Recently in Kids & Teens Category

Most of my readers know that I had my neck fusion surgery on September 8th 2008, and have been healing as well as can be expected.
I will also be having a revision surgery in just a few months, because my head placement is all wrong.
My head is tilted and stuck downward, instead of straight ahead.
The surgery was supposed to prevent me from turning side to side, not up and down.
I can turn my head side to side no problem, but up and down is a no go.

But anyway, both of my teen sons have been battling a really nasty cold/virus since last week, and tonight I started getting it.
I'm coughing, sneezing, sniffly and runny nosing it since about 6pm today.
The sniffling, sneezing, and runny nose are not a huge issue, but coughing?
Holy hell it's painful.
Every cough makes my chest muscles, upper back and neck muscles, and head, move and twitch and spasm.
This is not fun at all, it's actually quite painful.
You know what else is really painful as well as super scary?
Throwing up.
Because of the way my head is tilted downward, my jaw cannot open as wide as it did before, and the neck opening is almost compressed like, so throwing up is a very painful and scary ordeal.
Sorry to be graphic, but this is a health blog right?

The rest is behind the cut, it is kind of graphic and sorta gross, so you have been warned.

Ya know, just when I think things are getting better, starting to looking up, life decides to kick me in the ass again.
Both of the teens have been really sick all week, I've so far remained unscathed, finally starting coming down with it myself.
They started theirs last Thursday, a full week and neither of them are better yet, well Mark is starting to get a little color in his face, but Sebastian is in pretty bad shape.

Around 6pm or so this evening, my nose started getting wicked stuffed up, I coughed and nearly hacked up a lung, (I'm pretty sure my right lung is still loose from being jarred like that) my chest hurts, and while I was coughing up that lung, this ripping and burning sensation tore all the way up through my esophagus and throat, and my tongue also started twitching and feeling scratchy too.
I'm trying to fight it off, I have echinachea, some antibiotics left over from my surgery, Nyquil, Tylenol, multivitamins, and lots of juice even though that will give me hives. (allergic to orange juice and most juices)

As far as my insomnia, it's not really any better.
I was awake from about 7am Tuesday, and didn't go to sleep until about 5am today, Thursday, and only slept for about 5 hours.
I've been wide awake all day, and right on schedule it seems, I caught my second wind and am so wide awake that if it wasn't so late at night, I'd be cleaning the house.
This has to stop but all sleeping aids, even prescription ones, have the exact opposite effect.
Instead of putting me to sleep, they perk me right up and make me behave like I took 20 hits of speed or drank 5 gallons of coffee.
I'm hoping because I'm starting to get sick, that it will somehow make me get some sleep tonight.

I have some stuff to do and then need to get back to answering all kinds of emails.
They are built up in there and I'm working on it all k?
O-k.

I love movies, I love seeing them in the theater, but I can't stand sitting in the theater.
The seats, no matter how nice the theater is with their seats that recline back, the extra over stuffed cushions, and the cushioned arm rests, it doesn't matter, it is far too painful for me to sit in one of the seats for 2 hours.
So I wait and wait, I add them to my Netflix queue using the saved feature for whenever it gets released to DVD, and I continue to watch almost every new released DVD I can with Netflix.
I am home 24/7, so I watch movies and blog.
So here's my list of upcoming theater releases that I will be adding to my saved Netflix queue.

Star Trek  I like all the Star Trek movies and shows.
Friday the 13th  is a remake, but doesn't look too bad. Plus, it has the hottie Jared Padalecki in it. W00t!
Timecrimes  I can deal with subtitles if the story is good enough. This one looks interesting.
Seven Pounds  It looks interesting too.
The Lodger 
Transporter 3  I liked the first two.
The Alphabet Killer  Based on a true story. Looks decent.
Up  I LOVE Pixar movies! Yay!
Angels & Demons  I loved the book, and Tom Hanks is back portraying Robert Langdon again.
My Bloody Valentine in 3D I loved the original movie which came out in 1981. It was probably the very first slasher film I ever saw. I was 11 years old and my passion for horror movies began.
Let the Right One In  A foreign vampire movie where the vampire is a young girl. Coolness.
The Unborn Oooooh, this looks good!
Plague Town  Looks kinda scary. Yay!
My Name is Bruce  Haha! I LOVE Bruce Campbell. He's playing himself in a movie about himself.
The Uninvited   Another remake of Japanese horror movies. Looks pretty decent.
Twilight  I've never read the books, (OMG!) but I love vampire stuff, so yeah, I'd like to see it.
The Haunting In Connecticut  Ooooh, another scary based on a true story movie.
And finally, Sunshine Cleaning  A movie about cleaning up crime scenes like murders, suicides etc. This is the exact line of work my sister in law heather does and she loves it, plus it pays awesome.

Mark's Big and his wife Amy, gave me a gorgeous silk scarf a few years ago for Christmas.
It's this really beautiful long silk tie or scarf, whatever you call it depending on where you were raised.
The base color is white, and it has hand embroidered red and pink roses with various shades of green for the stems and leaves.
I don't wear it often, but when I do, I get tons of compliments on it.
I think Amy used to sell them at her store down in St. Armand's Circle.
She sold her shop for quite a nice profit last year sometime.
Amy used to sell a huge selection of products from all over for a bunch of high end items.
She sold a ton of really awesome beauty products that I could never afford, but she used to give me some products sometimes.
She also sold scarves like the one she gave me, silk ties shirts, dresses, skirts, wine, candles, all kinds of stuff. It was a really beautiful store right down in the circle.
I love going there, but I can't walk it much anymore, but when I do go, my last stop before leaving is always the Ben & Jerry's ice cream shop, for a small cone with some Phish Food.
Yum.

We have a situation here at the house with the septic tank and the toilet.
We have some mild flooding issues, and we've been really lucky it hasn't gotten worse than it is.
The landlord will be here tomorrow to take care of it, but in the meantime, we've had to plunge the toilet and wipe up tons of water.

The teens have been awesome, they've really been helping take care of it all, but I did some of it too, and now I'm totally paying for it.
Pain doesn't really do what I'm feeling any justice at all.
I am going to be so fucking sore tomorrow.
Holy shit.
And we're still not done.
The water keeps leaking and I can't get the valve to shut off.
Dammit.

I spent the majority of the day laying on the couch covered up in a big huge blanket.
Why?
Because it was chilly here once again, and wow, my whole body hurt bad, the rods were super icy cold, I had no flexibility at all, I was walking around the house all stiff like Frankensteins first steps after coming to life.
Just totally stiff and sore.

Then when the teens came home, they did their chores and wanted to play xbox and WoW, but something was wrong with our KVM switch, so I had to get up from my comfy and warm couch and fix it.
Luckily it's a really easy fix or else it wouldn't have been getting done today.

As you probably guessed by now, I didn't get to go see Obama speak today.
Reasons being #1, I was way too sore to go stand out there for a few hours, and #2, my sister couldn't get out of work.
The boy she takes care of was admitted to the hospital again, he's not doing well at all, another infection.
I feel so badly for him and his parents, his whole family.
Greg as been in and out of the hospital since the beginning of August.

Next June Sebastian will be turning 16, and will be legally old enough to get his drivers license if he keeps his grades and attendance up at school.
He's been studying and taking the practice permit tests online, and once he gets a booklet, he'll be able to study everything, and then go get his permit.
And then if Mark decides he's finally ready to drive, I'll have two licensed drivers in the house, and will be in some super serious need of some super duper cheap auto insurance to go with the super duper cheap car that we might be able to afford.
Or them to afford.

I really wish that the seasons weren't so screwed up here in Florida.
Tourists come here from like right before Thanksgiving, and go home right after Easter.
What that means is, if your teen needs a seasonal job, they have to be able to do it during the school year, during winter, whereas up north, seasonal jobs are when school is out, during the summer.
I really am putting some serious thought into both of the teens going up north for this coming summer to visit with the family, and be able to work.
They could work at the amusement park like I talked about awhile ago, make tons of money, and then come home in time for school to start, buy a nice used car off of some little old widow who kept her car in perfect condition with tune-ups and oil changes right on schedule for the entire time the car was owned, for about $500 or less.
I'm not even joking about that.

The old people here, mostly the widows, sell their perfect Oldsmobile's in mint condition for really super cheap prices just to get rd of it.
Most of the time, they don't know and don't care about Kelly Blue Book value, they just have no need for the car anymore, and want it gone.
I went car shopping with my old friend once when her van "Scooby" was acting up, and we just drove around the retirement villages and neighborhoods where only old people lived, and there would literally be at least a dozen cars for sale at any given time, all in impeccable shape, tune-ups, oil changes, all of the paperwork and receipts in the glove box organized by year, new tires, non-stained, super clean upholstery, almost like brand new cars, selling for anywhere between $100 to $700.
The widows never sold the cars for more than that because they'd get penalized on their benefits or something for earning a large lump sum of money, but they didn't need the car anymore anyway.
They bought new ones.

My friend ended up getting a Mercury, can't remember the make and model, but it was a mint condition car with less than 10,000 mile on it, for $300 cash.
It was so nice, it had an awesome working AC in it, and we loved that because that was one of the reasons she needed to get rid of Scooby, his ac croaked, and you do not want to be driving around in a van with no ac in Sarasota in the middle of July.
Talk about sweat!
Aieysh!

I must have caught up on sleep over the last few days while I wasn't feeling well, because as you can see, it's now a little after 4am EST, and here I am wide awake again.
*sigh*
So I've spent most of the night forum posting, reading blogs, and just looking at stuff for the upcoming holidays.
Did you know that a good majority of internet retailers are already starting to advertise for the 2008 Black Friday start of the holiday shopping season?
They are.
Tons of sites are leaking out links for all of the black Friday sales.
The black holiday sales start on the Friday after Thanksgiving, so that's the 28th of November this year.

Speaking of Thanksgiving, I was thinking about this, and talking to my sister about it yesterday too.
Because I just had surgery, I can't bend over to pick stuff up, and I can't lift anything over 5lbs, so what the heck am I going to do for our Thanksgiving dinner?
I decided that I'm just going to go and get a Honeybaked ham for our dinner.
They don't just do hams, they make all the side dishes too, so I can go there and get a ham, mashed potatoes, a veggie side dish, stuffing if we want it, a broccoli rice casserole, or garlic mashed potatoes.
That actually sounds really yummy right now, I love garlic mashed taters!
They make a ton of different sides you can buy separately, or order in like combo packs.
I may end up doing the Honeybaked thing for Christmas too if I am still on restriction then as well.
I have another post-op appointment on December 10th, so if he says that I still can't lift more than 5lbs, I'll end up having to get my holiday meals already done up for me.

I usually do the whole prepared holiday dinner from Publix, the turkey, 2 sides, 1 stuffing dish, 1 cranberry, and 1 gravy bowl, and the whole thing has already been cooked, you just have to heat it up, even the turkey, but if I am on lift restrictions, then I won't be able to do that.
If I go with the Honeybaked, the ham doesn't have to be re-heated, it's actually super tasty cold, especially the glaze crusty stuff they put on it.
It is so damn yummy.
Yeah, I'm totally going to do the Honeybaked thing for Thanksgiving.
I am drooling just thinking about it now. 
The teens could help me re-heat all of the sides in the microwave or oven depending on what the directions for heating say.
The sides are, of course, much lighter than the meat, so I could help the teens get them in and out of the oven and not have to bend over to do it either.
See, the teens know how to cook in the oven, but they get nervous doing it alone because they think they'll get burned on the racks and the walls of the oven. 
But if I stay in the kitchen and just stand there with them, they aren't as nervous reaching in and taking stuff out.
I know, kinda silly, but I guess they just like the idea of me being there just in case they get burned.

They are totally getting better at cooking now though.
Because of my current situation, they have had to do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and grocery shopping, and they have been cooking up some pretty tasty stuff.
I can't wait to get the George Foreman grill that I'm getting to do a product review on, and the boys will be able to cook on it so much easier.
They love to eat food cooked on a grill, but I have a wicked phobia about grill cooking.
The teens are afraid of getting burned by the oven, I'm afraid of getting burned by a grill.
meh.
I am always afraid that the flame will spring up suddenly while I'm like flipping a burger, and it will catch my hair on fire, or the propane tank will explode from the heat or something.
I know, it's a totally irrational fear, people have been cooking over fire since the cavemen first discovered it, people go camping and cook over fire, and practically every weekend, people all over the whole hood are bbq'ing, and no one ever gets burnt to a crispy, but I can't help it, I'm a total fraidy Kat.
haha

So yeah, I'll be getting the new safe and easy to use and clean George Foreman grill, and I'll be able to bbq and all kinds of other super yummy foods on it, and the teen food inhalers will have grilled animal flesh and grunt like their caveman ancestors did.
Yay!

I used to have a massive collection of Barbie dolls and accessories when I was younger.
I had the camper, the corvette, the townhouse, hundreds of pieces of clothing, and just about every version of the doll as they made.
I started collecting certain dolls though when I got older.
I collected the holiday Barbies and the designer Barbies, the ones who had their gowns made by real high fashion designers like Christian Dior, Calvin Klein, and others like
Bill Blass, Ralph Lauren, and Oscar de la Renta.
I kept all of these dolls in their original boxes, and saved them at my mothers house.
My plan was to give them to my daughter(s) when I had them.

I ended up with boys though.
*sigh*
So I gave all of my dolls and accessories to my best friends daughter.
I gave Shell's daughter Jamie all of my collector Barbies.
She loved them when she saw them, I still remember Jamie's face when I gave them all to her.
She was still just a little girl, and I had given birth to Sebastian, and so Jamie was about 6 or 7 I think, and she loved them. Her eyes lit up when she the dolls in their gorgeous holiday designer gowns, they were so pretty.
They really were too. You can probably look them up on places like ebay, I bet they are all worth some money now.
I don't regret giving them to her, I was just looking at stuff today and remembered all of the dolls and stuff.

I feel like crap still.
The last few days have just been miserable for me.
On top of my neck surgical issues, I have a cold that is making me just absolutely miserable.
I have just been laying on the couch curled up in my blanket, sipping on some juice, eating yogurts and jello, just trying to stay hydrated, and trying to keep some food in me to help me get over this.

I really can't wait to start feeling better so I can go and do the things I need to do.
I really would like to be able to go grocery shopping so I can get more food in the house that the teens can cook easily.
I also need to go get a pedicure in a bad way.
My toes are in dire need of rescue.
I also would like to go and get started on the DNA testing that I need to have done which will help the doctors be able to better help me.
If I can get an accurate diagnosis for either Townes-Brock syndrome or Riley Day syndrome, my doctors would be able to get me on the correct medications to help me feel better at least.
If they know for sure what is wrong with me, they will be able to help me.
I'm so tired of being sick.
I've spent years and years being in pain, getting sick constantly, having blood pressure issues, swallowing issues sometimes even with just liquids, the way my toes are formed, the issues with my back, my arthritis etc etc etc.

I just want to finally start feeling better, feeling normal.
Spending all of this time being sick or in pain or whatever, has just sucked.
At times I get severely depressed over it all.
Like this morning, I was just laying in my bed just bawling my eyes out over all of this.
I hate my life right now.
I hate all of this crap, I feel like a complete loser because I can't do anything anymore.
I can't cook much, I can't clean much, I can't do hardly anything, and I'm so freaking over it all.
I'm supposed to tell my doctors when and if I start getting depressed so they can help me.
I don't want to take an anti-depressant, I know that's what they would do.
They would put me on another med to alter my moods and I don't want that.
What i want is my life back.
Hell, I just want a life that sorta resembles what I had 8+ years ago.
I want to be happy, to go out with friends, to be able to play and have fun, live.
I just want to be ok.

It's official, I have a cold.
I knew I was coming down with something yesterday after sneezing for like 20 minutes straight.
I have spent the whole day today laying on the couch and wrapped up in blankets and just resting.
I came out and laid on the couch before the teens left for school, and Sebastian covered me up in his big comforter, fluffed his pillows behind my head, and gave me his baby blanket and his Sully to sleep with all day.
It looked as though I was sleeping with all kinds of baby bedding.
It was wicked comfy too.
It really did look and feel like I was swaddled up like a baby.
Kali and Shahiro kitties slept with me almost all day, they love it when I lay on the couch with all kinds of blankets.

I hate having a cold or whatever.
It sucks.
My body already aches so much from surgery, to get a cold on top of that is just plain miserable.
The teens are going to go to the store and get some more juice, yogurt, pudding, and jellos for me to eat while they are at school.
They also need to pick up some regular Tylenol for their use.
Sebastian has had some small headaches for the last few days, and we ran out, so they need to pick up some more.

My old duplex neighbor stopped by a little bit ago, to see how I was doing.
She had just come from her doctor's appointment and getting her scripts filled at the Walgreen's by my house, so she was close enough to stop by and see me.
She said she really misses me, to call her if I need anything at all like giving the teens a ride to the store, or whatever I need.
She said I looked like crap.
It's not an insult, I really do look like crap today.
My skin is pale and clammy, my hair is a mess, I have huge bags and dark circles under my eyes, just miserable looking and feeling.

I hate how screwed up my immune system is, I catch everything, and flu season is coming yet I can't have a flu shot because it could make me sick because of my low immune system.
I'll probably catch it this year.
That will suck big time.

When the teens go food shopping today, I've added to the list, some more acne treatment for them, and a big bottle of cherry Nyquil for me.
I really think I'm starting to come down with a cold.
I have been sneezing all night, I'm stuffed up, and more achy than usual.
It sucks.
Sneezing is as bad as vomiting when your neck is like this.
Every sneeze makes my neck jerk, even in the brace, the jerk sends waves of pain down my entire spine.
I should know that's how it's going to be, I have those rods the entire lentgh of my spine, head to tail bone, every movement effects the entire rod/spine contraption.

I am handling this whole thing really pretty well, I deal with it alright for the most part, but man, when I'm stomach sick or having a sneezing fit like I did this morning, I don't deal with it ok.
I hate that this is what I have to deal with for the rest of my life now.
Every movement is a full body movement, it's not easy at all.

I have all these papers and things I need to fill out, stuff for my medical disability, a hospital 'how did we do' letter, and some other things.
Because my head is at a downward 20degree angle, it's very hard for me to sit and fill these out comfortably.
I can't do it at my desk, I can't do it at my coffee table, kitchen table, or at the counter on the bar stools.
But I have to get these done.

Where is the absolute best place to sit and do them that is the right height and easiest way for me to see and write?
Go ahead, guess.
You got it?
You'd be right if you said the toilet seat.
I throw the lid down, grab a hard book, and start filling out forms.
It is truly the most comfortable way for me to not be in pain while filling all of these out.

Of course I have to keep moving every time one of the teens has to pee and they laugh at me, but that's ok, this stuff has to get done.

I'm finally starting to get my bearings around here after a month out from the surgery.
I'm slowly starting to do some cleaning and cooking, not much, I get tired and sore rather quickly, but I am at least making dinner every other day, to every 2 days, which the teens are quite happy about.
They've been eating a lot of take out, frozen nuke 'em foods, subs from Publix, lunch meat and tuna sandwiches etc etc.
They were getting quite tired of it, so I made my first meal the other night.
I made some shrimp and french fries, and only needed help getting the cookie sheet in and out of the oven, because I'm still not allowed to bend over, pick up, too much.

I think on Saturday, Chris, Mindy's husband, is coming over to finish the AC unit stuff.
He's going to remove the old rotted drywall from the old AC unit dripping water so much, and I think her son Jeff is coming to help, and install new drywall.
That's good, because as helpful as Mark is, he's never done drywall before and wouldn't really be much help at all.
We can paint later on.
My sis was planning on bringing some paints at some point, and painting the living room for me. She had some colors left over from when she painted her new house.
So things are getting on, I'm doing better slowly, and hopefully it will just keep getting easier and less painful to do stuff around here.
I hate not being able to do stuff.
I'm such an independent person, so to not do stuff is driving me crazy.
I hate "resting".

I need to get my butt in gear, I am leaving at 11am to go get my stitches out.
All the way to Safety Harbor.
Ugh.
Such a long, long drive.
Mindy is taking me, my sis is sick with some nasty cold thing and strep throat.
And both my boys are home from school sick too.
They both have stuffy heads, headaches, just feeling miserable.
I really hope that they don't have what she has, I can't even imagine having strep with my neck like this.
Yuck.

I've been so overwhelmed with the outpouring of support from the boobiethon donors.
It's been absolutely incredible, I am just so so greatful, thank you all so much!
I was surprised and greatful to just get the first $359, but it's now over $1,000.
Absolutely amazing and so needed.
I still don't have the ok to be working again, I'm hoping to get that today at my appointment, but if not, I know that I will be able to pay all of my bills thanks to all of the people who have donated to me in support of the boobiethon.
I can't wait to be able to volunteer again next year, it's such a good cause and it's something that I just love doing.

In some of my bored downtime, I have been playing on Twittermoms.
I started a new group, I was feeling "alone", so if you're on Twitter, and on Twittermoms, and an atheist, agnostic, or just not sure, come join my small group for Atheist Moms.
It's small but growing.

Ok, time to go get dressed so I can get these itchy stitches out.
Later days!

The teens, as I've said, have been doing all the household stuff, the cooking and cleaning, and the shopping.
I needed a few things from the store today, so off they went.
When they returned, Sebastian declared that he had broken his foot in several places.
I had him take off his shoe and I took a look at it.
I saw no redness, no swelling, no black and blue, but every time I touched his heel, he let out a yelp.
I took a closer look with a flashlight, and saw what may be a plantars wart, but may also just be a small cut that I can't really see, or something else, who really knows? I'm not a doctor.
He's always walking around barefoot, he goes outside to get the mail in bare feet, he took a walk through the backyard yesterday with no shoes, so it could be anything.
So I grabbed some Neosporin and a big band-aid, and patched him up.

A few hours later, I got an email from him.
He took it upon himself to look up what he thinks is wrong with his foot.
What does he think he has?
Plantar Fasciitis .
Yes, he thinks that's what's wrong with him.
He always thinks something is wrong with him, not to the point of being a hypochondriac, but every time he has the sniffles or a cough, he's sure that he's caught the Avian bird flu or something just as horrible.
He's funny like that.

Part of me thinks he's always worried that he has something because of me, because of my constant and ongoing health issues.
I think he's worried about illnesses because he only has one side of his families health history, his father's side.
My side is unknown because of me being adopted, and cancer runs on his father's side.
I think he may be panicky and worried that he's going to really get some sort of illness, so he's mentally preparing himself for it if and when it happens.
I don't press him about his worry about being sick, I know that when other health issues have come up, he gets all teary eyed and upset, talking about my health stuff really gets to him.
One of these days, I will sit down with him and try to work out why he's always worried about being sick with something, see if we can't get to the heart of the matter, but for now, I'm just not going to press him on it, he's already dealing with a lot of things. 

The nurse was here this morning, a different nurse than the ones who have been here before, and she didn't like the way that we've been changing out bandages.
She wanted to do it a different way, so she had me lay on the end of my bed, face down.
This was not good.
Within minutes, it felt like my throat was being squished, my vocal cords felt tight and compressed, and I literally couldn't breathe.
I had to roll over and she was like "what are you doing?!"
I told her that I've not laid on my stomach before, I don't sleep that way, and I've never laid on my stomach to have the bandages changed, and I couldn't breathe, it was hurting me quite badly.
She was "oh, I'm sorry."
I told her to note that in my chart, no face-down bandage changes ever again.
I was actually kind of scared at how quickly I couldn't breathe, at how much it hurt.
She finished up with me on my side, and she left.
She didn't know anything about why she was changing my bandages, like she didn't read my chart.
It says why they are doing this in my chart, I shouldn't have to explain the whole 2006 spine fusion and the new fusion to the nurses when they get here, they should read my chart, know what's going on, and be prepared for what my back looks like before they get started.

After she left, Mark woke up and headed into the bathroom.
I was in the kitchen when he walked past me, and I had to do a double take.
He had his whole face covered in stuff, like one of my face masks.
I asked him what that was for, and he told me he's started putting on a face mask at night because it helps to clear up his acne .
I was like, oookaaay, and I giggled a wee little bit, and he told me not to laugh, he said it really works, his face always looks really good in the morning when he does it.
Old zits are dried up, and no new zits have formed over night.

Hey, whatever works right?

I took a shower just now, I really needed to get in there and get myself clean after sweating so much over the last 2 days.
After I got myself all clean, as much as I can anyway without getting the stitches wet, I decided to make an attempt at shaving off the monster leg hairs.
I was already seated on my old lady shower chair, I lathered up my right leg with shaving cream, and tried to start shaving at the ankle and work my way up like normal.
I couldn't do it.
I tried again.
Nope, absolutely no flexibility to bend and reach that low on my leg.

This surgery, this spine fusion, because it's connected to the titanium rods that I had placed in there in 2006 at the shoulder level, seems to make me unable to reach below mid calf level.
I cannot go any further.
Before this neck fusion, I had a small bit of trouble shaving my legs and putting shoes on, tying laces and stuff like that, but I could do it, it just took a little longer.
But now I can't bend over far enough to reach below my calves.
I wasn't expecting that.
I knew I wouldn't be able to turn my head much anymore, looking left and right would be gone, looking up at the sky, but not being able to fully bend over and reach my ankles?
Nope, I didn't expect it.

But my legs were in dire need of shaving, so I wrapped one of my towels around my body and called Sebastian to come in.
I showed him what to do on a part of my leg I could reach, and then handed him the razor and told him to go for it, be gentle, but shave away.
He did a really good job and he didn't mind helping me.
He said he was sorry that I couldn't do this anymore, that he felt bad that I can't do some stuff anymore.
Then he got a bit quiet so I asked him what he was thinking.
He said that he knows this sucks for me not being able to do stuff anymore, but how glad he is that I'm alive, that knowing that without this surgery I would have died, so not being able to do stuff isn't really that important, but he understands how it makes me feel.
He said it's kind of selfish of him to be so happy that I'm still here when he knows how sad it makes me that I can't do things anymore, and he's sorry about that.

Yes it does bother me that I've lost a lot of mobility, that there are things I can't do anymore, things I don't even know I can't do anymore, but it's ok, I'm dealing with it.
I'm sure I'll have some mini-meltdowns as I discover more things I can't do, but I have my little fit, I cry, I yell, and then I get over it.
Being pissed about it won't change it, nothing will change it, so all I can do is take note of the things I can't do, have myself a good cry, and then keep on going.
It's just the way it's going to be from here on out.
Get knocked down, get back up, keep on going.

Mindy and Chris came back, Chris installed the new ac unit's frame, then he and Mark put the ac unit in and turned it on.
In less than an hour, the house is cold!
I thought for sure it would take a few hours to cool down, but nope, the new ac is blasting the cold and wonderfully chilly air!
Yay!

Now we're going to give it a week and see how it does.
We're going to see if it leaks, see if it can keep up with the temps, and then Chris will come back over next Saturday and take down the old rotted drywall from 2 ac units leaking, and put up the new drywall to make it look all nice.

I can't thank Mindy and Chris enough for doing this stuff.
My landlord is a sheriff, he works 6 days a week, so his one day off he spends with his family.
This house stuff is all stuff he can do, but he gets one day a week to spend with his kids so I try not to bother him about things.
And he appreciates that by allowing me to do these types of repairs myself, by taking the receipts as "rent" payments.
He deducts what I spend from my total rent.
It works for both of us.
He doesn't have to come do the work, gets to be with his family, and I don't have to fork over so much cash to him.
Yeah, I'm still spending the same amount, but the work gets done by me, or in this case, Chris, and everyone is happy.

Over the years I've done a lot of the home jobs that needed to be done here and just gave him the receipts.
I installed a new front door/screen door, I painted the walls, had the sink plumbing fixed, all kinds of home repairs, and he took it off the rent.
It has worked for us so well over the last 10 years that I've lived here now, so today's spending will be taken care of no problem, I know he'll be happy that he didn't have to come do this.
I think it would have driven him up the wall to have to have to do so much work only to have to tear it back out to put another new ac unit in.

Anyway, it's so nice and cool in here now, omg it's pure refrigerated bliss in here!
It hasn't been this cool in here in like 8 months, it's awesome!

Well, last weeks AC fixing didn't go quite as planned.
Mindy's husband Chris did all that work last weekend, installed an old ac unit they had that was working up until Thursday night.
That's when it stopped blowing cold air and started leaking water like a flood.

They came over today to see if they could get it working right, but it just didn't want to blow cold enough, and the leaking water all over my rug was an issue.
So Chris and my son Mark put our old ac unit back in the hole.
They turned it on and nothing happened.
Crap.
So we did what we had to do.

Mindy and Chris drove to Home Depot with my paypal card, and bought a new ac unit for my house.
$212.93.
I only had that money because of all of the donations that have been coming in because of the boobiethon, so I'm so so greatful that I had that money to buy the new ac thanks to everyone who has donated to me.
My landlord will take the receipt for it and knock that money off of the rent, just like he did with last weeks receipts for the drywall and other tools that they bought last weekend.
My landlord is cool like that, so he'll be knocking a total of $302.50 off of my rent for next month. (already paid October's rent)

Chris and Mark will take the old non-working ac unit out, and install the new one, and my house will be cool again.
I can hardly wait!
It is still pretty hot here in Sarasota Florida, and as I've bitched and moaned a few times now, the neck brace is like wearing a freaking turtleneck sweater.
It's hot.
Way hot.
So yay!
In just a few hours, I'll be cool again and it will be awesome.

I went and got my newest brace, and I'll talk about that in a minute.
But right now, I want to talk about the economic crisis that our country is dealing with.
Every Friday, Oprah's show is on live, and today she had a money expert whose name escapes me right now, Ally something, (bald guy, handsome, well dressed) and Suze Orman came on after his segment.
Both of these money experts told it like it is and to also not panic, to leave your money in the bank, it's going to be ok.
Suze Orman talked about ways to save money, what types of things to invest in like treasury bonds, and she named a very specific type of futures trading and the safest places to invest your money in so that when this crisis is over, you will be ok.

The whole reason all of us are in this situation, is because people who couldn't afford to buy a home, were told they could by banks who loaned them that money.
They spent more than they had, they tried to live beyond their means, they wanted the American dream, and sorry, not everyone can afford to live that dream.
I know I can't and probably never will.

I know that I'm feeling the crunch of this crisis when it comes to buying groceries.
The price of everything has been steadily on the rise for months now, and so buying food for 2 growing young men has been a huge challenge for me.
I don't want the teens to eat peanut butter and jelly and Ramen noodles until it's coming out of their ears, but I can't afford to feed them all the super expensive cuts of beef either.
Right now with me being unable to do any cooking, they are eating easy foods, microwave crap, lots of sliced deli meat sandwiches, stuff like that.
I have a feeling that things are going to get even harder for me and all of you as well.
It's going to get much much worse before it will start getting better.
This is a very difficult period of time we're all living in, and I'm trying so hard not to panic like both Ally and Suze said, but I can't help myself.
I already live at the bottom of the financial totem pole, I live well below the poverty level receiving SSDI and making a small amount through blogging every month.
I follow the income earnings guidelines set forth by SSDI but man, how I wish I wasn't disabled, how I wish I could work a real job again.
This whole crisis has me scared that things are going to get worse for me and all of us, this whole thing really sucks.

Anyway, Mindy took me down to the local Hanger office to get my new brace.
They ended up fitting me with a pediatric size 5 chin brace.
It fits the back part of my old brace, but the new front part is a pediatric size chin brace.
That should tell you how small my neck is. Ha!

It does fit better, it holds my head up nice and straight, but because of it's tiny size, my cheeks get squished up pretty bad.
I look like I'm making a kissy-fish-face all the time now.
I really hope my face doesn't "keep" that shape when the 3 months is over, that would really suck.
But it does it's job, what it's supposed to, so I'll deal with it.

My sister came over today with my niece Skye, and they brought us lunch from Boston Market.
Then she took Sebastian to Publix to get some more food and other items that they forgot when he and Mark went the other day.
I had her pick up the Glad Press n' Seal stuff  (yes, the plastic wrap for food, sticks to the skin and makes a water proof seal around wounds that need to stay dry) so that I can take a full shower and not get my sutures wet, and also some hair elastics so after she raked through the matted hair, she could braid it.
I didn't have any more of them in my basket because I always do the girls hair when they come over.

Then the hair hell began.
My sister has a considerable amount of patience and she tried so hard to not pull my hair and hurt me, but the hair was just so matted that no amount of gentleness could stop the pulling and pain.
Here's what ended up coming out, it's a lot of hair, it's all tangled and matted, there was absolutely no getting a brush, comb, or pick through it, so we did the only thing we could do.
We cut it out.

























































After we got all of the knots and matted clumps out, I wiped away my tears, and got a grip on myself, and she then braided my hair for me so that this won't happen again during the long recovery process.
At least once a week from now on, the hair will have to be unbraided, combed through with heavy conditioner, and then braided again.
 




















I look awful.
I had just spent nearly 2 hours getting my hair fixed, I cried a lot because it seriously hurt.
My eyes are all red, I have huge dark circles under my eyes, just ugly looking.
My hair had been in a ponytail since the 8th, had not been washed, conditioned, or brushed since that day.
It was a huge huge mess, and even after soaking it in de-frizz serum, Infusium, and half a bottle of conditioner all at the same time, that big huge matted section could not be combed or picked through, it was excruciating pain, every hair felt like it was being ripped out by the roots.
My scalp is raw, I'm surprised it's not bleeding from having all those hairs pulled on.
My sister tried to work through it, she really did, but I couldn't take the pain anymore and told her to just grab the scissors and just cut it out.
Hell, my surgeon's team had already shaved parts of my head, cut other areas, I knew I was going to lose some hair, so cutting it out was the only thing I could do for now.
Once I'm healed up a bit better, I'm going to have to go to a salon and get it all cut and evened out and stuff, and also get a pedicure.
 
My feet are a huge mess as well, but we can't just cut the toes off now can we?
It will be the usual embarrassment, the little Korean ladies will talk about my gnarly toenails and my rough heels in their native language, as they try to make my poor battered feet look more human-like and less disgusting looking.
The girl doing my feet will say something, and then the other ladies will find some kind of reason to come and walk by her station and take a glance at my feet, say something in Korean, and I know it's not nice stuff, it never is.
I may not understand the language, but disgusted and grossed out are a universal emotion that is easily recognized in facial expressions.
I have not been able to bend over and care for my feet on my own in just about 3 years now.
Having titanium rods running the full length of your spine makes taking care of your own feet damn near impossible to do.
I really wish I could find a mani/pedi place close to home and my local shopping places where at least one of the people speaks English so that when I explain why my feet are so bad, they'll understand me.
I try to explain it to the Korean girls, but they just don't understand words like spine fusion, titanium rods, no bending at all, impossible to take care of my own feet, sorry they look so bad but I tip really well for all of your troubles and good work making them look nice.


I really appreciate my sis helping me today.
My hair was an absolute disaster and every single night of sleeping and naps, just made it worse and worse.
I can only lay on my back, so the hair was just getting more and more matted.
I feel a lot better now, it's fixed, it feels better, it will be less hot, less of a pain in the ass, and way less embarrassing when the nurses and friends come over to see me.

Now I'm off to find something to eat and then lay down on the couch and watch tv for awhile I guess.
Later days.

The teens and I watched Street Kings tonight, a Keanu Reeves cop/action thriller, and it was really good.
It has a top notch cast, Reeves, Forrest Whitaker, Hugh Laurie, Chris Evans, Cedric the entertainer, Jay Mohr and John Corbett to name a few.

Quite a few people on the local forums said it was really good, my sister and her husband also said it was, so I Netflixed it and the teens and I watched it tonight.
I'm still not typing all that well, but my review is in the link posted.

Now I'm off to watch Pathology starring Milo Ventimiglia of Heroes, and check it out.
It got 3.5 stars out of 5 on both Amazon and Netflix, so it shouldn't be too bad.
I'll review it if I can when we're done watching it.
My typing still sucks and my brain is all muddled, so my reviews are not exactly great, but I know a good movie when I see one, same with the bad, and I'd never tell anyone to watch something that really sucks.

The ac unit is mostly done.
Mindy, her husband Chris, and her son Jeff, were here all day long fixing the ac unit.
Chris removed the old unit and holding stuff, then cut all new wood, installed that, and then put in the new ac unit.
The old hole in the wall was far too big for the ac, so all the wood was used to make it fit, to hold it in place better with no gaps.
He used some of that expanding caulk to help keep it all insulated and stuff, and then next weekend, he's going to come over and repair the drywall where the ac unit is.
It has to be taken out, it's rotted from all the times the ac leaked water and it ran down the walls.
I paid for all the supplies and he's doing the installation.
My landlord will let me take the work off the rent, it totally saves him from having to do it, he'll be happy that it got done.

Mark helped out too, he knocked down a ton of hornets nests and also helped put the ac unit in while Chris was outside pulling it through to sit the way it's supposed to.
Sebastian couldn't help much with that, he's allergic to hornet's stings, and Mark did get stung 3 times, so yeah, it's a good thing Sebastian didn't try to help.
But he did go to the store and get some stuff we needed.
It's going to take a few hours for the house to cool down, there was no ac on all day and a huge gaping hole in the wall all day long so it will probably get cool in here by midnight. LOL

I'm so tired now so it's also a good thing my sis had something come up for tonight, I am in no mood to have more to do tonight.
She's going to come tomorrow and help me with my hair, maybe do some lunch or dinner depending on what time she comes over.

I have a couple of movies that I can watch tonight from the lazy comfort of my couch.
I have Street Kings and Pathology, it's a reason to be lazy and not do anymore than I already have today.
Oh yeah, Chris also hooked up the HDTV antenna for me.
It's pulling a few channels, but my local ones still are not coming in like they should.
I'm hopeful that come February when the switch gets made, that all of those stations come in like they should.

Ok, off to find something to eat and watch a movie.
Later days.

I went in and sat on my old lady shower chair, and took a half assed shower.
I cannot get my sutures wet, so I can't wash my hair.
What am I saying?!
I can't wash my hair anyway, it's far too painful to even try to lift and hold my arms up to even try to wash my hair, plus, if I do manage to get it washed and conditioned, I can't brush out all the knots and stuff.
It would take me all damn night and I still wouldn't be able to do it, the teens can't do it, they'd hurt me, so fuck it, I will wait for either nurse Lisa to come back and help me like she said she would, or for my sister to have some time to help me.
But each day that passes that my hair isn't getting taken care of, it gets worse and worse.
I'm going to end up having to get it all cut off because of the mats.
That sucks.
Nurse Lisa said when she gets me on her schedule again, (right now I have Greg) she will schedule me for a min of 2 hours, and she'll help me shower, wash and condition my hair, and then she'll slowly comb it all out using a detangler, and then french braid it so it can't get all matted like this again.

After I showered, I put on clean undies, clean shorts, and my new Obama shirt.
Yup, I'm voting for Obama.
What's happened over the last few days really clinched it for me.
McCain suspending his campaign, wanting to postpone the debates, all over this money crisis is just bullshit in my opinion.
Never has the democratic process been put on hold because of some sort of crisis, never.
 The people deserve the debates, and we also deserve to see Palin interviewed by the media, more than just rah rah cheerleader Katie Couric whom I despise anyway.
Reporters allowed to photograph her only, not allowed to be there while she met the leaders of other countries, only to take her pic, not film those meetings, is crap.
And I do love how most of them were all oooh and ahhh over how "pretty" she is.
Look, she's running to be VP, not a beauty queen pageant winner.

Anyway, I thought I'd try and take a pic of one of the bolt holes in my head.
I took this myself, that's an accomplishment I tell ya.
I can't even frigging eat well but I did manage a picture...LOL

And yes, the sides of my head were shaved, hairs cut super short, in order to bolt me to the table.
Believe me, I know how absolutely ridiculous the hair on the sides looks right now.
Man, if you could see the rest of my hair, you'd be all WTF?
It's awful.

I gave myself a scare last night.
See, I have bolt wounds on the side of my head from where I was bolted to the table during surgery, (I promise I will explain how it all went soon) and the nurse had cleaned them really good yesterday and put some Staphaseptic on them.
Well last night I reached up to the left side of my head to rub my temples, they sorta ache a bit, and this chunky thing came off in my fingers.
It was sort of like a scab but yellow-ish in color, and had some small hairs attached to it.
I didn't scratch it, I just rubbed my temples, and to have this thing fall off, it was really gross.
Then it started bleeding and it wouldn't stop, so I had Sebastian do his best to put a band-aid on it.
The nurse came today and took the band-aid off, cleaned it, and said it looked good, but man, it was super scary having it bleed like that.

I had ordered the new HDTV antenna that I need to be able to watch tv with the converter box, and it came today.
It's much much bigger than I thought it was, it really needs to be mounted outside, but I tried to hook it up today anyway.
Bad idea.
It's too heavy, I couldn't get it to work, it probably does need to be mounted outside on the wood shutters, and so yeah, by the time I gave up on it and put it back in the box, I had really over done it and now I'm paying for it.
 But there is a good thing about doing that, something pulled in my neck and now my head is staying up much better, straighter I think. hahahaha
Maybe I pulled the muscles where they need to go?
Don't know.
The pain is subsiding a bit now and I need to eat something.

Oh, speaking of eating, I sent the boys grocery shopping with a list and everything today.
They came back with a ton of wrong items, items not on the list, and a whole bunch of items that were on the list, didn't get bought at all.
They tried I suppose, this is a lot of pressure on them, I know that, so I really can't complain too too much that they screw things up a little bit.

Was talking with Shell about the teens going up to Maine for the summer to work at Funtown.
Season is the opposite here, and Funtown cannot get teens to work there anymore, so Shell was thinking about me sending the boys up there, they could stay with her during the week because she literally lives right down the street, and then stay with my folks on the weekends, and also visit with Great Gram and Aunty Heather the whole summer, and they'd be making money etc.
It's a cool idea because they'd get to visit with all the grandparents the entire summer, make paychecks, and have fun working at an amusement park.

Funtown has not changed at all in all of these years.
I went to their site and looked at the attractions, and they still have all of the same rides and stuff they had when I was a kid.
They have added some new stuff, but all of the old and fun rides I rode as a kid are still there.

One of the coolest ones that is still there and has been since 1976, is the Astrosphere.
This is just a Scrambler ride, but it's inside a dome that displays weird and semi-scary images on the dome, has a laser light show, and has played the exact same song since 1976, "Fire on High" by ELO. (Electric Light Orchestra)
This ride is famous, everyone in all of New England knows this ride, people wait in line for hours to get on and ride it, and it is so cool to me that it is still there.
Check out this video that someone made of it and put up on youtube.

I'm still chugging along trying to get through this first week at home, I have to keep telling myself to just relax, that the first week is always so so  hard, that it really is the worst, so I don't try and over do things.
A lot of just laying down and sleeping.

Mindy was here almost all day long, she did a really great job cleaning my house, it looks wicked nice and clean in here, the teens better keep it this way. LOL
Then she went home and came back with some big huge pans of food.
Her husband Chris made dinner for us, some chicken alfredo, bread sticks, and salad.
It was all so yummy.
He used to work at the Olive Garden, it's their alfredo recipe, so yeah, it's super yummy.
When Chris was here this morning, he took a look at my AC unit, and he's going to come back and fix it for me next weekend.
Box it in to the right size for the AC, clean it up, get it working right again.
It's simply not blowing as cold as it used to, it's not sitting in the housing correctly, and the leaking is because of all of those things plus all box units leak when it gets super humid.
So it will be wicked nice to have it fixed and cool in the house again.

I have a ton of emails and comments in my inbox that I just don't know when I'll be able to get to, if I'll be able to get to them at all, but I wanted you to all know that I have read them and appreciate all of the support and words of encouragement, it's really appreciated.

I did spend the majority of the day laying down and resting, I even slept for awhile, and that is my plan of attack.
My face is still wicked swollen up which makes me feel weird and stuff.
I know the swelling will go down, it's just a matter of time.
For now though, I feel like I either got beat with a baseball bat, or I am a balloon.
People keep telling me it doesn't look so bad, but I've seen my face in the mirror, I know what it looks like.
Doc said it will be ok, it will heal up, but for awhile it's gonna look like total crap.

Ok, time to get back to my couch, watch a little Law and Order repeats and stuff.
Later days. 

Well there it is, my new scar line.
It's pretty big and badass looking, it goes all the way up into my hair line which you can see to the far left of it all.

My skin heals incredibly fast as you can't even see the remnants of my scar from my AP spine fusion from February 2006 any more.
It's not visible at all on my back, so I know that this scar line will heal up just as nicely as that one did.
I have one minor complaint, but as I've been reminded, I'm alive, that's more important.

The details of the fusion now go like this; I am permanently fused from C1-S1, that is the full length of the spine, there is no space at all, top to bottom, what the fuck else can go wrong with my spine?
Not fucking much I would think.
I'm like the terminator in there now, all fucking titanium but absolutely no power.

Weak, human, powerless to do anything about anything.
While I have my small moments of self pity, tears, feeling all shitty for myself, I was reminded that I'm a mother and that I'm alive, I'm here and I need to stop feeling all shitty for myself.
Indeed.
Mother is the word for god in the hearts and on the lips of children.
I need to remember to do my crying in private, it's still all too much for them to handle.

Hey all, I am finally back home, it was a long, completely fucked up hospital experience.
I will get to blogging about it all but not just yet.
Sitting here to read emails, to type, is not an easy task just yet, my head is being held by a neck brace in an awkward position, so thank goodness for spell check..LoLz

This whole thing was very physically hard on me, terrifying for my sons, and frustrating to be told I could go home tomorrow over and over, yet it never happened every single day, until today that is.
I finally had a massive blow out, started screaming, yelling, cursing and being a bitch about the care I was receiving and sit, and well, they don't really like it when atheists start swearing  in a catholic hospital. hahahaha

Anyway, I'll explain the whole trip, all the things that went wrong and everything else over a few days at a time.
I really can't handle sitting for long periods just yet.
But it's so so so good to be home, thank you all for the well wishes and good thoughts, they are all so very much appreciated.
Be back again tomorrow morning maybe.
Later days!

Susan got a baby doll for her birthday that pees, has diapers, all kinds of stuff, from my sister, her mom, and one of my sister's friends got her a baby stroller that is real, it looks like one of the more expensive baby strollers you'd buy for a real baby.
Well it is for a real baby, but you know what I mean.
Susan loves that baby an the stroller. Every day, she wants to take the baby for a walk, and my sister obliges her and takes them, both Susan and Skye, and their babies, for a walk around the neighborhood.








They have so much fun walking their babies, Skye has a baby and a play stroller, not a real one like Susan's, which has caused a few minor squabbles, but they get over it and play nice most of the time.
And Susan also loves to put band-aids over all of the babies with her "doctor kit" I got her for her birthday.
But when I saw her stroller, I was jealous, it was nicer than the ones I had for my kids.

I've been way stressed out for the last month, this whole thing is life changing.
Losing 90% or more mobility in my neck, never turning left or right again to look at things, is HUGE, a really big, life-altering change.
I'll be completely fused the entire length of my spine after this, it's big, so my mind has been pre-occupied with it.

At bedtime tonight, Mark asked me if there were no other options besides surgery, that he's worried about how all of this is going to affect me, mentally.
I explained to him that for the first few weeks, and even now, I'm still having some WTF  holy shit moments, but this is THE only option.
That I had to weigh the pros and cons.
On one hand, I would be able to turn my head, but in a few months, I'd be dead.
On the other hand, I won't be able to move very much or very well, but I'll be alive.
Pretty easy choice I'd say.
And I told him that I'm not done here yet.
I still have so much to do.
I asked him to try not to fight as much with Sebastian for the rest of the week, let's try to have some fun, be happy.
He asked me what we are doing on Sunday, the day and night before.
I said I was planning on having a talk with them.
He asked about what, and I said to say all the important things that need to be said in case something goes wrong.
I love you, grow up to be good men, treat women with respect, love, honor, cherish them, love your children, play with them, educate them, be there.
Do something you love to do every day of your lives, never regret a single moment, regret means you didn't really live at all.
Have a career you love, not a job you do just to get paid, be proud of what you do.
Know how very much I loved you, and always did my best with you, to raise you up right, to make you happy, that you were the center of my life, my reason for continuing to keep going.

He smiled at me, said he knew all of those things already, that I've been talking to them about all of those things for years now.
I told him yeah, but they are the important things I'd want you to remember, my last words if this ends up being our last conversation, which it won't, because I'm coming home!
He smiled and hugged me, told me to definitely say all of that stuff on Sunday, not saying it may just make the bad thing happen.
They are terrified that this is going to go wrong, I don't really blame them, it is pretty scary to think about, but I trust my doc and his staff, it's going to be ok.

So anyway, what did I do to cheer me up?
I bought a cadoobage kid for myself.
My mom and dad bought us some when we were kids, but someone stole mine years and years ago, and this one called to me after browsing page after page of them.
All of them uniquely different in some way, eye color, hair color(s), style, face, smile, with and without teeth, but this little face said "Kat, I'm the one you want to 'adopt', pick me!"
So I did.



She has green eyes, and two front teeth, and a wicked cute smile. And now that I've "adopted" her, they removed her from the website completely.
The detail page she was on, is now empty, taken down just an hour or so after I bought her.
She really was one of a kind, and now she's mine.
Click the pic to see her cute little face.



Yes I know, I'm 38 and I bought a doll, but it really did cheer me up when I saw that face.
I had been browsing the site because it's been 25 years since they began making and selling them, and I was feeling all wishy-washy nostalgic.
My mom and dad bought us ours from the very first time they started selling the plastic headed ones, the first batch, and mom even got in a bit of a fight with some other lady who tried to take the ones mom had in her arms.
Hee hee, go mom!

Tomorrow, er, today, I have my pre-surgery consult with Doctor M.
He's going to tell me exactly what he and his team will do during the surgery, how long I'll be asleep, breathing tube, ICU, how many days to expect, (I'm holding him to 4!) what kind of pain to expect, what they'll have me do upon waking, physical therapy, etc, all of the nitty gritty details.

I have my own questions too.
Can I bring and wear my own clothes on like day 2 or something, will I be able to put my contacts back in, (I don't have a pair of glasses to wear) is this going to cause me to start a surprise menstrual cycle like the last surgery did, and if so, can I bring my own gear this time, or are they just going to make me lay there on a "pee pad" like last time.

Will they be shaving off any of my hair from the back of my head?
I know they are going to have to shave a portion of my neck, I have really long hair, I know it comes down far on my neck, so when they shave that, will they have to go any higher?
And if so, please don't fuck it up and make it incredibly noticeable to people.
My hair has been falling out anyway, but I really don't want to lose a lot if they can help it any.

I don't know if I posted about my hair situation or not, but this whole neck thing has been the cause of a lot of my health problems over the last year, year and a half.
With the spinal cord being pinched off, it can't send the right messages from my brain to all of my organs.
The messages are being pinched off, not sent, or sent incorrectly to all of my organs.
All of my stomach and digestive issues, being sick for no real reason, (I don't really go anywhere to catch any germs or viruses) my skin smelling really, horribly bad after eating certain foods, stomach pain, cramps, constipation, or the complete opposite, having days where regardless how many showers I took, how much deodorant I put on, I would have body odor, and my hair falling out.

Everyone loses hair on a daily basis, but this isn't normal hair loss, this is clumps of hair coming out in the shower, coming out when I brush it, coming out when the wind blows.
I don't have any noticeable bald spots, yet, but it's definitely thinned out.
It's nowhere near as thick as it once was, and it's not due to getting old, this is directly related to my neck stuff.
It's been rather sucky.

Sebastian broke down last night.
He just exploded in this 15 year old ball of fear, worry, and anger over this whole thing, crying, screaming, hugging me so tightly I thought he'd break my ribs.
He said if doc screws up and I die, he's going to beat him up really bad right there in the hallway at the hospital.
Mark said Sebastian won't get the chance, because he'll kill him.
To say the teens are starting to panic and be really afraid now, is an understatement.
They keep saying little things, '1 week from today' or 'I hope this week goes by really slow, it may be the last week I ever see you', or 'on Saturday or Sunday night, I'm sleeping with you, I want to be near you as much as possible.'
They even came out tonight and watched the season premiere of Gossip Girl, a show they hate, just to "hang out" with me.

I keep trying to reassure them that it's all going to be ok, that I WILL be coming home, that I'm going to be fine, and Sebastian wanted me to promise him that, but I can't.
I can't make that kind of promise because I really don't know.
I just kept telling him that I will be coming home, that it will be ok, without saying the word promise.

I have so much to do this week, work, the house, helping them with school, still trying to keep this house running as normally as possible, but honestly, I can't focus on any of it for long.
I want to though, I have things that I need to get done, but my mind starts wandering, racing, then my heart starts racing and pounding, and then I get a massive migraine and have to go lay down.
I went to bed shortly after the boys did tonight, they went at 11:30, I went at 11:45, and I laid there checking to make sure their alarm would go off, that mine would go off again at 8am so I can get up and try and do some work before I have to leave at noon-ish, but I started panicking about it all, so I got up and set Snoozester to call me at 8am just in case my cell alarm doesn't go off.
And now here I am, sitting here blogging, awake again, just thinking about it all.

I know things will be ok, but now with such short time left to go, I just want to go do it, get it over with, enough of the testing and appointments, and talks, let's just do it!
I just want it done so I can come back home like I said, that's all I want.

Don't forget to say "Rabbit rabbit White rabbit" upon waking up this morning, and on the morning of the first day of the month every month.
It's an old superstition, and I really don't believe in superstitions, but I do it for fun.
Seeing as how I don't know exactly what time I'll be waking up tomorrow, er, today, I figured I'd just post it now.

Who knows, maybe it really is good luck, and I could sure use some good luck this month.
I'm having surgery exactly 1 week from today, I could use to make some big time money this week before I go which means I need to get back to work pronto, no more lazy bones-feeling like not doing anything, and hey, maybe I'll win some money or maybe a Caribbean cruises vacation or something for the teens and I to go on after I'm recovered.

A vacation is sorely needed I tell ya.
I'm tired, stressed out, worried about money and bills, and the teens at school.
I really don't want this surgery to affect them like the last time, I don't want them to miss any days for any reason.
I do want them to come see me, but not until after school each day, come at night only.
That way my sister doesn't miss any time at work either, she really can't afford to take time off, so if she goes to work, and they go to school, then come visit me after, everyone will be doing what they need to do, and I'll be getting rest and doing my physical therapy/up walking the halls and all that stuff so I can come home on schedule.

It's late and once again I'm wide awake, so I think I'm going to go dive into my work, get as much done as I can.

If I do get told after surgery that I can't sit on my computer and blog, surf etc, for long periods of time, I know what I'll be doing.
A wonderful book publishing company has been sending me a ton of books that look really good and interesting to read.
I'll be able to lay in bed or on the couch, and read all of them.
They sent, just this week, 7 new books, all of them really do look great.
I know they send them to me to read and review and then post about, and even though I am a very quick reader, there's no way I can read that many books in a week.
It's only Wednesday, and they sent me 7 new books.
The same employee at this publisher is the one who sends them all to me, I told her what genre I prefer to read, but I'll read pretty much anything except for romance novels, I really don't like romance stories at all.
But I love this girl who works there, she's really awesome at her job, outstanding customer service, because when I emailed her the list of authors I like, the genres I prefer, she either made a note or a mental note, because she's been sending all of the types I really like.
So thank you, I will be starting to read them all pretty soon!

Now for the funny story about my black wardrobe I said I would share.
Yesterday evening after dinner, I forgot that I needed to go to Walgreen's to pick up another script that they had to order, but it was ready now, so Sebastian and I headed out to go get it and a few other things I needed to pick up like some more shampoo for the boys, and a couple new box fans because we had two of them burn out in the same week.
So anyway, we stop at the corner store for some drinks to have on our walk because it's incredibly hot out.
The owner Sam is there and he has a few friends of his hanging out behind the counter with him.
As I'm paying for our drinks, one of the guys starts talking to me.
He asks me why I always wear black, do I have any clothes that aren't black, and if I do, how come I never wear them.
He says he's always seeing me walking all over the place several times a week, and was curious.
I tell him it's just the color I prefer, I do own other colored clothing, but I rarely wear them.
I just don't like other colors, call it a phobia or whatever, but don't call me goth or emo, it's just the color I prefer.
Then he asks me if I'm hot all the time because of the black clothes, they attract heat ya know, he says.
I tell him that while it's generally true that black does make most people hotter because black absorbs more light energy than say white, and light energy does equal heat, not all people are effected by that general rule of science.
Before my blood pressure started being so high all of the time, I could sit outside all summer long dressed in a black shirt and not sweat a drop, but now?
Oh man, like right now, I am sitting in my house, the AC is on on 68, I have a fan aimed right at my face, and I'm sitting here in nothing but a t-shirt and light fabric shorts, and sweating to death.
I didn't tell him all of that, but then I did tell him that black isn't even really a color, it's the absence of color.
The guys just looks at me and says what?
"I said, black is not a color, it's the absence of color. Black is the total absence of light, therefore, it is the absence of color. The colors of light are red, green, and blue (known as RGB), black has no light at all, so it is the absence of color.
He sat there totally dumbfounded.
I asked if he has access to the net, he said yes, so I told him to go look it up when he got home, just go to google and type in "black is the absence of color", and he'll be able to read it for himself.
The additive color theory says that when all of the colors of light are added up, the end color is white.
The subtractive color theory says that on a molecular level, when using actual pigments to color a tangible object with, like crayons or paint, when you add all of the colors of light, red, green, and blue, when combined the end color is black.
But in the natural world, black is not a color, and not all people are effected by black attracting light energy, and in some rare cases, some people actually get colder when wearing black because their skin reacts to light energy differently than the majority of people.

Sam the owner starts laughing and says I told you she was too smart for you!
I said we had to get going, things to do, we were walking there and I needed to pick up some things and head back home before it gets dark, the light will be leaving and we'll be left with the absence of it, and I winked at the guy who had asked, and then we left.
As the door was closing, I hear the guy say to Sam, "I think her intelligence just increased her hotness factor by another 50 points. She'll never go out with me man!"

As Sebastian and I are waiting at the corner for the walk light to let us cross, he says to me,
"Guys are always checking you out, they like your hair, your eyes, your pretty face and your butt. But that is the very first time I've ever heard a guy say that they think you're hotter now that they know you're smart.Would you date him?"
I said I don't know, I don't even know him. He might be a really nice guy, but I don't even know his name. He may have seen me walking all over the place, but today is the very first time I've ever seen him, so how would I possibly know if I'd go out with him?

Sebastian thought about this the whole time we crossed the 4 lane road, and when we got to the other side he says, "Well not only does he think you're pretty, but he now finds you even more attractive because you're smart. Most guys don't like super smart girls, so when you find one that does and he wants to date you, you should grab onto him because the chances of finding another guy who likes you for being smart are pretty slim mom. If he does work up the courage to ask you out, you should definitely say yes, plus he seems like a nice guy."

I dropped it right there, I didn't feel like explaining for the millionth time that I'm just not interested in dating anyone.
I like being by myself because the majority of people annoy me.