ever, would not ever, could not ever, interfere with another human beings ability to earn a living and provide for themselves and their families.
That's just not something that I am capable of doing.
 
Even way back when I was an assistant manager at a store and had to hire and fire people,
I had to practice my "I'm so sorry, but you're just not working out" speech for an hour or more before I could even walk into the office and do the deed, and no matter how many times the manager made me do it so that I could "get used to it"  before she would consider promoting me from just the assistant manager to either 2nd or 1st assistant manager, after doing it and waiting for the terminated employee to leave, I would run to the bathroom, close the stall door, start crying my eyes out, and then puke.
It was just so emotionally upsetting to me, it made me physically ill to do it.
I would have all of these thoughts and images in my head about their life, if they had kids to feed, if this job was the only way they could have a roof over their heads, if there was a member of the family who was sick and this job paid for their medications that kept them alive, all of those kinds of thoughts would be flooding my head, and I'd get dizzy and nauseous over those thoughts.
I am still the same way, I hate to hear about people losing their jobs, their homes, their insurance, I get upset just hearing a story about someone losing their job.
To know that there's someone out there thinking that I would in some way try to kill their ability to earn a living, is just really upsetting me.
It's my assistant manager job all over again, dizzy and queasy, that watery mouth feeling, swallowing hard, my stomach is in knots, and I keep crying.

I need to just go lay on the couch and zone out, watch a movie, or listen to music or something, anything at all, to get away from this situation, to make it stop, but anything that I do, I'm fearful that it could escalate an already tense situation and make it even worse.
I'm just stuck, stuck walking in the same place, just walking and walking, and going absolutely nowhere. 

I betcha that  bcbsnc would be just as furious about what happened today at the pharmacy as Humana is.
I've been posting about my pain medication saga on this blog and my other blog, for the last couple of days now, and had found a pharmacy with the very last of the generic medication in stock, all of the way down in North Port today.

So my friends drove me down to the pharmacy in North Port this afternoon in a massive thunderstorm and heavy rain that lasted the entire drive down there, and half of the way back home, in order for me to get the last remaining stock of the generic Oxycontin HCL 40mg ER, which is Oxycodone HCL 40mg ER.
The pharmacy that I found it at didn't have my full prescription of 90 pills, but they did have 80 of them, close enough.
So I went for it because my doc had said because of that whole mess, that he was not going to write me a new script until he figured out what would work best for me because I am allergic to the equivalent med which is morphine sulfate, (MS Contin) and I am severely allergic to morphine, and also because Fentanyl patches don't work, and the Fentanyl injections are too dangerous and I refused them.

I went into the pharmacy and handed over my script and the pharmacist filled it, ran my insurance for it, and my co-pay was going to be $2.40, and that's when the pharmacist told me that she was losing money because of the insurance.
"What?" I asked.
"Because I am accepting your insurance for this medication," the female Indian pharmacist said, "I am losing money on it."
"What does that mean?" I asked.
"Let me explain. I pay $40 for the medication, Humana is only going to pay me $20 for it, you are only going to pay me $2.40 for it, so I am losing $20.00 by accepting your insurance and giving you this medication" she said.
"Ok, what does that mean for me?" I asked.
"It means that unless you pay me $20.00 for the medication, I cannot let you have this prescription" she said.
"Uh, ok, um, I haven't gotten paid yet, let me go see if I can borrow it from one of my friends" I said, and I went out to the truck to ask Deb and Nic if I could borrow $20 until I got paid Friday night.
Nic let me borrow it but told me I was being yanked.
I said that I knew that and would deal with it later, but right now this was the last pharmacy in the whole damn state with my med, I needed to get it and would report the theft and insurance fraud when I got home.
I went back in and instead of paying the legal amount of $2.40, I paid the theft price of $22.40, got my med, and we drove back home to Sarasota.

What the pharmacist did is called price gouging for one, theft for another, and insurance fraud for a solid third.
It is against the law to accept and charge an insurance company for the medication, actually charge the patient the real co-pay amount, and ask the patient to pay another price on top of that.
I know by going to the Humana website and logging in to my account, that I can see how much the medicine costs, my co-pay amount, and how much Humana pays the pharmacy when they submit the claim to Humana.
The medication costs $670.62, my co-pay is $2.40, and then Humana pays the pharmacy $668.22.
 
That is actually what it says on the My Humana page for today's (Friday October 16th, 2009) prescription fill at the pharmacy I went to today.
At my usual pharmacy that I had been getting it at for a full year before this whole Purdue lawsuit mess, the price of the med was $789.95, because they were getting the generic version from a different pharmaceutical company than the one I got today.
My regular pharmacy was getting them from Watson Pharmaceutical, and they were round and orange-ish-yellow.
Today's pills were manufactured by Dava Pharmaceutical, the pills are round and purple.  
The different pharmaceutical companies all make their pills look different, and they charge different prices for them.

But that's really neither here nor there, what this pharmacy did was illegal.
And she knew it too.
It is an independently owned pharmacy, the husband and wife own it together, she's the pharmacist, he's the cashier, 1 cash register, 1 tiny little store.
She so totally knew that what she was doing was illegal, and she took steps to prevent being caught.
On the patient medication print-outs, there is always a strip at the top that says the name, address, and phone number of the pharmacy, it says the medication name, how much it costs, and how much the co-pay is.
This little strip is perforated to be torn off for the patients use.
The pharmacist tore it off so that I wouldn't have access to the truth.
She made 1 mistake though, she let me keep my cash register receipt that clearly says that I paid $22.40 for 1 prescription, and the receipt has the name, address, phone number, and the name of the pharmacist right at the top.

When I got home, I immediately called my insurance company to report what had happened.
The Humana rep was aghast at what I was telling her, she placed me on hold while she got a supervisor and asked what she was supposed to do for this kind of thing, and then she told me that they had all of the pharmacy's information in the system already because the pharmacist had submitted the claim, I really did pay the legal co-pay amount of $2.40, and she told me that they were sending me a form to fill out, that I would need to photocopy all of the paper work that I did have, like the receipt and the patient print out showing that she tore the patient use information strip off, and that I would need to explain exactly what happened, what the pharmacist told me, and then she told me that I needed to report it to my state's price gouging hot-line, and the police in North Port, which I did.
I left a voice mail for the hot-line in Tallahassee because that's what you're supposed to do, and I spoke to a detective at the North Port police department who told me that I would need to go back to NP and file a report and bring the evidence and my witnesses with me.
Both Deb and Nic said that they would be happy to go to NP with me and fill out the report, especially Nic because she's the one who loaned me the $20.00 to pay for it, and was just as shocked as I was that the pharmacist did that.
All 3 of us were in shock that she ripped me off for $20.00 when she had submitted the claim to Humana for the full price of $668.22, claiming that she was going to lose $20.00 by accepting my insurance.

Can you freaking believe the week I have had just trying to get my freaking medication?!?
Totally unreal right?
I mean, who the hell else would have this kind of luck?
This is the kind of stuff that happens to me all. of. the. time, and this pharmacist knew that she was the last pharmacy to have the medication, she knew that I had to have it, so she totally took advantage of those facts and she stole $20.00 from me, lied to me, submitted the claim to the insurance, so that's fraud, and she totally, illegally, price-gouged me!!
Seriously people, this kind of crap only happens to me.

Because I don't want any other person in the south west Florida area to be ripped off, I am telling everyone right here on my blog, to never, ever, go to D & A Pharmacy in North Port Florida, located at 3015 Bobcat Village Center Rd. in the Bobcat Village Shopping Plaza.
This is a picture of their store front happily provided by the pharmacy to be listed on Google.

Never go there folks.
Ever.

As I posted on Tuesday, I was having to wait for my insurance, Humana, and my doc's office to agree on either paying for my pain medicine or forcing my doc to write a new script.
Well, neither happened.
It seems that Purdue Pharma won in federal court, to be the ONLY manufacturer of Oxycontin HCL 40mg ER.
Actually, Purdue Pharma now has the patent on ALL controlled-release oxycontin until April 16, 2013.
That's right, they fought and won the right to be the only maker of all controlled release oxycontin until 2013.
That's total crap.
I was taking the generic, oxycodone HCL 40mg ER, but seeing as only the brand name is being produced, my insurance refuses to cover it because of how expensive it is.
Because the only equivalent alternative medication is morphine sulfate, my doctor did not write me a new script for medication.
He was going to write me a script for Fentanyl, either the patches or the injections, but I refused based on the fact that patches do not work for me, I have damaged nerve endings in my back still, I cannot even feel it when being touched by a hand, stung by a bee, anything on my back, so without nerve endings, the medication in the patches would never be absorbed and be able to work.
I also declined it based on the horror stories of that medication that I have heard about and seen on tv programs like Dateline and 20/20.
People suck on the Fentanyl pain patches and have a heroin like experience, and it is also highly addictive because of how strong it is when used in the liquid injection form.
I do not need a highly addictive heroin-like medication in this house.
I am already physically addicted to some of my pain meds, I don't want to be emotionally addicted to something like that, I've never done heroin, and I certainly don't want to take a medication that is like heroin.

So anyway, I do not have my regular medicines, and I am in quite a bit of pain.
It is amazing just how bad the pain is without my usual regiment of medications, all I want to do is stay curled up in a ball on the couch, every single part of my body aches, all of my joints ache like crazy.
Just doing the grocery shopping this evening was a test of sheer will power to make my body walk there, walk the aisles, and walk home.
As soon as I got home, I put everything away and curled myself up like I was sitting in an egg chair.
Curling up is the most comfortable position right now, my other pain meds are not even touching the arthritis pain that I have, it's horrible right now.
My ankles, knees, hips, pelvis, lower back, and my neck, are just throbbing in pain.
We're heading into a cold spell, well cold for Florida, and I am so feeling it.
I'm really kind of ticked off at my doctor for not trying to find an alternative medication that I can take.
I also can't believe he wanted me to take 100mg of Fentanyl, that stuff is like heroin man, I don't want that crap.
I don't want to take it, I don't want it in my house, I don't want anything at all to do with it, but he thought it was a good alternative.
I think I'm going to call Purdue Pharma tomorrow and ask them for help.
I cannot get my insurance to cover the medication, and I cannot afford to get my script filled for their name brand product.
It would take me 2 months of SSDI payments to pay for just 90 pills, it's very expensive like I said on Tuesday.
It can't hurt to ask them for help seeing as their little war over a patent has caused me to be without my meds right?
Their greed has caused me to be in pain since Tuesday, maybe, just maybe, they will help me and cover the cost of it or send me some.
I've heard stories about some of the pharmaceutical companies helping people that way, maybe they will help me.

I swear, the pharmaceutical industry and the insurance industry must be cahoots with each other.
They do everything that they can to get the most amount of money from people for the least amount of work or money being spent on their end of the transaction.

One of my medications is not being made any longer, well, let me rephrase that.
The generic of it is no longer being made, and my insurance company will not pay for the real name brand one unless my doctor calls them and gets prior authorization, tells them that it is medically necessary to have it because the generic is no longer being manufactured.
The real name brand one costs a lot of money, a wicked lot of money.
The generic version of it would cost me $789.95  for a quantity of 90 pills, if I didn't have insurance.
The real name brand one would cost me $1,325.00 out of pocket if I didn't have insurance, for the exact same amount, 90 pills.
My doctor does not want to switch me to another pain medicine unless he absolutely has to because this one works very well for me, he doesn't want to have to make me take something else that may not work as well, and then go through possibly months of trying on new medications until we find one that works.
Getting this particular one took about 5 months of trying a new one every single month until finding this one worked the best.

So basically, I went to my doc appointment today and got all of my prescriptions, 4 of them, but was only able to get 3 of them filled until Humana either decides to cover the name brand one, or forces my doctor to write a new script and start the drug try-ons until we find one that works as well as this one does.
I have been on and tried so many different pain relievers, I could write reviews of them as easily as I have written diet pill reviews on my blogs.
I really do not want to have to try a new drug, or several new drugs.
It sucks trying out new ones, they all react differently with my body, and the one pain med that I absolutely do not want to ever have to take again, not even for a week or so, is Ultram/Tramadol. (the generic is Tramadol)
That one makes me feel like total crap.
It makes me feel agitated and angry, like if anything is even normally mildly upsetting, that little thing makes me explode violently and I start screaming and yelling at anyone within earshot.
It also makes me feel dirty and gross, like slimy and disgusting, and no amount of showers makes that feeling go away, it makes me feel strung out, like jacked-up, cracked-out.
It's how I imagine smoking crack would make me feel.
It also upsets my stomach.
Most narcotic pain relievers cause you to be constipated, I deal with that by taking a stool softener every 3 days or so.
On Tramadol, (the generic) it's the exact opposite, it causes diarrhea, so the whole time I am taking it, I need to stay close to home, close to the bathroom, and I can not eat much at all because it just comes right back out, explosively.
So the doc's office is calling Humana and faxing them, a medically necessary-please approve the name brand medication form, and the doc's office will call me tomorrow to either let me know that I can go to the pharmacy and pick it up, or go back to the doc's office and get a script for a brand new pain reliever.
I am hoping that they will approve it, I really hate trying out new ones, it sucks a wicked lot. 
 
Tramadol is what Mark's doctor has him on, and poor Mark, he is suffering the exact same side effects that I get while taking them, and they really aren't helping his pain much either unless he takes 3 of them at once, but then taking that many causes him to be really agitated and have the stomach upset 3 times worse.
He went and had his MRI last week, and we're supposed to go in tomorrow for the results and a refill of his meds, but I don't have any transportation, and I am not going to spend $40 for a cab ride, so I had to call and cancel his appointment.
I am going to call and talk to a few friends, and ask them if they could give us a ride, they can pick the day that works the best for them, and I'll just tell his doc to either fit us in on that day, or they'll have to wait until I can find another ride from someone else.
Getting his test results are a huge priority for me, I need to know exactly what Mark has and how bad it is.
These results will determine whether or not Mark can go ahead and apply at the police academy and take the law classes in college. (you need to apply at the police academy and then go take the classes)
If his back is really bad, if he has a lot of spine deformities and nerve damage, it will negatively impact his life-long career choice.
If his bad is super bad, if he can't be a cop like he's always wanted to, I will have 10 times more guilt over this than I already do.
I feel absolutely horrible that my genetics, that my DNA, may have destroyed his ability to be a police officer.
The day that I heard that he has spondylosis, I came home and cried my eyes out. 
I so didn't want him to have anything medically wrong with his back, I was so hoping that his doctor would just tell him to lose weight, that because he's overweight, that's why he has lower back pain, that's what I wanted to hear, not that my DNA has been handed down to him.
I have to find us a ride,  someone that will take us there and either wait possibly for an hour or 2, or drop us off and come back to pick us up when the appointment is over.
I need to find out what's wrong and how we're going to treat it, if it can be treated by bracing or physical therapy, or if it's bad enough to need surgery.
Once I get the results from his doctor, I am going to try and fight with medicaid to get a second opinion, and that second opinion will be from my surgeon, Doc M.
Doc M. is the most qualified spine specialist in this state, Mark's doctor even said that if he thinks Mark's spine needs surgery, that he would send him to Virginia to be treated by a specialist there, he already knows that he's not qualified to do the surgery himself.
I am almost scared to get the results, I don't want it to be any worse than what it is right now, just the spondy and arthritis, I am so afraid that he's got other spine deformities, maybe scoliosis, or severe nerve damage like I have.
I do not want him to have to go through any of the years of pain and hell that I've been through, I won't be able to handle that, I don't want my son to suffer like I have. 

I absolutely hate being sick, it sucks for everyone of course, but ever since having spine fusion surgeries, getting sick is absolutely freaking miserable.
I'm pretty sure that Sebastian has the flu, or something resembling the flu.
He's had a high fever since late Friday night, he's been exhausted, achy from head to toe, no appetite at all, and just plain miserable feeling and miserable to be around.
I started to feel like crap on Saturday afternoon, I blew it off at first, blamed it on my back, but by nighttime, I felt like he did and I had a fever to boot.
My fever seems to have gone, so maybe I don't have what he has, (because he still has a fever as of bedtime) but for the entire day on Sunday, I was downright horrible.
I had a massive migraine, my entire body hurt, I was coughing a little bit, my nose was a bit stuffed up, and I didn't want to eat anything at all, not even look at food.
Mark went and bought him and Sebastian some subs from Publix for dinner, Sebastian only ate half of a half of it before puking that up, and just smelling their subs made me puke.
3 times.
I felt so freaking horrible, felt like I was going to die at any minute, that once I started feeling like I could sit up, I went to one of those get free instant life insurance quotes here websites.
I still have not bought any life insurance.
I talk about getting it all of the time, I've even made quite a few phone calls to insurance companies about it, but I just have never actually taken the time to buy it.
I know that I need it, I know that it is something that I absolutely have to have for my sons in case something bad happens to me, but buying it just freaks me out.
I don't know, it's like if I actually purchase a life insurance package, it's like I'm going to jinx myself or something.
I don't believe in jinxes and stuff, but a part of my brain says 'if you buy life insurance, you are going to die much quicker than you wanted to/plan to, like tomorrow.'
Seriously, my brain gets all stupid like, I just start thinking completely irrational.
I know that buying it is not going to cause me to die soon, but that's how my brain reacts.
Totally stupid huh?
I know it is, I know it's stupid, but I can't help it.
I know I can't be the only one who thinks totally crazy stuff like this, or am I?

My friend Christine sent me a Tweet last night about identity theft of students, it was an article on her local Boston news website that was all about the theft of students ID, their social security numbers and other information.

It's back to school time, but there's more to be nervous about than missing the bus. Children can have their identities stolen years before they could legally sign up for a credit card or take out a loan.

I then sent her a link to the ID theft of my kids, as well as thousands of other Sarasota children, not just high schoolers according to my friend Mindy, but ALL of Sarasota school district students.
Trying to protect our kid's ID is getting harder and harder, made even harder by a school district that willingly sent all of their personal information to a website that posted that information publicly for who knows how long.
One of the possible settlement agreements will be to provide identity theft protection monitoring for any students whose ID was stolen and compromised by the school and the website that posted the information, for up to 2 years after the theft was done, and to clear the student's credit reports of all the bad information.

I am still in shock that it happened at all, and I totally blame the school district for it.
There's a major class action lawsuit going on right now because of this, thousands of students information was posted publicly, anyone could have gotten access to it, and trying to clear up and bad credit by ourselves would be impossible to do.
I am really hoping that our side wins the suit and the school district and that website, have to fix every single one of the thousands of students bad credit reports for the next few years.

I have always made sure to keep the teens social security cards private, I don't give that info out to just anybody, and when someone asks for it, I always ask why they need it.
If they don't have a good reason, they don't get it, and so to have that information posted publicly and know that anyone could have taken it, makes me mad as hell.
I am so glad that someone caught it and the suit is being pursued, our kids futures is at stake here, their ability to buy a home or even get a job, is at risk because someone allowed all of that personal information to be posted.
I am absolutely furious that it happened.  

Monday was just one of those days, the kind of day that makes you just want to rip your hair out and start shooting people.
I hadn't gotten any sleep since like a few hours on Friday, my period started, I pulled a muscle in my right side lower back, and things were happening that just made the whole day even more miserable.
Things started to go wrong on Sunday about mid-day, and just progressively got worse from there on out.
I had to spend the whole day dealing with those things that had started to go south on Sunday, and then I had to deal with other people complaining about that and other things, all of the day on Monday.
It's a job and I do my job, but man, some people seem to forget that I have a life outside of that job, and that nowhere in my job description does it say that I am allowed to be verbally abused and treated like garbage.
My job is to answer questions that I can, that I have the answers to, and to help with the work that we do if I can.
I answered the same questions repeatedly, for the same person, for 3 hours on Monday afternoon.
I just kept repeating the same answers because the same questions were being asked repeatedly, just in different ways.
 
The person was really aggravated with some things, and it is my opinion, that I took the brunt of this person's anger and frustration simply because I was there, because it's my job to help and answer questions, because it's what I am supposed to do, but taking anger and frustration out on me is not ok, that's not part of my job description at all.
But I took it, I dealt with it, I simply kept repeating the answers that I knew in the most polite way that I could.
And I was polite, I was cordial, I just kept trying to help the person with their issues, tried to help them understand why things are a certain way, and they just kept getting angrier, my answers were not good enough, but even when I explained how they could get the answers they wanted from the only people that could give them those answers, they just continued to get angry because they wanted those answers now, from me, and I am not capable of giving those answers.
I really felt like I was being stepped on because I was there, available, someone to dump on.
I even said a few times that I needed to log out, that I needed to go make dinner for my kids, they just kept going.

When I was finally able to log out, I had to rush to get dinner going, and I was washing a spatula in the sink, didn't see the big carving knife, and I cut my left index finger.
It kept bleeding and bleeding, 3 bandaids couldn't stop it, and I didn't feel like going to the ER for stitches, so I superglued it.

People need to realize that I was asked to do it because I paid attention from day 1, and I have an excellent memory for pieces of information, I'd be great on Jeopardy or Trivial Pursuit.
I can recall an exact bit of information or a message and approximately when it came out, and people are able to find that message in the system during the time frame and title that I gave them.
Keeping me tied up for 3 hours to have someone to yell at, is really, truly, not fucking ok.
I'm not a punching bag, I'm not the one you can yell at, but come on, we all know that when given the opportunity to yell at the people that are the intended targets of this hostility and anger, instead of yelling, it all ass kissing and brown nosing.
There's a ton of "You're so awesome Txxx!" and "This company rocks!" and "I love you guys!"
No one ever actually tells them the thingscomplaints that get said to me in the way that they are said to me, because the people who complain with their left hand, and ass kiss with their right hand, don't want to get fired from this job.
I see it every single day on the forums.
Complain, bitch, moan, repeat until the owner shows up, and then suddenly it's all thank yous, and I love yous, and all kinds of assorted ass kissing.
They leave, and it's right back to complaining again.

Some of them have one face that they show to the boss and everyone else on the forums, and one that they only show in private messages to me.
The one on the forums is all nice and sweet, polite, kind, trying to be helpful, and the other that they show to me in private messages when they feel like complaining, is a really mean, nasty, angry and frustrated face with anger lines instead of laugh lines.

I'll tell you what though, I'm really tired of being dumped on like that.
My job is to answer the questions that I have the answers to, and to help with things people need help with, that's it.
I am not the one that anyone is allowed to just pour out all of their anger and frustrations on.
I am not the doormat or the punching bag, I am the one who takes time out of my days and nights, out of my life, to help other people and answer questions.

I do have a life ya know.
Yeah, it may not be a glamorous one, it may not even be one where I am going out with friends all of the time living it up, but I do have a very busy and hectic, very stressful life.
I have a ton of pretty major health issues, and now I have a son who I have given some of those health issues to as a genetic gift.
I have my own doctor appointments every month, and now I have to schedule his in-between mine. 
I had to cancel his MRI on Monday at the last minute because our ride had an issue with his car,  we were outside waiting for him to show, and he called my cell to tell me the car was dead, dead battery or something, wouldn't turn over, so I had to come in and cancel it.  a
And now I have to reschedule it when I can find another ride or come up with the $15 each way to take a cab.

I'll probably end up doing that on payday this week once I see how much pay I'm going to have.
I lost a lot of work this past week due to my son's medical appointments, and my own ear infection last week, and because I spent a great deal of time helping people, doing my job.
I was busy helping people, the system flipped over to the next time period or whatever it is that it does, and all of the work I had, completely vanished.

I spend so much time, like I did on Sunday and Monday, on the work forums helping other people and answering questions, that I have to scramble and race to get my own work done on time.
I highly doubt that anyone even thinks of that, as a matter of fact, I'm like 99.9% positive that nobody thinks that I have my own work to do, so it's not a big deal to them to keep me there asking question after question, or like today, keeping me there to have someone to yell at for 3 freaking hours.
There's only 3 people who know that I have my own work to do and that I end up racing to get it done almost every single payroll period.

I mean would you just look at the freaking time that I made this post?!
I spent almost all day Sunday on the work forums, I spent almost all day on Monday on the work forums, minus the time mid-morning on Monday that I took a shower, made Mark take a shower, and then waited for our ride that eventually couldn't make it, all of the while going through medical documents to make sure that I have everything, filled everything out, crossed every 't', dotted every 'i', and signed by him because he's now 18 and considered an adult, legally old enough to deal with his own medical procedures, yet he doesn't have the slightest clue what any of those papers say, so I have to go through everything with him and get him to understand it all and then sign his name, and all of the while I'm doing all of that and waiting for our ride, I still kept hopping on the work forums to help people.
And because of how things went on Sunday and Monday dealing with an issue that everyone was having, and then dealing with that 1 person for 3 hours on Monday, I never got to post to either of my blogs until now, almost 5am on Tuesday.
It's extremely frustrating.
 
Please don't anyone mistake this as me hating my job and maybe I shouldn't do it anymore, don't even think that, not even for 1 stinking second!
I LOVE my job, I LOVE what I do, I LOVE helping other people, it is soooo gratifying, it gives me a sense of purpose, it makes me feel like I'm doing something good for others.
But when people take what I do for granted, or treat me bad, or speak to me so dis-respectively, it really hurts.
I give of my time, my life, to help other people every single day for hours and hours and hours, so to have someone spend a lot of time, my time, talking to me negatively because they are upset about something else, or at someone else, or yelling at me for things which I have absolutely no control over or any power to do anything about, really, really sucks.
And it hurts, it hurts a lot.

I think people just assume that because I am a disabled stay at home mom who does this job, that I must have no life and nothing to do, so they totally take advantage of me, they take advantage of my time like it's not a big deal, they rarely ever say please when asking for help, and they like never say thank you when the help has been provided. 
Not too many others say thank you for the help either, it's like manners don't exist anymore.
If someone helps you, say thank you, if you need help, say please when asking, and try not to be a total jerk-face to the person who's trying to help you.

If you're mad about something or mad at someone, try really super duper hard to NOT take it out of the person who has been helping you as much as they possibly can.
Try to remember that they are not the reason that you are so angry and frustrated.
Try to remember that they have a life too, but they are helping you because it's a good thing to do, because helping your fellow man is the right thing to do.
It feels good to help someone who needs help, it feels really good, but when you don't get a please before or at the start, and a thank you after, or if the during the time you are helping them, they are being a snarky freaking jerk to you, it can totally drain all of the good feelings that you had and instantly make you feel hurt, sometimes sad, sometimes angry, betrayed, upset, and stressed out.
But mostly, you just feel bad inside, and taken advantage of, used as someone's emotional punching bag, and that feeling sucks the big time.

I felt that way on Monday night, I felt that way while it was happening, I felt that way when it finally ended, and I have felt that way all night Monday and now here it is Tuesday morning at 5:30am,  (I started posting this at about 4am Tuesday) and I still feel totally beaten down and drained from that whole thing, I feel like an emotional punching bag that totally got the stuffing just kicked and punched right out of it.
In other words, I still feel terrible.

That whole thing made me cry to be totally honest about it.
I did my best, I gave up 3 hours of my time and life, I looked for answers, sorted through my emails, through threads and posts, I did everything that I could to help that person, and they still kept coming at me with some hard left hooks and some painful right uppercuts.
It really is so not ok to take out your anger and frustration that you have for someone else on the person helping you.
It's just not.

*Raises can of cold Diet Coke*
Here's to hoping that Tuesday is a much better day.

Because I was sick from an ear infection since Thursday of last week and just now really starting to feel better, I am just now starting to try and clean up the house.
When I get sick like that, I really can't do much, so the dishes pile up, the carpets don't get cleaned, things just fall apart around the house basically.

A few people have asked me why I replaced and am always replacing the AC when something goes wrong, how come my landlord doesn't do it, so I thought I would answer.
My landlord is a sheriff, he works 6 days a week and has a very young family that he goes home to every single night, so the agreement that he and I have is that if I can replace things or do the repair work myself so he can go home at night to his young kids, he'll take the receipts and deduct both the cost and labor off of my rent.
We've been doing this ever since I moved into this duplex 10 years ago, it works for us.
It just so happens that when the AC died on Sunday, he was out of town, actually out of state, so he told me to go buy one if I could, he'll take the cost off of the rent, and if I couldn't buy one, he'll replace it when he comes back on the 23rd.
There is no way that I could survive until the 23rd without the AC, it died on Sunday morning, and by 2pm, this house was as hot in here as the heat index outside, 110 degrees.
I had windows and doors open, 3 large box fans running too, and it was like living in a sauna.
So I bought a new one, I'll give him the receipt, and he'll take it off my rent along with the labor for installing it.

The next thing that I AM going to do and soon I hope, is to replace the bathroom faucet.
I found some great prices at a wholesale housewares store down on Cattleman road.
I can get a really nice faucet for under $20, so I am going to go down there with my friend who told me about the store, next month, and then my friend is going to help me install it because it involves getting down on teh floor and shutting off the water and stuff, and I definitely cannot get down on the floor. LoL

I'm seriously sick and tired of cleaning, of trying to stay on top of the house cleaning, it sucks.
If I am down for a day or 2 in pain and not feeling well like I was this past weekend, the house seems to fall apart.
Both of the kitchen sinks are full to the top with dishes, and I didn't dirty any of them!
I just don't understand how the teens can make such a big mess, how the heck do they do it?!
There's about 20 dirty drinking cups, all of the silverware is dirty, bowls, the paper plate holders, it's like every single dish and utensil I own is in the sink and I didn't put them in there!
I barely ate anything at all this weekend, so someone please tell me how the heck 2 teenage boys could have used every single bowl, plate, cup and utensil in this house in just 2 days?!
I need to be able to work more, make way more money so that I can afford to have someone come clean the house and do my dishes like 2 days a week.
That would be freaking awesome to have the house super clean for at least 2 out of the 7 days a week.

The city has officially blocked me in, no cars are allowed to drive over it for the next 4 days.
It's things like this that make me kinda glad that I don't own a car right now, I'd need to have the best auto insurance right now because of all of the crap from the construction laying around everywhere.
There's dirt, rocks, cement, tractors, crowbars, all kinds of crazy equipment just laying on the sides of the roads, and people are driving up and down the street all day long getting rock dings in their paint and windshields.
It's crazy out there.
They have my whole driveway dug up right now, and then tomorrow they are pouring the concrete, and then it will be a total of 3 more days before anyone can drive or walk on it.

I posted about the class action suit against the school district and the Princeton Review on my other blog, and I'm still fuming about it.
I will be so freaking mad if the teen's credit is ruined because of them forcing the students to put all of their info on that site, and it wasn't just the high school students either.
According to Mindy, ALL of the kids in the district had this done because her little girl Katie's info was posted there too.
They got letters for both Katie and Jeff as well.
One of the settlements if it settles, will be 2-3 years of identity theft protection for any student whose credit got destroyed or their identities stolen and used.
I personally don't think that's enough.
I really believe that if anyone got their identities stolen and their credit destroyed, that they should get some type of monetary compensation as well.
It takes years and years to clean up your credit once someone steals it, credit monitoring isn't enough in my opinion.

I've always loved those cute little  pet beds that you can buy, but none of my kitties will sleep in them.
Kali sleeps on my bed, Nova sleeps on the love seat or under the dining room chair with her head on my sandals, Shahiro sleeps in the dirty clothes basket, and Carmine sleeps whereever he wants to whenever he wants to.
Right now Carmine is all curled up asleep on the couch, and every few minutes or so, he switches position.
He rolls over on his back and spreads his entire body out, then twists around, it's so cute to watch.
I wish I could sleep like a cat, they always looks so comfortable and peaceful, I wish my sleep was like that, it would be awesome.

I don't mean that in a snotty way, not at all, but I am lucky that I have a good part D  Medicare supplement or else I'd be like a few of my friends, broke and unable to pay for prescriptions.
I have a friend, well a couple of friends, who don't have the best medical insurance, and some who have none at all, and they get stuck paying full price for all of their medications.
One of my friends takes the exact same pain medicine that I do, and she has to pay full price for it every single month.
It costs anywhere from $589.99 to $699.99 depending on which pharmacy you go to, and she struggles like crazy every month to make sure that she has enough money to pay for just that 1 medication.
And that's just 1 of the 5 that she takes.
I'm better off than most of the people that I know in that regards.
My co-pays at the doctor's offices are fairly low, my prescription co-pays are really low on most of my medications, between $2.50 and $9.00 depending on the medication and amount.
There's only 1 of my meds that I have to pay full price for now, and it costs me about $45.00 which is a lot better than I did have to pay about 8 months ago when I had 4 scripts that I had to pay full price for.
My monthly premium for my insurance is just $21.00, which is great because it's not that expensive and it helps keep my prescription costs as low as they are.
I just wish that everyone that I know had good insurance, reasonably priced, low co-pays, and good medical care.
Health insurance should be available to everyone at an affordable rate.
I haven't read up too much on the health care plan that congress is debating over, but whatever they end up agreeing on, they need to make sure that everyone has good health insurance at affordable rates.
It's only right that people can afford good health care.

I went to add money to my VM phone today, and I can't recall the PIN number so I can login and put some minutes on my phone.
Grrr.
I actually have 2 cell phones, 1 is my VM and the other is the one that I got as my emergency backup phone.
I'm glad that I have that one, 88 more minutes just got added to it on the 1st, but I'm still mad that I can't remember my PIN to add more minutes to my regular phone.
I know that it's my birthday, but I can't remember if I used the zeros or not, and I tried it all different combinations but none of them are working.
I'm really hoping that I didn't change it when I was sick and out of it, and just don't recall what it is.
I'm going to be really mad if that's what I did.

I really do need to get around to getting my yard sale up and going at some point, I have so much freaking junk that I need to get rid of.
Half of it, I don't even know where it came from.
I was going through some stuff in my room the other day, and I came across a rear spoiler or light cover thingy for a Ford Mustang.
Where the heck did I get that?!
I have no idea, I don't own a Mustang, heck, I don't even own a car.
I am going to do the yard sale at some point before the summer is over, and that car part is going in the yard sale unless one of you readers needs a light cover thingy for your Mustang.

This is a picture of one of my own rigged up home alarm systems.
It's actually one of those personal alarms, I guess you're supposed to carry it, but the extra piece that comes in the package with it is perfect for home security.

I have this one on the back door all of the time, we do not ever use the back door, so this one is always in place, and I test the battery every single month to make sure that the alarm is still as loud as it's supposed to be.


The way it is set up to work is that if someone tries to open the door or breaks the door in, that top wire you see in the picture, will come loose or out, and it makes the most deafening siren alarm sound you have ever heard in your life.




I warn the teens every month when I'm going to test the batteries so that they can plug their ears, it is that loud.

I think the noise alone would scare off an unwanted intruder, it is ear-bleeding loud, and if the door actually gets opened and that alarm sounds, every single one of my neighbors within a good 2 miles would hear that noise and know that something was going down at my house. Ha Ha

I also have one for the front door, and I put it in place every single night along with one of those hotel room door bar locks, and the regular deadbolt, as well as a 2x4 jammed up under the doorknob.
Being a single disabled mom, I want any possible intruders to make as much noise as possible so that it wakes all of us up, as well as half of my neighbors. Ha Ha
But I really think that if some idiot tried to break in, the noise from that alarm would send them running for their lives, it would be so obvious to them and everyone else that a home alarm had just been set off and that the police were probably already in route.
I keep both of my cell phones fully charged, one is on my night stand, the other is on Mark's night stand, and the police is set at speed dial #1.
I also sleep with a 2x4 next to my bed, and Mark sleeps with a metal baseball bat next to his.
We've never had anyone break in or even try, but you can never be too prepared for a home invasion in these times.
There's some crazy scary things going on out there folks.
Watching the nightly and morning news is starting to be even more frightening than some of the best horror movies ever made.
Desperate people are starting to do very desperate things.

When Mindy took me to the grocery store on Tuesday afternoon, we had Sebastian with us and we were talking about the economy, jobs, and how hard it is for people to find work right now.
Both the teens have been trying to find jobs for awhile now, and even Mindy's husband has been laid off for now.
We started talking about what Mindy currently does for work, and what I used to do for work.
At the time, it was a really great top home business for me.
Back when we lived in Maine, I had my own house cleaning business, and used to clean the houses of the very wealthy who lived right on the beaches.
Their homes were so large, it would take me an entire day to clean just one house.
One of the houses I cleaned had 8 bedrooms, and each bedroom had it's own full bathroom.
Even the pool house had it's own full bathrooms.
They lived directly on the beach and had a huge olympic sized swimming pool with a pool house that had 5 changing rooms, 2 full bathrooms, and 2 full showers and tubs.

I used to be really great at cleaning houses, I was paid great for it at the time which was the early 90's, $10 per hour, and I had a house to clean 5 days a week.
I started with just the one house, and then she told her neighbors who each hired me after that.
I used to love doing it, I loved cleaning those houses, that feeling of doing a great job and being told at the end of the day what a great job I had done.
Now, I can barely clean my own house.
At Christmas they all gave me bonuses, at the end of the day when it came time to pay me, they paid in cash and in full, and they sometimes would throw in some extra cash as a tip or something like a bottle of wine or a gift certificate to a really expensive store.
I really miss doing it, I realy wish I could work again, I really miss it.

I still haven't gotten around to fixing that broken  faucets in the bathroom sink.
It's still sitting there all busted up, it drives me crazy to look at it every time I'm in the bathroom and have to look at it.
I have GOT to get it fixed one of these days, I have to.
It looks all redneck-y ya know?
I hate bothering my landlord for stuff that I can fix, I've looked it up before, the instructions on how to do it, it looks easy enough, I just need to get the faucet and set myself down to do it.
Just need to remember one crucial step, shut off all the water first.
I forgot to do that one time, and ooooh, what a mess I made! LoL

I was asked what my ideal cruise vacation would be, and honestly, I don't ever think I'll go on a cruise for a couple of reasons.
One reason being money.
Cruises are usually pretty expensive unless you get like a major discount or if they are running a special cruise adventure, and if you take the super cheap rooms which I hear are very small.
Not liking small spaces, I don't think I could do a small room, so yeah, I would need a wicked lot of money so that I could afford one of the big rooms like a suite, not an interior room.
Those are way too small.
The second reason being that I am absolutely terrified of drowning.
I am a terrible swimmer, and I've also watched one too many movies about cruise ships sinking.
Movies like Titanic and Poseidon.
Yeah, scary stuff so I have this major fear of taking cruises.
And I know, that's totally crazy thinking, you never ever hear about cruise ships sinking, it's the stuff in movies, not reality, so I don't know why I have this fear, but I do.

But if I had the money and if I could make sure that the particular ship I'd be on had never had any accidents, fires, or other mishaps out on the big blue and very deep sea, I would probably be ok going on one of those Caribbean cruises.


















I've heard some nice things about Half Moon cay, so maybe I'd go there, or stop there as one of the ports of call that they go to.
It looks really nice, quiet, peaceful, and goodness knows that I could really use some nice and quiet, and peaceful relaxing time away from everything that's going on in my life right now.
So yeah, maybe there.
I dunno, maybe someday I'll work up the money and the courage to go on a cruise.
We were planning one about 9 years ago, we were all going to try and go to Atlantis, but our plans fell through after an old roommate stole all of the change out of my 10 gallon water jug that I was saving all of my change in for our trip.
There was almost $1,000 in that jug, and he took it all.
He went in my room while I was at work, and took all of the money out and left me a note, an IOU for the money.
He counted it up, or used one of those change machines, so the IOU said that he owed me $987.56.
He never did pay me back.

I hear from friends all of the time how much fun cruises are, and they tell me that I'd love it once I got on the ship and we were going, once I started doing all of the fun things they have on board, and I bet that would, I love doing all that fun stuff.
So yeah, maybe someday when I have the money I'll go and take a cruise.
I am pretty sure that I would really love it.
I know I would, I just have to do it some one of these days. 

Verizon was here all afternoon installing the Fios, and so a lot of my things had to be moved around to install the new router and stuff.
I tried to break in and move my stuff before the guy did, but he just swooped in and did it, not giving me the chance to do any of it.
This caused my OCD to go crazy, I can't handle people touching my stuff, moving things out of place, and my whole living room was basically turned upside down while the guy worked.
In the process of him moving things around, some stuff got knocked down but it wasn't noticed until after he left and I was putting my desk back in order.
I found one of my micro sd cards on the floor, along with one of my favorite pens.
This was really difficult for me, I can't explain it, if you don't have any thing like this, it's hard to understand.
The boys knew I was having a rough time with someone, a stranger, touching all of the things on my desk, I was pacing around the other rooms of the house, I couldn't watch, and if I did, I started to panic and stuff.
I know this sounds all crazy, and it is all crazy, but I really don't do well with people touching my things, strangers or family, they are my things, and I do not like other people touching them.

My cat Kali is getting really old now, she sleeps a lot, she's been losing her teeth slowly, and she now has trouble getting up on things like the couch or my bed.
I do have a chair next to my bed so she can jump up on that, and then jump onto my bed, but she still has a lot of trouble.
I searched all over for a thing to help her like they have for dogs.
You know how they make stairs or dog ramps to make it easier for dogs to get in bed?
Well they don't make those for cats, only for dogs, or at least I haven't found any for cats yet.
I want to either find a ramp or some pet stairs for her to make it easier for her to get up on my bed with me.
She gets frustrated when she can't get up and sleep with me, she meows so pathetically, I know that it bothers her, so I want to do everything that I can to make it easier and comfortable for her now that she's old and having trouble.
She's my baby, my pretty kitty Kali, my princess, I am going to be so sad when she dies, I know she doesn't have much time left anymore.

Ok, so, the Elavil isn't totally working yet.
I don't know why I expected it to work quickly, I think I was hoping it would work quickly, but it definitely isn't.
When the shower head got broken this afternoon, I had a major blow out.
I just fell apart, I cried, I yelled, I just lost it and started bawling my eyes out.
I am so totally overwhelmed with everything that is going on, and I do not have a grip on it all yet.
I don't have a grip on any of it yet.

Having a problem with my tooth isn't helping matters either.
I called Humana, and they said that my insurance does cover part of dental stuff, like it will cover extractions, but not root canals, no cosmetic stuff, just basic teeth stuff.
So I called around to some local dentist offices and holy crap, I had to control myself from gasping extremely loud over how much it's going to cost to get that tooth extracted, even with the insurance, I am still going to end up paying some hefty out of pocket expenses.
And just because I was curious, I asked how much it would be to get my front chipped tooth fixed, capped or whatever it is they do, and damn, that is even more expensive.
If I lived in New Jersey, I could get $100 bucks off at least.
I was surfing around and saw an ad on MSNBC, for an orange nj cosmetic dentist who is offering anywhere from $100 off, up to $300 off, his dental services and depending on what it is you need done.
None of the dentists or cosmetic dentists here, are offering any kind of discounts on any of their services.
You would think that they would be considering how bad the economy is, and people still need their teeth taken care of, but paying full price is really tough, it's always tough paying for dentists, but even harder now with the economy in the dumper.
If dentists offered even just $100 bucks off on even the most basic service, people would feel better about going and paying to get their teeth taken care of.
Oh well, I'll just keep filling my tooth with Dentemp until I can find a dentist who will take care of it cheaply, or I'll just go down to the clinic and get it yanked out and then worry about getting my chipped tooth taken care of at a much later time.
It's been chipped for quite a few years now, so a few more years won't really be a big deal.
The pain in that one tooth is a big deal though, so I have to get it taken out very soon before it becomes abscessed.
If it gets infected, it causes all kinds of new problems that will be even more costly.

I could have sworn that I got rid of all of the cardboard moving boxes 2 weeks ago when I got out my box cutter and got rid of all of the boxes that I had stacked up in the other room.

Well, I did get rid of all of those boxes, but when I went in my room last night, I found 8 more boxes from stuff I got in the mail.
*sigh*

Now I need to get the box cutter back out of my toolbox, cut down those 8 boxes, and then take them out to the recycling bin before Monday night when we put the trash out.
Just when I think I am making some headway on getting the house picked up and in some sort of chaotic order, I find something else that I put down and told myself to remember to come back and take care of "that" in the morning.

I do that all of the time.
I get something in the mail or clean an area and put some stuff down in another area, and I tell myself to make sure that I come back and take care of it, and then I forget to remind myself to go back and take care of it until I go to that area, see the mess, and then I remember that I was supposed to take care of it.
*sigh*

I wanted to film the cats doing something wicked cute and funny in the early morning yesterday, Tuesday, but I don't own one of those  digital camcorders, so I totally missed it.
About 2 hours later, I remembered that my digital camera can make movies.
D'oh!

What were they doing that I wanted to film?
They were playing lizard hockey.
This is a game that only cats can play, and all 4 of them were in the house and playing, so it was 2 cats per team.

The game is pretty simple, catch any lizard that comes in the house, doesn't really mater what size, although a full grown adult works best because they can survive a few minutes longer than the babies.
































Once the lizard has been properly scared for it's very life, the cats simply whack it back and forth, toss it up in the air for a few extra points, torture it by ripping off various legs and it's tail, and continuing to smack it back and forth to each other until the lizard is completely exhausted and can't try to run away any longer, or until one of the cats has fatally wounded it with a claw.

Once the lizard is dead, the winning team gets to eat it any way that they choose.
Nova likes to eat all of the body parts that got ripped off early in the game.
Kali likes the stomach area, it's soft and squishy which works well for her because of lost teeth due to her old age.
Carmine liked to eat the ends, or the butts if you want to be specific about it, and Shahiro is a fan of the heads, she will bite off the head and chew it up for about 3-4 minutes until she has chewed her way through all of the bones and cartilage enough so that it can be swallowed.
You can actually hear her crunching it between her teeth which is a really nasty sound.

They caught a HUGE one yesterday morning and they "played" with it from start to finish for a good 20 minutes or so until they had fatally wounded it and the winning team ate it.
The cats simply love the lizards that get in.
I really don't have to worry too much about lizards being in the house and crawling around or up my legs.
YES!! This 1 time I was sitting here late at night, and 1 was making it's way up my legs!
I freaked out, flicked it off, all of the cats saw it and began playing it as soon as it hit the ground.
It's really great having 4 cats that love to chase and catch bugs, lizards, spiders, and cockroaches etc, I don't have to use chemicals to spray to try to get rid of any bugs, my cats do it for me, they are my own free pest control.
There's been a few times that I have had to physically grab a cat and show them the bug, usually this is in the bathroom when I am in there and the cats are outside the door, but 99% of the time, they see, catch, play, and then devour any bugs that make the mistake of coming in the house.
I love that no matter what size or kind of spider it is, that they will try to get it with only 1 exception.
There's only 1 kind of spider that they will not go after, and that is the wolf spider.
You're gonna have to look that up for yourself, I cannot stand even seeing a picture of those!
They will go after pretty much anything but those.
Those spiders, they back up and watch them walk around from a distance.
Shahiro is a bit more adventurous, she will get within, I'd say, about 7-10 inches away from it, and she'll just watch it and follow it around the house until it goes someplace she can't fit into.
Then she'll sit and stare at the exact same spot for hours waiting for it to come back out.
She once sat in front of the fridge and staring underneath it for 5 straight hours.
Even when we had to open the fridge door, she would not move.
She fell asleep watching and waiting for whatever it was that went under the fridge to come back out.
It was so cute, so one of these days, I need to film the kitties playing hockey, and also film here falling asleep waiting for a bug to come back out of the hole, and then edit it in WMM to do like a time laspe/speed up of the film in case it takes hours and hours again.
It would be so terribly cute. 

I posted a few days ago about having a yard sale sometime in the near future and also selling off all of my jewelry.
I don't have a lot, exactly 23 pieces went into the envelope, but it's all I have and I hope it brings me at least some decent amount of money, $400-$600 would be great even though I know there's at least 1 piece in there worth at least $1,000.
It'd be great if I had like some Ferrari parts for sale to make some money super fast, but I don't, so this is my only option.
I don't trust any of those places that are advertising to buy your scrap gold jewelry right now, I have heard way too many bad things about them, and if you do a Google search on each of their names, you find not only their site, but sites where people talk about being completely ripped off.
They don't even come close to half the value of your jewelry, barely a third, and in some cases, downright stealing from people for mere pennies.

There's a local place in Tampa, I thought that I would actually have to go to them to trade in my stuff for cash, but they have a "gold kit" too, so I requested one.
It came in today's mail and I have gone through every single piece of jewelry and packed it all up to stick in tomorrow's outgoing mail.
The Gold & Diamond Source in Tampa, is where I am sending my jewelry.
From the FAQ's about their buying services, "We accept ONLY precious metal jewelry and genuine precious gems & diamonds, including broken gold. Please do not send costume jewelry as we cannot return these items."

Nothing I am sending them is costume jewelry, it's all gold, a minimum of 10k, .925 sterling silver, and jewelry with real gemstones in them, and some of them even have diamonds.
A few of the pieces are broken, so I know I won't get a lot of money for them, but my finances are in really rough shape right now so this is something that I have to do.
They say they they will mail a check within 24 hours of receiving my envelope, and so because they are right in Tampa, I know that I will have a check in my hands probably no later than Saturday, probably by Thursday.

I really hate to sell my stuff, but like I said, things are really super bad right now, I am having panic attacks for like the first time in years, panic attacks so bad that my heart is practically exploding out of my chest.
I know that's not true, but that's how it feels.
It feels like I'm having a heart attack, and I know that it's the stress over money issues that is causing it.
For quite a few years now, I've been on a good track, paying all of my bills on time every single month, really doing ok, and then the surgery in September happened, depression happened, I wasn't doing as much work as I should have been doing, used to do, the AC had to be replaced in October 2008, and then again this past February, so almost $1,000 on the AC, my health, prescriptions not covered by my insurance, yeah, things just kept coming and coming, and before I knew it, I was buried under money issues again and now it's at the point where I can barely freaking breathe from the panic attacks.
I mean, I'm sitting here right now, and my heart is beating so damn fast it's unreal.

If the Gold & Diamond Source gives me at least $500 for my stuff, I'll be in a way better position than I am right now.
It's not what I need of course, and it's certainly not what everything in that envelope is worth, again, 1 item alone has a value of $1,000, never been worn, mint condition, but I have to take whatever I can get right now.

I have never even had any types of  jobs in finance, but even I know that what is being told to a certain group of bloggers is complete and utter crap.
Ok, listen up folks, PayPal, has NO minimum payment rules.
None.
They have a maximum payment rule, you can't send anyone more than $10,000, but there is no rule on how little you can send someone.
This applies to both individual persons and companies that use PayPal to pay employees or "independent contractors".
It doesn't matter if they are using mass pay or paying people individually, which is what is happening in this case, there is NO minimum payment amount that can be sent.
They DO NOT attach any fees AT ALL to the sender, not a single penny.
They do, however, take a fee from the recipient of the funds, a small percentage, and it doesn't matter if the sender sends you $1.00 or $100.00, PayPal will take that small percentage of fees from the recipient, NOT the sender.
The only time they do not take any fees is when the sender uses mass pay, but again, that's not the case with this particular issue.
You have been told that PayPal has forced a company to raise their minimum payment to $50.00.
You have been lied to.
PayPal has NO minimum payment amounts.
NONE.

Quit being blind little sheep and start questioning what you're being told.

Things are super tight around here so I'm going through and finding stuff that I can sell, and getting rid of it all.
I'm probably going to have a big yard sale at some point for a lot of the big stuff, but I am going to go through all of my jewelry, my rings, bracelets, necklaces, my diamond engagement rings, earrings, every stinking stitch of jewelry that I own, and I am going to take it to the pawn shop up the street and sell what I can sell there, and what he won't buy, I am going to take the rest to the pawn shop downtown and sell, and then to another shop, and then finally, I'll do one of those cash for gold places you see commercials for.
I know they don't pay out much, that's why they are my last resort, but times and money are tough and tight, so this has to be done as much as it kills me to do.

I knew that I would not be able to get Mark that HP notebook that Buy.com had on their weekly special, it's not on sale this week plus I didn't have the money, but I really don't need to worry.
They have a whole section of their site specifically devoted to laptop deals .
That's pretty freaking awesome.
They have every possible brand, every possible size, and every possible price range, and many of them on sale at some really incredibly low prices.
So I know that when I need to get him a laptop in the fall for college, I will be able to find him a really good one at a really good price from them. They make it so incredibly easy to find just the right one, he'll even be able to pick a color on certain brands and models if he wants to.

I started shopping at Buy.com years ago, like back in 2004 or 2005.
I started shopping with them because I was doing paid surveys for a company, and at the time, they only paid in Buy.com gift certificates, they now pay through paypal and Buy.com gift certificates, so that's cool they offer a choice now, but I still take the gift certificates.
I would cash out my gift certs from the site, they only gave us so many days to redeem them at Buy.com, and then I would just let them build up until I had a lot of them, and then I'd go shopping.
I've been loving shopping with them ever since.
I love their low prices, their fast shipping, and the fact that they have free shipping on almost every single item that they sell.
Not too many other online retailers offer free shipping on so many items, heck, most don't offer free shipping on hardly anything unless you spend like a minimum of $25.
At Buy.com, I bought a $6.99 DVD, and got free shipping, so yeah, I'll shop there over other retailers any day, especially when it comes time to get Mark his laptop because those suckers are wicked heavy and if I had to pay shipping, it would be like super freaking expensive.

The surgery, not right now anyway.
My surgeon is someone I trust so much, you have no idea how much I trust that man.
He has never lied to me about any of the risks, how I would be after the surgery, any difficulties I would face when I came home, anything.
He always looks me dead in the eye and tells me the honest truth about everything, so when he looked me in the eyes on Wednesday and told me all of the risks, no matter how small, and then asked me to consider not doing and his feelings on why, I knew, I know, that I have to trust him.

Even though he would be operating above me and his surgeon partner below me, and the same entire surgical team that has been in there with my previous surgeries, measuring and adjusting, and doing everything that they can to try and make my head be straight, something is telling him, worrying him, that it would over correct and I would end up facing upward.
I could see it in his eyes, I have had so many talks with this man over the years, I know how to read him, and I know that look in his eyes was genuine worry that it would have over corrected and come out facing up.
I am going to call him tomorrow and tell him to cancel the operating room, for now, and for him to keep looking for a way to fix me with less risks, to keep talking to other surgeons in this field, maybe one of them will know how to do it better some day, maybe one of them will know how to do it without all of the risks.
Medical science is constantly changing, they are always finding new ways of doing things, so maybe they will find a new way to do this in a year or 2, or 5, who knows, I just have to hang in there and wait.
And he said he will always help me, if I end up having too much pain, he will help me, he'll do whatever he can to help me until the day comes that we find a way to fix this without so many risks to my body and life. 
Facing up would be a thousand times worse than facing down, I would not be able to live that way, there's no way, I wouldn't.
Facing down has been a nightmare that I can't wake up from, facing up would push me over the psychological edge and that would be the end of me, I would never mentally recover from that.

So now I can stop searching so hard for the best term life insurance quotes , I have time to find a good plan at reasonable rates that I can afford so that when they do find a way to fix me, if something goes wrong, there will be money to pay for my cremation.

You know what the best fat burner is?
Watching a cat lick at an abscess for days on end until it pops, and then watch it lick the nasty bloody puss away for the next 3-4 days.

Carmine had an abscess on his right side, at first we didn't know that's what it was, we thought maybe it was his gallbladder and that he was doomed to die.
He stopped eating, he just laid around, he was hot to the touch and miserable.
Then he started licking at the bump over and over, and then right in front of me, like right in front of my chair, he licked it until it popped.
I thought I was going to puke.
It just exploded with this like gallon of nasty bloody puss, and he kept licking and licking and licking, it was so gross.
I totally lost my appetite, I couldn't eat anything at all for a couple of days because Carmine seemed to be following me around, and then wherever I was, he would lay down right in front of me and lick at it until it started draining again, and then he'd lick the puss up.
I wanted to vomit every single time he did it.

He's finally all better, the abscess has healed up completely, he's back to eating again, running around, and chewing the crap outta his play mouse.
Man, I need to get another one of those, he's totally destroyed this one.

I think I am going to have to start asking around and get some health insurance leads because I need a secondary insurance.
I have medicare as my only medical insurance, and they pay 80% of everything, and then I pay the rest, my co-pays.
I have Humana as my part D drug coverage, but I think I need another insurance.
My surgeon's office called me on Friday about the upcoming surgery, and asked me if I had a secondary insurance, I said no because I don't.
She said that my co-pay was going to be about $2,600 after medicare paid their 80%, and I'd be responsible for the rest.
I have no idea if I could even qualify for any health insurance right now because I have some pretty extensive pre-existing medical conditions, not too many insurance companies would take me on, and if they do, the monthly premiums would be very high.
I'm thinking I'd be better off without another insurance, and just make payments on the balance forever until it's all paid off.
I can't afford expensive premiums every month.
I just don't have that kind of money.

I have now lived in this duplex for 11 years as of this month, that's a long time to live in one apartment, and it shows.
My house is not dirty by any means, it's just lived in, cluttered.
My home will never be featured in a magazine like Better Homes & Gardens that's for sure, but it's not a disgusting pig sty either.

The carpets are old, faded, and worn out.
The cupboard doors and knobs have all seen better days, the bathroom fixtures are corroded and falling apart, and the walls definitely need to be cleaned and painted.
I'd love to get everything out of the house, move it all out into the driveway/carport, and then get one of those pressure washers and spray clean the entire house.
Just wash every single inch of everything down, get rid of cobwebs and dust hanging in corners, hanging off of the textured ceiling, put down all new tack paper in the cupboards, get all new knobs and fixtures, get the bathroom all new faucet fixtures too.

Or move.
Move and start over totally fresh and clean somewhere else.
But after living in any home for many years, it would be all lived in and cluttered again.
Our homes are where we put our stuff.
I used to be meticulous about cleaning, my home used to be spotless, but as the pain got worse, as I got surgeries and treatments for pain, the less cleaning I did.
I do keep up with as much as I can, and like I said, it's not a disgusting mess in here, but there is dust in places I just can't reach, I can't get down on my hands and knees and clean as well as I'd like to, and it definitely looks like people live here, we have stuff everywhere.
I really would love to just start in a room and clean it and get rid of as much stuff as I possibly can.
I'd love to just get rid of all of the crap we haven't used or touched in 6 months or longer, just get rid of it all.
I want to take back control of my house, clean it, get rid of things, wash the walls, and then paint everything.
I want to rip up the carpets and put new carpet down.
I want to make my house look really good again, but it's something that I'm going to have to work on really slowly over time.
I'm definitely going to start in my room, that's the room with the most crap in it to get rid of.

I am really glad that scientists and doctors are making great strides in Mesothelioma treatment for people who have it, but man, there are like a gazillion lawyers out there trying to make a profit from all of the poor people who have it.
If you just do a quick Google search for Mesothelioma lawyers,  you get a ton of results!
As soon as this disease started making the news, all of these lawyers suddenly started popping up.
Every single day, I see no less than 10 different Florida lawyer commercials, advertising for this.
They all want to help the victims of this disease sue the pants off of the factory or whatever industry company that may be responsible for causing them to get it.

When I was a kid, I had no idea what was so funny about people calling lawyers ambulance chasers.
Now I do, I totally get it now.
But instead of finding it funny, I find it totally sad and pathetic.
I think it's disgusting just how many lawyers start advertising with their sincere sounding messages of wanting to help these people, but lawyers for the most part, are money grubbing jerks.
I'm sure like 1 out of the 10 different law firms that are advertising for this, actually do care, but the rest of them must be seeing dollar signs because the statute of limitations on mesothelioma here in Florida is so long, the people with the disease have many years that they can file a suit against whoever they feel is responsible for it, and because it can take up to 20 years to even be diagnosed with it.

It makes me kind of sick to see all of those commercials.

I have had a really bad couple of days here, still hurting pretty bad too.
It's been raining off and on since Thursday, so my joints, my bones, and the titanium, have just been in pure agony.
In yesterday's mail, I got a letter from Cindy, my surgeon's nurse, and in it were all of the surgery dates.
My surgery pre-op testing will be on June 10th at 9:30am, and my surgery will be on June 29th, and I have to be at the hospital at 6:30am.
It's all scheduled, so it's on whether I'm mentally ready for it or not.

The bathroom undermount sink has been driving me crazy!
It's been leaking, and clogging up all weekend, I have got to get that fixed soon.
It started clogging up last night, and when I went to plunge it, I felt some water hitting my feet.
I know that I didn't splash any out of the sink, so I opened the doors and saw that there's a link in the pipes.
Great, just great.
What was a simple project to replace just the faucet, is now going to have to be handled by the landlord, and the whole thing is going to have to be fixed.

Cross posted from my other blog because it relates to my surgery and personal feelings.

Mark and I went shopping this afternoon because Sebastian wasn't feeling well, and I've noticed something about who goes shopping with me and how much I spend.
If Sebastian goes, I stay on target, to my list, and don't overspend.
If Mark goes with me, I end up buying things not on my list, and spend more than I had planned too.
So guess how I did today?
If you guessed that I spent more, you'd be correct.

My total bill before coupons was $231.94
Total is coupons and in store special savings - $49.15
Total after coupons and savings applied = $182.79

I try to use as many coupons as I can, and take advantage of as many in store special savings as I can, because I only get $349.00 per month in food stamps, and with 2 growing young men in the house, that food money goes very quickly.
I try to avoid buying junk food items when I can, and I try to cook as many meals as I can without buying easy microwave foods because they cost more.
Sometimes. Publix always has a lot of easy foods on sale for super cheap, and I usually always have coupons to match those items, so sometimes I do end up buying easy foods. But anyway, whenever Mark goes with me he distracts me, he stands in front of me while I'm trying to look at and compare the costs of items on the shelves.
He's always talking to me about something totally unrelated to shopping while I'm trying to shop.
I ended up buying about 15 items not on my list today.
Ugh.
But, they were on sale, so I can't complain too much about it. It would have been nicer had I had matching coupons for those items, but oh well.
What did I buy that wasn't on my list? Chips, dip, beef jerky, some Oreo cookie things, Fun Stix I think they are called, more soda, another pound of lunch meat, some bread from the bakery, canned soup, about 5-6cans, and some canned spaghettios.

Speaking of spaghettios, next month begins the hurricane supply shopping.
I need to stock up on the canned foods that can be eaten without heating them up, and stuff like that.
I'm actually worried about hurricane season this year, not because they have predicted any yet, but because I'm having another spine fusion in June, and with the kind of luck that I have, this year will be the year that we get hit with a hurricane here in Sarasota, and I'll be in a bad state recovering from surgery, in the halo brace, possibly the trach tube, and we'll get smacked with a big one.
Sarasota is weird, in the 12 years we've lived here, this area hasn't been hit with a single hurricane, it's like we live in the outer banks twilight zone of storm free zones.
The most we've ever gotten here is a small bit of wind and rain, just enough wind to blow some trash cans around, maybe take out a really old tree, but nothing major.
But like I said, because of the kind of luck that I have, this will be the year that Sarasota gets nailed, and I'll be completely useless to deal with it, I'll have to rely on other people to help us pack up stuff and evacuate.
So far, the tropics look good, there's nothing at all out there, so let's hope it stays that way all through hurricane season which is June 1st to November 30th.

Most people don't realize that I am a moderator of a few online forums, one is a local forum where I mod a specific section, and then there's a mom/parenting forum, and then there's a work forum.
I do all of them because I was asked by the owners of each one of those forums to do it because of my availability, and because I listen and do what I'm asked to do.
Being stuck at home, I have tons of time to do stuff on the net, but it's not always fun, as a matter of fact, 99.9% of the time, it sucks big time.
I would quit doing it if I wouldn't be letting people down, and I have quit modding other forums because it just got to be way too much emotionally for me to do anymore.

Like I said though, I do it because I was asked, and with the work forum, I was asked to do it by the owners, and I post what I'm told to post, and yes, sometimes what I'm told to post is the wrong information, but I always come back and correct that information with the correct information when it's told to me that a mistake was made.

Right now I'm being blamed because someone is quitting work because of a post on those work forums.
There is a certain way that people are told to ask for work, and a certain way that work is assigned.
If people post their work request in the wrong way, I am told to remind them how work is assigned.
People can say that I'm reprimanding them, but I'm not, I have been told to remind people how to request work and how work is assigned.
Yelling, posting in caps, posting reasons for wanting/needing work are not allowed.
Why?
Because everyone wants/needs work, everyone has their reasons for needing money, and if everyone posted their reasons for why they need money, the work requests would be the most depressing things to read ever, and no one wants to read all of those depressing reasons.

If I had responded the way 1 person thinks I should have, I would have gotten taken to task for telling them that their work sucks, instead of being taken to task because they felt that I reprimanded them for using excessive punctuation, and reminding them how work is given out.
Was I supposed to say, "Well maybe you should post more often than when you have an assignment? You have huge gaps in the dates of your posts, each 1 of your posts is the bare minimum word count, they are like 1 paragraph each, they each have 1 link, they look spammy."
Is that how I should have responded?
Sorry, not my place or my job.
My job is to simply remind people how to ask for work, and how work is assigned, and to not yell or give reasons for needing work.
I'd be damned no matter how I responded, but I responded the way that I am supposed to.
Blame me all you want for deciding to quit, but maybe you should read the internal messages that say no banners for other companies, and read the messages that tell you to write more and more often, to not make it look like a spam fest, instead of blaming me for doing the job that I was asked and told to do.

I didn't appoint myself as anything.
I was asked to do that job and I do it exactly as I was told to do it.

I posted back on April 16th on my other blog, how Mark accidentally broke the handle off of the bathroom faucet, it was an old faucet, really has probably been in this duplex since the house was built in the 70's, but looking at it day after day is starting to get on my nerves.















I have not told the landlord yet, I know that I should, but I hate bothering him.
It's not because he's a mean landlord or a jerk or anything, it's just he works 6 days a week as a sheriff, and he only gets one day off per week to spend with his wife and two young kids.
I think they aren't much older than 9 or 10.
And it's really not that hard to install a new faucet, just shut off the water, unscrew the old one, screw on the new one and use some plumbers' tape, and turn the water back on.
It's literally like a 20 minute job at the max, but I don't want to bother him on his one day off a week.
He is still working on the empty unit next door, they trashed it so bad in there, it's been over 7 months, and it's still not clean enough to start showing it to new tenants.
 
Anyway, I think I'm just going to go find a nice new faucet, like a nice but reasonably priced  Kohler faucets, and install it myself, or help the teens, or maybe even ask Dustin to come help me, because it would require me getting down on my knees under the sink, and shutting off the water, and doing some other work under the sink with the plumbers' tape and stuff.
I think I'm just gonna go check out the faucet selection at the hardware store, see if they have anything on clearance, and then just do it.
I just hate the idea of making my landlord do more work when he only gets 1 day off and still has the unit next door to do.
I feel guilty asking him to fix stuff, especially small stuff like this that I can fix myself.
Just buy the parts, do it, and give him the receipts, and he takes it off of the rent.
He never complains about me doing that, and he actually has thanked me several times for just doing it myself.

The other night, I was locking up the house for the night, and I slid the 2x4 under the doorknob, and then used my foot to make sure it was kicked under tight, and then my foot slid down the board, and it ripped off a callous that I have on the bottom of my foot.
Hard.
I've now had this horribly painful sore on the bottom of my foot, and every time I step down on my foot.
Which foot?
The left foot of course!
You can click it for bigger, you may not want to though, I am in serious need of a pedicure.
My feet are all rough, dry and calloused wicked way bad.













The amount of times that I manage to hurt myself doing really stupid stuff, it's a good thing that I don't own a motorcycle, or I'd need some motorcycle accident attorneys to keep me from getting sued by the city and stuff for crashing into things.

So I went to my doctor's appointment this afternoon, it went very well, the new pain doc and his staff are totally awesome and understanding about everything.
They gave me my prescriptions and I headed to Walgreen's.
The pharmacist pitched a fit because the doc had written on the bottom "Please fill today, medically necessary due to patient not being able to drive."
He said when a doc writes medically necessary, that means brand name, and my insurance, Humana, will not cover brand name.
So I had to go all the way back to my doc's, get them to write on it "Generic OK", and then go back to Walgreen's.

I asked the pharmacist if they had all of them (3 scripts) in generic, he said yes.
So I sat and waited.
For 45 minutes.
My name gets called, 1 of the pain meds is NOT the generic, it costs $610.00.
I told the pharmacist waiting on me that I asked for generic, the pharmacist said he had them, so why was I being given the brand name.
He started yelling at me that the generic is out, that the pharmaceutical companies have not made them in 6 months, I said that's bullshit because I picked it up here last month, and he says to me;
"Ma'am, I'm the pharmacist, I KNOW what I'm talking about, you do not, you are not a pharmacist. They are not making the generic of these any longer, we have not had them for the last 3 months, there is no way that you picked them up here. Now, are you going to pay for these or not?"

I told him 3 times through his shouting at me, to get a manager.
The manager comes over, I told her to look up my account and tell me when I last got that med filled.
She looks it up, says last month, you picked it up here.
I looked at him and asked him if he heard the manager, he said no, so I asked her to tell him what she just told me.
He says all sarcastically, "So."
I nearly flew over the counter and punched him.
I asked for my prescription back so that I could take it elsewhere because I refused to deal with a liar for 1 minute longer.
The manager was trying to apologize, I told her I didn't want to hear it.
The guy had been yelling at me, lied to me, I wanted my script so I could go somewhere else.

I went down the street to another pharmacy, asked them if they had the generic in stock, they said yes, they filled it, and then I asked them if the company had stopped making it.
Both the clerk and the pharmacist looked at each other and laughed, told me no, who told me they had, I told them Walgreen's did, and they both said "Ma'am, he lied to you. They have not stopped making the generic, as a matter of fact, they have increased production because the 30mg ones are not being made anymore."

I knew that, that's why my doc switched me to the higher ones.
But that little jerk lied to me, yelled at me, I'm freaking pissed.
I think I'm going to take my business elsewhere from now on, Walgreen's can suck it.

One of the things that you just sort of have to deal with living in Florida, is the insane amount of bugs and other creatures like lizards, that are simply everywhere.
You can have your house sealed up as tight as a drum, but lizards still find their way in, and if they are getting in, so is everything smaller than them.
I HATE bugs, the Palmetto bugs especially, which are basically cockroaches.
There are ways to get rid of them and keep them away, but come on, putting your toaster in a plastic bag every single night?
Get freaking real here folks.

I usually grab a cat when I see a bug or lizard, hold their head in place so they see it, and then run away to let the cats play with it, torture it, and eventually eat it.
This saves me money on bug sprays, roach traps, moth traps, and all kinds of other small critter traps.
But you still have to clean your house like crazy all of the time, it has to be impeccably clean, hospital sterile, if you really want to keep out every bug and roach.
It's a hard task let me tell ya.
There are days I simply cannot move, let alone sweep, mop, vacuum the rugs, wash down counters, scrub the sinks and dry them, etc etc.
I do the best that I can, but honestly, I need to win the lotto, buy a brand new house, and hire a couple of maids.
One for day shift and one for night shift.
Have around the clock cleaning going on.
I doubt that will ever happen, so I'll just have to keep doing my best when it comes to cleaning the house, and keep the cats happy so that they will keep on chasing and killing all of the critters that find their way in.

Sometimes I think I just need a really long vacation to somewhere secluded, to be all alone and not have to deal with anything or anyone.
I've even thought of being trapped on a cruise ship, locking myself in my room, only venturing out to eat, maybe taking walks on the decks late at night when other people are dancing away in the nightclubs or sleeping soundly.
I just want some major alone time, and I don't think I'm going to get any very soon.
Why?
I fade in and out of depression a lot, especially in these last few months.
I rarely sleep anymore, often lying awake all night long in my room just waiting for the alarm to go off, or laying on the couch watching mindless tv all night just to pass the time.
I need the surgery, I can't stay living like this, but I also don't want to go through another surgery again, I don't want to put my family through another one again.
It's hard, so so hard on all of us.
I don't have a date yet, but now that I know when Mark's graduation is, I want to wait until after that to have the next surgery, I don't want to miss it by being in the hospital, and I also don't want to miss it because I just got home from the hospital, and I also don't want to show up at his graduation in that terrible halo brace.
I think I'm going to call my surgeon on Monday morning and request that we do it in June.
That way I won't miss his graduation or have to go to it that brace, plus, both teens will be out of school for the year, they won't miss any school, they won't be in school worried about me either.
I think that's the best plan for all of us who have to deal with this.
But it also means another month or so like this, with my head stuck down, with not being able to eat unless other people are home because of the risks of choking, and being in so much pain.
But it really is the best plan I think, even if it means having to wait a bit longer.

Mindy didn't want to come over when her husband Chris comes to take a look at the AC tonight because she has been sick, and she doesn't want me to catch it.
I told her not to worry about it because if I tried to avoid people who are sick, I'd never be able to leave my house, or I'd have to live in a bubble.

My immune system is just shot, surgeries, medications, it's just wrecked, there's not much I can do about it.
I mean, I'd probably have to take pills the size of horse supplements for antibiotics, or some sort of antioxidant or something like that, to try and help my immune system fight off catching stuff or killing an infection when I get them.
I catch everything, nothing I can do, and I'm not going to spend my life avoiding people in order to try and avoid getting sick.
If I get sick, I get sick.
Heck, i'm sick like every other week any way.

It's one of those lazy Sundays where we all just lay around on the furniture and do absolutely nothing but watch crappy tv shows and even crappier movies on tv.
I do need to go out a little later on and pick up some food from Publix, get more soda and cat food, some other stuff for them to eat during the long vacation week.
But for now, none of us have showered or dressed, we haven't done much of anything at all but watch movies on tv.
Currently, we're watching Great Expectations , the one with Ethan Hawke, not the older version.
Some of the scenes were filmed right here in Sarasota at the Ca d' Zan mansion of John and Mable Ringling.
My friend Shell and I got to tour it last year, it was amazing, so beautiful inside.
You'd never know that watching the movie, they really dirtied it up to make it look really old and disheveled.

I was so sick yesterday and last night, most of this morning, and I'm just finally starting to feel better.
I don't know what it was, but man, my stomach was just wrecked, I was throwing up, cramping up, in tons of pain, and my feet that were swollen and had gone down, had started to swell again.
I managed to pull myself together to go to my new pain doctor appointment, and went for my 3:15.

It's a very strict office I'll tell ya.
They make you pay your co-pay or self pay before they see you, and there was this one guy who was $10 short of his $350.00 fee, and they turned him away, told him he had to reschedule it, they don't mess around man.
I had enough to pay my co-pay and for my scripts, but I was 2 days too early for my insurance to fill them, so I have to go back to the pharmacy tomorrow morning and pick them up before I go to my surgeon appointment at 2pm.

But anyway, the new doc is very strict but also very nice.
He took a look at my records, my CT scans from the 19th, and my blood test results, and we started there.
He said, "So you had spine fusion in 2006 from T3 to S1, wow, that's really big."
I said, "Yeah, but I just had another one, I'm now fused from C1 to S1, the whole spine."
He said, "Wow, you are the biggest spine fusion I have ever personally seen. Did you say that you're having another surgery?"
I said, "Yeah, I see my surgeon on Wednesday, and hopefully he'll have a date and a plan for what and when we're going to do. C1 and C2 collapsed after the surgery in September, my head is stuck down, I don't have much movement at all in my neck, muscle spasms in my back and legs, sometimes the spasms are so severe that if I'm sitting at my desk with my feet up and my keyboard on my lap, the spasms actually throw my keyboard clear off my lap and knock over my foot stool. But C1 and C2 were congenitally fused from birth, there's no disc space there at all, so I have no idea how he's going to fix me."
He said, "Yeah, I'm looking at your CT scan and I honestly don't know how he's going to do it, I'm not a surgeon, so I really don't know, but I can now understand why Doc R. sent you to me. You are much more complicated than the patients he usually deals with. He's a rehab pain manager, he helps people get better and get off medication, and honestly, I know you probably don't want to hear this, but I don't see you coming off of medication for another 5-8 years, maybe the rest of your life based on what I'm reading in your records. You not only have had major spine fusion and another one going to happen soon, but you have arthritis, stenosis, nerve impingement, and a lot of disc damage. It could be years before anyone even thinks of taking you off of medication, or never at all. I'm sorry."
I said, "That's ok, I already knew I was bad off."

So he wrote out my scripts, added a muscle relaxer, which I hate taking because they make me sleep for anywhere from 6-8 hours, so taking those 4 times per day, I'd be sleeping all of the time, and he added Lyrica , which is for neuropathic pain.
I didn't get to pick that one up because it needed like pre-authorization or something, and I may not pick it up at all because as of right now, the Walgreen's website says it's $82.46 for just 30 pills.
That's crazy!
I refuse to pay that much for a medication that I have no idea if it will even work for me yet.
Maybe it hasn't been processed through my Humana insurance yet, but if it has and that's how much it costs, I may not pick it up at all, or I may wait until I get my tax refund back on Thursday.
I don't know yet, have to wait and see, but as of right now, it's still not ready for me to pick up anyway.
Apparently, they still don't have the authorization for it.

So tomorrow morning, I'll go pick up my pain meds, come home, and then get ready for the long ride to Safety Harbor to see the surgeon with my sister.
I'm giving Mindy the day off...LoL
Mindy does so much for me already, and she's been working hard at her cleaning business, taking care of her family, and other things, she's exhausted, so Wednesday is her only scheduled day off, so now it's really a day off for her.
I personally think she needs a nice long vacation somewhere really nice, like maybe go out to California all by herself, stay at a nice San Diego hotel, go see a few sites, and get some much needed rest.
She works way too hard and needs a good, long break.

I've made some really decent new friends over the last few weeks.
It happened sorta by accident, I met Dustin and his girlfriend Stacey through another friend, and they have just been really awesome.
They are like totally blown away by the amount of titanium I have, Dustin calls it the 'chainsaw back' because when you look at a front view of the xrays, it looks like a chainsaw blade.
But anyway, they are both just really sweet, Dustin helped me get to my doc appointment yesterday and to the pharmacy, and today, they both just stopped by to see how I was doing.
Stacey said that after my next surgery, she'll come by anytime I need help, help clean the house, help me take showers, shave my legs, brush my hair, stuff like that, because with the halo brace on, it's going to be very difficult to do things by myself.
I had been telling Dustin yesterday while sitting in the waiting room at the docs, about how awesome my teens are and have been after my surgeries, they helped me in and out of bed, in and out of the bathroom, they have even shaved my legs, brushed my hair, they do all of the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, and so he told Stacey, and she was like well hell, this single mama needs help sometimes so let's help her.
I thought that was really sweet of them to even offer, and who knows, I may take them up on it sometimes if I'm having a wicked rough time after surgery.

Oh, Sebastian just went out and got the mail, and in today's mail was my settlement check from the Airborne class action lawsuit.
I got a check for $34.95.
Nice!

I'm starting to get more into the whole green thing, I'm recycling more things instead of just tossing them in the trash, I am slowly replacing all of the light bulbs in my house with CFLs as the old ones burnout, and I'm trying to use less and less electricity around the house.
I make sure that the teens turn off all lights and computers, fans etc, when they leave the rooms, I make them take shorter showers, and I make sure that they recycle what we can according to our city's recycling rules.
I'd love to get some led home lighting   around the house, like holiday lights, instead of the usual tree lights we have.
There's so many kinds of led lights for Christmas trees, indoor and outdoor lights too.
LEDs use way less electricity than normal light bulbs, they last longer, and they can be recycled when they no longer work.

I also recently joined a new website for going green, it's called Green Hangout.
There's a button for it in my sidebar, but it's a pretty cool site if you're looking for ways to go even greener.
They have forums where you can post your tips and tricks for recycling, saving electricity, water, and money.
It's a pretty good site, you should check it out and sign up, the more people that join, the more ideas we can all learn.
They have also said that they will be having contests where you can win money by posting pictures of something using a keyword that they will post, and the best picture that perfectly shows that "green" word, that person will win money.
But you can't win if you don't join the site, so hop on over and check it out, post up your recycling tips and tricks, and together we can help clean up landfills, save electricity, and make the world a better, cleaner place for future generations.

Most of my readers know by now that I receive social security disability and Medicare because of my spine and health issues, so I post about it every now and then.
I'm usually talking about the Medicare portion of it, the medical insurance and part D drug coverage.
Most of my meds are covered by Humana, the part D provider I chose, but some aren't, that's just the way it is with all insurances though.

My long time readers know how hard it was for me to even get my SSDI, I applied in April 2001, and it wasn't granted until December 23rd 2005.
I was denied twice.
When I first applied I didn't have any help, and so when I was denied, I didn't know where to go or who to get help from.
I ended up getting a lawyer to help me, but there are other places you can get help for applying and going through the process.
 
Allsup is one of those places.
They have a 97% success rate helping people from starting the application process all the way through until it's approved.
They've been in business since 1984, and they have helped over 110,000 people get the SSDI benefits and Medicare they deserve.
Having representation is so very important when you have to go through this process, you have no idea what you're doing, there's a million complicated forms, they make you go to their doctors, you have to get letters from all of your doctors, it's just so long and complicated, you really need the help.
If I had had help from the start, I probably wouldn't have been denied that first time, and if I had the right help, I probably wouldn't have been denied the second time.
If you're worried about how much having representation will cost you, don't.
The fees cannot exceed 25% of your total retroactive award benefit amount, or the cap which is $5,300.
This fee is set by SSDI, and no organization or lawyer can go above it, so you're not going to get ripped off by getting help.

I know a few people who are currently going through this process right now and struggling with all of the paperwork, and 1 of them has been denied.
I told her she needed to get help, and now that I know about Allsup, I'll be calling her as soon as I'm done with this post and telling her about them.
Every time she and I talk, she's always asking me for help with it, and just because I've been through it, it doesn't make me an expert, far from it.
I'm currently attempting to read and understand a letter they sent me a few days ago.
More mumbo jumbo legalese that I just don't understand.
All I could figure out so far is that my disability is ongoing and they will revisit my case in 2012.
That's all I can figure out from 10 pages of information.
It's very stressful dealing with all of this, so definitely get help with it if you're going to be applying or are in process right now.
You're going to need it.

The new med, the 40MG Oxycontin, is much stronger than the 30's, much stronger.
I had a very rough night with it, I was physically sick from it, puked like 4 times, couldn't eat, was wicked dizzy.
I spent almost the whole night just laying on the couch.
I think the problem with it is because I hadn't gotten any sleep in days, I was exhausted, I hadn't eaten much at all, so it hit me super, super hard.
I am adjusting much better to it today that's for sure.
I slept all night, didn't wake up till almost noon, ate a big breakfast, and so I am handling it much better today than I did last night.

I told you on Thursday about how things went with my pain doc appointment, and that he gave me a new med, and that Walgreen's said my insurance didn't cover it, so I was only able to pick up one of the meds.
Walgreen's had a new girl working behind the counter with the pharmacist, the new girl is the one who told me that my insurance, Humana, didn't cover it.
The cost out of pocket was going to be $295.00, that's basically the price of a night's stay of some luxury hotel rooms.
Way too much.
A friend of mine called me on Friday around noon to see how I was doing, I explained how things had gone, and he said, "Kat, you cannot be without that med, you'll go through the hydros faster, you'll be in pain, I'll come pick you up after work and we'll go pick it up, you can pay me back later."
So I called all of the pharmacies that I have gone to to get price quotes, some of them sell the meds for a little less, we found that Publix pharmacy had them for $283.95, about $11.00 cheaper than Walgreen's, so we went there.
He had given me the money, I sat and waited, the lady called my name, and said that will be $240.
I was like oh wow, cool, that's less than the price quoted on the phone.
So I counted out $240.00, and handed it to her, she said "No, $2.40, 2 dollars and 40cents."
I was confused and asked, and she asked me if I was Kat Cooper at my address and phone number, did I have Humana, I said yes, she told me that my insurance covered it.
I asked her to double check it because I had been told that my insurance didn't cover it.
She checked again, it did, I paid the $2.40, and we left.
I gave my friend all of his money back, and we came home.

I called Walgreen's and complained.
I told the lady who answered the phone what had happened Thursday around noon, told her to look it up, she did, I asked why I was told my insurance didn't cover it when it did.
I had to borrow money, go all the way across town to a different pharmacy where I was prepared to pay a whole lot of money for it and it ended up being that my insurance did cover it, that it wasn't right to make me go all the way across town to do that, I'm disabled, I choose that Walgreen's because it's close enough to my home to walk home if I need to.
I asked her what went wrong, did the girl enter my name wrong, did she enter the medication wrong, enter my insurance number wrong, what happened, because it was covered.
She said she didn't know, but while we were on the phone, she entered all my info and the drug, and yup, it was covered, she apologized several times, said she didn't want to lose my business, she would make sure to pass the information on to the pharmacy manager so that the new girl can be trained better or whatever they have to do because that wasn't right at all.
$295.00 is a big mistake, my insurance costs me $20.00 per month, my co-pays for meds range between $2.40-$5.80 depending on the medication, and this one was only $2.40.
That was a big mistake, it almost cost me owing somebody a lot of money, it made me have to go all the way across town, all because somebody made a big mistake.

In today's mail, I got a packet from the new pain doc I'll be seeing on the 23rd.
Yup, he's very, very strict with his patients.
I read through it briefly, he does random drug testing of his patients for any substances that are illegal, any of the prescribed medicines are showing up in the urine in higher quantities, and it does say something about drug safes or other secure locations for the medicines.
There are 6 forms in the packet that must be signed, all of them are contracts with him and his patients.
That's fine with me.
I don't take anything I'm not supposed to, but I do take some vitamins and supplements, and I will write those down for him so he knows what I take when he does the urine tests.
Heck, I may even just bag everything up that I take, and take it in so he can see everything I take.
I don't want to upset this guy, because if you screw up with him, you are kicked out of his office, he reports you to every other pain doc in town, as well as put your name on the pharmacy watch lists as a drug abuser.
So yeah, I'll take everything I do take in, let him see it all, and follow his rules to the letter.
What all do I take?
Ok, here's everything I take every single day:
Hydrocodone 10/325 x 6 per day
Oxycontin 40MG x 4 per day
Toprol XL 25MG x 1/2 per day (heart/blood pressure med)
Cal/Mag/Zinc x 4 per day (for bone growth)
BioQuench antioxidant x 1 per day (cuz my immune system sucks)
Publix brand multivitamin w/iron x 1 per day (cuz my immune system sucks)
Publix brand Tylenol for headaches as needed (cuz pan meds don't work on headaches, surprisingly)
Publix brand stool softener as needed (opiate pan relievers block you up)
Walgreen's Wal-som sleep-aid x 1 (as needed to try and sleep)

This may be long, sorry.

I went to my pain doc appointment this morning, and let me tell you, it was just a messy day.
My pain doc does sports pain, rehab kind of stuff, general pain management, helps people wean off of pain drugs.
That was my original intent when I started seeing him in 2007, to get off of the drugs.
I had my 1st surgery, expected it to be my only surgery, so our goal was to start weaning me off of them, and we were.
I had gone from taking over 300 Hydrocodone 10/325's per month, down to just 60, and we were well on our way to being off of them completely.
Since then, I've had another surgery, (September '08) and will be having another.
The pain medications I am on are very strong, I am not going to lie to anyone about what I take.
I take Hydrocodone 10/325 8 times per day.
I take Oxycontin 30mg 6 times per day.
That was until today.
See, the pharmaceutical companies that make the Oxycontin 30's, there were 3 of them, 2 of them were told to stop making them for some reason, so that leaves 1 manufacturer to create enough supply for the entire country.
They cannot keep up with the demand.
So the Oxycontin 30's are out of the question, they cannot be gotten by any of the local pharmacies, so my pain doc prescribed me a new dose, 40mg Oxycontin, timed release, for 4 times per day.
When I went to the pharmacy to get them and the Hydrocodone 10/325's quantity 180 per month,  I was told my insurance does not cover them, they cost $295.00 out of pocket, I simply don't have the money, so I only picked up the Hydrocodone 10/325s.

Also, my pain doc does sports injuries, rehab, he works mainly on smaller injuries and helping people get better so they can stop taking medication.
Because of my surgical history, because I'll be having another surgery, he decided that he cannot continue seeing me, and he referred me to another pain doc who works with people like me, surgical patients with a history and a future history of needing more pain management than he is capable of providing.
I came home and called the new doc, made an appointment, I see him on Monday the 23rd at 3:15pm, and hopefully he can help me.

There's another reason my pain doc has decided to transfer me to another doctor.
Last month here in Sarasota, a 17 year old boy broke into a house and stole the pain medication of a man dying of cancer.
He stole several bottles of heavy duty narcotics including Oxycontn 30's.
He went home and overdosed on the pills he stole.
Please remember that part, he broke into a home, stole the medication, and overdosed on it.

His parents found his body and the pill bottles.
In their grief and anger, they decided that somebody must pay for this, so they have hired a lawyer who must have found some loophole, and they are suing the doctor who prescribed the medication.

Did you get that?!
The parents are suing a doctor who prescribed medication to his patient, the patient had his home broken into by the 17 year old, the 17 year old overdosed, and so the parents are suing the doctor for negligent homicide.

I don't understand how the parents, even the lawyer, can think this is the right thing to do.
The doctor didn't prescribe them to the 17 year old and then the kid died, the doctor prescribed them to his pateint who was dying of cancer, the 17 year old BROKE IN, STOLE the medicine, and died, and so how is it even remotely negligent homicide on the doctor's part?!?!
I don't understand why the judge hasn't throw out this lawsuit either, it's not right.
How is the doctor even remotely responsible for this kid dying?
The kid broke into a home, stole the medicine, took a lot of it and died.
It's not the doctor's fault at all, it's the kid's fault.
He was a dumb ass kid who stole medicine and took too much and died.
How the parents can blame the doctor is beyond me.
They need to bury their son and shut the fuck up in my opinion.
Their son was a thief and a drug addict, the doctor had nothing at all to do with what their kid did, and for them to sue the doc is just stupid.
Their kid was stupid and so are the parents.

But thanks to them, doctors are scared to prescribe the medication, they are afraid that if someone breaks in and steals it, that they will get sued as well.
So I'm being sent to a new pain doc with more legal stuff than he has, more doctor/patient contracts than he has, he may even use medicine safes that can only be opened on a timer by the patient, and if opened at the wrong time, and alarm sounds at his (the doctors) office, and the doctor calls the patient to check on why they are opening it at the wrong time.
I don't know for sure, but that may be what I am in for at this new doctor.
In the mean time, I only have one of my medications because my insurance doesn't cover the other one, I can't afford to pick it up, my tax refund still isn't in, so I may end up having to wait until I get that money to pick it up, or wait until the 23rd when I see this new doctor, and he will have to prescribe me something that my insurance does cover.
I haven't been feeling all that well between the fall and just generally sick, so my pay that I just got a few minutes ago by paypal, isn't even close to being enough to pick it up either.
Nothing I can do but wait it out, hope the one med will be enough to get me through until I either get the money or get a new script.

I absolutely love my NuWave Oven Pro, as a matter of fact, I am cooking with it right now, but man, I so wish that Buy.com had them, and also had them on sale , because I'd be telling each and every one of you out there to buy one of these, it's fabulous!
I have used it almost every single day to cook almost every single meal we have eaten, and the teens have been cooking with it too.
But they don't sell them yet. *hint hint Buy.com*

But they do have this really cool looking Smartshopper Grocery List Organizer thing, that you simply speak your shopping list into, and then on the day you go shopping, you hit print, and it prints out your list.
How cool is that!?!

It uses voice recognition software, comes programmed with over 2,500 items, you can add a quantity of an item, it has a coupon flag, meaning if something on your list also has a coupon, it alerts you, you can add any of your own specialty items to the master library making it totally customizable, and attaches to the fridge with magnets so you always have your grocery list right where you need it, in the kitchen!






I've seen these things go for as much as $250.00 at some retailers, but Buy.com has it on sale right now for just $39.99!
I know other people who have them or one like it, and they love how easy it makes their shopping.
They simply speak what they want to buy into it, add quantities, add in their coupons, and then when they are ready to go, it prints the list.
This would be so convenient for so many families because if a kid uses the last of the milk, they can push the button, say "milk", and it's added to the list.
The whole family could help make sure that all of the needed groceries are on the list every single week.

Apricot trees.
Heh.
I made a rhyme.

I thought I was back on the mend yesterday, but when I woke up this morning, my hip and knees were still killing me, I had a migraine to boot, my brain was like in "off" mode too.
I couldn't think a good decent thought for more than 2 minutes, so I spent the day watching stupid stuff on tv, reading Twitter, and just generally annoyed with myself.
I have work to do, I'm letting people down.
I'm letting myself down, and that annoys the crap outta me.

I hate when I get like this, when I can't focus, when I can't think, when I can't do what I am supposed to do.
I'm already in a funk, and then not doing everything that I need to do, puts me in a deeper funk, I start dwelling on it, and then that's all I can think about when I am thinking about any 1 subject for more than 2 minutes.
Like right now.
I've had all day to do work, I've had all day to reply to emails, but no, I couldn't do any of it, so now I'm sitting here just aggravated with myself and hungry.
I just want to eat and eat and eat, and nothing is satisfying me at all.
Why?
Because emotionally I'm not satisfied.
I know this about myself.
I know that when I am an emotional mess, I want to over eat, I want to eat sweets like cake, ice cream, cookies, but once I have it, it doesn't taste right, and I try finding something else to fill the void.
But it's a void that cannot be filled.

My brain is a total mess lately, and I know what's causing it.
I know that the things my surgeon said to me on the last visit have entered my head and never left it.
Halo brace, 3-4 months.
Possible paralysis.
Possible trach tube for 3-4 months.
Not eating, not breathing through nose or mouth, no speaking.
No speaking.
It is weighing so heavily on my mind, no speaking at all, no speaking to my sons for several months.

That thought consumes me day and night, I'm drowning in it.
I know he told me the possibilities so I could be prepared, but I am drowning in those possibilities, those thoughts, those what-ifs.
It swallows me from the moment I wake, when I do finally sleep for any amount of time, until I sleep again, which is like non-existent these days, because those thoughts are just there, they aren't going away.
I lay awake in my bed listening to music, trying to drown out the thoughts, and they power out the music, I picture myself with that trach tube in my throat, not speaking to my sons, not telling them daily that I love them, not asking them how their day was, not helping them with whatever, not answering what's for dinner, not telling them to stop arguing, and so many more stupid mommy things that I say to them on a daily basis.
I don't see the surgeon until the 25th, I don't know the surgical plan until then, I don't have any more percentages of things that could go right and wrong, and so I drown in the information I do know and I can't let it go.

Just make it go away, I want it to go away.
I want to be empty-headed, upbeat, happy,  and "ok", but instead, I am consumed, and drowning, and letting myself and others around me down with every passing day.

I love this duplex, I have now lived in it for 11 years.
I love the central location, the neighborhood, it's nice and quiet, people are nice for the most part, but the actual duplex apartment that we live in has no flair, no style, it's just kind of boring looking.

One of these days, my sister and I are going to get around to painting the inside like we've been talking about for such a long time.
We have such beautiful colors to paint with, and then once the painting is done, or maybe we should do this before we do the painting (?), I'd love to put up some really nice molding.

I found some really nice corbels that I think would look nice in here, I need to settle on just 1 design, but I like this one, and this one, but I am leaning towards this one.

 














I found all of these at Inviting Home, where they offer beautiful products for the home at great prices.
They work hard to insure that you are knowledgeable about your purchase, find exactly what you are looking for, and the guidance and expertise needed to make a good purchase.







They even have a blog that is broken down into categories to make it even easier to find what you are looking for, to get decorating ideas, and they even have some great "green" ideas for decorating your home if you're trying to make your home and life more eco-friendly.


Inviting Home offers all kinds of information, and product inspiration to help you make your home more comfortable, more "green", more inviting, more of whatever you want your home to be.
I love looking at sites like this to get ideas, I swear, if I had a lot of money, like won the lotto or something and could buy my own home, I would be using their site to get decorating ideas and get step by step instructions to make my space the most functional and the most beautiful it can be.
They just have so much to offer at their site, there's so much information, ideas, products, it's really a great place to go to to start getting ideas for your new home.

It started getting cold here again, while other people up north are getting snow, we're getting the cold that usually accompanies it.
I could barely move, heck, I can still barely move.
I really hate the cold weather, this is Florida dammit, it's not supposed to be or get cold here.
I had to go out a few times to get some stuff, and I only have sandals that I can wear, I still have a ton of trouble putting on any shoes, sneakers, my combat boots, so all I can wear are my sandals.
It was so cold, I was wishing I had a pair of those fluff or is it wool(?) lined UGG boots.
They aren't that pretty looking, but my feet were freezing, and I was so wishing I had a pair of winter boots that I could wear.
Those Uggs just slide on from what I hear, so they wouldn't be as hard for me to put on.
My feet are still are freezing and I have the space heater on.
No socks, I can't put those on either, so I have ths space heater aimed right at my feet and they are still so cold.

I was so miserable the last few days, my joints and muscles are all stiff and sore, and I've been in so so much pain, that I dug around in my drawer and looked in my little lock-box where I found a bottle of Somas that the pain doc prescribed to me months ago, but I hate taking them because they make me sleep and feel all yucky, but I was hurting so bad and couldn't move, so I took one and promptly passed out for 4 hours today.
When I woke up, I couldn't even think straight for like 4 hours after, I felt completely out of it, I felt strung out, and I absolutely hate that. 

I also found out today that the medicine that my pain doc prescribes me every month is no longer available.
I have my Walgreen's account set up to notify me of changes with any of the medicines that I take, price increases, when generics become available, and discontinuations.
Today, I received an alert that the pain medicine Roxicodone 30mg, is going to become far more difficult to fill by any pharmacies in the entire US.
There were only 3 manufacturers in the US, and 2 of them got shut down about 2 months ago, and the third is having extreme difficulties keeping up with the demand from doctors and pharmacies, because the compounds to make them are becoming scarce.
No explanation was given for the 2 manufacturers having to shut down, but what this means is, that the pain doc and I are going to have to find me a medication that works exactly like those did.
After getting the notice, I called my Walgreen's that I usually pick them up at, and CVS, Bee Ridge Pharmacy, and about 20 of the Publix pharmacies between North Bradenton and Venice, and just for the hell of it, asked them all if they had any leftovers in stock or if they'd be getting any more shipments of them by the 12th.
Every single pharmacy said no, they were out, not getting any more shipments, and quite a few of them explained about the manufacturers shutting down and the only one left having trouble keeping up with demand.
A few of the pharmacies even told me to tell my doc to stop writing scripts for them because there is no way any pharmacy in the whole state is going to have any left in stock at all, and if they have some right now, they probably won't by the end of the week.

That really sucks, it's the only pain med out of about 30 that we tried, that actually worked really well and didn't mess with my head at all.
I hate the pain meds that screw up my head and my thinking, I hate that strung out feeling a wicked lot, hate it with a passion, and now we're going to have to try and find another med that works really well.
Maybe he can just prescribe me the lower doses, the 15mg or the 20mg, those are still being made, and he can just have me take more of them to equal the dose that I was taking, the 30mg.
If he prescribes me the 15's, I can just take 2 of those at a time and get the same effect.
I hope that we can do that instead of having to try an all new medicine, I think I've tried almost all of them, and almost all of them just screwed with my head so bad I couldn't function, I felt paranoid, my skin crawled, no one could touch me, I couldn't put my legs together while sleeping because it made my skin feel all itchy and crawly.
I really, really hope that that's what we can do.  

Here it is, a little after 4am on Saturday morning, and I'm still wide awake.
I honestly haven't slept much even though I was completely worn out from doing too much on Wednesday, and then feeling like I came down with something.
But I think I know what it is that is making me feel like complete crud, the cat urine.
Carmine's been peeing repeatedly on the carpet under my bed, it's just been soaking in, marinating if you will, and stinking like ammonia.
Ammonia can make you feel sick, it can clog up your nose, make you cough and gag, and yup, that's how I've been feeling for a few days.
I'll be so glad when the teens and I rip out the carpet in there today.

Here's the plan for today.
Wake up.
Eat something for breakfast.
Take a walk to CVS to get Sebastian his new migraine meds.
Come home and start tackling the bedroom carpet. To do this, the teens and I will need to dig out all of the boxes of stuff I have under the bed, salvage anything that can be saved if it's not all completely soaked in cat urine, and throw away anything that can't be saved.
Take off all my bedding and start the washer.
Take off and stand up the mattress and box spring up against the wall/closet doors.
Stand up the frame against the wall/closet doors too.
Move the alarm clock. table lamp, and filing cabinet/nightstand.
Move the bed risers to the tub to be washed in bleach.
Get the box cutter and garbage bags.
Start cutting away the carpet and padding underneath.
Bag it all up and throw it out in the trash cans.
Get a bucket of hot water with a combo of bleach and Clorox Green all purpose cleaner.
Scrub the bedroom floor.
Scrub it again.
Scrub it again.
Wash the floor 1 last time with the bleach/green cleaner combo, then let dry.
Then wash down the floor with Urine Gone and Pee Gone.
Let dry and do it again.
Re-wash bathroom and kitchen floors with the combo of Urine Gone and Pee gone, as well as Mark and Sebastian's bedroom floors after they clean all of the junk out from under their beds, throw away anything that may have been peed on, clean all of the floors thoroughly with the combo cleaners and let dry.
After all the floors are dry, set my bed back up.

The bathroom needs a deep clean again too after our mini-flood this past weekend.
I need to get in there and scrub the floor, the toilet, the tub, and the sink.
I think I'm going to have to replace the bathroom sink faucet really soon.
The "hot" knob, is starting to have to be turned really, really far to get it to shut off.
This is a sign that the threads are wearing down, and if I don't replace it soon, we're going to have a big problem.
I'm wishing I could afford to get a nice new Hansgrohe faucet set, but may have to settle for the clearance bin at the local hardware store.
Yes, I know, the landlord should replace it at his cost, but if I just go ahead and do it, don't bother him, he deducts it from the rent if I give him the receipt.
I like to not bother him with stuff I can do myself, he's a sheriff, a father of two young kids, his weekends are important to him, plus, he's been spending almost every weekend for the last 6 months trying to repair the damage my old duplex neighbors did so he can rent it out again.
Anyway, this is the faucet that is in there right now, and I'm pretty sure by looking at it, that it's the exact same faucet that they installed when they built the house in like 1979.
You can click it for bigger if you really want to see how bad it is.



















Oooh! I found a whole bunch of them on sale!
W00t!
I like this one, and this one, and this one too!
Those prices aren't too bad at all!
For some reason, I thought they were going to be crazy high prices, I've seen faucets before that cost well over $200, and there's no way I'd spend that much on a faucet in an apartment that I rent.
Now if I owned my own home, yeah sure, but not a rental.

Oh gosh!
I started writing this post at 4:10am, and it's now 5:02am!
I got so busy looking at all of the bathroom sink faucets, I completely lost track of time hahahah!

I have been going through a rough patch these last few weeks, I'm stressed out and worried about the upcoming surgery whenever that will be, I had lost trust and faith in people due to some nasty people with nothing better to do than harass me online.
I'm no stranger that, but it's still never fun to deal with.
I've been tired but not sleeping, then sleeping when I should have been awake, having blood pressure issues, and just all kinds of stuff.

I lashed out at everyone around me, my kids, friends in the off line world, friends in the online world, I lashed out on the forums for my job.
I blew up, just absolutely exploded on everyone around me, I had reached my breaking point and exploded.
I felt terrible after I had done it, I deleted the thread on the work forums, I apologized to both my friends online and off, and have been trying to find other ways to deal with all of the issues that have come up in my life recently.
I've been doing a lot of laying down and listening to music, playing games, watching movies.
Maybe those things aren't exactly the way to deal with things, but they take my mind off of everything.

And then just when I needed to know I was cared about, that everything I do IS noticed, that people really do want me to be ok, people showed me that I was.
 
I told you how some friends all got together and sent me the NuWave Pro Oven that I had been wanting to get so that the teens won't have to eat junk food, and take-out or delivery food, while I recover from that upcoming surgery, and it really does rock, it's freaking awesome.
And then about 10 minutes ago, the FedEx guy knocked on the door.
Mark got up and answered it because I was laying down on the couch with 3 of the 4 kitties, (another stress reliever for me) and it was just an envelope.
The sent from address was from Publix, my local grocery store.
Inside, I found 3 gift cards for $100 each, but no note, no sent from name or address.
I laid there on the couch asking out loud, "Who sent these?!"
I couldn't figure out who sent them, I laid there racking my brain as to who could have sent them, and then I remembered an email I received earlier today in reply to 1 I sent out this morning, and this was written at the end of it;
       "Be on the lookout for something we sent over also."
So I *think* I know who sent it, I did email them, no reply yet*, but it has to be them.
They know who they are, so thank you, it helps me so so much, you don't even know.
Now I can go ahead and start stocking up on any meats that are on sale and stick them in the freezer so that the teens can cook for themselves with the NuWave oven, as well as get regular groceries too.
Money and food is always a source of stress in my life.
I have so many doctor's appointments to pay for, medicines that aren't covered by my insurance to pay for, and transportation to all of those appointments, that money left over for food is tricky.
I don't have a car and no license either, (Thanks State of Florida!) so getting everywhere I have to go is either by cab or friend with helping to pay for gas.
I swear, money issues is one of the things that keeps me awake at night.

So yeah, just when I needed it, just when I needed to know that people do care, that I don't have to lose all my faith in people for the stupid things other people do, people showed me that they do care, that I am not dealing with all of this stuff alone.

By the time I finished typing this, the people who sent the gift cards responded, it was them.
Thank you guys and staff, it is so very much appreciated.
 

As Mark was getting into bed last night, his bed make a wicked creaking noise, like it was breaking.
I said we'd have to take off the mattress and take a look at it today, I don't want him asleep and have the bed fall to the floor.
The bed frames are old, my sis bought them at a yard sale when we first moved here 12 years ago.
They were already about 10-15 years old then.
They are a solid pine set of bunk beds that can be taken apart and used as twin beds.
They've been a part for about 7 years now.

The teens are bigger now, taller, heavier, they may need new beds soon.
Their mattresses are still in good shape, but it seems that the really old bed frames are finally starting to fall apart.
Plus, the teens are bigger, taller, they are twin beds, but Mark is 6foot 2, and Sebastian is 6feet, so they are getting just a bit too tall for them.
I may have to start shopping around for new beds soon, especially if the wood is starting to break.

I hope that when I go back to see my surgeon on the 25th of March, that he's picked a date for the revision surgery, and that it's as soon as possible.

I know I've been complaining a lot lately, posting about all of the things that are going on with me, my health, the pain I'm always in, the stress of all of my health problems, and the things that people have said about me.
I know it's all too much, I'm sure that people are sick of reading about it all, I'm sick of posting about it all, I'm sick of thinking about it all, sick of dealing with all.
That's my biggest problem, having to think and deal with it all.

I can't do it anymore, I'm about ready to explode.
I just want to scream, I want to rage and lash out at everyone, I'm so so sick of all of it.
I've lost my faith and trust in people, even people I've known for a long time.
I'm feeling anxious and stressed out, almost becoming paranoid, I don't know who to trust anymore.
I feel like I'm just steps away from a complete mental breakdown.
I'm not sleeping, I'm barely eating, and when I do eat, it's just small bits of junk food, sugary things, I'm comfort eating and I hate doing that because it's so bad for me and my health, but I don't really know how to cope with all of it anymore.

I have so much going on, so many things to think about, worry about, make decisions that will affect my son's lives again in a big way, and I don't think I can do that to them again.
I don't want to put them through it again, but I can't live like this anymore.
I'm not ok, I'm just not ok.
And I feel like I can't talk to the usual "friends" I would normally talk to because I don't feel like I can trust them anymore.
I'm falling apart and have no one I can talk to, I don't trust anyone anymore and I hate that!
I just want to go away, just get away, all by myself, or just take a wicked long break, but I can't.
I can't afford to take a break, I have to stay and keep working, and working, and dealing with all of it all of the time.
I have bills to pay, doctors to pay for, tests and medicine.
I work just to pay for doctors and medicine, just so I can get by, so I can try and get better, but every minute of every day that I'm sitting here working and having to deal with everything and everyone, I hate it more and more, and I am starting to feel hatred welling up inside of me.
Hate for everything and everyone.
I'm falling apart and I can't stop it from happening.
I've tried, I'm still trying, but 1 minute I'm sitting here getting angry, and the next minute I'm bawling my eyes out over it all, because I can't trust anyone, can't talk to anyone, and I can't stop it, I have to just keep going, just keep doing what I have to do to take care of my sons and work so I can pay bills and doctors.
I'm so tired of everything and everyone, and I can't stop, I can't take a break, I can't not keep going no matter how badly I want to, and the anger, hate, fear, worry, stress and tears, just keep piling up inside of me and there's nothing I can do.
Nothing I can do about any of it but hope that this all passes, hope that somehow I get through it all.
I hate you, I really truly hate you, and I hate that I hate you, and I hate feeling like this.
It's so ugly, it's ugly and nasty, and I don't like myself for feeling like this at all.

I didn't sleep at all last night, didn't take a "nap" today until about 10:30am or so, woke up around 1:20pm, and then spent the rest of the day trying to stay warm.
So much for global warming eh?
This is Florida and the weather here is so cold it cuts to the bone.
I know it's not like other states where winter means snow and below zero temps, I know what that is like, but winter here is a different kind of cold, it bites you.
When the teens and I went Maine to visit my folks in February, it was negative 5 with a wind chill of negative 10-15 every single day, but it didn't affect me like this is, this is really a different kind of cold.

I've had to run the small electric space heater all day, kept it on low, it kept the living room sorta warm at least.
Tonight, I'll move it into the dining room, make everyone leave their bedroom doors open, and I'll set it to medium and it should help keep the house mostly warm all night.
It's supposed to be another freeze night tonight, so yeah, gotta use the space heater.

I am one of those people that loves to look at all of the things that I wish I had the money to buy, adds them to my wishlist, and then when I have the money, I make the decision among the 3-4 things I placed on my list.
But every time an online retailer says they are having a sale or they are Buy.com and always have weekly deals, I am so there checking them out.

Now that the digital converter box is is attached to the outside of the house, and all installed correctly inside, my tv is working and looking beautiful, I no longer really need to look at a new digital tv, so now I get to do some wishful shopping at other things I would like to have someday.

So now I'm looking at a laptop, this laptop to be exact, an Acer Aspire One A150.
I even like the color it comes in, the one pictured on the site, I don't know if it comes in other colors, but I like this sapphire blue one very much.
You can click the image to see it bigger, and also click the link to see other views of it.
















If I had a laptop, then on days when I'm not feeling well, having trouble moving around, sitting and stuff, I could lay in my bed and take advantage of our wireless router.

I could lay in my bed, be all toasty and warm under my comforter, have my kitties at my side, and get some work done.
My blogs have been totally neglected the last few days, and generally get neglected whenever the weather kicks me down, so having a laptop, I could work in bed.
I could post to my blogs, I could read everyone else blogs, I could stay on top of everything instead of laying in bed or on the couch feeling miserable and guilty because I'm letting people down.
I don't know if other people see me being absent as letting them down, it's just how I feel.
I have tremendous guilt when I'm not able to get my work done due to my health, or help people with things they need help with.

Anyway, I really like this laptop, and I love Acer computers anyway.
I now own 2 Acers, mine and the one I bought my sons, they are great computers, never have any issues with them, they are wicked easy to upgrade and just a wicked nice product at great prices.
Buy.com's normal price is $389.00, and right now they have it at $50.00 off, making it just $329.00.
That's a really great price, plus, as always, free shipping!
I love how they always have free shipping on almost every single item they sell, that's a huge bonus, especially in today's economy.
Paying shipping on large and/or expensive items, can be a deciding factor in whether or not people actually buy the product, so yeah, free shipping is a major bonus.

Here's just a few of it's features which make me want this Acer Aspire One A150 laptop even more;
It has a 160GB HDD, 8.9" WSVGA, 802.11b/g, Webcam, Multi-in-one card reader, and it has Microsoft XP Home which I absolutely love.
All of our computers have been Windows XP home, and it's by far the easiest version of Windows to work with.
Another feature that is awesome for me because I'm still on weight-lifting restrictions and will be for a very long time to come, (another surgery coming up soon) it only weighs 2.2lbs.
I'm still only allowed to lift things that weigh 5lbs or less, so yeah, a super lightweight laptop would be awesome for me!
All of the reviews of the Acer Aspire One A150 are really, really good too, everyone who has purchased it, according to the reviews, absolutely loves it, the only negative thing most reviews are saying is that it doesn't have a dvd drive, but all of them that said that, said they used a portable usb dvd drive, and that made it perfect to use in their opinions.

So now when I get my taxes back, I might just have to get this laptop.
Even though it probably won't be part of the weekly deals anymore, it's still an incredible buy at $389.00.
My sister just got a new Dell laptop with about the same exact features a few months ago, and it cost about 4 times as much as this one, and the features are almost duplicate except that hers does have a dvd drive.
So yeah, total no-brainer, I'm seriously thinking this will be part of my income tax refund shopping.
This and a new cell phone.

Ok, not all of the crazy drivers live to the north of me, but I'd say a very large majority of them do.
It always makes me glad and feel a bit safer to know that Mindy has good car insurance when she drives me to my appointments in Tampa and Safety Harbor..LOL

I know I just laughed, but seriously, when we were lost and driving all over half the state, other drivers were just all over the road, speeding, swapping lanes with no blinkers, motorcycle riders not wearing full gear, taking off from red lights doing wheelies, people zooming through traffic on the interstate only to end up exactly 1 car lentgh in front of us.
The people out there were crazy!

Honestly, I do not understand how people can live in Tampa and the surrounding big cities like St. Pete, Clearwater etc.
I love big cities, I love being in big cities at night, the lights, the sounds, the millions of things to do, but I do not like living in them.
I like going home at night to my nice and super duper quiet street that I live on.

I used to live in a fairly big city in Maine, Portland, but I was much younger, I was only 19 and 20 when I lived and worked there.
I loved the hustle and bustle, the constant movement of people at all times of day and night, but I lived in a really nice apartment building that was well insulated.
Once inside, you couldn't hear all that noise outside at all.
It was peace and quiet indoors, and I loved that part of living in the city.
I could go out and enjoy all the sights, sounds, and smells, and then go back home to my peaceful apartment and feel like I was far removed from it all.

But Tampa?
OMG, that place is insane!
I simply cannot stand how it is there trying to drive somewhere.
The traffic is just insane, and so so many cars I saw had damage to their front or back ends, or a door smashed in, and it's really no wonder the way that people drive there. 

I met with my surgeon again this afternoon, it was a hellish adventure even getting there.
I missed the exit by 2 exits, called people for directions, and ended up going all over fucking Tampa, Hillsborough, Land O' Lakes, Ocala, and several other places before finally arriving there over an hour late.
Lucky for me my doc is a super understanding guy, and that Mindy has the patience of a saint, because I was thisclose to murdering the next person who gave us fucked up directions.


The good news is that he can fix my neck issues, but no date yet.
He wants to wait 2 more months, talk with some other specialist surgeons in this field, he's sending me for another MRI, another CT scan, and back to my pain manager doc until we pick a date for the surgery.

The bad news is that fixing my neck comes with a great deal of risks.
I have to decide if I'm willing to take those risks, and it's a great deal to think about, actually, it's overwhelming.

He has only 2 possible ways of fixing me, and they both come with the exact same risks.
There is a 10% chance of total paralysis, about a 10% chance of not being able to breathe on my own for about 3 months, I would end up having a trach tube installed, that hole thing they put in people's necks.
Other patients who have had this type of revision surgery have had the breathing issue, but after a few months, they are able to breathe on their own again.
And I WILL be in a full halo brace for a minimum of 3 months.

If things go wrong, I would end up being cared for by others for either just a few months, or for the rest of my life.
This is a lot to deal with, it's a great deal to take in, absorb, so I'm really hoping that after he talks with other specialists, that they will have a better idea of how to proceed, maybe another idea with a little less risks.
He did multiple xrays, he also took some still photos and a short video with his cell phone camera, so he can show the other surgeons my range of motion issues that I'm having, just how far my head is stuck down etc.

So anyway, forgive me if I'm not super miss happy go fucking jolly for a few days, I need some time to take this all in and adjust to what I learned today, and be hopeful that he can come up with a better plan, a better way to fix me with less risks.

I received a Visa gift card for Christmas from a friend, and I went to use it the other day.
I went through the regular checkout as I had other purchases and was going to use the card in full to pay for part of my purchase.
Now either the cashier doesn't understand how Visa gift cards work, or she wasn't trained very well on the  POS systems that the grocery store uses.
I think she wasn't trained correctly.

I worked in retail and grocery for many years as well as many other types of work, so I know those systems really well myself.
The cashier tried like 5 times to get it to take and she couldn't get it to go.
I explained it to her, enter the amount, $25, hit credit, hit enter, done, she said no, it doesn't work that way.
She finally gave up and had to call a manager over who did it exactly as I told her to, and it was done in like 3 seconds.
I looked at the cashier, her face turned red, and the manager explained it to her exactly as i had said.
The cashier apologized, but the line behind me was now long and the people were visibly upset, but hey, not my fault, the store should have trained her how to use the gift cards instead of having to call for help when she couldn't figure it out.

I forgot to post this earlier, got sidetracked with some pressing issues, but the bedding that I ordered for all of us came in today.
I didn't take pics of the ones the boys got, they just got solid colored comforters, Mark in red, Sebastian in blue, that's what they asked for and got, but I wanted a nice looking bedding set that matched.
An adult-ish looking set.
I've spent most of my life with matching sheets, but with a wide variety of old blankets, comforters that didn't match, but were warm, but they often got swiped by a child who "loved it", so it was time for me to have an adult set, something grown up looking and fully matching.
So I bought a wine colored jacquard set with comforter, matching pillow shams, and matching bed skirt as well.
It's really very nice, all of them are good quality, nice and thick, super warm.

I put the skirt on by myself, didn't lift the mattress up, just slid it on between the mattress and box spring, it went on very easy.
Then I put my deep purple/wine-ish colored sheets back on fresh out of the dryer, put the comforter on, and before I could even put the pillows in the shams, all 4 of the cats came running in and hopped on my bed to check it out.
They all sleep with me every night, I think that's because I don't move while I sleep, I can't, so if I don't roll around, they don't get squished or kicked off or anything.
Sleeping with 4 cats is like sleeping with an electric vibrating blanket.
They all purr all night long.
It gets sooo hot with them on my bed in the summer.



















Yes, I know my bed isn't centered in the middle of the headboard.
Long story, will fix it eventually.

Yes, that is a Cabbage Patch Kid on my nightstand/file cabinet.

Yes, that is a lava lamp on my nightstand/file cabinet too.
I love lava lamps.
During the first few weeks of my first back surgery when all I could so was lay in bed, I would turn it on and watch it warm up slowly, then the bubbles would start going up really slow one at a time, then big fat ones, then it would get faster, and then it would slow down again into  giant blobs.
It was soothing to just lay there and watch it while listening to music.
I would be in so much pain when I first went in to lay down, but after a little music and some soothing lava bubbles, the pain meds would finally kick in, and I'd forget just how badly I hurt.

Oh, and the little stuffed kitty sitting with the Cabbage Patch doll is what the teens bought me while I was in surgery.
They always buy me a little stuffed thing from the gift shop, the nurses put it in my hand when I'm back in my room to recover so when I wake up, I have it and know that my boys were there and thinking of me.

As I had said, if this all turned out to be my banks fault, I would apologize to ABC Distributing in email and here on my blog, so I am.

Melissa from ABC Distributing has been working on this like she said to me in email, by phone, and even leaving a comment on my blog, and she finally got to the bottom of the excessive shipping/hold money in the amount of $146.04.

ABC's billing specialist spoke with someone from my credit card company, Demetria, and she said that they released the hold on 1/5/09.
Well no, they actually hadn't, I would have noticed it, I would have seen it, I scoured my online CC statements repeatedly because that is a lot of money to be held for so long.

After Melissa emailed me that information this morning, I logged into my CC records online, and what do ya know?
My account balance is magically $146.04 more than what I had in there last night, and really early this morning around 5:45am when I got up with the teens to go to school.
I've been obsessively checking my account balance since this whole thing started as I said in this post.
I have been super duper careful with my money since this all started, I've been checking the balance daily, on some days, I checked it nearly every hour, I went over it with a fine tooth comb, the find feature in my browser, I used a regular calculator and the calculator that comes with the accessories on my pc.
I had my son look it over, they did not release the hold on 1/5/09, they released it this morning sometime before Melissa emailed me around 9:45am.

I prefer to shop online because I don't handle large crowds too well, I absolutely hate going to places like the Westgate mall because of the large crowds of rude and pushy people, and I probably could have found these same comforters at the mall or another brick and mortar store, but I don't like having to go shopping at stores, I don't have the transportation to go shopping all of the time either, so shopping online is how I have to do things.
But when shopping online you do take a risk, and I'm usually very careful which retailers I shop with, I've only shopped at the most well known and trusted online retailers for years and years now, and this experience, while not ABC Distributings fault, it really turned me off.
I was very, very upset, I felt like I had been ripped off big time, and as I posted and other bloggers posted to their blogs trying to help me and spread the word, people who read those blogs started to leave comments about ABC Distributing , making me feel like an even bigger idiot for not doing my online shopping homework. (Thanks Charlotte)

But Melissa really did do what she said she was going to do, and that was to get to the bottom of this.
She emailed me, she called me for my credit cards phone number so they could call them, and they told her they had released the hold on the 5th, which they did not.
So my anger was entirely misplaced.
I should have been angry at my bank, and I am, they have already been called and I've yelled at them this morning after getting Melissa's email about it, and seeing the hold money appear in my account this morning, so I do owe ABC Distributing an apology for making such a huge stink over this.
What happened was not their fault, even though at the time due to the way the statements looked, it appeared that way.

So I am truly sorry to ABC Distrbuting for making such a huge fuss, and I apologized to Melissa in an email reply to her this morning explaining that it's such a large amount of money to lose or to be held for so long, especially in this economy, and she completely understood.

I also want to thank everyone for all of their help and support during this whole thing.
I was totally losing my mind at the thought of being ripped off, I had no idea what to do or how to do it, and so many wonderful people came here and let comments, Twittered it, blogged it, and helped me get some attention to this, which I believe, is why they investigated this so thoroughly and found the answer.
So to all of you who helped me, thank you, and to ABC Distributing, I am sorry for making such a huge fuss over something that was not your fault, and thank you for lighting the fire that made my bank really release the hold on the funds.

Once again, my body is simply exhausted, I know I over did things today, so I tried to go to bed like an hour ago.
Nope.
My eyes wouldn't shut, my brain wouldn't shut off, insomnia strikes again.
I can take naps like nobodies business on my couch, but my bed seems to make me wake up.
It's not that it's uncomfortable, it's very comfortable, but it's not like it's one of those sleep number bed deals.
It's just a standard spring coil mattress.
Oh well.

So I decided to get up and do some organizing and stuff, and went on the hunt for a really good coupon organizer.
I don't like the little accordion folder I have, it's sloppy.
I want like a binder with clear pockets so that I can put all of my coupons in it and take it with me, and then as I go through the store I can just flip through it as I see things on sale and want and need, and see if I have a coupon for that item.
You wouldn't believe how much professional coupon organizers go for, it's nuts.
So I have a brand new binder that was left over from school shopping, 1 of the teens didn't need it, and I'm going to get some clear pocket inserts from like a card or hobby shop, for like baseball cards ya know?
And I'll just make my own coupon binder.
It's way cheaper to do it that way.

I try so hard to be good with my money, I am attempting to pay off some debts slowly, not buy things that we don't need, don't buy all of those impulse food or other items in the grocery store end caps and checkout lanes, and I always try to find the best buy that I possibly can on every single thing that I do buy.

I am completely current on all of my monthly utility bills, I paid off 3 old medical bills, I canceled the 2 magazine subscriptions that I had, I have been working on paying down 5 other old bills, 4 medical and 1 really old shop by catalog debt that I had with one of those big named catalog order places. (give you a hint, it's initials are F.H.)
I have owed on that one for like 6 years, and I am paying it off now that I can start counting on a pretty typical monthly income.

I've got my budget all worked out for every month, and I'm doing really good so far.
I know I splurged a little bit when I got my reimbursement, but I also took that money and paid my rent, all of this months bills, and paid off those 3 old medical bills, so I think I'm doing better than I have been in the past.
I'm trying so hard to get my finances in order this year, really get a good grip on them, pay things off, start putting some money away if I can, so that's why this situation burns me up so bad.
Like Jade said in my comments, "because not everyone always has an extra $150 that they can afford to have tied up", and that's my issue with the whole thing.
I really can't afford to have my money tied up like that, not when I'm trying so hard to tackle my finances this year.
I've even taken Oprah up on her offer to get Suze Orman's newest book for free, "Suze Orman's 2009 Action Plan".
I'm going to download it, read it, and implement it.
I'm going to take control of my money as best I can this year, so I can't be having my money tied up, I can't be spending money on stuff we don't need, no more impulse buys, and I plan on using more coupons every single time I go grocery shopping.
I didn't take any with me last night and I should have.
Quite a few of the items I bought, I realized I had coupons for when I got back home.
D'oh!
I did save some money though, Publix was having a pretty decent sale, and I managed to save $17.87 in in-store and advertised savings anyway.
If I had brought my coupons, I could have saved an additional $13.00.
Oh well, live and learn, and get a new coupon organizer soon.

I sent an email to ABC Distributing customer service over the outrageous shipping charges they charged me for the 3 comforters, and they sent the following reply back;

"Dear Customer,
Thank you for writing abc distributing.
A copy of the shipping statement has been mailed to the mailing address provided.
Please review the information and contact us if you have any further questions or comments. We value your business.
If you have any questions in the future, please let us know.
Sincerely,
John Marquette
abc eCommerce Customer Support
abc distributing"


So they are snail mailing me an itemized statement that outlines how they came to decide the crazy high shipping charges that they have charged me for the shipping of the 3 comforters.
Two are full/queen sized, and 1 is king sized, but the 1 they shipped separately is mine, it's a queen, and they charged me $46.08 to ship a comforter and box that weighs 9.40 lbs.
I copied down the tracking number they gave me for UPS and went to the site and pasted it in.
The box weighs less than 10lbs, but somehow they determined that it should cost $46.08.
I can't wait to see that itemized statement on how they figured out that was the right amount to charge for that.


















I've sent boxes weighing 25-35lbs from Florida to Maine and it cost me less than $30, so how they got that amount for a box weighing less than 10lbs is sure going to be interesting.

Christine is mad about this as well, and to prove that I'm being ripped, she went to 2 different shopping sites and put 3 full/queen comforters in her shopping cart and went to checkout to see the shipping charges.
Go read the far better prices those sites gave her.

The even shittier thing about this if I return the comforters, all they will refund me is the purchase price, not the shipping charges.
That's how they make so much money.
Sure, you get a really good deal on what you buy, but they make their profit from the shipping charges.
So when the comforters get here, the 1st package is supposed to be here today according to ABC's shipment tracking they sent me, even though UPS has only received the billing information, but if when it gets here it's a total piece of shit and I want to return it, or all of them, I have to pay to ship them back and I will only be refunded the purchases price, not any of the shipping costs or the return shipping costs.
I'm confused about whether or not they will do reverse shipping charges if I send them back, it's confusing I admit.

To the people who recommended ABC Distributing to me in the first place, I could fucking shoot you right now.
Did you not pay attention to how much they charged you for the shipping of your bedding when you bought it?!

The first posts in this whole thing are here and here.

Several people had told me that they got some really great deals on new bedding from ABC Distributing, so I went and looked up, found, and bought all of us new comforters for our beds from them.
They were really good deals, good fabric, nice colors, great low prices.
That's about as good as the shopping experience gets.

I figured out their game and I am not happy.
I ordered 3 comforters all at the same time, paid for all 3 of them at the same time, and they tell you that shipping will be calculated at time of shipping.
So I figured that they would ship all 3 of them at the same time and I'd get one extra charge on my card for the shipping.
Not so.



















As you can see, they are shipping each of them separately.
The first shipment has gone out and I checked my CC online, they are charging me $46.80 to ship just one of them.
I have this gut feeling that they are going to ship the other 2 out separately too, and charge me $40-$50  for each shipment.
If that happens, I will never order from them again.
2 shipments at separate shipping charges I can deal with, all 3 shipped separately, I can't, especially at such high shipping charges.

I'm in like this work holding pattern when it comes to all of this internet money making stuff.
I want the money, I want the success, but I don't want to be one of those over the top pushy bloggers that I loathe.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy for their success, but I hate the way they go about it.
I'm sick and tired of seeing messages on Twitter from bloggers saying enter this contest, I don't have many entries, yet when I get there to check it out, almost feeling sorry for them that they didn't get a lot of entries,  I see that they have 300+ people entered into a random drawing for 1 single item.
I'm tired of seeing people outright ask advertisers on Twitter, to send them a product to review and give away.
I'm tired of the posts about making money, tired of the posts where they discuss how much money they've made.

That is my biggest peeve of all.
To me, it is absolutely disgusting, and exceptionally tacky to post about how much money you make from all of your paid blogging income sources.
It's gross.
I always think of it like this, if you were in an elevator with 12 people, would you just start talking about how much money you make?
If you held an office job and on payday when the checks are delivered, would you open yours up, stand up, and shout to the entire office how much you made that week?
No, you wouldn't, so why do people do it on their blogs?
To brag about what a great blogger they think they are?
To try and show advertisers that they are the blogger to work with, because look at how much money other adverts spend with them?
Talking about how much you earn is tacky.
Tack-y.
And I'm not alone, I saw this tweet from someone tonight;

Enough already. Making money online. Hasn't anyone got anything else to blog about?

It's not just me feeling this way about the subject, people are starting to be so freaking over it.

But therein lies my dilemma.
I want to be a truly successful blogger, but I don't want to be pushy about it, I don't want to be obnoxious about it, I don't want to ask adverts to give me stuff.
If an advert wants to work with me, then I'd like them to contact me, not the other way around.
I'm not afraid to ask for things after they contact me, like a product to review, maybe one to give away, but I just don't have it in me to contact them first, and start that first contact off by asking for things.
No hello I am so and so, but a straight up Twitter request for products and/or accessories.
I cringed when I read that.
I cringed and said out-loud "Holy hell tacky".

My dearest readers, if you ever see me starting to be one of those really successful bloggers who lets it get to my head, and you see me straight up asking for stuff, send me an email, send me a tweet, tell me that I am becoming one of those bloggers that I loathe.
I promise I will thank you for helping me come back to my senses.

I don't know if this particular company is in business all over the country, it's probably only the south, or maybe even just Florida for all I know, but I get such a kick out of how they target their commercials for their cheap car insurance to different people.

I won't link it, but I'm sure if you've seen it, you'll know exactly which company I'm talking about.
They run 2 identical commercials, the same people, the exact same set-up, the exact same script, except when the actors say the name of the place, depending on what channel the commercial is airing on, the name of the company is different.
In 1 commercial when it's on say, channel 8, the really super awesome Tampa news station, which obviously has more money and a different viewer base, the actor says "Florida No Fault".
If it airs on channel CW44, which is definitely a different viewer base, younger, probably less money, the actor calls it Cash Register.
They call it 2 totally different company names based on the economic viewer base of the channel it airs on.
I find it totally hysterical that they do that, same actors, same script, same exact scene set-up, but 2 different names.

I have to wonder why a company would do that, but I guess the names make certain economic classes feel better when they go to purchase car insurance, they want to feel like they can afford it and will be treated appropriately when they go in to sign up for their cash insurance.

I'm posting this over here because even though the teens know I have this blog, they don't know the url off of the top of their heads even though it's my name.

Anyway, they are trying to make me fall in love with the cat, Carmine the lover kitty, by telling me every 10 minutes how awesome he is, how loving he is, how cute and well behaved he is, and taking a lot of pictures with my camera of Carmine the lover kitty.

I keep it on the table that is right next to my desk, but because of how I sit, it's always right in front of me.
I looked over a little bit ago and my camera wasn't there so I asked for it back.
When they gave it back, they said they took some pictures and I should look at them.
I figured they took just a few pictures, but no, they had filled up quite a good chunk of my micro sd card.
The way I have it set up, it takes pictures at 640x480, and it can hold 7,785 pictures.
They took 293 pictures of the cat.
Pictures of Carmine laying on Mark's bed, sleeping on Kali's spot, sleeping on my bed, eating cat food, drinking some water, sniffing Nova's butt, using the litter box, and all kinds of other crazy and totally mundane things that cats do.

They have fallen in love with him in just the few days that he has been here, and they want me to fall in love with him too.
Mark especially.
When we first moved here, we got 2 cats, Kali and her brother Mufasa.
Mark was only 6 years old, The Lion King was his favorite movie of the time, and Kali's brother kitten looked like Mufasa.
A light color orange tabby with big fluffy long fur, a huge sweeping and fluffy tail, and so Mufasa was his name.
Just a few years later, when Mark was 10, Mufasa escaped out an open window after having torn a hole in the screen, and was hit by a car and killed.
Carmine reminds him of Mufasa he says, his coloring, his long fluffy fur, his mannerisms, and Mark is right, this cat is so much like how Mufasa behaved.
Both are lovers, love to be held, hugged, cuddled, pet, snuggled with, love to have their butts gently smacked to get that elevator butt thing going on.
Both love people food, cat food, playful, and sweet.

Every time Mark looks at Carmine, he gets this look on his face of great sadness yet great joy at the same time.
He was all teary-eyed this evening while we were watching a movie after dinner, and I looked over at him laying on the couch with Carmine laying on him, nose snuggled right up against Mark's chin, one paw outstretched across Mark's chest like he was giving him a hug, and Mark looked over at me, a tear sliding down his right cheek, and he said, "Mom, he's so much like my Mufasa, I love him for that. I know we are looking for his owner, if we find them we have to give him back, but Mom, I really hope we don't find them, I love this cat.
He sleeps with me like Mufasa did, he licks my face like Mufasa did, right under my chin, his face is the same, he hugs me Mom, he wraps his paws around my neck at night and hugs me like Mufasa did", and then he broke down in tears.

He was laying on the couch, giant tears rolling down his cheeks, hugging tightly on this cat who reminds him of his beloved Mufasa who was his best friend for 4 years.
He was just weeping and I felt so bad for him, the loss of Mufasa was so devastating for him.
Mufasa was his best friend, he played with that cat every day, laying on his stomach on the floor playing with his Batman action figures, and Mufasa would be laying right there watching him play, meowing like he was part of the imaginary action, he'd knock over the action figures that took Mark time to make stand up, and I'd hear Mark say things like "Mufasa! Stop that, it's not time for Mr. Freeze to get his butt kicked by Batman yet, you have to wait till I say so!"
He talked like that cat could understand him, like the cat was actually playing along with him.
Mufasa was his whole world and the morning he died, Mark crumpled into a sobbing mess under the carport when the cat's body was brought to us by our old roommates at the time.
He was so distraught, he couldn't go to school that morning, he just cried and cried all day.
My sister had to come over and promise him that Mufasa was going to be taken to the vet and buried in the pretty cemetery near the little pond with all of the flowers around him.

Carmine reminds him of Mufasa in so many ways, and he is absolutely head over heels in love with this cat.
Had I known that this would be the effect of taking in this stray temporarily, I don't know if I would have done it.
If and when we find his owners, it's going to break Mark's heart to hand him over.
I'm not quite sure how to handle this situation.
I know Mark will get over it, that he will deal with it, but seeing him cry so much tonight broke my heart, and I don't know how either of us are going to deal with it when and if we find the owners.

About a week ago, I posted about SSDI reimbursing me for the over payments I had made, I had no idea when they were going to pay me back or anything, but I just checked my Amscot account, I was curious if I had enough to order some take out tonight because we are all sick here, couldn't make the turkey.
Anyway, last I knew, I only had about $4 in there.
I looked and they had deposited the reimbursement, almost $3,000!
OMG!
Yay!

Now I'm off to pay back a loan to a friend she had given me, and yup, we have enough to order some Chinese for dinner tonight because we didn't make the turkey.
Woo hoo!

I've decided that I'm going to attempt to make a turkey for Christmas dinner.
I know I said we were going to take the easy way out, do hot and bbq wings, easy foods, but it honestly doesn't feel very holiday like doing that.
So tomorrow I'm going to go to Publix and buy a small turkey and cook it up on Thursday.
I can do this, and if I end up hurting no big deal, I'll live.
I end up hurting just doing the damn dishes, so whatever.
I know I'm not supposed to lift more than 5lbs, but screw it, it's Christmas.

I ended up getting a huge medical bill in the mail today, so I have to pay that one, it sucks, but eh, whatcha gonna do right?
So I got the money together and called in my payment.
It's a doctor that I see regularly, so I can't postpone paying it.
And then tomorrow, I have to pay for my DSL, and while I'm at the store, I'm going to pick the teens up a few more small stocking stuffers and stuff.
Mostly just snack type foods, some beef jerky for Mark, some candies for Sebastian, and whatever else I find that I think they might like. 

I have to go to the post office today, I need to cash a money order and also pick up some certified letter from the school board, but do you know what today is?
Today is THE busiest mailing day of the year at the post office.
More people ship more packages today than any other day of the year, but I have to go, I don't have a choice.
I've already put off getting this money order cashed for about a week and a half, and the certified letter from the school board, I've had that since Wednesday, and it may have to do with the whole school lunch issue.
Crap.
This is so going to suck, so I'm hoping they and some customers will take pity on me in my neck brace and allow me to cut the line.
Normally I would never hope for or ask such a thing, but I cannot stand in a line for an hour or more, I just can't.

I posted the other day about my SSDI, the taxes they take out of it, the Medicare premiums, the part D premiums, and all that stuff, that's why my caseworker told me about the SafeLink Wireless program.

Well my caseworker found a problem with my case, got her supervisor involved, and so the supervisor called me late this afternoon about how much I actually get for SSDI and how much I pay out of it for those things.
She said I shouldn't be paying for anything but my part D drug coverage, that somebody made a huge mistake.
So she needed me to fax her my latest 'award letter' stating how much I get and how much I pay, as soon as possible.
I explained that I had no access to a fax machine, but asked her if she could take a jpeg by email, and if she could, what's her email address, I could scan it and send it to her within like 10 minutes.
She gave me her state of Florida email addy, I scanned it and emailed it to her, and she emailed that she received it, and also that yup, it's just as they expected, I've been paying taxes and the Medicare premiums every month when I never should have been, so they are going to fix it ASAP, and then SSDI will have to reimburse me over 2 years of wrong payments.
I'll get a check for all those over payments I paid out.

When?
I have no idea, but it will be so freaking nice to get all of that money back when it does happen.

I've been awake since the alarm went off for the teens at 5:45, after finally going to my room and attempting to sleep at 2am.
I just wasn't tired at all.
I finally fell asleep at 4am, so yeah, a little under 2 hours of sleep last night.
Today is going to be a very, very long day.
I have not gotten more than 2 hours of sleep at any point on any day, since last Thursday.
What's going to suck is that I have a very long car ride ahead of me this morning to the docs, and the combination of the warm sun and the motion of the car, will have me dozing off every few minutes, but I can't nap on the way there.
I'm the co-pilot, I have the directions, it's my job to not get us lost.
I usually do have trouble getting us there anyway, even though I've been o his office over 2 dozen times since 2006.
Poor Mindy, I hope that she sorta remembers how to get us there, I really do suck at it, and I even have the directions on my cell phone.
I'll get us there, I always do, but my brain gets foggy about all the various roads and turns we have to take, and seeing as how she never goes up that way except to take me, she doesn't know the area well either.

I need to get in the shower, she'll be here at 9am so we can head out, and my clothes are in the dryer de-wrinkling, and also getting the cat hair off of them.
I specifically washed and dried them, folded them up nicely, and laid them on top of the dryer, and over night, Shahiro stupid kitty decided she was going to rearrange them and sleep on them, leaving new wrinkles and cat hair behind.
Damn cat.

I was watching the Today Show, and they were talking about ways people can make money during these tough times.
Today they talked about doing paid surveys online and product reviews, paid telephone surveys etc.
I've been doing this for years, not just on my blog either.
I have worked for several major survey companies since 1999, and have made some decent money from them over the years, as well as paid product reviews for all kinds of stuff.
I've just always found being a consumer reviewer a lot of fun, and I've also been involved with tv show broadcasting companies about the shows we watch.
Yup, I'm the reason certain shows get canceled on the big 3 broadcast networks. Ha! (ABC,NBC,CBS)

Okey dokey, I've got to get my but in gear and hop in that shower.
Later days!

I'm really starting to get annoyed with Walgreen's pharmacy crappy customer service.
I have been a customer for 11 years, I have been taking narcotic pain relievers for 10 of those 11 years, and getting them filled at multiple branches of their stores.
Sometimes I've gone to my closest and most frequented branch, and they won't have my med, so they call another one, and then I have to go pick up my med at that other branch, but I have always had my scripts filled with them unless there is an issue with the computers, the insurance, or they don't have my med in stock.
I'm a faithful customer thanks to my scoliosis and surgeries.

But here's what happened today.
My sister came down to take me to one branch of Walgreen's that always has a particular pain med in stock, my niece Skye was going to stay here with the teens while we went, but it should have only taken us 30 minutes tops, and I would have been able to come back and at least spend 20-30 minutes with Skye, see her smile, laugh, and fall in love with the stop motion classic Christmas movies I have.
The only movie the girls have seen is Frosty the Snowman, but I have all of the old classics, Rudolph, Santa Claus is coming to Town, and The Little Drummer Boy.
I bought them on VHS about 15 years ago, when my boys were just babies, and we have watched them every year at xmas.
It's far better to watch them on VHS when you have small kids instead of broadcast television, there are no stupid commercials in between.

Anyway, we were only supposed to be gone a half hour, tops, but after dropping my script off, being told it would be about 20 minutes, wandering around Walgreen's and buying stuff, the pharmacy tech tells me they can't fill my script for the oxys on a Saturday because they have to confirm the script with my surgeon, not his on call doctor.
I asked if this is a new policy, because I have been filling this script at their store almost every single month, on either a Saturday or a Sunday because my surgeon mails it out on Thursday, and I usually always get it on Saturday and fill it.
He said no, not a new policy, so I asked him to check last month's fill date and look up what day it was because I know it was a Saturday.
He checks, confirms that yup, it was filled on a Saturday but shouldn't have been, and now he has to report that tech for filling it on a weekend without speaking to the prescribing doctor.

So now I'm pissed, I don't have my pain meds and I need to have them because my lower dose pain meds will not be filled until Monday, and there is simply no way that I can go the weekend without the pain meds.
I cannot move without them, I can't eat or I get sick, I get wicked leg and back spasms, basically, my body goes into withdrawals, and let me tell you, it is not a pretty sight or a fun experience to go through pain med withdrawals.
You get very, very ill, very quickly, like as soon as they wear off, your body starts withdrawals and it is quite painful, and getting med sick is probably the most agonizing thing to experience.
I hate the withdrawals, and whenever we finally do decide to take me off all of the pain meds, if my doctors ever do decide to take me off of them, I will have to be given some type of help with weaning off of them, possibly even rehab because of how severe the withdrawals are.

My sister knows this, and so she asks me if there is any other pharmacy I can go to that won't have the same Saturday policy, so we head down to the Publix out on Bee Ridge and Cattlemen, and they had absolutely no problem filling them because I've been a customer there before, and the neck brace and downward facing head kinda give it away that I have a legitimate need to have the medicine.
They filled it, but it's now been another 40 minutes, we've now been gone for a little over an hour, much longer than we wanted to be gone, and my sister needs to take me home, pick up Skye, and go home herself.
She has things to do in her own life that don't involve her having to drive me to multiple pharmacies in the city because Walgreen's decided to be dickheads today.
She came down here from way up in north Bradenton, to specifically take me to get my meds.
It takes her about 30 minutes to get from her house to mine, and she was doing this as a favor to me because she knows I need the meds and don't have transportation all of the time.

When we got back here, Sebastian had already watched Santa Claus is coming to Town with Skye, she loved it just as I knew she would, I didn't get to take any pictures of her, hug her, play with her, nothing.
I very rarely get to see my nieces because of how far away from us they live, so time is very precious when they do come over, and thanks to Walgreen's being dickheads today, I missed out on another good visit with my niece.
 
I know that Walgreen's has filled this particular script on the weekends plenty of times before, not just last month, but for the last 3 months, since my surgery, and actually, well before that too because my pain doc also gives me this same exact med every month.
It pisses me off that they wasted my time.
They confirmed they had it in stock, said they would fill it, made me wait 20 minutes, then tell me they won't fill it even though they have been filling it every single month on a weekend before.
If they do indeed have a policy to not fill a certain class narcotic on the weekends, he should have never told me that they would fill the script.
He said absolutely nothing to me about having to speak to the prescribing doctor.
I'm going to just switch all of my meds over to Publix pharmacies because of this crap, and let them have all of my business from now on which is a whole lot.
I take 3 different narcotic pain meds every month, 1 blood pressure med, 1 heart med, 2 different muscle relaxers, and an antibiotic every month.
I spend a great deal of money on medications, some covered by insurance and some not.
One of my pain meds is not covered, and it costs me $238.00 every month to fill it, and the covered ones still have co-pays, so I spend about $350 per month on just the co-pay medications, the non-covered one is $238.00, and not to mention all of the general shopping I do while I wait for them to be filled which can vary from just a few dollars up to about $100 if they have things I can't get elsewhere, or don't feel like getting elsewhere.
If it isn't dumb shit like this so-called policy, it's downed computers, not being able to contact the insurance companies, refusing to fill because the insurance on file was mistyped by one of their own staff, all kinds of problems, so I'll just switch to a Publix pharmacy that I know doesn't have any of these issues, give them my business and my money, and Walgreen's can go fuck themselves.

When I got home today, I grabbed the mail and found a huge envelope from medicare.
I walked in the house, sat down, and tore it open to find a 15 page summary of every single medical test and xray, ctscan, and an item by item cost of my surgery and stay in the hospital.
I read through all 15 pages, checked out what was actually billed, what medicare is paying for, and what I may eventually be billed for.
It's frightening the amount I could end up paying every single doctor, nurse, and person who came in and cleaned my room.
Terrifying.
The image below is a picture I took of just one part of the bill, and only one part of the actual surgery.
The actual surgery bills are broken down into 8 different billing sections, it almost appears as though they billed by the hour and what they did during that hour.
This was section 3 of the surgery bill, and the total for just this one section comes to $32,850.00.
Yes, just one of the 8 billing sections is $32,850.00.
The total of my 9 day stay in the hospital comes to $579,750.00.
The total of what I may be billed comes to $225,500.00.

Holy. fucking. shit.

People are out there shopping today, Black Friday, and taking advantage of all of the pretty good deals retailers are having.
One of the big chain furniture stores is having a really awesome sale today, and along with showing off their newest line of clean-lined modern furniture, they are also doing a gift card deal.
If you buy $100 worth of furniture or home decor, they give you a gift card for $100.
Considering this is a furniture store, shoppers can easily walk away with up to a couple thousand in gift cards.
It's a matching dollar for dollar sale/deal, and that's really awesome.
I wish I had the money to spend just to get those gift cards for later use, they have no expiration dates and none of those no usage fees on them either.
One of the guys on the local forums went out this morning and bought a new living room set, and walked out with $2,000 in gift cards to use later or give away as gifts for Christmas.

But I never go shopping on Black Friday unless I absolutely have to.
People get really crazy trying to grab up all of the good deals, and they will trample you to death just to get in the store.
A Walmart employee was trampled to death as he opened the store this morning.
He was bum rushed by over 200 people as he unlocked and opened the doors.
A woman at the same store, was knocked to the ground and had a miscarriage after being trampled as well.
People are savages when trying to get a good bargain.
The incident was caught on store security cameras.
These people are savages.

Most people know I have pretty intense OCD about things sometimes, the teens know this especially, so when I went to make out my list for shopping tomorrow, and reached in my box of pens to find my best weighted pen was gone, I sorta flipped.
I made the teens find it because they were the ones who used it, and sure enough, it was in their room on their computer desk.

Anyway, I am trying to make out my list, trying to figure out what we need, but honestly, I don't even want to do Thanksgiving dinner.
I can't cook it at all, i can't lift it, I feel completely useless this year.
I know I'm battling some depression over this, and I will talk to the doctor when I see him on the 10th, but for now there's not much I can do so I'm just going through the motions every day.
It just doesn't feel like a holiday anyway, so bleh.

After a whole week of illness, this house is absolutely trashed.
There's stuff everywhere, it smells like sickness in here, I'm grossed out by my own home right now.
I really need to clean it.
I'm thinking that tomorrow, everyone is going to wake up at a reasonable hour, and start cleaning this entire house, every single room.
ALL of the dishes will be done, the bathroom scrubbed, bed linens washed, dried, put back on beds, floors swept, vac'd, and the hard floors mopped.
All the tables cleaned off, and maybe I'll even attempt to clean a little bit of the table of death.
It's so so bad, omg, it's terrible.
I'm completely disgusted.

This is me in my new Blogads t-shirt.
I've been a Blogads publisher and advertiser, for quite a few years now, and about a week or two ago, I filled out a publisher/advert survey, and so they sent me a free t-shirt.
Blogads is by invite only, and sorry, I have no more invites.
I gave them all out to a bunch of bloggers who said they were interested, understood it wasn't going to make them rich, (unless they are Perez, he makes quite a bit from his Blogads) and they all said they understood that it would take time to start building it up, before they made decent money from the ads.
I gave out all 10 invites, and out of the 10, only 1 (one) is still running her adblocks, and she's doing pretty decent from it too.
It kind of irritates me that the other 9 bloggers have wasted those invites, I could have given them to other bloggers who really would have appreciated the ability to have an adblock on their blogs that would make (eventually) them some decent recurring income with hardly any work involved on their parts, simply approve the sold ads when they got bought.
Oh well, it's their loss right?
But it still annoys me that I can't get any more invites because 9 people don't even use it, wasted them, and so I can't get more.
Maybe if I find another blogger who has patience, will leave the adblocks up, will join the hives, promote the hives on their ad pages, keep the blocks above the fold, I will risk it again and ask for another invite or two, but right now, no way.
But I am glad to see that at least the one blogger is making decent money every month from them and appreciates it, she sent me a thank you a few weeks ago after selling a huge paying ad campaign.
I'm very happy for her.

And in this pic, you can see me and my down-turned head from the spine/neck fusion.
That is as high as I can lift it.
Pretty sucky eh?
But yup, that's as far as it goes.
I know I look like total shit in the pic, and the bathroom mirror is way dirty, but we've all been sick the whole week so yeah, that's what I look like right now.

I love movies, I love seeing them in the theater, but I can't stand sitting in the theater.
The seats, no matter how nice the theater is with their seats that recline back, the extra over stuffed cushions, and the cushioned arm rests, it doesn't matter, it is far too painful for me to sit in one of the seats for 2 hours.
So I wait and wait, I add them to my Netflix queue using the saved feature for whenever it gets released to DVD, and I continue to watch almost every new released DVD I can with Netflix.
I am home 24/7, so I watch movies and blog.
So here's my list of upcoming theater releases that I will be adding to my saved Netflix queue.

Star Trek  I like all the Star Trek movies and shows.
Friday the 13th  is a remake, but doesn't look too bad. Plus, it has the hottie Jared Padalecki in it. W00t!
Timecrimes  I can deal with subtitles if the story is good enough. This one looks interesting.
Seven Pounds  It looks interesting too.
The Lodger 
Transporter 3  I liked the first two.
The Alphabet Killer  Based on a true story. Looks decent.
Up  I LOVE Pixar movies! Yay!
Angels & Demons  I loved the book, and Tom Hanks is back portraying Robert Langdon again.
My Bloody Valentine in 3D I loved the original movie which came out in 1981. It was probably the very first slasher film I ever saw. I was 11 years old and my passion for horror movies began.
Let the Right One In  A foreign vampire movie where the vampire is a young girl. Coolness.
The Unborn Oooooh, this looks good!
Plague Town  Looks kinda scary. Yay!
My Name is Bruce  Haha! I LOVE Bruce Campbell. He's playing himself in a movie about himself.
The Uninvited   Another remake of Japanese horror movies. Looks pretty decent.
Twilight  I've never read the books, (OMG!) but I love vampire stuff, so yeah, I'd like to see it.
The Haunting In Connecticut  Ooooh, another scary based on a true story movie.
And finally, Sunshine Cleaning  A movie about cleaning up crime scenes like murders, suicides etc. This is the exact line of work my sister in law heather does and she loves it, plus it pays awesome.

====================

We have a situation here at the house with the septic tank and the toilet.
We have some mild flooding issues, and we've been really lucky it hasn't gotten worse than it is.
The landlord will be here tomorrow to take care of it, but in the meantime, we've had to plunge the toilet and wipe up tons of water.

The teens have been awesome, they've really been helping take care of it all, but I did some of it too, and now I'm totally paying for it.
Pain doesn't really do what I'm feeling any justice at all.
I am going to be so fucking sore tomorrow.
Holy shit.
And we're still not done.
The water keeps leaking and I can't get the valve to shut off.
Dammit.

I spent the majority of the day laying on the couch covered up in a big huge blanket.
Why?
Because it was chilly here once again, and wow, my whole body hurt bad, the rods were super icy cold, I had no flexibility at all, I was walking around the house all stiff like Frankensteins first steps after coming to life.
Just totally stiff and sore.

Then when the teens came home, they did their chores and wanted to play xbox and WoW, but something was wrong with our KVM switch, so I had to get up from my comfy and warm couch and fix it.
Luckily it's a really easy fix or else it wouldn't have been getting done today.

As you probably guessed by now, I didn't get to go see Obama speak today.
Reasons being #1, I was way too sore to go stand out there for a few hours, and #2, my sister couldn't get out of work.
The boy she takes care of was admitted to the hospital again, he's not doing well at all, another infection.
I feel so badly for him and his parents, his whole family.
Greg as been in and out of the hospital since the beginning of August.

I posted about eBillme's shopping confessions contest over on My Single Mom Life, so you might want to go check that out, and if you feel like stumbling it, that would be awesome.
Grassy Ass.

Oh, and one of these days, I'm going to be doing some cooking with all of those gadgets I have, and probably set the house on fire.
I saw the coolest new gadget on an infomercial today.
An indoor deep fryer big enough to do a 20lb turkey.
Thanksgiving deep fried turkey without the fear of a huge backyard fire, and I won't blow up the house!

Time to get some home insurance just in case I burn the house down eh?

One of the reasons I keep my house so dark, as I posted about earlier, was because it saves me money.
Having your curtains and blinds open during the hot months let's heat in, making your ac have to work harder to keep you cooler.
I'm also a huge nag, just ask the teens, about turning off lights and other appliances like fans, computer monitors, etc etc, when people leave rooms.
I do have lamps in every room, but I like to keep it dark and only turn them on when we need to see something, or if someone comes by and says it's too dark in here.

And because I'm all about saving money, I have slowly been buying the new energy saving CFL bulbs, and when I replaced one in the kitchen this morning*, I noticed it had a sweepstakes thingy on the package.
You can enter to win $25,000 to redecorate your home, no purchase needed, so go ahead an enter.
If I won, I'd definitely go and buy some really nice but discount furniture to redecorate my home with.
I'd hit the sales, the build it yourself furniture stores, clearance sections, wherever I had to go to make that $25,000 stretch as far as possible so that I could do every single room.
Get both boys and myself new beds, new dressers, some new living room furniture, a new pc desk and chair for me, all kinds of stuff, and I know with that kind of money, I really could do every room in our house, and have money left over to do other things with.
I pride myself on thrifty.

*When I replaced that bulb, I noticed that I had replaced the 2nd bulb in that light awhile ago, probably about 3 months ago, and anyway, it has an old fashioned screw on light cover which collects dust and little moths and other bugs that are attracted to light.
I clean this out every time we have to change the bulbs, but with the new CFL's, they can last up to 5 years.
Yes, 5 years.
Sad to say, I admit that the only time I clean this light shade is when we have to replace the bulbs.
Can you imagine how many bugs are going to be in it in 5 years?
Ha!

Next June Sebastian will be turning 16, and will be legally old enough to get his drivers license if he keeps his grades and attendance up at school.
He's been studying and taking the practice permit tests online, and once he gets a booklet, he'll be able to study everything, and then go get his permit.
And then if Mark decides he's finally ready to drive, I'll have two licensed drivers in the house, and will be in some super serious need of some super duper cheap auto insurance to go with the super duper cheap car that we might be able to afford.
Or them to afford.

I really wish that the seasons weren't so screwed up here in Florida.
Tourists come here from like right before Thanksgiving, and go home right after Easter.
What that means is, if your teen needs a seasonal job, they have to be able to do it during the school year, during winter, whereas up north, seasonal jobs are when school is out, during the summer.
I really am putting some serious thought into both of the teens going up north for this coming summer to visit with the family, and be able to work.
They could work at the amusement park like I talked about awhile ago, make tons of money, and then come home in time for school to start, buy a nice used car off of some little old widow who kept her car in perfect condition with tune-ups and oil changes right on schedule for the entire time the car was owned, for about $500 or less.
I'm not even joking about that.

The old people here, mostly the widows, sell their perfect Oldsmobile's in mint condition for really super cheap prices just to get rd of it.
Most of the time, they don't know and don't care about Kelly Blue Book value, they just have no need for the car anymore, and want it gone.
I went car shopping with my old friend once when her van "Scooby" was acting up, and we just drove around the retirement villages and neighborhoods where only old people lived, and there would literally be at least a dozen cars for sale at any given time, all in impeccable shape, tune-ups, oil changes, all of the paperwork and receipts in the glove box organized by year, new tires, non-stained, super clean upholstery, almost like brand new cars, selling for anywhere between $100 to $700.
The widows never sold the cars for more than that because they'd get penalized on their benefits or something for earning a large lump sum of money, but they didn't need the car anymore anyway.
They bought new ones.

My friend ended up getting a Mercury, can't remember the make and model, but it was a mint condition car with less than 10,000 mile on it, for $300 cash.
It was so nice, it had an awesome working AC in it, and we loved that because that was one of the reasons she needed to get rid of Scooby, his ac croaked, and you do not want to be driving around in a van with no ac in Sarasota in the middle of July.
Talk about sweat!
Aieysh!

I've had a few friends stop by here in the last few days, and the first thing everyone says when they walk in is "OMG, it's so dark in here!"
Well yeah, I like it that way for starters, and it's also economical.

My local electric company has sent out little fliers in with the monthly bills over the hot summer months, that actually tells people to keep blinds and curtains closed during the hot daylight hours, to keep the heat out and the cool ac air in.
I have room darkening blinds, dark wooden blinds on the large front windows which take in all of the morning's sun rays, and heavy blankets on the boys bedroom windows, because their rooms take in all of the afternoon sun rays.
My ac bills in the summer have always been 3 times lower than my plex neighbors, and most of my surrounding neighbors as well who just 'love to let all that glorious sunlight in'.
Gag.

If I could afford to, I would install some nice  home theater lighting, so that when people come over, I could hit a switch, and little lights along the floorboards would come on to show them the way in, maybe some soft dim lights in the ceiling so they can see.
These same people complain about their electric bills all summer long, but when I go to their houses, they have all of the blinds and curtains open, and you just stand near one of their windows and you can feel the heat coming, burning through the glass.
The ac has to work harder to try and keep those interior walls and windows cool, and if they are sending heat in, well then you pay for it.

I must have caught up on sleep over the last few days while I wasn't feeling well, because as you can see, it's now a little after 4am EST, and here I am wide awake again.
*sigh*
So I've spent most of the night forum posting, reading blogs, and just looking at stuff for the upcoming holidays.
Did you know that a good majority of internet retailers are already starting to advertise for the 2008 Black Friday start of the holiday shopping season?
They are.
Tons of sites are leaking out links for all of the black Friday sales.
The black holiday sales start on the Friday after Thanksgiving, so that's the 28th of November this year.

Speaking of Thanksgiving, I was thinking about this, and talking to my sister about it yesterday too.
Because I just had surgery, I can't bend over to pick stuff up, and I can't lift anything over 5lbs, so what the heck am I going to do for our Thanksgiving dinner?
I decided that I'm just going to go and get a Honeybaked ham for our dinner.
They don't just do hams, they make all the side dishes too, so I can go there and get a ham, mashed potatoes, a veggie side dish, stuffing if we want it, a broccoli rice casserole, or garlic mashed potatoes.
That actually sounds really yummy right now, I love garlic mashed taters!
They make a ton of different sides you can buy separately, or order in like combo packs.
I may end up doing the Honeybaked thing for Christmas too if I am still on restriction then as well.
I have another post-op appointment on December 10th, so if he says that I still can't lift more than 5lbs, I'll end up having to get my holiday meals already done up for me.

I usually do the whole prepared holiday dinner from Publix, the turkey, 2 sides, 1 stuffing dish, 1 cranberry, and 1 gravy bowl, and the whole thing has already been cooked, you just have to heat it up, even the turkey, but if I am on lift restrictions, then I won't be able to do that.
If I go with the Honeybaked, the ham doesn't have to be re-heated, it's actually super tasty cold, especially the glaze crusty stuff they put on it.
It is so damn yummy.
Yeah, I'm totally going to do the Honeybaked thing for Thanksgiving.
I am drooling just thinking about it now. 
The teens could help me re-heat all of the sides in the microwave or oven depending on what the directions for heating say.
The sides are, of course, much lighter than the meat, so I could help the teens get them in and out of the oven and not have to bend over to do it either.
See, the teens know how to cook in the oven, but they get nervous doing it alone because they think they'll get burned on the racks and the walls of the oven. 
But if I stay in the kitchen and just stand there with them, they aren't as nervous reaching in and taking stuff out.
I know, kinda silly, but I guess they just like the idea of me being there just in case they get burned.

They are totally getting better at cooking now though.
Because of my current situation, they have had to do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and grocery shopping, and they have been cooking up some pretty tasty stuff.
I can't wait to get the George Foreman grill that I'm getting to do a product review on, and the boys will be able to cook on it so much easier.
They love to eat food cooked on a grill, but I have a wicked phobia about grill cooking.
The teens are afraid of getting burned by the oven, I'm afraid of getting burned by a grill.
meh.
I am always afraid that the flame will spring up suddenly while I'm like flipping a burger, and it will catch my hair on fire, or the propane tank will explode from the heat or something.
I know, it's a totally irrational fear, people have been cooking over fire since the cavemen first discovered it, people go camping and cook over fire, and practically every weekend, people all over the whole hood are bbq'ing, and no one ever gets burnt to a crispy, but I can't help it, I'm a total fraidy Kat.
haha

So yeah, I'll be getting the new safe and easy to use and clean George Foreman grill, and I'll be able to bbq and all kinds of other super yummy foods on it, and the teen food inhalers will have grilled animal flesh and grunt like their caveman ancestors did.
Yay!

I feel like crap still.
The last few days have just been miserable for me.
On top of my neck surgical issues, I have a cold that is making me just absolutely miserable.
I have just been laying on the couch curled up in my blanket, sipping on some juice, eating yogurts and jello, just trying to stay hydrated, and trying to keep some food in me to help me get over this.

I really can't wait to start feeling better so I can go and do the things I need to do.
I really would like to be able to go grocery shopping so I can get more food in the house that the teens can cook easily.
I also need to go get a pedicure in a bad way.
My toes are in dire need of rescue.
I also would like to go and get started on the DNA testing that I need to have done which will help the doctors be able to better help me.
If I can get an accurate diagnosis for either Townes-Brock syndrome or Riley Day syndrome, my doctors would be able to get me on the correct medications to help me feel better at least.
If they know for sure what is wrong with me, they will be able to help me.
I'm so tired of being sick.
I've spent years and years being in pain, getting sick constantly, having blood pressure issues, swallowing issues sometimes even with just liquids, the way my toes are formed, the issues with my back, my arthritis etc etc etc.

I just want to finally start feeling better, feeling normal.
Spending all of this time being sick or in pain or whatever, has just sucked.
At times I get severely depressed over it all.
Like this morning, I was just laying in my bed just bawling my eyes out over all of this.
I hate my life right now.
I hate all of this crap, I feel like a complete loser because I can't do anything anymore.
I can't cook much, I can't clean much, I can't do hardly anything, and I'm so freaking over it all.
I'm supposed to tell my doctors when and if I start getting depressed so they can help me.
I don't want to take an anti-depressant, I know that's what they would do.
They would put me on another med to alter my moods and I don't want that.
What i want is my life back.
Hell, I just want a life that sorta resembles what I had 8+ years ago.
I want to be happy, to go out with friends, to be able to play and have fun, live.
I just want to be ok.

I'm finally starting to get my bearings around here after a month out from the surgery.
I'm slowly starting to do some cleaning and cooking, not much, I get tired and sore rather quickly, but I am at least making dinner every other day, to every 2 days, which the teens are quite happy about.
They've been eating a lot of take out, frozen nuke 'em foods, subs from Publix, lunch meat and tuna sandwiches etc etc.
They were getting quite tired of it, so I made my first meal the other night.
I made some shrimp and french fries, and only needed help getting the cookie sheet in and out of the oven, because I'm still not allowed to bend over, pick up, too much.

I think on Saturday, Chris, Mindy's husband, is coming over to finish the AC unit stuff.
He's going to remove the old rotted drywall from the old AC unit dripping water so much, and I think her son Jeff is coming to help, and install new drywall.
That's good, because as helpful as Mark is, he's never done drywall before and wouldn't really be much help at all.
We can paint later on.
My sis was planning on bringing some paints at some point, and painting the living room for me. She had some colors left over from when she painted her new house.
So things are getting on, I'm doing better slowly, and hopefully it will just keep getting easier and less painful to do stuff around here.
I hate not being able to do stuff.
I'm such an independent person, so to not do stuff is driving me crazy.
I hate "resting".

Mindy and her family will be moving by the end of the month, and she's pretty much the one who has to do all of the packing.
She needs to get some moving boxes and start packing everything up.

I got a couple of deliveries this morning, really nice size, sturdy boxes, so I'm going to hang onto them for her when they come over this weekend, and see if she wants them before I break them down.

I got these boxes because I have been sent some super cool stuff to do product reviews on.
I cannot wait to do these and tell you all about them!
Opening the boxes and taking all of the stuff out, was like Christmas for me.
I love opening up boxes and have that surprise moment because I have no idea what's in the boxes, but trust me, this stuff is so so cool!

Mindy and Chris came back, Chris installed the new ac unit's frame, then he and Mark put the ac unit in and turned it on.
In less than an hour, the house is cold!
I thought for sure it would take a few hours to cool down, but nope, the new ac is blasting the cold and wonderfully chilly air!
Yay!

Now we're going to give it a week and see how it does.
We're going to see if it leaks, see if it can keep up with the temps, and then Chris will come back over next Saturday and take down the old rotted drywall from 2 ac units leaking, and put up the new drywall to make it look all nice.

I can't thank Mindy and Chris enough for doing this stuff.
My landlord is a sheriff, he works 6 days a week, so his one day off he spends with his family.
This house stuff is all stuff he can do, but he gets one day a week to spend with his kids so I try not to bother him about things.
And he appreciates that by allowing me to do these types of repairs myself, by taking the receipts as "rent" payments.
He deducts what I spend from my total rent.
It works for both of us.
He doesn't have to come do the work, gets to be with his family, and I don't have to fork over so much cash to him.
Yeah, I'm still spending the same amount, but the work gets done by me, or in this case, Chris, and everyone is happy.

Over the years I've done a lot of the home jobs that needed to be done here and just gave him the receipts.
I installed a new front door/screen door, I painted the walls, had the sink plumbing fixed, all kinds of home repairs, and he took it off the rent.
It has worked for us so well over the last 10 years that I've lived here now, so today's spending will be taken care of no problem, I know he'll be happy that he didn't have to come do this.
I think it would have driven him up the wall to have to have to do so much work only to have to tear it back out to put another new ac unit in.

Anyway, it's so nice and cool in here now, omg it's pure refrigerated bliss in here!
It hasn't been this cool in here in like 8 months, it's awesome!

Well, last weeks AC fixing didn't go quite as planned.
Mindy's husband Chris did all that work last weekend, installed an old ac unit they had that was working up until Thursday night.
That's when it stopped blowing cold air and started leaking water like a flood.

They came over today to see if they could get it working right, but it just didn't want to blow cold enough, and the leaking water all over my rug was an issue.
So Chris and my son Mark put our old ac unit back in the hole.
They turned it on and nothing happened.
Crap.
So we did what we had to do.

Mindy and Chris drove to Home Depot with my paypal card, and bought a new ac unit for my house.
$212.93.
I only had that money because of all of the donations that have been coming in because of the boobiethon, so I'm so so greatful that I had that money to buy the new ac thanks to everyone who has donated to me.
My landlord will take the receipt for it and knock that money off of the rent, just like he did with last weeks receipts for the drywall and other tools that they bought last weekend.
My landlord is cool like that, so he'll be knocking a total of $302.50 off of my rent for next month. (already paid October's rent)

Chris and Mark will take the old non-working ac unit out, and install the new one, and my house will be cool again.
I can hardly wait!
It is still pretty hot here in Sarasota Florida, and as I've bitched and moaned a few times now, the neck brace is like wearing a freaking turtleneck sweater.
It's hot.
Way hot.
So yay!
In just a few hours, I'll be cool again and it will be awesome.

I went and got my newest brace, and I'll talk about that in a minute.
But right now, I want to talk about the economic crisis that our country is dealing with.
Every Friday, Oprah's show is on live, and today she had a money expert whose name escapes me right now, Ally something, (bald guy, handsome, well dressed) and Suze Orman came on after his segment.
Both of these money experts told it like it is and to also not panic, to leave your money in the bank, it's going to be ok.
Suze Orman talked about ways to save money, what types of things to invest in like treasury bonds, and she named a very specific type of futures trading and the safest places to invest your money in so that when this crisis is over, you will be ok.

The whole reason all of us are in this situation, is because people who couldn't afford to buy a home, were told they could by banks who loaned them that money.
They spent more than they had, they tried to live beyond their means, they wanted the American dream, and sorry, not everyone can afford to live that dream.
I know I can't and probably never will.

I know that I'm feeling the crunch of this crisis when it comes to buying groceries.
The price of everything has been steadily on the rise for months now, and so buying food for 2 growing young men has been a huge challenge for me.
I don't want the teens to eat peanut butter and jelly and Ramen noodles until it's coming out of their ears, but I can't afford to feed them all the super expensive cuts of beef either.
Right now with me being unable to do any cooking, they are eating easy foods, microwave crap, lots of sliced deli meat sandwiches, stuff like that.
I have a feeling that things are going to get even harder for me and all of you as well.
It's going to get much much worse before it will start getting better.
This is a very difficult period of time we're all living in, and I'm trying so hard not to panic like both Ally and Suze said, but I can't help myself.
I already live at the bottom of the financial totem pole, I live well below the poverty level receiving SSDI and making a small amount through blogging every month.
I follow the income earnings guidelines set forth by SSDI but man, how I wish I wasn't disabled, how I wish I could work a real job again.
This whole crisis has me scared that things are going to get worse for me and all of us, this whole thing really sucks.

Anyway, Mindy took me down to the local Hanger office to get my new brace.
They ended up fitting me with a pediatric size 5 chin brace.
It fits the back part of my old brace, but the new front part is a pediatric size chin brace.
That should tell you how small my neck is. Ha!

It does fit better, it holds my head up nice and straight, but because of it's tiny size, my cheeks get squished up pretty bad.
I look like I'm making a kissy-fish-face all the time now.
I really hope my face doesn't "keep" that shape when the 3 months is over, that would really suck.
But it does it's job, what it's supposed to, so I'll deal with it.

The ac unit is mostly done.
Mindy, her husband Chris, and her son Jeff, were here all day long fixing the ac unit.
Chris removed the old unit and holding stuff, then cut all new wood, installed that, and then put in the new ac unit.
The old hole in the wall was far too big for the ac, so all the wood was used to make it fit, to hold it in place better with no gaps.
He used some of that expanding caulk to help keep it all insulated and stuff, and then next weekend, he's going to come over and repair the drywall where the ac unit is.
It has to be taken out, it's rotted from all the times the ac leaked water and it ran down the walls.
I paid for all the supplies and he's doing the installation.
My landlord will let me take the work off the rent, it totally saves him from having to do it, he'll be happy that it got done.

Mark helped out too, he knocked down a ton of hornets nests and also helped put the ac unit in while Chris was outside pulling it through to sit the way it's supposed to.
Sebastian couldn't help much with that, he's allergic to hornet's stings, and Mark did get stung 3 times, so yeah, it's a good thing Sebastian didn't try to help.
But he did go to the store and get some stuff we needed.
It's going to take a few hours for the house to cool down, there was no ac on all day and a huge gaping hole in the wall all day long so it will probably get cool in here by midnight. LOL

I'm so tired now so it's also a good thing my sis had something come up for tonight, I am in no mood to have more to do tonight.
She's going to come tomorrow and help me with my hair, maybe do some lunch or dinner depending on what time she comes over.

I have a couple of movies that I can watch tonight from the lazy comfort of my couch.
I have Street Kings and Pathology, it's a reason to be lazy and not do anymore than I already have today.
Oh yeah, Chris also hooked up the HDTV antenna for me.
It's pulling a few channels, but my local ones still are not coming in like they should.
I'm hopeful that come February when the switch gets made, that all of those stations come in like they should.

Ok, off to find something to eat and watch a movie.
Later days.

I gave myself a scare last night.
See, I have bolt wounds on the side of my head from where I was bolted to the table during surgery, (I promise I will explain how it all went soon) and the nurse had cleaned them really good yesterday and put some Staphaseptic on them.
Well last night I reached up to the left side of my head to rub my temples, they sorta ache a bit, and this chunky thing came off in my fingers.
It was sort of like a scab but yellow-ish in color, and had some small hairs attached to it.
I didn't scratch it, I just rubbed my temples, and to have this thing fall off, it was really gross.
Then it started bleeding and it wouldn't stop, so I had Sebastian do his best to put a band-aid on it.
The nurse came today and took the band-aid off, cleaned it, and said it looked good, but man, it was super scary having it bleed like that.

I had ordered the new HDTV antenna that I need to be able to watch tv with the converter box, and it came today.
It's much much bigger than I thought it was, it really needs to be mounted outside, but I tried to hook it up today anyway.
Bad idea.
It's too heavy, I couldn't get it to work, it probably does need to be mounted outside on the wood shutters, and so yeah, by the time I gave up on it and put it back in the box, I had really over done it and now I'm paying for it.
 But there is a good thing about doing that, something pulled in my neck and now my head is staying up much better, straighter I think. hahahaha
Maybe I pulled the muscles where they need to go?
Don't know.
The pain is subsiding a bit now and I need to eat something.

Oh, speaking of eating, I sent the boys grocery shopping with a list and everything today.
They came back with a ton of wrong items, items not on the list, and a whole bunch of items that were on the list, didn't get bought at all.
They tried I suppose, this is a lot of pressure on them, I know that, so I really can't complain too too much that they screw things up a little bit.

I'm still chugging along trying to get through this first week at home, I have to keep telling myself to just relax, that the first week is always so so  hard, that it really is the worst, so I don't try and over do things.
A lot of just laying down and sleeping.

Mindy was here almost all day long, she did a really great job cleaning my house, it looks wicked nice and clean in here, the teens better keep it this way. LOL
Then she went home and came back with some big huge pans of food.
Her husband Chris made dinner for us, some chicken alfredo, bread sticks, and salad.
It was all so yummy.
He used to work at the Olive Garden, it's their alfredo recipe, so yeah, it's super yummy.
When Chris was here this morning, he took a look at my AC unit, and he's going to come back and fix it for me next weekend.
Box it in to the right size for the AC, clean it up, get it working right again.
It's simply not blowing as cold as it used to, it's not sitting in the housing correctly, and the leaking is because of all of those things plus all box units leak when it gets super humid.
So it will be wicked nice to have it fixed and cool in the house again.

I have a ton of emails and comments in my inbox that I just don't know when I'll be able to get to, if I'll be able to get to them at all, but I wanted you to all know that I have read them and appreciate all of the support and words of encouragement, it's really appreciated.

I did spend the majority of the day laying down and resting, I even slept for awhile, and that is my plan of attack.
My face is still wicked swollen up which makes me feel weird and stuff.
I know the swelling will go down, it's just a matter of time.
For now though, I feel like I either got beat with a baseball bat, or I am a balloon.
People keep telling me it doesn't look so bad, but I've seen my face in the mirror, I know what it looks like.
Doc said it will be ok, it will heal up, but for awhile it's gonna look like total crap.

Ok, time to get back to my couch, watch a little Law and Order repeats and stuff.
Later days. 

So I'm like a week late paying all my bills, so I got myself up and started paying them.
I had called each of my utilities before going in for surgery and notifying them they would be paid late, they were all ok with it.
I paid FPL and the water bills without any problems, as usual.
And as usual, Verizon was just crap.

I logged in to my Verizon home screen where it said current now due $61.45, but total now due of $31.42.
I know that the $31.42 is the correct amount, my bill is never over that, the bill summary even says that's what I really owe, so I type in $31.42 and click pay now.
It advanced to the next screen where it said the amount you are paying is different from what you really owe, the page refreshed, and the amount filled in for me to pay was at $61.45.
I tried 3 more times to change it to $31.42, it kept changing it back, so I said fuck it and paid $61.45.
Then I called Verizon who said it was some sort of website glitch, I now I have a credit on my account of $30.03, we're so sorry.
They said they would have their IT department look at it, but I have a credit, your account is in great standing with us, yadda yadda, whatever.
Their website forced me to pay that $61.45, it wouldn't let me change it.
I don't care if my account is in great standing and I have a credit, I am sick of their fucking shit every single month when I try to pay the phone bill and the DSL bill screw-ups that have been non-stop for years now.
I'm so over it yanno?
Every month they are sorry, every month they promise me they will fix it, and every month it still isn't fixed.
Verizon sucks major ass and I really need to find another phone and internet option that isn't them and isn't Comcast cable.

While on the phone with them, they tried to sales-pitch me on their Direct tv package shit.
Dudes, I'm calling your company every month because of bill fuck-ups with my phone and DSL, and you want to add another item to screw up on every month?
I don't fucking think so.

Hey all, I am finally back home, it was a long, completely fucked up hospital experience.
I will get to blogging about it all but not just yet.
Sitting here to read emails, to type, is not an easy task just yet, my head is being held by a neck brace in an awkward position, so thank goodness for spell check..LoLz

This whole thing was very physically hard on me, terrifying for my sons, and frustrating to be told I could go home tomorrow over and over, yet it never happened every single day, until today that is.
I finally had a massive blow out, started screaming, yelling, cursing and being a bitch about the care I was receiving and sit, and well, they don't really like it when atheists start swearing  in a catholic hospital. hahahaha

Anyway, I'll explain the whole trip, all the things that went wrong and everything else over a few days at a time.
I really can't handle sitting for long periods just yet.
But it's so so so good to be home, thank you all for the well wishes and good thoughts, they are all so very much appreciated.
Be back again tomorrow morning maybe.
Later days!

We are being barraged here (the whole country probably is) with constant reminders about the change to all digital broadcasting in February 2009, and seeing as today was a holiday, ABC ran a half hour infomercial about the switch and the converter boxes.
They said that if you bought a newer model tv, it should already be ready for the HDTV and LCD broadcast signals, and to just get an LCD mount for it on your wall, and you should be good to go.
That it should be ready and all good to go to pick up all the new digital signals.

Well I don't have money for the new tvs, and I already have the converter box and an amplified antenna, but it's not picking up the signals due to our house being made of concrete.
I need to either get a roof mount antenna, or one that can be mounted on the wooden shutters, but I think I might try a different idea.

I am going to buy a Philips Amplified UHF/VHF/HDTV Antenna, and mount it on the inside of my front windows.
It's flat, and it will only need to pick up the signal through the glass, not the concrete.
That may work.
If not, I'll mount it on the outside, attach it to the shutters, and run the cable through the front windows and screen, and hook it to the converter box.
I'm hoping that will work because all of the other indoor/outdoor antennas I've seen, are freaking huge, and I don't want a huge antenna on the front of my house.
I don't want anyone to see it and possibly see it, plus with it's flat profile, it will be less likely to get knocked off during a storm or hurricane.
It's not priced too badly, but I need to wait on it for now.
September is not the month to be buying non-necessities for the house, I still have until February 2009, so once the surgery is over and I'm doing well in my recovery, I'll pick one up and do the installation.
I don't want anyone to have to come do it for me, I like doing this kind of stuff myself

Don't forget to say "Rabbit rabbit White rabbit" upon waking up this morning, and on the morning of the first day of the month every month.
It's an old superstition, and I really don't believe in superstitions, but I do it for fun.
Seeing as how I don't know exactly what time I'll be waking up tomorrow, er, today, I figured I'd just post it now.

Who knows, maybe it really is good luck, and I could sure use some good luck this month.
I'm having surgery exactly 1 week from today, I could use to make some big time money this week before I go which means I need to get back to work pronto, no more lazy bones-feeling like not doing anything, and hey, maybe I'll win some money or maybe a Caribbean cruises vacation or something for the teens and I to go on after I'm recovered.

A vacation is sorely needed I tell ya.
I'm tired, stressed out, worried about money and bills, and the teens at school.
I really don't want this surgery to affect them like the last time, I don't want them to miss any days for any reason.
I do want them to come see me, but not until after school each day, come at night only.
That way my sister doesn't miss any time at work either, she really can't afford to take time off, so if she goes to work, and they go to school, then come visit me after, everyone will be doing what they need to do, and I'll be getting rest and doing my physical therapy/up walking the halls and all that stuff so I can come home on schedule.

It's late and once again I'm wide awake, so I think I'm going to go dive into my work, get as much done as I can.

The lab only took 2 vials of blood, which I was surprised about, the primary doc's PA, said they were going to take 8.
The guy only took 2, so I questioned him about that, he said they did not need 8, only 2 for the amount of tests she checked off on the lab work-up sheet, and oh by the way, pee in this cup.
So the blood draw was quick, not feeling faint or weak at all, then I went and peed in the cup, and they had those alcohol wipes in the bathroom for patients to use to clean and sterilize their pee-holes before peeing in the cup, and they had the ones that smell good.
No, no, I'm not weird, honestly, there are certain alcohol wipes that smell not much like alcohol, but more like a lemony candy sugar mixed with alcohol smell.
I love those ones!

Then I came home and ate my chocolate donut that was ever so patiently waiting for me in the fridge.
Actually, I ate 2, my bad, but I was hungry dammit!
Then I went out to the kitchen and cleaned out the microwave.
I ran that bowl of soapy water in the microwave for an hour the first time, then changed out the water and added a dash more dish soap, and ran it again for another 30 minutes, so when I came home and got to cleaning it, all the nukified on crud was liquefied, and just wiped right out.
Now, if cleaning the whole house were as easy as that.
I actually want to get (at some point) one of those little hand-held home steam cleaners, you know what I'm talking about?
I want one of these Scunci ones.
It's a small, portable, home steam cleaner for doing grout and tiles, the toilet bowl ickies, the baked on crud on the stove top, it would make cleaning the microwave even easier man.
Want, maybe that will be my xmas present to myself. (?)

Oh yeah, I finally got Twitpic all figured out, that is my actual link, but I finally figured out how to get the image info to post with the pic.
All of my failed attempts are viewable in the Twitpic badge in the sidebar over there.
On most of them, it's just the pic, but the last one that says "Sunset", yuppers, I got it to post the name of the pic.
I was putting that info in the body section of the text message, it needed to be added to the title.
I'm basically blogging how I did it so that I don't forget it.
Take the pic, label it, then address the text message to go to my Twitpic email addy, then click on the more button (left) and choose insert subject, as much info as I want to write, and then click send.
Twitpic completely ignores everything in the body section of the text message, so that's why the names of my pics weren't showing up on my page or in my sidebar badge, or on the public Twitpic/Twitter time lines.
Just the links to the images were showing with no info.
I was totally frustrated with it, and about to give up on yet another pic to post service.

See, for my last surgery, I used Flickr to post pics and blog by phone to post on my blog, but Flickr stopped working for me, just stopped, will not work from my phone at all, but it will post the test thingy from the website only.
Christine then suggested I try Utterz, so I tried to set it up for this blog, but it refused to accept my xmlrc stuff, so I tried to set it up for MSML, and it was going, it was accepting, but then it came back and said that my blog was pornography.
No, I'm dead serious!
See?!? Click that for bigger!

There is absolutely no porn on My Single Mom Life, but ya know what?
I don't feel like contacting Utterz and asking what the hell reason they have for stating my blog about being a single mom, talking about teenagers and new hair in armpits, qualifies it as pornography.
I just don't have the fight in me today.

I still haven't slept, no lay down and rest either.
This afternoon has been a busy one of sitting here trying to write this post since 12:20 this afternoon, but it's been one thing after another.
Emails non-stop, messages, questions, comments coming in, Entrecard people wanting to advertise their so completely not relevant sites on my single mommy blog.
My plan was to figure out Twitpic, which I did, make this blog post which I'm still trying to do, and then go wash the dishes that didn't get finished this morning, and then maybe lay down for an hour or so before making dinner.
But now I've had to start another load of laundry, I have a mountain of emails to reply to, messages, posts, comments etc, before I can do anything else.
I'm not mad or anything, I realize I may be coming off as mad, but it's not anger, it's tired...LOL
So anyway, this post that I started writing at 12:20pm, will now finally be published at 2:27pm.
You would think with the amount of time it took, it would be far better quality content in this here post, but eh, I've been awake since 7am yesterday morning.
Ya gets what ya gets.

I haven't had anything to eat since midnight last night, I had to fast for my blood draw at 9:30am, (did I post this already?) and I'm starving!
I ran to the corner store just about 30 minutes ago, grabbed some donuts, (Yum! A chocolate frosted cake donut awaits my return in the fridge) some soda, some other goodies, came back home, and in like 20 minutes, I'll go hop in the shower and get cleaned up for them to suck my blood out.

I could not sleep for anything, and as a matter of fact, the later it got, the more hyped up I got.
So because I couldn't eat, I did other things to pass the time.
I did a lot of net surfing, forum reading and posting, RSS blog reading, and then I got like this wave of enthusiasm to clean my house.
At like 4am.

I did some dishes, I sprinkled the carpet powder down in all the rooms, (I love the smell of it)  I cleaned off the stove top and all of the counters.
I wiped down and cleaned out the toaster, wiped down my crock pot because it sits on the counter and tends to get splashed when I cook sketti sauce in my electric skillet.
I wiped down the entire outside of the microwave, not just the parts you can see, I actually moved it, cleaned under it, behind it, washed the back splash on the whole counter where I prep and cook.
Changed out the like 10 month-old burnt out light bulb on the stove head, put a large bowl of soapy water in the microwave to loosen all the nuked on crud, and I will wipe it all out and clean it really good when I get back, folded the last load of laundry that was in the dryer after I set it on de-wrinkle for 20 minutes.
Changed out the hand towels in the bathroom, turned on the Scrubbing Bubbles automatic shower cleaner after running the shower for steam for 5 minutes, cleaned the toilet bowl and the seat, both upper and under, and the lid, brought back in all of the trash cans after the garbage men came, and made a quick list of things I need at the store later like more spray cleaners, and some floor cleaner which I'm out of.

I have no idea where this burst of energy came from, but I did all of that stuff and am still wired to go.
I'm sure I won't be so hyped up after they take about 8 vials of blood outta me.
I mean, no food since midnight combined with exerting all of that energy, I'll probably come home and pass out for 2-3 hours, and then when I wake up, I will be totally drained and the motivation will be gone.
Dammit.
I was on a serious house cleaning roll man, I haven't wanted to truly deep clean the house in months, I got that burst, and it will literally be sucked out of me by the time I get back.
I want to keep going!
I'm hoping I'll still be good to go, I want to really get down and clean the whole house super de-duper good.

And I've decided what I want for my Christmas, er, Halloween present this year!
I want  The Nightmare Before Christmas (2-Disc Collector's Edition) + Digital Copy
I absolutely love that movie, I have it on VHS, but I want it on DVD, and I want the collector's edition version.
I know every single song by heart, I sing along to it, I love watching it, it's a gorgeous looking movie in all it's dark Halloweenie goodness.
It will be mine, oh yes, it will.

I woke up feeling like I got hit by a truck.
I slept weird too.
Like all twisted up and stuff, so now my lower back and right hip are just killing me, and I can't get in to see my pain doc until Monday, before 11:45am.
Because at noon he's going back out of town.
But at 10am, I have an appointment with the new primary care doc for the pre-surgery physical, which I have no idea how long it's going to take.
So this means I'm going to have to call my surgeon to cover the refill on my pain meds again.
For the 3rd time, because my pain doc keeps going out of town.
My surgeon is going to start thinking something funny is going on.
Yeah, not quite so fucking funny when every time I need to make an appointment, he's going out of town.
And so I'm stressed out and in pain, and I can't see my pain doc because I have to go to that physical, I don't have a choice.
I have no idea how long the physical is going to take because duh, it's my new doctor.
The appointment could end up being 2 hours long, or like most doctor's, you sit and wait for a full hour or 2 before you even see the doctor.
And it's a full physical which means full naked, gyno, swabby, poke, prod, touch and pee in this cup appointment.

Seriously.
I'm way stressed out about all of this stuff right now.
In 18 days, I get my neck sliced open, have a couple vertebrae and discs removed, new rods installed, and I never turn my head left or right again.
18 days.
It may seem like that's a long time, but it's not, and it's creeping up on me faster than I know how to handle.

And I swear, if one more person says they'll pray for me, or let go and let god, trust in god, god will take care of you, I'm going to fucking explode!
This bill collector called me at 8am this morning, wanted to talk about an old hospital bill I owe, and when I said sorry, I can't pay that right now, they asked why, I explained why, I let it all out on the girl, and she says to me, and I quote, "I can stave off the collection phone calls for about a week, and I'll pray for you. Wow, I don't even know how you're feeling, but I imagine. I promise, I'll pray for you."

You'll pray for me?!
These calls are recorded for customer quality results, and man, I hope they recorded that one.
You are never to get personal with the customer, never ever, get personal with the customer when you are calling them to collect a debt. I know the rules, I used to work for Georgia Power and Gas, that was one of the major big time rules, never, ever, get personal with the customer, stick to the facts.
Fucking twit.
I hope they recorded that call and heard me tell her to shove her prayers up her ass.

Because of the storm and my neighbors moving out, the trash will have to go out on Tuesday night instead of tonight, and I'll have to go find my box cutter so I can go cut up all the cardboard boxes they didn't use to move with because the city won't take them at the size they are right now.
They left a ton of crap behind, you can see it in the first link I posted, and we'll be taking care of it so the landlord doesn't have to come take care of it all.

I just can't believe they won't be coming back to take care of it on their own.
It's really not fair to have dumped it all on my trash cans and just leave all that crap behind.
But they are gone now, and I guess that's a good thing.

What was a category 1 hurricane, has been downgraded into a tropical storm again.
It'll be about 45-50mph winds, some rain, nothing major.
But all the Sarasota schools are closed, there's no garbage pick-up tomorrow, and all county government offices will be closed as well.

The kids first day back to school was today, and now they get a day off already.
I understand the whole better safe than sorry thing, but they canceled school at 2pm today, made the automated phone calls to parents, and they could have, should have, waited until later tonight to make the call on closing school.

Things are fine here, we have plenty of food and water should the power go out, I did all y hurricane shopping on Saturday, and we have plenty of candles, a big flashlight, a 24 our glo-stick for emergencies, plenty of stuff, but I doubt it will get that bad.

So I took my awesome comfy sandals to the little Korean lady to fix, and just as I suspected, she refused to fix them.
"No fix, need new shoe! No fix!"
So while I was at Walgreen's getting Susan her birthday first aid kit, (she's going to love this thing!) and we needed a new one for our house too, I found their flip flop aisle and tried on a few pairs.
I found a cheap and comfy pair that will have to do until I can find another pair of those awesome Dr. Scholl's that my freaking cats chewed up.
Then Sebastian and I headed into Publix to get all of the stuff we needed, and then headed back home by cab because we bought more than we could carry.

We waited for the cab for over 40 minutes.
Sam had told me 10-15 minutes on my initial call, so after 25 minutes, I called back.
He said the driver would be there in 2 minutes.
I waited 10 and called back.
By this point Sam was furious that the driver he sent for me kept picking up flags instead of getting the calls, he was yelling into the radio, screaming at the guy in English and Arabic, and when the cab finally showed up, I was sweating bullets.
My blood pressure was up from the heat, I was minutes away from passing out.
When we got to my house, I went to pay him, and he said, "No, this trip is on me, it's my fault you waited for 40 minutes. Sam won't let me take your money, he said that it's on me."

Hahahaha!
Dumbass.
If he had just gone after the call like he was supposed to instead of picking up flags, Sam would have let him take my money.

The teens and I need to head out today and do some shopping at Publix, get some stuff for the house that we need, and I also need to drop my sandals off at the little shoe repair store that's at the same plaza.

I know the lady is going to look at me like I'm crazy, the sandals are pretty beat up aside from the straps having been taken off by the cats.
They chewed through the strings that are sewn on, and the straps fell off.
But these sandals are massively comfortable, I love them, they are perfectly broken in, and considering that next month it will be even harder to put on normal shoes like sneakers, I need really comfortable sandals.
I just want the straps sewn back on nice and tight, and the little Korean lady is going to tell me that I need "new shoe. need new shoe, not fix, new shoe."
But sorry dear, I cannot find these anymore anywhere, I've looked at the store I bought them at, I've looked at other stores, no getting new shoe, fix old shoe, take money from me.
Hahah!

I wish I had woken up earlier to get started on all of this, but oh well, I didn't.
I'm going to take a quick shower as soon as Mark is done, and then we'll get ready to go.

Last night after getting home from Chuck E. Cheese for my niece Susan, my insomnia from the night before started to catch up to me.
I found myself sitting here in my chair dozing off several times.
I had been sitting here at like 6:15pm, and when I woke up, it was 8:30pm.
I was supposed to go in to the boy's room and fix the video card settings to show more detail on their games, and get some papers ready for today's medical phone calls.
But I was so tired, I laid down on the couch at like 10-10:30, and that was it, out and down for the count.

The teens slept over my sister's house, so at like 8:20 this morning, I hear this knocking on the door.
It was them, my alarm I had set for 8am never went off, so ooopsy.
They said they had just knocked that one time, so at least they hadn't been out there banging on the door for an hour.
Then as soon as I let them in, fixed the door caterpillar, I then laid back down on the couch and fell asleep again.
I hadn't slept for like 38 hours, so I was way tired, and just needed all that sleep to catch up.
Then when I woke up at 11am, I ran to the corner store for some soda, and then came back to get myself ready for the medical phone calls at 1pm.
I spent about 2 hours on the phone answering questions with the surgical intake nurse, she wasn't able to give me any information on how long I'd be in the hospital, but Doc Moreno or Cindy would be able to answer all of those questions for me later.

Then I tried to catch up some emails and gave up.
I'm not answering any questions for anybody about things that happened a long time ago.
It's over for me, so move on folks, the show's over.
A year ago when I laid out what I was doing, was the time for people to ask questions and get answers, and yanno, maybe even help me, but no one did, so I took care of it, it's done.
I am ok with being called a disgusting human being for not helping others now, it's fine with me, no one helped me when I needed it or asked for it. Call me selfish, call me mean or a moron, and yes, I do know who I emailed recently about something to do with work, so um, yeah, nice try hiding behind the name "anonymous".
Hello! I wasn't born yesterday people.
It's done, over, don't bother emailing me about it now.

I made the call to the lawyer to schedule a time to get the DNR and WILL verified, asked a quick question about something else, he said we can talk about that at the appointment, told me to bring the papers and stuff with me, so I will have all my medical stuff and my other stuff taken care of by next week, or answers at least.

Right now I'm making dinner, some yummy BBQ'd boneless/skinless chicken breast, and some broccoli with cheese, and then I have the dishes to finish up, and a load of laundry to start.
I don't think I have much on the agenda for tomorrow, haven't looked yet, and Google calendar hasn't emailed the daily summary for tomorrow yet, I should get that around midnight.

I know that I do have some work to catch up on.
Due to passing out cold last night, I didn't get all of my work finished, but I did get most of it done.
I only have about 5 or so left, so yeah, I got almost all of them done before going out yesterday.
It's ok with me, I am not late on anything, it's all actually not due until next week, so I'll get it all done by tomorrow, and then take on whatever else they need done.
Ok, time to go check the dinner, later days!

...You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to... The Outer Banks, er, Outer Limits....

It's almost 9am on Sunday morning, I've been awake all night again.
Insomnia really sucks.
It's like a form of anxiety insomnia.
Like if I know that I have to be somewhere, do something really important, i won't sleep at all no matter how hard I try.

I know I'll be fine though, I tend to get second and third gusts of wind right when I need them.
Then when we get back home, I'm hoping that I'll be able to sleep for at least a few hours (probably not) because I have some important medical stuff to deal with on Monday morning.
I have some pre-surgery phone calls to answer questions, like have I gained or lost any significant amount of weight in the last 6 months, when was the last time I had a blood test, donated blood, have I discovered any new allergies to medications, food, or latex/plastic/tape products.
I've answered all these questions before, no big deal.

Then I need to call and set up an appointment to have both my will and DNR verified again, notarized, signed, stamped, sound mind and body, yadda yadda, and I have some questions I need to discuss too.
I have a lot going on, not only is the surgery like a big medical jumbo brain frazzle, it's legal too.
Sign this, cross these Ts, dot those Is, on every page with an 'X', please initial on the line provided, sign and date the bottom of each page.
I know the routine, so while I'm initialing and crossing, and dotting, I'll be able to ask my other questions and discuss my other concerns.
I just don't want a big battle on anyone's hands should anything at all go wrong.

Time is fluid. The waters of forever close -- and passage may not be completed. The present and the future are for a moment united. And the Enemy, half-today, half-tomorrow, is locked between...

That phone call I got the other day at 8:05am, where I yelled at the guy and then hung up, was from one of those debt collection agencies.
I owe like $250 on a really old phone bill.
Oh well.
I've been trying to pay off my debts as best I can, but with all the medical stuff, it's been very difficult, and it's only going to get harder from here on out.

I had been paying on that old bill, I had been sending them $20 a month, and I know that's not a lot, but it's all I could afford to send them.
They agreed to the terms, and I've still been paying it, but they called again today because the want to change the terms of the agreement.
I told them that I cannot pay it all off or send them more every month, it's just not possible, and the guy said that I'll have to make it possible.
I said nope, I have the agreement in writing, I'm not paying more than that, if you are refusing to take the payments we agreed upon, then that's your choice, but I'm sticking with it, and I'll keep sending the $20 per month.
You can try to fight me for more, but we have it writing, so  that's all there is to say, have a nice day, and then I hung up.

On Sunday, my sis is taking the teens and her girls, and a few friends to one of those franchise kids play places for Susan's birthday party.
She asked me if I want to go.
I honestly don't know.
I would hate to miss her party, Susan is my little bud, but I'm not feeling well, I have a ton of stress and a ton of work to do.

I have a million things to do at home here, plus I have a bunch of actual work to do, and I really need that money.
In order to get all that money on payday, I need to have them all done by Monday morning.
I'm sure I can do it if I just start working and don't stop.
I really need that money, and I really want to be there for Susan.
I'm sure I'll go.
I'll make myself a deal, if I can get more than half my work done, I'll go, and then I'll have to do all the rest of them done by Monday morning.
I can do it if I don't get sick again.

I'm still not feeling great, I think it's the stress of everything, it's upsetting my stomach, making me not sleep, but making me excessively tired.
I have mega amounts of stress right now.
So much to do, things to take care of, plans to make, money to not make.
Ugh!
It's piling up on me, my mind can't stay focused, and I haven't been able to even keep myself feeling ok or not worried about stuff long enough to get my work done.
It will get it done, but I really need to get my head on straight first.
I honestly think I need to just sit down and have myself a long decent cry, to let all of this stress go as much as I can.

I need to go get in the shower, I have an appointment with Dr. Riegel today at 2pm, thank him, all that jazz, and tell him I can't pay him today.
I am totally broke until Wednesday.
Nothing I can do about it right now, I'll have to tell them I'll pay them on Wednesday, they can take the payment by phone or something.

Sorry to be such a downer, but I just have so so much on my mind, back to school, medical shit, all of it is picking away at my brain, and I'm tired and stressed out because of all of it.

I got the news today that I didn't want to hear, but I'm greatful for it.
How can I possibly be greatful to be having another major surgery?!
Because if I don't have it, I will die.

My vertebrae are closing in on the spinal cord in my neck, they are compressing it, and if I don't have have this surgery, not only is paralysis possible, but sudden death is a definite.
I will just stop breathing one day he said.
My jaw nearly hit the floor, but he said he can fix this, he can fix me, and he guarantees me that I will be fine.
The chances of anything at all going wrong, paralysis or death, are less than 1%.
He has done this surgery many, many times he said, and he's never lost a patient, and he's never had a patient become paralyzed.
As a matter of fact, he's never had either happen to any single patient in all the years he's been a surgeon, so I have complete trust in him that I will be ok.

The only thing I will lose is my ability to turn my head in either direction.
I can live with that.
I mean, if given the choice between turning your head or sudden death?
I think anyone would take never being able to turn their head again.

The teens are of course, scared, but I have complete trust in my surgeon and I know that everything will be ok.
Mindy and her husband have opened their home to the teens when I have it done, they will have a place to stay, people who will care for them like they are their own, and I will make all the necessary arrangements before I go.

Doc Moreno's nurse Cindy, will be calling me with all the info, what to expect, the date, all of that, it has to be done very soon.
This is a very serious situation, and it has nothing to do with my spine fusion.
This is all congenital.
These are all abnormalities that I was born with, no one ever knew they were there though.
Doc Riegel is actually the one who caught this, he is the one who spotted that something didn't look right in my neck MRIs, he's the one who insisted I see Doc Moreno right away, so when I see him on Friday, I owe him a huge thank you.
He actually saved my life.
If he had not seen this problem, I would have just stopped breathing one of these days, so I kind of owe him my life.

I'm ok, I've just accepted that this has to be done, there is no other choice but a full laminectomy of the vertebrae from C1-C6, I will be permanently fused after this, from the base of my skull to my tail bone.
Kind of amazing, I will be fused the full lentgh of my spine.

After Cindy calls, I'll know more. I'll know when this will be happening, I'll know how long I'll be gone, all of that, and I will keep everyone updated.
I know that I am in the best surgical hands possible, I know that everything will be ok, and when I know more, I'll share it with all of you.

Later days.

Mentally speaking I mean.
I've been in a slight state of depression for the last few days, my lack of posting I'm sure alerted some of you that maybe something was wrong.
I just don't feel happy, it's not one thing, it's multiple things.
It's stress over money and bills, anger over the child support shit, the lack of sleep, the constant idiots who call me at the crack of dawn nearly every freaking day, a lot of things.
The stupid asshat who called me at 8:05am this morning got quite an earful, I hope he enjoyed it.
I don't know who he was and I don't care.
I yelled and screamed, and then hung up.
And I've been doing that with nearly everyone who calls lately.
I'm just in a place.

Anyway, I'm off to my surgeon to find out about my neck and shoulder pain.
Be back later.

I'd really like to know what the point was of fighting for and trying to get, and "winning" a higher child support amount, if it's not going to be enforced?
I got the court papers today.
It said that starting immediately, meaning August 1st, 2008, the day he "gets paid" and makes a deposit to the child support, that the new amount of $77 per week was going to start.
It didn't.
I checked it today and he did make a payment alright, but it's an amount that he chooses to pay, not the court ordered amount of $77, it's $37.20.
I thought court orders were supposed to be enforced?

What do I have to do, pack up a few Briggs and Riley suitcases for myself and the teens, and actually go up there to speak to a judge?
Do I have to beg the judge to enforce his own order?!
This is ridiculous!
What was the point of all of that, the hearing delays, and the paperwork, and all the evidence that I had to supply, because he refused to turn his in, they refused to make him, nobody investigated, and they only have what they have because I sent it to them?!
This just makes me so mad.
Child support court and enforcement is a complete joke in this country.

No, that's not the first words out of my mouth today.
My first words words were yelling at people who started calling my phone at like 8 o'clock in the damn morning, and people kept freaking calling.
I want you all to know, I hadn't slept in 39 hours.
Yes, 39 hours.
I was awake from 9am on Wednesday until 3am today, Friday.
Heck, that might be more than 39 hours, but my math sucks and I'm still exhausted.

Mark has been really good about washing his face with the new acne product stuff I bought him, it's starting to clear up a bit.
Looking much better.

I'm just messed up today, my body hurts, I have a lot on my mind, stressed out about all kinds of things, and I'm sorry I yelled at you if you were one of the unfortunate people to call me and wake me up, but damn, it's summer vacation, NONE of us get up by 8am unless I have a doctor's appointment.
Most of the time, I sleep until 9am, unless I couldn't sleep which wakes me at 11am, and ya know what?
Just don't call here before 1pm, how's that?
That works for me.

The child support hearing lasted all of 10 minutes, 5 of which were spent on hold waiting for the magistrate to call the room to order, and putting me on speaker phone, swearing me in, and all that hoopla.

Present in the courtroom today was myself, the Maine DA, someone from children and family services who was there to verify that I was indeed the ex-Mrs. Cooper, social security number xxx-xx-xxxx, and to state the names and ages of my minor children that are in my full-time custody.
I named them, Mark and Sebastian Cooper, ages 15 and turning 17 in a few weeks.
Also present was my ex's lawyer, I think. I heard a low mumble "present your honor",  when the name Bob Montblahblahblah, was announced, and the judge who spoke his name so fast I didn't catch it, but it will be on the finalized child support modification paperwork which I will get in the mail within a few weeks.

Because my ex-husband did not appear in court or by phone, and did not turn in his paperwork at all, or not in enough time for the judge to look it over, (again, something was mumbled about interrogatories, we have the ex-wife's, do we have Mr. Cooper's? something was mumbled) the judge would not back-date the child support amount to January 1st 2008, the date the DA officially filed for the modification with the courts, because even though it's such a low amount,  Mr. Cooper has 3 other minor children who he is current on paying child support for, that paying that amount may cause him to fall behind on those child support payments.
Whatever.

So based on the income and asset information the DA does have on my ex, the child support was raised from $21 per week to $78 per week.
From $84 per month, to $312 per month.
It is a huge improvement, but really, after 15 years at $21 a week whenever he felt like working, whenever he felt like paying, it's still not a truly acceptable amount.
It will help a lot, it won't be so much of a struggle now to buy them all of the things they constantly need like the sneakers they grow out of every 3-4 months because they are growing like the giant redwoods, and the clothes they grow out of for the same reason, and all the school supplies they always need for class projects, and those odd items that the teachers require or your student does not get a credit that they need in order to graduate, and the gazillion other items that teenagers need to have all of the time.

The new child support order is to go into effect immediately, as in tomorrow's child support deposit which will be placed on that lovely Florida state child support card they made me get, *eyeroll* and the funds will be available on Tuesday by mid-day, if he actually follows the court order.
If the new amount is enforced every single week, the $312 a month will definitely help to pay for the things that Mark and Sebastian always need.
Mark is at 6foot 2inches now, Sebastian is at a solid 6feet, and they are not done growing yet.
Just over the very short summer vacation, they have both grown 2 shoe sizes, and each of them has grown another pant and shirt size, so yeah, the new amount will be a major help to provide all of the things they need.

That's all I've ever wanted, to get some help paying for the things that two growing young men always need.
I wasn't fighting for this modification as a way of getting back at my ex-husband, I simply wanted him to help pay for the things that HIS sons need.
I didn't make these babies on my own, they have a biological father that they never see and they don't want to because of the very last words he ever said to Mark.
And ya know what?
I don't blame my son for never wanting to speak with his bio-dad again.
Those words stung him so bad, it crushed him that day, and if anyone even brings up his last visit with his bio-dad, he becomes immediately enraged, and will get up and walk away to go and be by himself, to calm himself down.
He's tried over the years to email his bio-dad, to try and get past that day, and every time he messaged him on myspace or sent an email, he wasn't believed, his bio-dad always thought it was me.
No, it wasn't, and every single time he got turned away, it was just another knife in his heart.
There are so many scars there now that attempting to repair that broken relationship will be an impossible feat.
Both the boys have their bio-dad's myspace pages and ways to contact him, they have their own email accounts on their own computer, and are free to try and contact him whenever they want to, if they want to.
Neither one of them have tried in almost 3 years now.
They don't even look at those myspace pages, and we don't discuss him at all in this house unless they bring him up.
I let them say whatever they want, spill all of their feelings out, do what they have to do, and I just listen.
I gave up trying to help repair those relationships a long, long time ago.

I didn't mean for this t