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I have a PayPal debit card, a State of Florida child support debit card, and an Amscot card.
They are all used for various things, like Paypal is for work payments, the child support card is for obvious reasons, and the Amscot card is for my SSDI to be direct deposited.
I had to get both my SSDI and my child support checks direct deposited to cards, because someone once stole a child support check from my mailbox, and even though it was a piddly little $21.05, I couldn't risk someone stealing those every week as it's court ordered, (not that he pays every week as court ordered) and I certainly didn't want to risk my SSDI checks being stolen.

I can deposit any kind of check or money order, in any amount, deposited to my Amscot card, but I can't always get there, so I usually have to wait until I can get a ride there to deposit things like that.
If I get cash, it's the same thing, I can deposit it, but I can't always get there to do so.
I don't like carrying cash with me, I don't like using cash, it's really dirty and I already wash my hands (OCD) a lot so yeah, I don't like to carry or use cash unless I absolutely have to.
I also don't like banks.
I take great issue with the government being able to access all of our private financial information if they feel like it, if they decide that you or I are a threat, or have possible ties to terrorism.
I don't like that banks require so much of your personal and private information to open an account, and for you to update your information so that they comply with the regulations of the governments "protect the home front" policies.
None of the cards that I currently use, have ever asked me for the same kind of information that banks do, as a matter of fact, I think several of the cards only have my name, date of birth, and phone number(s).
Banks also charge crazy fees for every single transaction that you do no matter how small, and now some even charge you a fee (I've heard this fee can be as much as $10)  for physically going in to the bank and interacting with a human teller, whose job it is to help you deposit or withdraw your money. 
So when I had some cash this week that I didn't want to carry with me, have it sit in my wallet driving me crazy that I can't get up to Amscot to deposit it, so I decided to try a new pre-paid debit card that I can get re-load cards from right at 7 eleven.

I bought a Green Dot pre-paid Visa debit card at 7 eleven for $4.95*, and a money pack re-load card, also for $4.95*
I gave the cashier the amount of cash that I wanted to load onto my pre-paid Visa debit card, and he added that amount through the cash register's POS systems card reader.
I came home, logged onto the Green Dot website, entered in the Visa debit card number, the expiration date, created a password, and logged in to load the card.
Loading the debit card from the money pack was really easy, and now I have all of my cash, all of my income sources, on debit cards, 2 of them are pre-paid, and 2 are not.
I only have to touch cash when absolutely necessary, when I get it, and when I hand it to the cashier, so now I don't have to be grossed out by the thought of handling very dirty paper money for too long.

Once I've used the Green Dot card for awhile, I will give it a proper product review, but so far, it gets 4 out of 5 stars for it's ease of use, fast money transfers from the money pack to the debit card, (the time it takes you to type in the numbers from the debit card and money pack) and the fee refunds.
The only downside is that they are not available everywhere yet.
While they can be purchased at over 50,000 retailers nationwide like CVS, 7 eleven, Kmart and Walgreen's, it will/would be really nice if they were also available at grocery stores as I go to Publix far more often than I go to 7 eleven, and I hate that place because while convenient, they charge excessive prices on almost every single item that they sell. 

* The $4.95 that you pay to buy the card and the money pack re-load cards, are credited back to your account (refund!) in about 1 business week, and the only fees for using the Green Dot pre-paid card is a monthly service charge of $5.95, and fees if you use an ATM, and those fees are just .50cents per transaction.
I don't plan on using any of those, so just $5.95 per month to help me control my OCD is ok with me.

**EDIT
My first fee (bought on 3/2/2010) refund was posted to my account today, 3/6/2010.

 

Back in December I learned that I was seriously allergic to the Bounce Dryer Bar along with a ton of other people who had the exact same reactions to it.
Severe itching, hives, welts, and a rash, were reported by me and many others on the Bounce Get Satisfaction community forums.
I posted about my experience with it here on this blog, on My Single Mom Life, on my Facebook, and even Twittered it a few times when the itching had kept me awake and miserable all night long for days on end.
I thought that getting rid of the Bounce Dryer Bar, completely removing it from my dryer, scrubbing the inside of the dryer drum down with warm soapy water, and re-washing all of the laundry that I had done with it, approximately 12 large loads, would be the end of my misery.
I was wrong.
Very wrong.

I tried to go back to using the fabric softener sheets that I was using prior to buying, trying, and failing horribly with the Bounce Dryer Bar, Publix brand 'Clean Breeze' scented dryer sheets, and am now in allergy hell again.
For the last several days, I have been itching really bad again, and I couldn't figure out why.
I know that on Tuesday the 16th, that I did come in contact with some peaches while grocery shopping at Publix, because I didn't wash my hands thoroughly after shopping and before eating the crackers I bought for myself, because only my hands and lips swelled up like they always do if I get any type of peaches near my mouth and hands.
But then the hives started to appear all over my body, arms, legs, torso, chest, upper back, neck, everywhere, and I do mean, everywhere.

Then earlier this evening as I was sitting here eating dinner and watching a movie with the teens and scratching myself nearly to death, it dawned on me that when I went shopping on Monday afternoon with Sebastian and I picked up a few things, that one of the things that I bought was a box of Publix brand 'Clean Breeze' scented dryer sheets because I had run out of the Purex Complete 3-in-1, but I had a bottle of liquid Purex laundry detergent.
I wanted our clothes to be soft and static free, so I went back to my old brand of fabric softener.
It's what I had been using for years before trying and loving the Purex Complete 3-in-1 laundry sheets, so I didn't expect there to be any problems.
I was wrong.
Very wrong.

Now that my skin has been so badly affected by using the Bounce Dryer Bar, I am now like super sensitive-allergic to, apparently, all fabric softener.
I don't have any Benadryl or other allergy medicine in the house and I keep forgetting it when I go to the store, but I also just realized what this is that I'm dealing with, so I've been trying some of the other stuff that I have in my medicine arsenal to try and kill the hives, itching, rash, and welts.
I tried taking some of the antibiotics that I had for my tooth, I've tried Nyquil, aspirin, Tylenol, my cal/mag/zinc supplements, and I even tried taking some of the herbal diet supplements that I have sitting here on my medicine shelf.
I tried all of those things in the hopes that at least one of them would stop the itching.
I don't care about the hives, I just desperately need the itching to stop.
I am scratching myself raw and I can't stop scratching myself!!!
It itches so bad that I am like, compelled to scratch wherever it itches right that second.
I have OCD, I am itching really bad, so I am OCD forced to scratch whatever itches, and I am literally scratching my skin open in places.
None of the things that I have done have worked.
Nothing has worked.

I now have 1 giant hive right below my left eye.
It's huge and reddish-purple, it looks like I got punched in the eye, and I have 1 big hive now fully formed on my chin since I first posted about it on Twitter an hour ago.
My right cheek is also tightening up so there will be a hive, or hives, there soon too.
They are literally everywhere, every single inch of my body is covered in either hives, welts, or a rash.
I've taken 3 showers today and have now re-washed all of the laundry that I washed between Monday and now, which is 3 large loads because of Sebastian taking showers and needing clean clothes for school etc.

I just can't believe that because of that stupid Bounce Dryer Bar, that I am now possibly allergic to my regular, been using for at least 5 years, fabric softener sheets.
I really, really, really, hope that when I go out and buy a refill of the Purex Complete 3-in-1 laundry sheets, that I don't end up being allergic to the fabric softener in that too.

I was very fortunate to receive an Acu-Life Thera Pod soothing 2-in-1 therapy heating and cooling pad for my review.
I received it free of charge in exchange for my honest opinion of the product.




The Acu-Life Thera Pod provides both moist heat and cold therapy to help facilitate healing of sore and tired muscles, aches and sprains, and even migraines.

For moist heat therapy, you remove the cold pack from the Thera Pod and place it in the freezer, and place the Thera Pod on a microwave safe plate, microwave for just 1 minute, and then you place it directly on the area that needs the moist heat.

It stays in place because it comes with an adjustable velcro strap.
So you can wear it on your lower back, arm, leg, shoulder, (like in the picture) knees, ankles, anywhere that you need to use moist heat or cold therapy.
 




For cold therapy, you insert the cold pack and wear it where you need to.
Moist heat helps with stiffness and flexibility, and cold therapy helps with inflammation and swelling.

All 3 of us have used the Acu-Life Thera Pod since getting it.
Sebastian has used the cold pack for his migraines, and both Mark and I have used it for our sore lower backs.
It really works well too.
Both Mark and I absolutely love the moist heat therapy,  just nuke it and wear it until it cools off, and by the time it has cooled off, our lower backs no longer hurt as bad, and we both had improved flexibility, we were able to bend over and stand up straight without the usual discomfort.
The other night when it was a bit chilly out and I was really hurting from the cold weather, I nuked it for 1 minute, strapped it around my lower back, and laid on the couch and watched a movie for 2 hours.
When the movie was over, my pain was drastically lessened and I was able to get off the couch without the stiffness that I usually have trying to get up off of the couch.

I've tried to use heating pads while lying on the couch before, but if you roll over or change position, the heating pad would move and I would have to readjust it over and over again.
With the Acu-Life Thera Pod, because it's strapped to my lower back, I was able to lay on the couch, change position as I needed to, roll over, and it moves with me, so it's perfect for laying down and soothing and relaxing my sore lower back.
I almost wish it was full back size, like big enough to strap around my entire back, because then it just might help with the freezing cold and stiffness from the titanium rods.
But wearing it on my lower back and laying on the couch with a blanket over me, it did help warm me up a bit on the inside, and it did help with the stiffness and pain in my lower back.

I really like the Acu-Life Thera Pod, it works very well, it can do both moist heat and cold therapy, and both are needed in soothing and relaxing sore and stiff muscles.
I'm very glad that I was given this product to try and review, I would have never known about it had I not been asked to give it a try. 

Right now I am in some really horrible pain in my left ankle, no, not another spider bite, and no, I didn't twist and sprain it, but I think it may be diabetic neuropathy.
When I tried to get up from my chair here in my little office furniture corner of the living room after posting my review of my new Christmas decoration, (it took me about an hour to write that post, I kept getting interrupted) when I went to put my feet down on the floor from my usual placed up on a high foot stool, my left ankle started throbbing immediately.
I couldn't put any weight on it at all.
It's not like a pinched nerve or tingling kind of pain, this is like a twisted ankle kind of pain, it's that bad.

Diabetic neuropathy usually creates a tingling or numbness sensation in the feet, but it can "occasionally creates a severe burning pain, or other very unpleasant sensations, that are extremely frustrating."
And yes, it is extremely frustrating to know that I did not do anything to bring this on, I did not do anything out of the ordinary at all, I went for my regular 2 walks every day, and the general walking around my house to clean and do dishes and make dinner kind of stuff.
My ankle did not hurt or even tingle when I sat down to write that post, it just happened over the course of the hour that I sat here with my legs propped up, while writing that post.

In all these past 6 or so years since I was told that I had diabetes, I have been able to control it and my blood sugar through diet alone with the help of my doctors keeping me on track making me keep food and sugar readings diaries every single day.
Once a month, I bring in my diary notebook, the nurses photocopy the new months entries, the nurses go over highlighting anything either above or below normal, and bad foods that I know I shouldn't eat but do anyway, and then when I get in the room with the doc, he reads all of the highlighted entries and tells me (yells at me actually) what I'm doing wrong and how to stay on track, how to get and keep my glycosylated hemoglobin value into the normal range, and to keep my blood sugar tests normal as often as possible.
But if when I go to see him this coming Wednesday and tell him about this foot pain and he goes over my diaries, he may tell me that we had a good run, but it's now time for insulin.
That will totally suck if it happens and it's probably going to, but I did have a very good run, I went almost a full 6 years controlling it through diet alone, I did really great at it only messing myself up a few times.
There have been times that I needed to spike myself up or I wouldn't have any energy at all to even make dinner for the boys, so I would intentionally take on too much sugary foods, like some ice cream mixed with marshmallows, followed by a full can of Mountain Dew to help wash down a Snickers Bar and a few Twizzlers.
The sugar spike would have me buzzing around the house cleaning everything I saw, the house would be totally spotless in like 2hours, dinner would be done cooking, everyone would be done eating, and the dinner dishes would be all washed and the sinks and counters wiped down and sparkly like Fly Lady tells us to do.
My docs yell at me for doing that, but seriously, there ar just times that I am dead tired, have zero energy, and if I don't do it, absolutely nothing at all will get done and the teens won't be fed.
It's really that bad, I just lay on the couch on those days and sleep off and on all day and night listening to the tv for anywhere from 24 to 48 hours.
Sugar spiking myself and then crashing after it's all done, is sometimes the only way, and it IS like the number 1 thing that my docs yell at me for doing.

I'm afraid that my awesome 6 year run of no insulin is over.
Diabetic neuropathy can be controlled by controlling the sugar and the glycosylated hemoglobin in my blood.
I don't hate needles, I've had so many jabbed in me over the last 10.5 years to give me shots, take blood, give blood, so it's not a fear of needles, it's realizing finally, that I cannot control it on my own anymore, that I've failed and need to take even  more medicine.
I'm so over taking medicine, every single day, pill after pill after pill, all day long every single day for the last 10.5 years and will be taking pill after pill every single day for however long I live.
It sucks.

Sebastian and I went to the store tonight after I got paid, dropped off my second prescription that I needed to pick up, and then bought some groceries and other things that I needed to get.
You know, the usual, toilet paper, cat food, food for us humans, and I had some coupons with me as I always try to do when I go shopping.
I had a coupon for $2.50 off 2 Dove Ultimate Go Fresh deodorants, and Publix had them on sale for just $2.29 each, so  it was $4.58 before the coupon, and just $2.08 after the coupon for 2 full size deodorants.
I chose 2 different scents because when we opened them to check them out, we instantly fell in love with how they smelled.

The Ultimate Go Fresh Energizing deodorant is absolutely fabulous smelling!
It is grapefruit and lemongrass scented, and OMG, it is so seriously the sweetest but softest smelling deodorant I have ever laid my nose upon.
Sebastian insisted that I buy that one, he said it smelled so good, that I should definitely get it, so I did.

The other one I chose is the Ultimate Go Fresh Cool Essentials, it's cucumber and green tea scented, and just like the other one, absolutely to die for scented!

The great thing about both of these deodorants, well the whole line of them, is that they stay on you, not on your clothes, they don't rub off on your shirt, it says so right on the lids, and I tested it after getting back home.
I put some on, one of each scent under each arm, rubbed my arms around a bit, and then took my shirt off and flipped it inside out.
Not a single spot of deodorant on the underarms of my black t-shirt.
That rocks!

These smell incredible, they are smooth rolling on, good for your skin, and provide 24-hours odor and wetness protection, so if you're the type who gets nervous easily, may have trouble speaking in public, sure, you could take a speech pill to help make talking to people easier, but using these new fabulously smelling and smooth deodorants, at least you won't be sweaty or smelly, people will actually comment on how great you smell.
I know this because after testing them both out, when I was in the kitchen making dinner, Mark came in to see what I was making, and he gave me a hug and said "Wow, Mom, you smell really great. Are you wearing a new perfume?"
I said nope, just new deodorant, and he was all wow, it smells awesome.
And they totally do.
So look for them at your local grocery or drug store, see if you can get them on a good sale price or use a coupon like I did, and you will be very pleasantly surprised by how awesome they are.
I can't hardly wait to shower every day and put on either of the new scents every day.
Wetness and odor protection, plus a really beautiful smell.
You can't beat that in a great deodorant product from a company that you can trust, and you can also print out coupons so that you can try them for a bit cheaper!

Since yesterday morning when I started to feel a lot better, I have been going back and forth with this guy in email about doing some product and website reviews for him, mostly discussing the length of the posts, the pricing, and how long the posts would be on the blog.
I have been doing this kind of thing for a very long time, I know how this works, I do it day in and day out, and just when I finally thought we were at the closing, he freaked out about Google page rank.

To make a wicked long and irritating story short, the guy needs to take some
sales training classes in regards to online advertising in 2009.
It's not what it used to be, page rank is pointless these days and not only does every blogger know this, but so does almost every single advertiser out there.
It's a number made up by the Google gods, 100% pointless.
What is important is stats, the traffic details, hits, page views and search indexing, those are far more important than that silly number from 0-10.

The guy pretty much wasted hours and hours of my time over the course of  24 hours now,  that I could have spent doing all of the other stuff that I really needed to be doing, because he doesn't understand that page rank has become completely obsolete.

I was clicking around and saw an ad for a product called Stemulite.
So I clicked on it, read the site, watched the video and read some of the testimonials, and this may be what I need.
As most of my readers know, I rarely sleep at all, I'm lucky if I get an hour or two a night every single day of the week, and then for like one night a month, I will actually get about 6-8 hours of sleep.
I am always tired, I can't even lose any weight, and I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.
I know that my immune system is shot from all of the surgeries and medications I take, but also because my body is not getting enough restorative rest.
Without sleep, your body cannot repair itself.
Stemulite and the people who have used it, say that within a few days of taking it, they are getting a full nights sleep, they wake up feeling better, they have more energy, and they are able to do more and work out longer and harder.
This may be what I need because I've tried all of the over the counter sleep aids, I've even taken prescription sleep aids, and nothing has helped.
This product says that it's all natural, and the people who have taken it seem to love it.
I may have to try this at some point.
It couldn't hurt, I've tried so many products and they haven't worked.

I have been going through a rough patch these last few weeks, I'm stressed out and worried about the upcoming surgery whenever that will be, I had lost trust and faith in people due to some nasty people with nothing better to do than harass me online.
I'm no stranger that, but it's still never fun to deal with.
I've been tired but not sleeping, then sleeping when I should have been awake, having blood pressure issues, and just all kinds of stuff.

I lashed out at everyone around me, my kids, friends in the off line world, friends in the online world, I lashed out on the forums for my job.
I blew up, just absolutely exploded on everyone around me, I had reached my breaking point and exploded.
I felt terrible after I had done it, I deleted the thread on the work forums, I apologized to both my friends online and off, and have been trying to find other ways to deal with all of the issues that have come up in my life recently.
I've been doing a lot of laying down and listening to music, playing games, watching movies.
Maybe those things aren't exactly the way to deal with things, but they take my mind off of everything.

And then just when I needed to know I was cared about, that everything I do IS noticed, that people really do want me to be ok, people showed me that I was.
 
I told you how some friends all got together and sent me the NuWave Pro Oven that I had been wanting to get so that the teens won't have to eat junk food, and take-out or delivery food, while I recover from that upcoming surgery, and it really does rock, it's freaking awesome.
And then about 10 minutes ago, the FedEx guy knocked on the door.
Mark got up and answered it because I was laying down on the couch with 3 of the 4 kitties, (another stress reliever for me) and it was just an envelope.
The sent from address was from Publix, my local grocery store.
Inside, I found 3 gift cards for $100 each, but no note, no sent from name or address.
I laid there on the couch asking out loud, "Who sent these?!"
I couldn't figure out who sent them, I laid there racking my brain as to who could have sent them, and then I remembered an email I received earlier today in reply to 1 I sent out this morning, and this was written at the end of it;
       "Be on the lookout for something we sent over also."
So I *think* I know who sent it, I did email them, no reply yet*, but it has to be them.
They know who they are, so thank you, it helps me so so much, you don't even know.
Now I can go ahead and start stocking up on any meats that are on sale and stick them in the freezer so that the teens can cook for themselves with the NuWave oven, as well as get regular groceries too.
Money and food is always a source of stress in my life.
I have so many doctor's appointments to pay for, medicines that aren't covered by my insurance to pay for, and transportation to all of those appointments, that money left over for food is tricky.
I don't have a car and no license either, (Thanks State of Florida!) so getting everywhere I have to go is either by cab or friend with helping to pay for gas.
I swear, money issues is one of the things that keeps me awake at night.

So yeah, just when I needed it, just when I needed to know that people do care, that I don't have to lose all my faith in people for the stupid things other people do, people showed me that they do care, that I am not dealing with all of this stuff alone.

By the time I finished typing this, the people who sent the gift cards responded, it was them.
Thank you guys and staff, it is so very much appreciated.
 

I was asked to try out a new hair removal product, and because of all my spine issues, not being able to bend, I said sure, why not!
I have such a difficult time shaving my legs due to my spine fusion surgeries, so I'm always on the lookout for new, easy to use, and good working hair removal products.

When the package showed up last week and I opened it, I had to laugh, it was a product that my teens and I laugh uncontrollably over every time we see the commercial for it.

In the big padded envelope was the product Smooth Away Hair Removal  with 2 Applicators + 24 Pads + Hair Inhibitor Moisturizer to use after your remove the hair.

Why do the teens and I laugh every time we see the commercial?
Because it's high grade sandpaper.
The Smooth Away pads are "covered with superfine crystals that buff away unwanted hair leaving your skin so soft and incredibly smooth."

Years ago, like when I was about 17, maybe 18, there was another product exactly like this put out by Sally Hansen, and I bought it to try it out.
I hated shaving because I was always nicking myself, I hadn't mastered the technique yet, and I lived in Maine where if you took a shower longer than 5 minutes in the winter, you would run out of hot water, and as most women know, cold water closes your pores, which pretty much makes sure that trying to shave your legs would be difficult.
The pores would be closed, my legs would be covered in goosebumps from the icy cold water, and so yeah, I'd nick my legs to death.

But when my Dad saw my purchase of the Sally Hansen product, he giggled, and said to me, "If you had told me you were going to buy some sandpaper to get rid of your leg hairs, I could have saved you some money. I have a whole box of sandpaper in the basement in all grades, I'm sure I've got one just like this down there, could have saved you your money."
Then he started laughing again.

But I had agreed to try out the Smooth Away and do a review of it, and so, I have tried it out.
I got it last week, and wanted to try it out for a whole week to be able to do a proper review of both the Smooth Away and the hair growth inhibitor moisturizer that came with it.
The Smooth Away does work, it really does, but it takes a bit of time to do it, much longer than shaving or waxing, much much longer than using Veet, but it does indeed work.

You take the handled buffing pad, and then remove the sticky backing from one of the Smooth Away pads, and stick it to the buffing pad.
Place about 3-4 fingers inside the handle, and start rubbing in a circular motion on the areas that you want to remove the hair from.
You have to rub in small circles several times in 1 area to remove the hair, so it does take a bit of time.
If you want to use this, I would suggest doing it the night before you need to be hair free, and set aside about an hour to do it.
I would suggest taking a shower, do not apply any lotion to your legs or arms, (if you remove your arm hairs) and then dry your legs thoroughly before starting.
The places you want to remove the hair from must be completely dry or it won't work, and it definitely doesn't work if you have any lotion on your skin.

I also tried out the hair growth inhibitor moisturizer lotion after removing the hair, and it's very silky, it leaves your skin feeling very soft and smooth, it has a very pleasant smell, and is a terrific moisturizer.
As for helping to stop new hair growth, it does an ok job as far as I can tell.
You have to apply it every day for several days after removing the hair with the Smooth Away pads, in order for it to get into the hair follicles and work, so after every shower, I applied the hair growth inhibitor moisturizer instead of my usual moisturizer, and I would say it doesn't stop new hair from growing, but it does slow it down.
I would wait about 5-10 minutes after removing the hair before applying the hair growth inhibitor moisturizer or any other lotion, so the skin has a chance to "calm down", or you may end up with a slight redness like I did the first time I tried it out.
My skin was slightly irritated, and so adding the moisturizer right away left it looking a little red.

As for exfoliating your skin, I suppose it works, it is a high grade sandpaper, so it does remove some dead skin from the top layer leaving you feeling a bit smoother after.
As for how long it lasts before you have to do it again, about the same amount of time as shaving, maybe a little less, because it's not lifting and cutting the hairs off, it's simply sloughing them away from the surface only.
You do get stubble when it regrows, but if you use the hair growth inhibitor lotion, they take more time to grow back and slightly less course hairs grow back, but there will still be stubble.

The kit I received comes with 2 handled buffing pad applicators, 1 for large areas like legs, arms, men's backs or chests, and 1 small handled buffing pad applicator 1 for the bikini line or upper lip and chin areas, 24 crystallized buffing pads, 12 large and 12 small,  and 1-4 ounce tube of of the hair growth inhibitor moisturizer, and 1 case to hold the pads and handled pad applicators, and it retails for about $29.99
They also offer smaller kits, with just the 1 large buffing pad and 1 small buffing pad, and only 10 crystallized hair removal pads. 
 




















This product does work, but it's not a good fit for me.
I cannot bend all the way down to reach my lower leg areas with a long handled razor, so trying to bend and reach down with my hand inside of a buffing pad, was impossible for me to do.
I managed to get to just above my calves with it, and then had to use my regular razor to remove the hairs below it. 

I've been awake since the alarm went off for the teens at 5:45, after finally going to my room and attempting to sleep at 2am.
I just wasn't tired at all.
I finally fell asleep at 4am, so yeah, a little under 2 hours of sleep last night.
Today is going to be a very, very long day.
I have not gotten more than 2 hours of sleep at any point on any day, since last Thursday.
What's going to suck is that I have a very long car ride ahead of me this morning to the docs, and the combination of the warm sun and the motion of the car, will have me dozing off every few minutes, but I can't nap on the way there.
I'm the co-pilot, I have the directions, it's my job to not get us lost.
I usually do have trouble getting us there anyway, even though I've been o his office over 2 dozen times since 2006.
Poor Mindy, I hope that she sorta remembers how to get us there, I really do suck at it, and I even have the directions on my cell phone.
I'll get us there, I always do, but my brain gets foggy about all the various roads and turns we have to take, and seeing as how she never goes up that way except to take me, she doesn't know the area well either.

I need to get in the shower, she'll be here at 9am so we can head out, and my clothes are in the dryer de-wrinkling, and also getting the cat hair off of them.
I specifically washed and dried them, folded them up nicely, and laid them on top of the dryer, and over night, Shahiro stupid kitty decided she was going to rearrange them and sleep on them, leaving new wrinkles and cat hair behind.
Damn cat.

I was watching the Today Show, and they were talking about ways people can make money during these tough times.
Today they talked about doing paid surveys online and product reviews, paid telephone surveys etc.
I've been doing this for years, not just on my blog either.
I have worked for several major survey companies since 1999, and have made some decent money from them over the years, as well as paid product reviews for all kinds of stuff.
I've just always found being a consumer reviewer a lot of fun, and I've also been involved with tv show broadcasting companies about the shows we watch.
Yup, I'm the reason certain shows get canceled on the big 3 broadcast networks. Ha! (ABC,NBC,CBS)

Okey dokey, I've got to get my but in gear and hop in that shower.
Later days!

I'm officially in a depressing state of funk.
Is it a funk, or is it depression?
I think it's both really.
I have no motivation to do much of anything, my thoughts are all over the place, and I'm battling another horrible round of insomnia too.
I'm awake all night long, right up until I have to wake the teens for school, then I'm sleeping for 3, maybe 4 hours, and then still not doing anything, not doing what I need to be doing.

I have work to do but I can't seem to make myself do it.
When I finally do force myself to do it, it's not good, not good at all.
I needed to get a video done for my product review of that new grill I got, and it was already late due to the septic flooding issue we had here, and then I forced myself through the pain to make the video, I did do it, and then I played it back on my pc, and I was absolutely mortified by how I sounded in it.
My speech was slurred like I was drunk, but I wasn't drunk, I haven't had a drink in months, so it has to be the pain meds and muscle relaxers I'm taking.
It was bad, really bad, and that made me feel even worse than I was feeling before.
I deleted it and bought the ingredients to do it again, but because of how I'm feeling, the pain, the depression, I haven't done it again yet.
I AM going to do it tomorrow.
I WILL do it tomorrow.
I have to because I made a promise, and I always keep my word, I just need to not take any of my meds before doing it this time because I don't want to sound like a drunken idiot again.

I also need to get these sporadic migraines under control too.
It seems that every other day now, I'm getting a migraine that knocks me out of commission for a few hours. I have to go lay down in my pitch black room and just wait it out.
I curl up as much as my stupid body will curl up, and clutch my blanket until it passes.
I'm really trying to move out of this funk, to get past this depression over how my body is, how little I'm capable of doing anymore, but when I try to talk myself into feeling better, it doesn't work.
There's so much I can't do anymore, it bothers me so much, I have to walk with a cane now because my head is looking down and I end up losing my balance because I can't properly see in front of me.
I hate this.
I hate how this is, and I hate that I have to have another surgery again, and I hate being miserable inside.
I fake it every single day, I put on a big fake smile for my sons, I put it on for friends and family, it's a big fake smile because everyone else thinks I'm doing just great, that I'm recovering just fine, and physically, yeah, I suppose I am recovering just fine, but mentally?
Fuck no, no, I'm not.
I'm not happy.
I'm not ok with all of this, I'm not ok with the amount of medications, I'm not ok with the pain without taking them, I'm not ok with my body the way it is, and yes, I know, there are people who have it so much worse, I should stop feeling sorry myself, but dammit, none of this is ok.
I'm told it will all be ok, but when?
When is it going to be better, because it's been years now since I've even felt halfway human.
And how am I supposed to feel human with all this hardware inside me?
I know how my body moves, or how little it moves I should say, and it's not human type movements, it's stiff and sore, planned, careful movements so I don't get hurt, so I don't hurt myself.
People look at me like I'm some sort of freak, they stare at me when I go to the store, and I'm so tired of being stared at because of this damn body.
 Before the first spine fusion, they stared at me because of the huge hump on my back, then they stared at me because of the huge back brace, now they stare at me because of the neck brace and the cane, and the way my head looks down.
I'm tired of people asking me what happened too.
They always think it was some sort of accident, and I'm tired of saying no, I had scoliosis, and they don't know what that is so I have to explain, and they still don't get it.
It all makes me want to just stay in the house and not go out anywhere again unless I absoluely have to, and until the next surgery to fix my head is done and I'm fully recovered.
I'm tired, just so tired of it all.

I've been suffering a horrid migraine the entire day, it's been unbearable at certain points.
I have been laying down on the couch or in my bed in the dark, just trying to get it to go away.
Relaxing and sleeping doesn't always help, it doesn't always make a migraine go away.
I still have it, it's not as severe as it has been, but it's still here.
Noises, lights, everything is just making my whole head hurt and it shoots down into my neck too.

I'm going to try and make dinner though, just something really easy like hamburger helper.
The teens love that stuff, and I suppose I should eat too.
I haven't been able to eat anything all day due to nausea from the migraine.

Oh! Yesterday, I got my new George Foreman grill I was telling you I was going to get to do for a product review.
I have found an awesome recipe to try out the grill with, and I'll be posting step by step instructions, pictures, and a video of the grill in action, as well as the recipe used so you can make it too on your George Foreman grill or even your outdoor grill.
I'm so very excited to make it, it's going to taste super yummy, I just need to get to the grocery store and pick up all of the ingredients to make it.

Ok, I need to go back and lay down for just a little bit longer before I start making dinner.
Later days.

In my situation, I am always trying to lose weight, always looking for the best ways to help me lose weight, control my appetite, curb my cravings for sweets and carbs, and it's not always easy.
I am currently using a product, I haven't noticed much of a change in weight or appetite suppression yet, but I'm still giving it a good try.
I am also attempting to find other people's stories of using it, product reviews, and I'm not finding hardly anything at all, but I am finding tons of other posts for  orovo reviews, and tons and tons of other weight loss product reviews, but none, or hardly none, for the one I am using.
Maybe it's because it's far too new on the market or people just aren't using it or something.
I'm really hoping that I will start to see some results from it soon or I'll just stop using it.
It's pointless for me to take a product that isn't doing diddly squat to help me.

I want to show you all some photographs from a girl I know from the local forums, her name is Ashley Bates.
Remember that name, she's going to be a famous photographer someday, I just have a feeling about that.
I simply love and adore her pictures, each one is a piece of art, so much thought and detail in each one, love them.
She goes by a few names on line, A.Bates on the local forums, Lady Bates on her ModelMayhem portfolio, mostly just abates though.

She works with all kinds of models, but mostly the non-catalog variety of girls.
The kind of girls who have tattoos and oddly colored hair, they dress differently etc.
She gets her models into some really unique outfits, hairstyles, makeup, and poses.
(I hope you click on all of the links in this post!)
But anyway, she does some really interesting yet beautiful shots, and some of them, I have to wonder if the models should have gotten a health insurance quote before going to the shoots.
Ya know, just in case there are knives involved.

This is one of my absolute favorites.
The model's name is Chelsey Darling, she is absolutely gorgeous in my opinion, and she takes some really beautiful and interesting photographs for a whole bunch of different photographers. (but Ash is the best)
It is clickable for bigger, and please don't repost without credit to Ash, (post her name, A. Bates, link to her profile please) do not remove her mark either. I've notified her that I've done a post about her, used a picture, and gave her full credit for her work.
 
Please respect any artist's work that you may post on your sites.
It's very important that credit is always given because of things like the Orphan Works Act.
If we always give credit and link to the artist's site when using an image, there will be no way that someone can claim they couldn't find the artist, and therefore they have the right to use copyrighted material without permission, basically stealing it, and the artist would have to search a notice of use archive for their works, and then prove it's theirs and they own the copyright. It's totally not fair to any artist be it a photographer, a painter, sketch artist, whatever kind of artist.
The senate should be ashamed of themselves for passing this.

But I digress..




































I don't know exactly what it is about this picture, but I just love it.
I know that alley too, it's over near Janus Landing in St. Pete. They have concerts there all the time. I've been to just a couple of shows there.
Ooops, off subject again!
But this photo, just draws me in.
I love the darkness of it, her pose, the way the light hits her face just right, and her expression.
It's a dark, gloomy, and slightly scary place, yet she's happy.
Her face is beautiful, flawless, and no matter the situation in this picture, she's still happy.
It makes me smile when I look at it.
Maybe that's what "it is" about this one.
It makes me smile.

Mindy and her family will be moving by the end of the month, and she's pretty much the one who has to do all of the packing.
She needs to get some moving boxes and start packing everything up.

I got a couple of deliveries this morning, really nice size, sturdy boxes, so I'm going to hang onto them for her when they come over this weekend, and see if she wants them before I break them down.

I got these boxes because I have been sent some super cool stuff to do product reviews on.
I cannot wait to do these and tell you all about them!
Opening the boxes and taking all of the stuff out, was like Christmas for me.
I love opening up boxes and have that surprise moment because I have no idea what's in the boxes, but trust me, this stuff is so so cool!